


Heaven Is A Place On Earth

by lovesastateofmind



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Guardian Angels, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Slow Burn, They really hate each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:21:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 142,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28295235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesastateofmind/pseuds/lovesastateofmind
Summary: Lena looks at him wide eyed. “Save us? What are you saving us from exactly? We're dead."“Well, not quite.”Kara steps into his personal space then, giving every bit the aura of a steaming hero. Lena walks up a step as well, putting the back of her hand on Kara's chest and giving her a shove backwards before she thinks much of it.“What thefuckdo you mean ‘not quite?’ If we're dead, we're dead. There is no in between.” Lena says.“Actually,” the angel snaps his fingers and a chair appears in the middle of the room. He takes a seat, crossing his legs and a book similar to the one she was trying to get off the shelf appears in his hands.Nirvana – A Spirit Guide. “There is.”Pulled from their lives by a meddling angel, Lena and Kara must learn to work together if they have any hope of returning to their normal lives. But there is one small problem with that.They really hate each other.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 392
Kudos: 494
Collections: krispykremes favourite wlw fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays everyone! Here is something nice and angsty to kick off the Christmas cheer. It follows generally along with Canon, but details and dates have been amended for my own convenience.  
> I will preface by saying that if you are very religious there may be some themes that you find offensive. I respect everyone's beliefs and should you continue to read this despite the warning please extend the same courtesy in the commentary, it is a work of fiction.  
> It is completely written but still in final editing stages so updates will be regular. I will shoot for daily, but no promises because life lol.  
> Title comes from the song that inspired this clusterfuck of words. I hope you all enjoy reading this nonsense as much as I enjoyed writing it.

It is said that there are thousands of castles in Ireland; Lena always wanted to explore every single one of them. As a child, she had been fascinated with the brilliant structures. She thought they were magical. She imagined running down the halls of each one meeting queens and kings and her very own prince charming, though princesses also began sounding appealing somewhere along the way. Her mother had books about them. One of her favorite things was to sit by the fire on her mother's lap as she thumbed through the pictures telling intricate stories of each one. She would tell her about the cobblestone walls overlooking an ocean that stretches on forever. She would tell her about the dragons that protect them and the brave souls who tame them and Lena’s imagination would run wild in a way that only a child's can. Her mother would encourage her to dream big. She always told her she could change the world. _You can do anything you set your mind to, my love._ She would tell her. And Lena believed it. Though looking back over the past year of her life, this is probably not quite what her mother had in mind. 

As she grew older, they became less magical. She still held an appreciation for them though. She admired how they withstood the elements. How everything around them could be wiped away, but they would still be there standing as strong as ever. Now she pictures herself in that same light. Even when the world crumbled and the walls began to quake, she held strong to herself. But the quakes began to shift her foundation. Her vision would blur, the walls would close in around her and she would struggle to hold on to something. To anything that would keep her rooted in place. She supposes her relation to them is why she finds herself in one now. After all, death is only what you believe it to be. 

Time moves differently in the afterlife. She isn't sure if she has been here for days or years. She hasn’t slept the entire time. She doesn’t know if she needs to or not but she somehow doesn't feel all that tired. The blonde woman who accompanies her has long since grown tired of trying to solve the mystery of it all and has reserved herself to laying in the rafters above her. They don't speak. At least, not anymore. When they first arrived, they had plenty to say. Time may move differently, and she may not know if it has been days or years, but she knows that she watched the sun rise and set more than once while screaming until her throat was raw. Kara had responded in kind. She still holds a fury behind her blue eyes and Lena matches it tenfold. Their current predicament gives no inspiration for forgiveness. She holds no room in her soul for something as trivial as that. And she thinks that perhaps heaven isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

She isn’t surprised she is here with Kara. Not in the grand scheme of things. It makes sense to her given the path they had walked down. Her memories are foggy on how she got here and they only seems to be fading further as time passes on. No one else has spoken to them either. They have spent what seems like forever in a dining hall of sorts. At least she assumes that’s what it is. She drew the conclusion from the sheer size of the room. There is no table in the center though. There may have been once upon a time, but most of the furnishings of the room have been removed. It has a high ceiling, and giant windows, most of which are stained glass but a few are not. Paintings hang high on the walls. She hasn’t given much thought to what they are. Other that noticing their presence, she hasn’t cared to look at them. Antique furniture sits against the walls of the room, expansive rugs cover most of the cobblestone floors. They are a variety of colors but predominately red. It would be rather beautiful if she could bring herself to care.

They haven’t eaten either, which again does not seem bothersome. Though she presumes it probably does irritate Kara with her deep passion for food. It must be strange for someone who requires such a high calorie intake to suddenly not need anything at all. Lena thinks she deserves it. 

She remembers a time when Kara was all she could think about. Not much has really changed on that front. But like the walls of her own castle, the thoughts began to crumble and shift. Her love has turned into a deep, festering hatred. She hates this woman and everything she stands for. She hates her laugh and the flecks of gold in her eyes when the sun hits them in just the right way. She hates the sound of her voice. She hates the way she begged for forgiveness and sobbed on her knees in front of her. She hates that she got up. Kara got up long ago. She didn’t expect her to grovel forever, no. But she didn’t expect her to turn into a twisted version of her former self either. Kara has always seem to mirror those around her. Perhaps that’s why. She took Lena’s hatred and made it her own. The light in her eyes went out. Her anger fueled her. Her walls crumbled too. Maybe that’s what landed them here together. Her family legacy would stick her with the one person she despises with all the fiber of her being in some godforsaken castle in the sky. 

She hadn't realized they were dead at first. She certainly doesn’t feel dead. If they are dead, she feels like someone should have at least bestowed upon her the ability to fly, which she had determined very quickly that she cannot do. Kara still can though, which is a relief. The further apart they are, the better. Especially considering they can’t leave this room. As if it isn’t bad enough to be stuck with her enemy, they have to be confined to one room. Lena had immediately stalked off to the nearest door upon her arrival as soon as she noticed she was not alone. But her hand passed right through the doorknob, and try as she might she could not grip it. That was the first hint that they were dead. 

She had paced around the room in a panic for several minutes afterward, then ran to the nearest window because even jumping out of one seemed more appealing. But instead of oceans and dragons and miles of greenery, she only saw clouds. It had almost pulled a laugh out of her, the sheer irony of it. A Luthor actually went to heaven. And of course she couldn’t open the window either. 

Her patience has long since worn thin. She wants answers. She wants out of this room. She is leaned on a wall by one of the windows with her arms crossed. A heavy sigh escaping her lips. 

“What is the purpose of this?” She grumbles, pushing off the wall and rolling her neck back in frustration.

She commences pacing again, her right hand pinching the bridge of her nose as she tries to make sense of it all. There has to be more to the afterlife than being stuck in a room for all of eternity with the one person she cannot stand. There must be something she has to do. If there is one thing that Lena excels at it is solving puzzles. Her intellect and creative thinking have brought her far in life. 

She notices a bookshelf in the far corner of the room, had she been paying more attention she certainly would have noticed long before now despite how well it is hidden. She rushes over with a newfound hope and her eyes scan the words on the spines of them all in record time, and right in the middle of the third shelf is a small white book, _Introduction to Afterlife_. She gleefully reaches for it with relief flooding her veins. It is short lived however. Her hand passes right through it. She fists her hands in her hair and lets out a scream.

“Why cant I touch anything?” The question is rhetorical, but it is answered all the same. 

“Because you’re dead. I would think you would have picked up on that by now. You are supposed to be a genius.” Her voice floats down from the rafters. She speaks in a bored, reserved tone. She probably hasn’t bothered to move from her perch staring at the ceiling.

“We aren’t goddamn ghosts Kara. Angels should at least have the capability to pick up a fucking book.”

“Angels.” Kara scoffs, “As if there is any version of reality where someone would make _you_ an angel.”

“Oh? And you’re better right? What do you propose we are then all mighty God?” Lena raises her eyebrow, looking in the blonde’s direction. Kara still hasn’t moved from her post so she can’t see her, but if she had to guess the blonde has her hands folded behind her head with her cape fanned out around her, one leg propped up. She always laid like that across her sofa - sans the red fabric at her back - then she would remember she had company and would move her other leg out of the way with an embarrassed smile to make room for Lena to join her. They would put on a movie and eventually Kara would shift around to lay her head in Lena's lap. Lena would run her hands through blonde locks and Kara would sigh in contentment before dozing off. The dark haired woman often wondered why Kara was always so exhausted. Now she has her answer. Fighting rogue aliens is bound to deplete some energy. 

The snarky remark from above her snaps her out of her daydream. “Clearly they made a mistake with you. All Luthors certainly don’t go to heaven.”

Her response dies in her throat as she hears movement behind her. She whips her head around right as the door opens. He looks to be in his mid forties. There is a mop of curly brown hair atop his head, he is dressed in a crisp white suit and strides in with an air of elegance. This again is not what she expects. Where are the robes? The harp? Not even a halo.

“I see you ladies are getting along splendidly.” His voice carries a certain melody. 

Kara chooses that moment to speed down from the rafters, landing with a thud on the floor a bit too close for Lena’s comfort. “Why are you doing this to us?”

“To save you.”

Lena looks at him wide eyed. “Save us? What are you saving us from exactly? We're dead.”

“Well, not quite.”

Kara steps into his personal space then, giving every bit the aura of a steaming hero. Lena walks up a step as well, putting the back of her hand on Kara's chest and giving her a shove backwards before she thinks much of it. 

“What the _fuck_ do you mean ‘not quite?’ If we're dead, we're dead. There is no in between.” Lena says.

“Actually,” the angel snaps his fingers and a chair appears in the middle of the room. He takes a seat, crossing his legs and a book similar to the one she was trying to get off the shelf appears in his hands. _Nirvana – A Spirit Guide_. “There is.”

“Nirvana?” Kara comments, “Are we a rock band now?”

The man snaps the book shut causing both women to startle. “Nirvana.” He stands and begins circling around them like a shark would its prey, “A state of freedom from all suffering. A release from the effects of karma. The truest form of inner peace.”

Lena follows him with her eyes, desperately wishing he would just get to the point.

“You see, the two of you cause quite a bit of trouble. It starts small of course. You’ve already begun weaving the web of destruction. It’s how you’ve found yourselves here. But what begins with you two in a lover’s quarrel, ends with both of you blown to bits, along with half the world.”

“Wait, what?!” The blonde’s eyes bulge. 

“Oh yes. You see, you don’t take very kindly to having Kryptonite canons aimed at you, Supergirl. Even less so when she fires them. And because it isn’t the first time she's used it on you, well.” He shrugs, “ You decide to stop her by any means necessary. Even if it means becoming just like those before you. Even if it means killing her.”

“I would _never_ -" 

“It isn’t your first option. It isn’t even your second. But when her project works and the two of you are the only ones left not under mind control and she won’t stop coming after you, you decide to end it.” He stops in front of Kara, shaking his head and biting his lip. “After all, she did try to kill you first and it ends up being the only justification you need.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Kara looks as if she’s going to be sick and Lena isn’t feeling much better herself. 

“Your super temper tantrum results in the loss of everyone and everything you love. And you,” He turns back to Lena, “are so much worse than your brother.”

He pauses a moment to let the severity sink in. Stepping out of their space, he takes a seat back in his chair and waits. And she can picture it. She knows it’s possible. She knows that she has gone so far into the dark that any attempt to turn back would be futile. But Kara? Even she has a hard time wrapping her mind around that. One look at the blonde tells her that she doesn't though. Kara seems rooted in place while she processes the information, her eyes glued to the floor in shame. Lena feels nauseous. She feels the walls closing in around her again and wishes more than anything that she could escape this place. She hasn’t had a panic attack since she was a teenager but she feels one coming on full force. She turns on her heel abruptly. She needs to get away, as far away as one can get in the same room as the person who causes her descent into madness. The person who becomes just another name on her list of assassins. 

“You cant run from this Miss Luthor.” The man calls out as she gets halfway to the window, “This is going to happen whether you like it or not, unless you change it.”

Her eyes are welled with tears and she clenches her fists before turning around to look at him once more. “How? How can I possibly change this when I cant even look at her.” She thinks she sees Kara flinch out of the corner of her eye. 

“This is why you’re here. The boss wasn’t too thrilled about his creation being destroyed and all, so he sent me to fix it. And the only way to do that was to remove the two of you from the equation until you’ve calmed down. Consider it,” he tilts his head up with his fist under his chin in thought, “A time out.” He finally says.

“So what are you going to do?” Kara raises her head to ask. “Just keep us here forever?”

“Of course not.” He checks his watch. “By my calculations, you’ve already been here for thirty four days. I’d say we’re safe to move onto phase two. You did last this long without trying to kill each other,” He pauses to consider his statement, “In a matter of speaking.”

“So what now?”

“Now,” He claps his hands together, his brown eyes shining bright with excitement, “We move on to the fun part.” 

He snaps his fingers again and another sofa appears behind where Kara is standing. The blonde glances at it with mild shock, but sits down quietly. He looks at Lena expectantly. She huffs but trudges over carefully and sits down as far away as she can get. Her posture is stiff and she has an air about her that indicates she may take off full sprint at any moment, but the man seems content that this is all she is willing to give and continues.

“You two are the newest members of the guardian angel project.”

“The what now?” Lena snaps back. 

A book appears in each of their hands, same white cover, same gold lettering. Honestly do they know how to do anything else around here? _Guardian Angel Guide to Redemption_. The titles need work also. 

The two women flip briefly through the pages. It is a rulebook. The do’s and don’ts of angel hood. It is fairly standard as far as rulebooks go, at least in Lena’s opinion. She had a more complex regimen for simply getting through a meal in the Luthor household. 

“So what are we supposed to do exactly?” Kara asks, still inspecting the pages, still with a slight shake in her voice.

“Its very simple. You two will be sent back to earth together. At the start of each mission you will be given the name of a particular person that is headed down the same dark path the two of you were on. You are to find them and stop them. You will appear the same to each other so as not to confuse you, but you will appear differently to others as you are too easy to recognize with your own faces. Your ability to interact with objects will be restored, so long as you continue to play nice. If you succeed in your mission, you will have been redeemed and you will be allowed to return to your normal lives.”

“And if not?” Lena challenges.

“Well if not, you certainly wont be staying here.” The implication is clear.

A thought seems to strike Kara suddenly, “Where are our bodies?”

“The DEO. You’re in the med bay and you,” he looks at Lena biting back a chuckle, “you are simply there for containment purposes. Agent Danvers didn’t want you too far out of her sight after you tried to kill her sister.”

He goes on to explain the course of events that led them here. While Lena tried to launch myriad, Kara was outside trying to reason with her. Bits and pieces start to come back to Lena. She started to disable the kryptonite canon, but instead changed course at the last moment and fired. When she did, Alex retaliated immediately and struck the hideout. J'onn was already on his way and caught Kara as she began free falling, and went back in for Lena before the place came down completely. Alex thought death too easy a punishment.

“Wait this doesn’t make any sense.” Lena shakes her head, “You said that Kara got away and she – “ There is a chalky feeling in her mouth. A dryness in her throat, her tongue feels like it's made of lead and _God_ she can’t even say it.

“In the original timeline, yes. You did fire, but she had gotten away beforehand and managed to talk Alex down before the mind control set in. But as I said, you two needed a time out.”

“So you tried to kill us?!” Lena shouts.

“No. I merely sped along the process of the course you were already on without killing either of you.” He says it as if it were a better option. 

Kara has the gall to look relieved at this. The tension drops from her shoulders because _of course_ she can justify it in her brain as it doesn’t count if it hasn’t happened. And _of course_ Lena is doomed to be the villain in either series of events.

“So what. We're just laying comatose in the DEO until we complete this crash course of apprenticeship and then we go back to hating each other. What makes you think I can work with her after -” Kara throws the book down instead of finishing that thought.

“Minor details in the grand scheme of things, Miss Danvers.” The angel replies. “And the idea of it is that when this is over, you wont hate each other.”

Lena outright laughs. Kara glares at her, and the angel gives a mischievous smile as if he knows something they don’t. 

“Best get to work you two.” He stands then, looking between them. “I'll give you some time to review the rules and send you down in the morning.” The angel moves to leave but Lena stops him.

“Please tell me there are at least other people here. You said this was a program.”

“Indeed it is. However they are not here. This is a place your mind created. Also, we don’t want the others nearby if either of you fall into old…habits.”

Lena groans, but something about the statement nags her. “A place my mind created?”

“Yes. Those who are brought here are placed somewhere that feels like home. Helps with the adjustment.” He looks around the room taking it all in seemingly for the first time. 

“So why are we both here? Clearly this isn’t something that feels like home to her. Why not Krypton?” Lena asks in what she hopes is a neutral tone. 

The angel only gives another knowing smile. “I’m sure that you will figure it out. You always were very bright, Miss Luthor.” He walks out of the room then, disappearing into thin air as soon as he reaches the hallway.

He leaves the door open.

Lena wastes no time in grabbing her copy of the book and following behind him, not sparing Kara a glance. There is a winding staircase to her right. She decides to go left for now. May as well explore if she is going to be stuck here. She finds herself in a study. Stone beams stand in the middle of the room, a chandelier hangs high above her head, the sofas are velvet to her touch. It is everything she imagined as a child. She runs her hand along the mantle and loses herself in thought.

It was never her intention to kill Kara. Or maybe it was. She isn’t quite sure of anything anymore. She is used to being hurt. But the woman she loved cutting her so deeply was too much to bear. Kara had always given her strength when she felt weak. Now, she just feels lost. Kara was her light in the dark. She was drawn to her. She felt safe. It was something she hadn’t felt since she was four. But clearly she had never been safe with her, not if what he's saying is true. Not if she could turn on her that easily. Her head is still spinning from that.

The man said that she imagined this place because it felt like home. If she closes her eyes she can almost feel her mother's presence, hear her laugh. But that part of her is gone. Buried deep beneath the rubble and try as she may she cannot dig it out. Kara’s betrayal brought out all the worst sides of her. Suddenly she is the monster in the mirror. She is everything she swore she would never be. She allowed the hurt to build and fester, the knife in her back to slip further into her skin, plunging so deep that it pierced what was left of her heart. She broke into a million tiny pieces and sewed herself back up. But the stitches strained against her skin with every move she made. So she would sew again, leaving out the kindness in her heart, the trust in her soul until all that was left was flesh and bone and an empty spot in her chest. She descended into her destiny. She died and came back a true Luthor. Lillian would be proud. Her mother would be ashamed.

She feels the blonde behind her before she hears her, standing in the doorway with the steel back in her eyes now that he has given her an out, at least in her own mind. But hating each other is something they have in common. A building block. She still can't fathom how she is going to work with the woman who destroyed her, with the woman who tries to kill her. She will hold tightly to that knowledge, if only to alleviate her own guilt at becoming a monster.

“Are we going to go over this or are you just going to hide out in here?” The familiar bite is back in her tone also.

Lena scoffs. “I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of reading an instruction book all on your own, Supergirl.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore than you, you know.”

“Good. At least we agree on something,” Lena turns to face her then, “ We can finish this nonsense and go back to our normal lives. As long as we don’t try to kill each other we should have to worry about a repeat.”

“Oh no. Nope. You don’t get to do that.” Kara purses her lips and shakes her head. “You do not get to throw what I supposedly do in self defense and defense of my planet in my face.”

“Didn't take you long to get back on your self-righteous kick did it?” Lena chuckles, “So it doesn't count if I go after you first? Is that it? Or it doesn’t count if he stops you before you can?”

Kara falters. She opens her mouth and closes it, frowns and starts again. “It doesn’t count if I’m saving countless lives, including my own from the sinister plan of a sociopath!” She stutters over it, trying to keep her bearings and even Lena knows she doesn’t believe it.

Lena laughs a deep hearty laugh, it bubbles up from the base of her throat and vibrates her body. “A sociopath? Really? That's your defense? Tell me Kara, is that really the only way a super powered alien could stop me?” She takes three steps forward so that she is mere millimeters from the blonde, “You know you had other options. You know you could have locked me up and thrown away the key, but you didn't. And you know why that is?” She leans further still and whispers in her ear, “You’re just as twisted as me.”

She hears the breath catch in Kara’s throat. With a satisfied smirk playing on her lips she pulls back. She crosses the room with a sway in her hips and an air of indifference, plopping herself on the sofa and picking up the book that she had discarded on the end table. “You can see yourself out.” She hears retreating footsteps behind her. 

Satisfied with rattling the girl of steel she opens the worn book. 

_Chapter One – Introduction_

_Failure to comply with the following guidelines will result in breach of contract. Contract breaches are irredeemable and will result in termination of angel duties thus preventing return to previous life. Your continuation of assignment is your acknowledgement and agreement of these rules._

“Well that’s lovely.” Lena mumbles. “One misstep equals eternity in hell. Not much different that childhood.”

_1) Make no attempt to contact anyone you associated with in a previous life._

“Easy enough.”

_2) If provided a partner, protect them at all costs. Death in human form is irreversible_

Lena would have preferred the dragon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also have a suspicion that my best friend is secretly a superhero. However when she finally does come clean, definitely not going to try to mind control the planet.

Kara throws open the door nearest to her with a vengeance, not sparing a sliver of concern to any destruction she is bound to cause with such an action. She stumbles into a bedroom. A nicely sized, dimly lit, bathed in all different shades of red bedroom and she starts to wonder about Lena’s obsession with the color. But she adds it to the ever-growing list of things she never knew about Lena, or at the very least had chosen to ignore, and continues to pace the room, stewing in all her super-powered glory because _Rao_ how did it ever come to this?

Okay.

So she knows exactly how it came to this.

She had been blinded by Lena’s charm. She had ignored every warning. Every flash of cautionary lights, every red flag that had been cast out to ward her off from impending danger. And not only had she ignored them. She had essentially set them on fire. Incinerated them along with her own sanity and _swore._ She swore Lena was nothing like the rest of them. That she was kind and brilliant and beautiful and would never hurt anyone. She just wanted to be _seen._ Seen as someone apart from her family, seen as a woman just trying to stand on her own. And Kara had been sucked in. Seduced by the sob story and lured into her clutches, subsequently falling victim to her own dark fate. Because Lena always made her feel like she could do anything, and unfortunately that doesn’t stop at good deeds.

She had tried though. In all the ways she failed, she did make some attempt at redemption. She had all but begged for forgiveness at the woman’s feet. Something she is not proud of, quite the opposite actually. But in accordance with her foolish nature and overall naivety when it came to Lena, she had begged. But then she had stopped. 

With that thought, she ceases her erratic pacing and sits on the edge of the bed with a sigh. She traces her finger over the golden pattern on the otherwise red fabric of the bedspread, mapping the way the lines weave into something beautiful. And she'll give it to Lena, this place really is beautiful. But it is a prison. A place born from the darkest corners of an already darkened mind, thus illusory.

Kara opens the book then, skimming through a few lines before ultimately casting it aside in favor of laying back against the pillows and staring at the ceiling. Concentration has been challenging on its own as of late, but now coupled with this new development it is a feat she cannot quite bring herself to master. So she reserves herself to dig deeper, to reflect further on what truly got her into this mess.

She went to the bunker that night but she didn’t go for Lena. She went for the world. She remembers putting on the kryptonite shield, just in case. She remembers asking Alex not to fire. She didn’t ask that for Lena either. There was a fragment of her that wanted her to. And when she inevitably goes after her just as the angel says she would have, she would have done that because she _wanted_ to.

_You're just as twisted as me._

The ghost of the whispered words dance across her cheek, seeping into the wounds that seem to linger. She knows there is truth behind them. Her immediate response had been to argue with him, to defend herself, to call him a liar. But the truth is she knows she can do it. She knows that she would do it. She knows that she is capable. 

But Kara lost a _world._ An entire planet full of friends and strangers, good and bad, but they were living beings. Wiped out because someone thought they knew better. And she had to come to a world where she was alien, where she knew nothing, not even basic concepts of how to fit in but she did it. She did it and she came out selfless – or at least she tried to. She sacrificed things she loved for the good of the planet so that no child would ever again see the kind of destruction that she had seen. But in irony she had been the one who allowed it. She had been the one who couldn't keep her own feelings in check. And she had been the one who allowed Lena Luthor to stand right at the helm, she put her right at the center of it all, unyielding, and thinking she knew better. She became the threat that Kara swore not to allow to exist on any other world. Yet she still put her there. She served up myriad on a silver fucking platter and she _hates_ her. She hates her for becoming what everyone always said she would be. She hates her for manipulating her for months after she knew the truth. But most of all she hates her because she loved her so much and Lena made her choose.

Kara turns to her side and curls into herself, letting the book slip out of her hands. She has spent so long crying over this, cursing the universe and Rao and any other being that could have had any say in letting this happen. She just wants to go home. She wants to hug her sister. She wants to see Eliza. She wants anything that is familiar to her that will make this not hurt. The walls that surround her feel nothing like home.

The silence here is deafening. She never thought she would miss being woken up in the middle of the night by a couple arguing on the other side of the city. But she would give anything to have it now. She would give anything to hear something besides her own thoughts and the sound of Lena breathing from the floor below her. She would give anything to not be trapped in a place that holds nothing for her. Nothing but resentment and bitterness and all encompassing despair. She would give anything to just sleep.

She passes the time with meditation exercises that J'onn had been trying to teach her. She never has been very good at them. She never had quite the capacity to sit still and drown out the world. But now there is no world to drown out. So she reasons that if there ever was a time to try, that time is now. So she chooses a focal point, closes her eyes and breathes. 

At first it is difficult. At first what seems like millions of memories are hurled at her all at once. At first all she feels is an onslaught of emotions so intense and so terrifying that she can’t sift through them all to choose just one. But she forces herself to breathe. In, out. In, out. She's actually getting quite good at it until – 

“I see you’re as productive as ever.” Lena stands in the doorway with her arms folded. Kara takes one last deep calming breath and sits up slowly to dangle her feet off the side. She hadn’t noticed the tears sliding down her face as she was lying down but now she quickly wipes them away. If Lena notices she doesn't comment on it. 

“What do you want?” It comes out an exasperated sigh. It has been a long day…or night. Whatever sun/moon position they are currently inhabiting, it has been a long one.

“Well I was going to see if you were done but it doesn’t seem as if you’ve even started. Get about two rules in before you decide to call it? Just going to rely on your charm and deceitful nature?” There is a knowing smirk that accompanies the question.

“Okay you know what,” Kara purses her lips together and slaps both hands down on the mattress, “I’m not going to sit here and be lectured by _you_ of all people so can you just tell me what you’re doing here?”

“Oh,” Lena puts a hand over her heart, “I’m sorry to have interrupted your super brooding darling but I would very much like to get back to my life if that’s not too much on an inconvenience for you. So I came to tell you to get off your ass and meet me downstairs so he can send us off to save the world” She says it whimsically and then adds, “I’m sure you’re familiar with that concept.” 

She wants to refuse out of principle. She wants to stomp her feet like a child and scream until her lungs give out, but when the other woman pushes off her heel and leaves the room, Kara only follows.

“Welcome back ladies!” He claps his hands together the moment they come into view, smiling broadly. Under any other circumstances, Kara would have admired his enthusiasm. Would have been just as excitable at the prospect of starting on a new journey. But now his grandiose welcome only makes her cringe.

They've found themselves in depths of the castle. The dungeon of Lena Luthor's mind. The lighting is minimal here, only candles on the wall illuminating small parts of the stone floor. And directly behind where the angel is standing is-

“An elevator? Seriously?” Lena is the first to speak. 

It is absolutely not what Kara expects either. She isn’t quite sure what she did expect, but it wasn't something as mundane as an elevator. Perhaps a stairway. Or a floating chariot. 

“Well how else did you think you were getting to earth?” The angel asks.

“I assumed you would just beam us down.” Lena replies, rubbing a hand against the back of her neck awkwardly, a motion so unlike her that it draws Kara's attention. Her hair brushes to the side as she does so, revealing an expanse of pale skin and the blonde looks away again.

“As intriguing as that idea is, no I cannot just ‘beam you down.’ I have other matters to attend to. It’s quite a leniency that has been extended to you. Given your circumstances.”

The brunette scoffs, “So lenient that we have to come back every night.”

“What?” Kara asks.

“We have to come back to our cages each night. You would know that had you bothered to read the book.” Lena snaps, her eyes meeting Kara’s for the first time.

The angel hangs his head and says what sounds like a mumbled prayer, for their safety or his sanity, Kara isn’t sure. Likely the latter.

“All right, let’s get a move on shall we.” He hands each of them a slip of paper containing the first name. "Didn’t think you two would want to share.” He offers in explanation. 

With another snap of his fingers Kara sees her super suit fade into more average clothing, Jeans and a band t-shirt. Upon closer inspection of the words, she reads ‘Nirvana.’ Her lips quirk up slightly of their own accord as she discovers he at least has a sense of humor.

She notices Lena lost the business suit and it is now replaced by a checkered skirt and knee high boots with a top that leaves little to the imagination. “What the hell is this?” Lena has the skirt pinched between her fingers as she examines it.

“Ahh yes, you may recognize this look from your teenage years. Seems a bit familiar hmm?”

A pink tint appears on her cheeks and Kara is oddly surprised by it. “Can you at least explain to me why I look like I’m going back to boarding school?”

“You wore _that_ in boarding school?” Kara’s jaw drops and she speaks before her brain gives explicit permission.

“I had a bit of a rebellious phase, and why am I talking to you?” She finishes with the question directed at herself and it helps Kara gain her bearings.

“You’re right, don’t know why I asked.” She claps, pressing her lips into a thin line and turning back to the angel, “So where are we going and why are we dressed like this?”

“Oh you’ll need those to fit in where you’re going Miss Danvers, now come along,” He beckons toward the elevator and glances at his watch once more, “It’s a long ride down and you have about fifteen minutes to make it to your destination. We'll need you back by eight pm sharp, don’t be late.”

“What are we, twelve?” Lena grumbles, stepping into the elevator, Kara following suit. 

“Not quite Miss Luthor, but you’re close.”

“What do you,” The door close behind them and the elevator begins its descent, “mean?” The last word falls flat as silence overtakes the space. The only thing left is the rise and fall of Lena's breathing and what used to bring her comfort, what she had just been griping about a few hours prior now only seems suffocating. Kara tries her best to fight off the panic as a bout of claustrophobia washes over her. She mentally recites the breathing techniques Alex had helped her with as a child. It seems so long ago now, and it only deepens the ache she feels for her sister. As she had done before they had come downstairs to leave, Lena remains quiet through the ordeal, not making a move to comfort but not poking fun at the situation either.

The ride is only a couple of minutes but to Kara it feels like decades. When the elevator doors open she rushes out and breathes a sigh of relief as she lets the sun cast over her face. She feels the breeze blowing through her hair and the light charging her cells and wait…she pauses. There is no influx of noise. She lowers her glasses and peers through the nearest wall. And when that doesn’t work, she jumps, a whole six inches off the ground. 

“Now you’re just as human as you pretended to be.” Lena snarks, stepping out of the elevator. They are in an alley. The moment the doors close behind Lena all that is left is a brick wall. “Which again, you would have known if you read the book.”

“So what, we're just on equal footing this time when you try to kill me?” Because yes, this is where she is choosing to focus her energy if she wishes to come out of this unscathed. She is coming to grips with the fact that she too has not made the best choices, but hers still had been a defensive choice.

“We were rid of all external forces that made us dangerous. So now I have no fortune, no warsuit or evil lair. And you have lost the only thing left that made you ‘super.’” She emphasizes with finger quotes. “Welcome to the real world Miss Danvers.” 

Lena brushes past her with a shoulder bump for good measure and walks towards the street. And she should let it go, for the sake of the mission she should let it go, but the blatant attack on her character makes her want to retaliate.

“And you’re so much more in your element than I am right? Do you even know how to function without throwing your money around to make people love you?” She sees Lena tense unexpectedly at the comment and she almost regrets it. But only almost. 

To her surprise, Lena doesn’t offer anything up in her own defense. She simply shrugs the comment off and continues on her trek to wherever it is they are headed, Kara in tow.

_Starling City High School_

The sign is a mockery. The worst years of her life, up until recently of course. 

“He must be joking. Who are we possibly going to save in here?” Lena swallows thickly, also looking mildly intimidated and it brings Kara imminent satisfaction. 

“Not afraid of world domination, but terrified of teenagers. Haven’t heard that one before.” Kara quips and pulls a dry expression from her companion.

“Not all of us had a wonderful experience with the education system, Kara.” Vibrant eyes focus on her, narrowed and harsh, “Some of us actually took it seriously. There was no time to make friends.”

It is a statement that at one point would have tugged at her heartstrings. It would have prompted some speech about how wonderful she was. But now? Now all Kara can think to respond with is a muttered, “People probably knew how crazy you were then.”

It is at that moment a stern-looking woman begins walking down the steps toward them with a warning of separating them again which prompts a new wave of confusion. Kara’s eyes dart between the woman and Lena trying to decipher what is going on. 

“That wont be necessary. We’re going in.” Lena assures her. Kara wonders if she knows how ridiculous she sounds speaking like that in that outfit.

The woman gives one final glare before turning to leave, “You’re late.” 

“Read the fucking book Kara.” She hisses and begins walking up the concrete stairs. 

_3) You will appear to others as if you’ve always been a part of their world. They will remember a history of you that does not exist. And when you leave they will remember nothing but the mark you left._

The inside of the building looks so…normal. It isn't quite what she had pictured in her mind, but the layout is simple enough to navigate. 

“Abigail Northrop.” Lena reads the name aloud and furrows her brows in thought.

“This way.” Kara starts down a hallway to their left. She can’t explain how she knows, she just does. She stops short of a classroom door unsure if it is appropriate to just waltz in the room in the middle of a class. Lena has no qualms about it evidently because while Kara is deliberating the brunette pushes the door open unashamedly and finds a seat near the back. Kara shuffles in quietly behind her with her head ducked down trying not to draw attention. 

“Nice of you two to join us.” The teacher remarks.

Kara mumbles an apology and crouches down in the first seat she comes to. She follows along with the lesson for the most part at first, for lack of anything better to do. She hasn’t determined yet who Abigail is or if they are even in the right place. A glance back at Lena tells her that despite her initial reservations she seems to be doing quite well. She is taking notes in the workbook provided, or at least giving a good impression of it. 

“Kara, what’s your take on that?” 

Her eyes snap back to the teacher and she gives a puzzled look. She hears a light chuckle in the back of the room, recognizing it instantly and she wishes desperately that she knew the answer if only just to spite her. After a few moments of her befuddled expression the teacher lets her off the hook, sort of. “If you spent less time staring at Miss Miles you may be more familiar with the question.”

_Miles? Who the heck is Miss Miles?_

_4) You will keep your first name, but your last will be changed. Familiarize yourself with your identity prior to entering a new environment._

“Very good Lena. At least one of you can manage to focus.” The teacher smiles at Lena before giving Kara another pointed look.

She still has no idea what the question was. 

The classes drag on and by the end of the day they are no closer to finding Abigail. Kara exits her last class of the day and just as she is wondering what they are going to do for the next five hours before going back she hears a commotion up the hallway. She carves a path for herself around the students who are excitedly heading for the exit and follows the source of the sound.

The one shouting the various slurs she hears is a football player. She recognizes him from second period where all he did was talk game strategy while the rest of his group did all the work. Or rather, Lena did all the work. She has to keep an eye on her after all. People like her don’t need unlimited funds and access to underground labs to plan something nefarious. She doesn’t remotely put it past her to blow up a high school lab just to put them out of their misery.

Once the crowd has thinned and she gets closer to the scene she notices a girl on the ground with books strewn all around her. One of the other boys takes it upon himself to kick one of them further away when all the while she is trying to scoop them up. Not one to stand idly by, Kara immediately intervenes. She straightens her back and stomps toward their direction.

“Hey! Leave her alone!” She walks up to the one closest to her and gives him a shove in the chest, momentarily forgetting her size and lack of super strength. He doesn't budge. She still doesn’t retreat though, having blown out her powers and still rushing head first into danger preparing her slightly. The boy does nothing but laugh at her and he and his goons turn to give her their full attention. They form a circle around her and she tries to keep her eyes on all of them, shifting her head back and forth. She braces herself to take the first swing, thanking Rao and Alex for all the training she went through. If she can fight an alien ten times her size, she can certainly handle some football players. She draws back her fist, aiming for the largest one in the group when the shrill sound of a whistle rings out causing them to scatter.

“That’s enough!” She hears a deep voice bellow, “Laps, now!” 

“This isn’t over.” One of them whispers before heading toward his coach, “Fucking dykes.”

Earth is still so confusing, and really? Don't they know what year this is? Kara immediately gets down to help the girl gather her books when she notices one of the covers flipped open revealing the name of the owner. _Abigail Northrop._

Taking in the girl for the first time, she is dressed similarly to Lena. Short, pleated skirt, boots with an unnecessary amount of buckles. Her shirt has string up the front tying it together. Red hair spills over her shoulders as she gathers up her things. 

“Here,” Kara offers, extending her hand to give the girl back her book.

“I didn't need you to step in, you know.” Abigail snatches the book out of her hand, “I had it.”

Kara stands up and puts her hands up in defense, “I was just trying to help you. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.”

“Well don’t.” The girl states firmly, and it's obvious she isn’t used to having someone in her corner. 

She brushes past Kara, who stands dumbfounded for a moment until she hears a slow clap behind her. She turns to see Lena perched against a locker who seems to have very much been enjoying the show. “Well done Supergirl.”

“What you were just going to stand there and not help me?” She asks affronted, pulling at the hem of her t-shirt that had ridden up in the near brawl.

“And miss this golden opportunity to see the girl of steel taken down by sweaty, hormone driven Neanderthals? Absolutely not.” She pushes off the lockers with her shoulder and turns to walk toward the exit. “You’re the hero. Figured I'd let you do your thing.”

“Where are you going?” Kara grumbles, this time choosing to ignore the comment in favor of catching up with Lena's retreating form.

“Well while you were busy being the good student and subsequently running off our target I was doing research.”

“Research?”

“Yes Kara, research.” She stops on the stairs outside the school and blows a stray hair out of her eye. “I was hacking the school database to get information on her. I have a list of her extra curriculars, average GPA and home address, just to name a few.”

And oh. This is an interesting piece of information, and it just rekindles the flame of rage in her chest. “So you knew who she was this whole time and you didn’t tell me?!”

“Sound familiar?” The brunette chuckles and clears the last few steps to the sidewalk and begins walking the opposite direction from where they came out this morning.

“Oh my God! Can you have a civilized conversation for two minutes please?” Not that she wants her to. Not that she wants her to have to say anything at all but it does come with the territory of a partnership.

“I have nothing to say.” Comes the flippant reply.

Green eyes train forward. Lena is all Luthor poise and polite smiles to those who pass by. Kara is a stumbling mess, handing out soft apologies as she avoids bumping into the people around them while flinging her arms around wildly trying to get her point across. Though she supposes it has always been like that. She’d always felt out of place beside Lena. Here was this woman so beautiful and dignified and inexplicably charming and Kara was just Kara. She was clumsy and awkward and shy. But Lena carved out a place in her world just for her. It used to make her feel special. It used to make her feel seen. But now she just wishes she had heeded literally everyone’s warning and dodged this particular kryptonite laced bullet.

“I don’t want to talk to you either! But I want to go home. I want to see my sister and my friends and go back to my job. I want my life. And if I have to work with you to do that then that’s what I’ll do.” She will. She may desire to do it about as much as she desires a trip back for another twenty four year nap in the phantom zone, but she will do it.

“You sure drive a convincing argument.” She replies dryly, wrenching the door open on an apartment building. 

It is dated to say the least. The black and white checkered flooring and the peeling yellow paint speak for themselves. Kara scrunches her nose up at the combination. Something about it just seems stale, abandoned. It is not a pleasant environment. Lena doesn’t seem to taken aback by it though. She just approaches a door at the end of the hallway and crouches down in front of the doorknob, removing a pin from her hair to pick the lock. 

“What are you doing?!” Kara whisper yells, rushing up to her side.

“Well you didn’t think we were coming here for family dinner did you?” Lena seems amused by her fitful response but still continues with her task.

“Well no but I didn’t think you were going to try to get us arrested either.” Kara rests her hand against her forehead and closes her eyes, biting her top lip.

“Afraid to be cast aside with the rest of the mere mortals, darling?” Lena's pout is only in place to mock her and she loathes how easy it is to let the woman rattle her. Loathes how much she used to love the term of endearment.

“Stop calling me that.” She warns lowly. It only puts the amused smirk back on red painted lips.

“Have I hit a nerve?”

The lock clicks and Lena gets to her feet, dusting her skirt off as she goes and the door slowly creaks open. They find that the interior looks about as worn as the lobby. A shabby sofa with more rips than fabric, a coffee table that looks as if it would buckle if it had one more piece of paper stacked on top. The refrigerator door handle is securely fastened with duct tape and the place is absolutely littered with empty beer bottles. 

Lena is carefully stepping over trash on the floor in search of the bedroom, muttering about needed a hazmat suit and Kara just reminds her that “This was your idea princess.” The glare she receives at the pet name makes her grin at the now evened score.

They don't have to investigate too much further to find the room in question. Kara is grateful for that. The smell of old pizza and cigarette smoke assault even her human senses unmercifully. She’s pleased to find that the room is tidy. A twin sized bed sits by the window, posters litter the walls and she has glow in the dark stars plastered on the ceiling. Kara runs her hand along the top of the bookshelf gazing briefly through the titles. She recognizes some of them, poetry books. Eliza used to read them with her when she was learning the more complex parts of the English language and was having trouble grasping the concept of metaphors. She’s so enraptured by the memory that she doesn’t give much thought to her angel sidekick until she’s holding up a journal in victory.

“You’re going to steal her journal?”

Lena lets off a frustrated huff at her protest to the action. “What else am I going to do? You want to solve a problem you need to know what exactly the problem is. And this –“ She gives the journal in her hand a shake, “Is my way of finding out. It's for the greater good.”

“Right. Says the lunatic who tried to mind control the planet.” She reaches for the journal in attempt to put it back where it belongs, but Lena puts it behind her back, shuffling herself against the wall for good measure. She knows Kara won’t reach for it. And she’s right, she backs down immediately.

“Also for the greater good.” The brunette replies with a tilt of her head.

The jingling of keys catches their attention then and they both adopt a mild look of panic at the sound. They hear shuffling through the main room, followed by the sound of a refrigerator door opening. 

“Abby, you home?” A gruff voice calls out.

“Shit.” Lena immediately moves to the window and shoves it open. “Hold this.” She tosses the journal back to Kara and starts to shimmy out of the window feet first. 

“I’m not taking this.” Kara shakes her head and moves to put it back under the mattress. 

Lena pauses midway, body positioned awkwardly in the windowsill and skirt riding dangerously higher up her thighs. “Do you want to help the girl or not?” She asks with an impatient sigh. “We can put it back.”

She debates it. Really debates it for the entire thirty seconds she is granted before the footsteps start to approach the bedroom. Lena, having no regard for Kara or her safety, takes this opportunity to clear the window the rest of the way, her boots landing with a thud on the pavement. The voice calls out for Abby again and Kara’s eyes dart sporadically between the door and the window before finally deciding to toss herself and the rest of her morality right out of it.

Lena just looks smug when she lands beside her with an ungraceful thud and wastes no time in snatching the journal back from Kara's hands. “Now that wasn’t so hard was it?” 

Kara ignores the condescending remark and falls in step beside her while Lena thumbs through the journal as they walk. This is what they’ve become now. Petty jabs and insults. Searching for ways to get under each other's skin just for the thrill of it. Still she finds herself in that familiar place by Lena’s side. No real sense of belonging but still existing in her orbit by a force that keeps pulling them together when all she wants to do is rip it apart. The biting remarks roll off her tongue so easily. It is so easy to play along when Lena digs into her skin in all the worst ways. And as much as she hates her, she has to do this. Has to look at her and stand by her side despite preferring to do anything else. She’s tried to swallow her pride and be somewhat civilized, she's tried keeping the dialogue to a minimum. But it only seems to egg her on, make her try harder to pull any sort of reaction out of Kara and she finds herself subtly wishing for the days after their arrival. The days after the bitter remarks and threats and insults died down to a stifling silence. At least that she could work with. That was more preferable than petty jibes.

She is grateful for the short walk back to the elevator. Lena reaches for a brick on the wall and shifts it a bit to the right and it appears exactly where it vanished to this morning. The ride is quiet once more. Kara clasps her hands together and waits rocking back and forth on her heels. One last thing comes to mind though that she feels compelled to share with the woman, if only to get the last word.

“I didn't have friends either, you know.” Lena looks at her with a mix of frustration and confusion. “But it didn't make me a monster.”

_You did._ The other woman remains silent again and when the elevator doors open she feels her powers return immediately. She levitates off the floor and flies off to the stairs without another look in her direction.


	3. Chapter 3

Exhausted. Lena is completely exhausted. And not the kind that can be fixed with copious amounts of caffeine or three days of sleep. No, this type of exhaustion runs way past something just bone deep. This is akin to a tired soul. A soul that has experienced so much in so little time that it has run out of space to store anything else. A soul that has never felt true peace for most of its existence and when it did, the peace was ripped away leaving it emptier than ever before. So Lena is exhausted, and she doesn't foresee a reprieve any time in the near future. 

She thought it wise to follow Kara’s lead in finding a bedroom of her own in this castle she dreamed up. Though sleep won't come, bedrooms are supposed to be a sanctuary of sorts. One needs to feel safe in order to sleep. Needs a place that would keep the monsters away. And Lena definitely needs to keep the monsters away. If only she could be two places at once.

She catches a glimpse in a mirror on her way past and takes note of how hollow her eyes are. They belong to someone she no longer recognizes. They belong to someone she swore to never be. They belong to a true Luthor. To someone deranged. 

The dread for the following day builds inside her chest. Thirty four days is a long time to spend with someone who ripped your world apart. Thirty four days of bitter insults and petty jibes and shots fired. So many shots have been fired and she means them. She so very, deeply means them. She wants Kara to _hurt._ Hurt in ways that can never be fixed. Hurt to the depths of her being. Hurt as deep as her love used to be. Hurt until her eyes are hollow too. 

She runs a hand through her hair and decides it is time to regroup. Abandoning the mirror in favor of the king sized bed she settles in for the evening. It is the largest room that she had found, and it speaks to her the most, not that she had bothered to do much exploring past the first floor. The art on the walls compliments the rest of the room in a way that is soothing. The fact that it is the room closest to Kara’s, well you know what they say. Friends close, enemies closer.

Abigail’s journal had brought a great deal of insight into the young girl’s mind. Thus far she has learned that her mother passed away when she was young, and it has just been her and her father ever since then. Her father has immense trouble keeping a job due to his alcoholism, but does seem to care for his daughter overall. She isn’t a fan of his habits and really does not like living in a place that should have already been condemned, but she doesn’t really deem her relationship with her father the real problem so she passed through the teenage angst part of the journal fairly quickly. 

She is bullied a lot. The football players only in the cliffs notes of the plot. It extends to most of the student body. She doesn’t really have friends. A few acquaintances maybe but that was the extent of it. She has a crush on a girl named Alyssa, but is far too afraid to do anything about it. Alyssa seems to be the closest thing to a friend she has. They've worked on a few projects together. Abby had waxed poetic on multiple occasions about how beautiful she is, she had some entries that were downright giddy at being granted the opportunity to spend extensive amounts of time with her. Lena rolled her eyes a lot on those parts. Overall, apart from the aspirations of true love that the young girl still clings to, Lena finds that she relates to her a lot and certainly understands her reaction to Kara today. She is frankly happy that she had knocked the blonde down a few pegs. Not everyone wants to be saved. Abigail definitely does not want to be saved. The key is going to be teaching her to save herself, which will be challenging and hypocritical coming from a washed up excuse of a guardian angel. But if she wants to make sure her company doesn’t go under, Abigail has to get her shit together. So Lena will speak of self love she could never capture until she is blue in the face and she will do it so the stocks don’t plummet and she will come out of this just as broken as she went in because she does not care about Abigail. Or Kara, or the angel, or herself. 

She is approaching the last few passages of the journal now, having read the majority in the study after they returned and she feels like she is no closer to piecing together the puzzle than she was when she started. She breezes through the words hoping something will strike her and give a clue about what she is looking for. It isn’t just as simple as giving a young girl hope, there is a master plan somewhere. She just has to find it. 

She reads as the girl drones on and on about the grievances of high school, thinking that if this kid thinks she has it tough now she should wait it out a couple of years. She is just about to call it quits in favor of staring at the wall when something in the last entry catches eye.

That something being a very detailed and borderline grotesque plot to shoot up a high school prom. Now that escalated quickly. So quickly in fact that if it weren’t for the familiar scrawl in which it is written she would be wondering if Abby even wrote it at all.

Her first thought after getting past the initial shock is how idiotic leaving evidence like this lying around is, especially when it proves premeditation. She and Lex would have never been this careless. 

Her second thought is how easily she compared herself to Lex now.

Her third is she was really expecting something more along the lines of mass genocide. While it is a terrible thing to do, the young girl likely isn’t a good enough shot to inflict much damage, especially in a dark room. That takes skill. Skill that Lena highly doubts she possesses at her age. It also takes something much more powerful than a handgun which is all the young girl could obtain. The angel said they were to stop those going down the same dark path as themselves so she had just assumed that it would be more dramatic than a high school student who probably won't even follow through. But made the cut for a reason and Lena remembers the banner that noted prom was approaching this weekend. She has four days to stop whatever botched massacre attempt this girl is trying to execute. 

She considers Alyssa primarily as a stop. Abigail will likely want to be sure that she won’t be there, but if she is maybe that will give her pause. Kara will immediately veto that idea, not that she holds any particular concern about her opinion on the matter, but it isn’t productive to waste time arguing about minor details. 

She considers ransacking her room and taking the gun. She then considers just holding her hostage until the end of the dance. But that will only delay the inevitable. There is always a plan B and she doesn’t desire to do this more than once. 

Befriending the girl is the best option. Though she completely loathes the idea of allowing anyone else into her orbit, even if it is make believe, even if it is only four days. Lena will do it in two.

She runs a fortune 500 company. She threw her mother and brother in jail. She created a way to rid humans of all the desire to hurt others. Surely she can help a teenage girl not go on an attempted killing spree.

Feeling a bit more refreshed she begins to truly formulate a plan to help Abigail. Admittedly not having to sleep has its perks. She wonders if they may allow her to keep the ability. She could get so much more work done. 

Brainstorming is easy in the quiet of this place. It has a way of calming her mind and allowing her to focus in a way she so seldom gets on earth. There was always a crisis of some sort that needed her attention. But here she can just be, and as long as she can keep her thoughts on the issue at hand rather than dwell on her own feelings she will do quite well. 

The angel – Gabriel as she had come to find, courtesy of the heavenly business card she found in her copy of the book - summons her again and she is grateful that it isn’t Kara. Not a word is spoken between the two women as they prepare for their trip back to earth. He must pick up on the tension. One wrong word at this moment will result in a crack in the foundation she had been building all night, and so he keeps quiet for the most part. He puts them in similar ensembles to the day prior, actually produces backpacks this time now that the element of surprise has passed and sends them on their way with well wishes. 

This elevator is much different than the ones in high rises. It has wooden paneling and patterns on the floor that are similar to the rugs she has grown accustomed to in their temporary abode. Kara scuffs her converse along the floor, staring downward the whole time. She looks as exhausted as Lena feels. 

The whole ordeal is quite taxing and she can’t believe they have gotten this far. The air is stifling on their ride down and Lena is grateful for the reprieve when the doors finally open to the same alley as yesterday. She is content to continue her day without a word spoken but Kara has other ideas. 

“What did you find?” She asks as they turn the corner walking toward the school. The reluctance is evident in her tone.

“Her plan.” She replies, simply. 

“Okay, which is?” She's annoyed by the vague response and Lena decides to push her buttons further deciding it is much too early for any attempt at civility and maybe this will help her get the hint.

“For someone so against stealing the journal you sure are interested in its contents.” Lena quirks an eyebrow at her. She hadn’t expected her to be agreeable to it. She expected the exact reaction that Kara had given. Lena would have gone to break in herself, actually intended to break in herself but the hero insisted on following her around like a lost puppy.

“Are you going to fill me in or not?” Kara sighs impatiently, narrowly dodging a boy on his skateboard while he breezes past them.

“She’s going to shoot up the prom.” She says it as casually as one would mention the weather and watches Kara's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline in horror.

“Oh Rao! We have to stop her!”

“No,” Lena lets out a faux gasp at the tired hero act, tilting her head and stopping on the stairs once more, “I thought we would just sit by and watch. Maybe get our hair done and go shopping for prom dresses.”

They are making quite the spectacle of themselves, Lena is certain of it. Kara's voice is slowly increasing in volume as she gripes about Lena’s cavalier attitude. A few of the students pause to stare at them and Lena grabs her arm and pulls her back down the stairs to the other side of the building.

“Can you keep your damn voice down? Do you want everyone to know about this?” She shoves Kara back toward the wall.

The sleeve of her jacket is rumpled from Lena's rough treatment of the material and she makes quick work of smoothing it out after her stumble into the brick. “Well maybe if everyone knew we could prevent it! We need to tell someone!”

This is the problem with working with Kara. She sees one way out of a problem. She jumps directly to the noble solution under the assumption that all others have the same moral compass that she prides herself on having mastered – though Lena explicitly disagrees. It is delusional and counter-productive. Two things they do not have time for. “And you think ratting her out to a teacher is going to help? How exactly are you going to explain that you know this Kara? Are you going to go in there and announce that you broke into her house and stole her journal?”

“Well no but,” Kara huffs, crinkle presenting itself between her eyebrows, “I need to do something.”

“No you don’t. I’m going to do it.” She folds her arms across her chest as an act of defiance. They’ve already seen Kara's attempt at heroism. It produced no results apart from giving Lena a good chuckle.

Kara laughs disbelievingly and starts to walk back toward the front of the school, “No. No way you’re going to do it. You’ll just add her to your entourage, you are running low these days.”

“Please, like I would take someone that sloppy.” Lena scoffs. She really wouldn't. “Frankly Kara I don’t give a damn what you think about this, I’m doing it. So you can get on board or get out of my way.”

The blonde halts her movements and she watches her take deep breaths. Her inner turmoil is clear. She still doesn't turn to face her but Lena watches the way her fists clench at her sides. “If you do anything to hurt her-" 

“You’ll kill me?” A small smile plays at Lena's lips and she taps her chin. “Didn’t you give the same speech to anyone who tried to come after me once upon a time? You should really get some new material darling.”

“Well if I had just let them then we wouldn’t be here right now.” She doesn't expect it to, but it stings. Not that she would ever give Kara the satisfaction of showing that. 

“And miss all this fun?”

Kara’s eyes meet hers fully then. They are smoldering, full of fire and everything she used to love. “I’ll be watching you.” And Lena can’t keep herself from digging the knife in further.

“Some things never change.” Lena replies with a shake of her head and walks back around to the front of the building.

She had never gotten the experience of public school, but she understands now why Lillian was so against it. The curriculum brings no challenge, the students don’t care to amount to anything, the teachers don’t care much either. She breezes through the hallway with an air of confidence surrounding her all the same. Students are milling about, several couples are pushed against lockers unconcerned that they are in a public place. Lena wrinkles up her nose at the display. Her eyes lock on her target as she is on her way to her first period class. She imagines Kara is still standing dumbfounded outside so she choses this as her opportunity to strike.

Abigail is being harassed by a few cheerleaders this time. One of them accusing her of checking her out in the locker room or some such thing. She knows that blatantly coming to the girl’s defense isn’t the right move, but taking the attention off of her will probably do the trick and making others squirm is something she is quite skilled at. In a few different contexts. 

Abigail is currently just trying to ignore the girls, but Lena can see the signs on her face. They are absolutely making the hit list and Lena squashes her agreement with that assessment, reminding herself that she is here for good deeds.

The tall blonde shoves Abigail on the shoulder when she doesn't get her attention with the juvenile name-calling, swearing yet again that she had seen Abby looking right at her while she removed her top.

“That’s doubtful. You aren’t much to look at.” Lena says as she approaches, promptly leaning back against the locker beside the young girl, propping one foot up against the metal. It’s true honestly. The girl is lanky, virtually no curves. She could definitely do with some makeup as well. Anyone with eyes could see she is not Abigail’s type in the slightest. However, there is a petite brunette flanking her. “You on the other hand,” Lena purrs at her, letting the statement hang in the air to be finished only in their imaginations. She has no interest in adding cougar to her never ending villain resume.

The girl jumps back as if she had just been doused in gasoline and Lena is a lit match. It is a bit over the top if you ask her, usually people only react in such a way to mask their own secrets. And Lena is generally excellent at reading people. There is definitely some intrigue shining back in the girl's hazel eyes. But she is not here to give her opinion so she only plays her part. 

“Don’t knock it till you try it.” She says in a sing song manner and lets it go at that, giving a little wave as they scurry up the hall.

“How’d you know to do that?” Comes a quiet voice beside her and she turns to regard her, taking in her downcast but thankful eyes and she responds simply with _experience._

“Well thank you. That was cool of you to do.” Abigail shoulders her bag and gives a timid smile. It is a much warmer welcome than what had been extended to Kara and she feels absolutely delighted to have surpassed her on something.

“You want to get out of here?” Lena asks suddenly. It isn’t part of her plan, but she deems it useful to see where this road will take her. “Seems you could use a friend.”

And if she is being honest with herself – which would be a terribly foolish mistake – maybe for just a few minutes she could use a friend too. Abigail nods and they make their way back to the entrance of the school. They pass by Kara in the hall who gives a bewildered look. _Told you._ Lena mouths at the blonde.

Kara will follow them, this much she knows. But the hero will keep a safe distance, she knows this too. Kara won’t jeopardize their chance if Lena’s method is working even if she hates the idea of it.

So when the two walked aimlessly around the city, Kara stayed several paces behind them. When they stopped at an ice cream parlor, Abigail insisting Lena try her favorite flavor, Kara took up residence at a table in front of the bistro across the street. She had made a show of reading a newspaper that the last guest had left, but the way her eyes glanced up every few moments told Lena all she needed to know. She had glanced on with a look of disdain. It’s the same look she holds now as she’s looking at the two of them from the other side of a playground.

They are sitting on a swing set, feet dragging the dirt slightly as they finish off the remnants of their cones. Lena is quite pleased to find that though she is not required to eat, she does still have the option and briefly wonders if sleeping will work the same. 

“I haven’t done this in a long time.” Abigail comments, gazing off into the distance, “Its been really nice.”

“It has,” Lena agrees, following her stare off into the horizon and trying to block the sight of Kara in her peripheral. She is surprised to find that she really does mean it. Abigail holds no expectations for who she is supposed to be and is instead accepting what Lena has to offer at face value. It isn’t something she’s had as of late and at this point, well if she has to find acceptance in befriending a lost teenager it’s probably not the worst thing she's done so far. But she is here for a reason and she has spent the day earning the young girl’s trust, so now is as good a time as any to broach the topic she has been working toward. “So are you going to prom this weekend?”

Abigail seemingly begins choking on air, which is a reasonable reaction Lena supposes. Certainly not one she would have, but she is well versed in the art of deceit. It makes her think of Kara actually, as most things these days do, and she curses herself once more for how blind she truly was. 

“I don’t know,” she finally manages. It’s what Lena expects. Vague, non committal, perhaps the girl beside her isn't completely ignorant to the appropriate way to carry out a heinous task. She may be giving herself an out as well, in case she changes her mind. But she wont change it without intervention, Lena knows. Otherwise being here serves no purpose. “I don’t have anyone to go with and with as popular as I am it would probably turn out more like _Carrie_ than your typical high school prom experience.”

Lena snorts so loudly that Lillian probably hears it in another dimension and is just burning with disappointment. She tries to cover her face by leaning forward slightly and letting a curtain of hair hide her embarrassment. “You make a valid point.” And she shouldn’t bring it up, she really shouldn’t, but it tumbles out of her mouth in a pile of word vomit, “Why not ask Alyssa?” _Why not put your crush in the path of destruction_ is what the question really means and she knows it.

“Why would I ask Alyssa?!” Abigail shouts at much too high a volume, looking at Lena with eyes as wide as saucers. Now it is her turn to try to hide the tint of her cheeks. She casts her eyes downward and adds more quietly, “I mean, why would you think I like her?”

“Just a hunch.” Lena smiles. “If it helps, I think she likes you too.”

The corners of the young girls lips began to turn upward, but she still keeps her gaze on the mulch as if waiting for the punchline. “What makes you say that?”

“I see the way she looks at you when she thinks no one is watching.” She does. The two share most of the same classes and she had caught a fond look on Alyssa’s face more than once when Abigail was answering a particularly difficult question, or even just doodling in her notebook. Just because she can’t sort out her own love life doesn’t mean she can’t do some good here. 

“Kind of like the way Kara looks at you?” There is an innocence to her voice but she knows she’s also trying to change the subject.

Lena can’t help the laughter that bubbles up in her throat at the idea. Maybe six months ago Abigail wouldn’t have been so far off the mark. But now the idea is ludicrous. The way the biting remarks roll off Kara’s tongue are a perfect indication of how she feels.

_Do you even know how to function without throwing your money around to make people love you?_

She wishes it were that simple. Just a teenage love story where both are too shy to say what they're feeling so they tip toe around it and toss the idea out of the window as soon as it is mentioned. Then sooner or later someone she never knew would sit with her at a park at sunset and give the perfect speech to make her brave enough to rethink ignoring the obvious. She wishes that she could have a grand epiphany that one would have in a movie and go rushing to the other person’s door in the pouring rain with promises of love. She wishes for a time before her world blew up, literally or figuratively. Before she had to shove her feelings into little boxes in the attic until something came along and set the whole house aflame. She wishes that she were anything but a guardian angel atoning for her sins. 

But she can say none of this to the girl beside her so she settles with a simple response. “That’s the most hilarious thing I’ve heard all week, thank you for that.” 

She chases the drop of ice cream on her hand with her tongue and shakes her head at the redhead’s oblivious read on the situation.

“Oh come on dude!” And Lena knows, she absolutely knows with all the things she has been called in her twenty six years of life, there is no version of reality where anyone has ever addressed her as ‘dude.’ Ever. The redhead kicks off on her feet and begins to pick up speed on the swing, paying no mind to Lena's latest epiphany. “You’ve got to be blind not to see that!”

Lena follows suit and swings along beside her, “Have you really not picked up on the fact that we hate each other? Like really, deeply hate each other.”

“Okay,” Abigail laughs, “She stared at you all first period yesterday. I know you guys have the whole rival thing going on or whatever but I’m just saying, there’s something there.”

Something like years of lies and good old fashioned murder attempts.

“Can we just get back to you and Alyssa please?” Lena pleads with a bit too much desperation in her tone.

“I’ll ask Alyssa to the dance,” Abigail starts and Lena smiles thinking things are starting to look up, “If you ask Kara.”

And Lena takes the list of things she had in her mind to convince Abigail to not become a murderer, rips it all up and throws it out the proverbial window because she will spend eternity in hell before she asks Kara fucking Danvers to a high school prom.

Abigail accepts her silence as victory and gives a smug smile as she jumps off the swing. “I’d better get back for the night.”

Lena checks her watch and notices it’s getting rather close to her curfew as well. She digs her feet into the mulch to get the swing to stop and expresses her agreement. When Abigail turns her back to take one last look at the setting sun, Lena slips the journal from her own bag as quietly as possible and lays it on the ground.

“Hey, I think you dropped that.” She mentions, pointing to the book as Abigail turns her attention back. 

“I’ve been looking everywhere for this!” She snatches it up relieved, “That’s so weird. I don’t even remember having it with me.” Her brows furrow as she inspects it for damage and brushes the excess dirt off the cover.

“Huh. Yeah that is weird. At least you’ve found it though.” Lena gives an innocent smile.

“Thank you for today, really. I don’t – I don't feel so alone anymore.” And as Lena stands in the park, purple and red painting the sky and getting a hug from a seventeen year old, she doesn’t feel so alone anymore either.

Maybe she does care a little.

She watches as Abigail walks in the direction of her house, turning around to give a final wave and she feels Kara come to stand at her side. “I’m proud of you,” she whispers softly. And it is almost like the last year never happened, almost genuine enough to make her forget until, “I didn’t think you had it in you to actually care about anyone’s well being but your own anymore.”

She turns to glare at the blonde and sees the way her arms are crossed over her chest. The comment immediately erases whatever semblance of peace she had a few seconds ago. And it reminds her of why she built her walls so high to begin with. 

“I don’t.” She replies simply, mimicking Kara’s pose but still keeping her eyes on Abigail’s retreating form. 

“Really?” Kara looks on in amusement, “Kind of seems like that girl warmed your dead heart just a tad.”

“I can put on a fairly convincing act as a means to an end. I learned that from you after all.” 

She doesn’t wait for a response from Kara. She doesn’t need one. She begins her journey home with her mind on one destination only. No roads will lead to Redemption. No turn she can take and no magical push will ever repair the break between them. Kara chose this outcome when she chose to lie for all those years. And maybe it’s a bit more mystical than what she could have foreseen but it is a path that she wandered down all on her own. 

She always wondered though what actually made her come clean. She got nothing out of it except for the wrath of a Luthor. Did she finally decide that Lena was trustworthy after all these years or did she run out of uses for having her in her corner? Whatever the reason, Lena knows she will never find it.

She comes to a stop in the alley and waits for Kara to show up. She taps her foot against the pavement and blows out a breath of air. The stars are just starting to peek out and she wonders just how far up they really are. In the castle they are surrounded by them. It is rather beautiful, she admits. Perhaps under any other circumstances she could have appreciated the view a bit more. But knowing what she’s going back to makes the experience so tainted. 

She almost wishes she could stay here, in this version of life. A version where nothing is expected of her. A chance to really get a do over. She knows it isn’t possible, only a pipe dream but it’s nice to imagine if only for a second what she would be if she had the opportunity to hit reset. She wonders if she would feel more free, or if the bitterness is so seeped in that she would carry it on to a new life. She wonders if she could fall in love and experience it in all its uninhibited glory. She wonders if it would hurt so bad the second time around. She wonders how many more people would get the opportunity to lie to her.

Kara rounds the corner and snaps Lena out of her daydream. She shifts the brick on the wall and their ride home materializes once more. 

“I’m surprised you waited.” She says, stepping in behind her.

“Yes well, if I hadn’t you’d have been stranded. I don’t think they would be too keen on letting you run about.”

“Better me than you.” Kara mutters.

Lena slips the façade back on as the doors close and their ascent begins. Whatever warmth she felt today drifting back into the void once more. She came into this alone and alone she will leave. There is no hope left for her. This is the only taste of heaven she will ever get and she knows it. And she'll keep pretending it doesn't hurt.


	4. Chapter 4

Kara Danvers has been a lot of things in her life. She has been a hero, a friend, a sister, an alien, a reporter – a liar. She adds the last one to the list begrudgingly. She paces the hallway of Abigail's apartment building in panic mode. If she was at full power she likely would have worn a hole into the floor by now. _Not that anyone would really notice_ she thinks to herself. She slows down her pacing in favor of staring up at the ceiling and taking a few breaths. She’d never noticed the cracks before. Granted they had only been once and she is ever grateful for her solitude this time around. The cracks in the ceiling probably started small, as things like this normally do. Perhaps a chip here and there, not too noticeable at first. The neighbors upstairs may have felt a little extra creak in their floorboards, no big deal. Until it just kept spiraling out of control and one day instead of just little chips in the ceiling there were cracks that spiraled and crossed and weaved and you honestly have no idea how the building is standing anymore. 

Kara has no idea how she is standing anymore. Especially now that she’s relating her overall life experience with building structure. 

It was never supposed to be this way. Obviously she hadn’t planned on being kidnapped to the outskirts of heaven and sent on a mission to fix everything that she never could in her own life. How can she possibly put someone else back together if she is in pieces? She is a hero in her own right, sure. She put out fires, saved people from accidents, beat up some aliens – but what did she really do? Not much evidently if this is the result of it all. She can’t think of one true difference she had made in someone’s life. Except maybe Lena’s and look how that turned out. For Lena, she is that final crack in the ceiling. 

Kara Danvers is a lot of things, but she has never been _this._ She has never been responsible for the well being of a single human, at least not from this standpoint. She stopped criminals after the crime was committed. The damage was already done; there was no soul for her to save. Now there is and to put it bluntly, she’s just lost. 

Her decision to let Lena lead the way had nothing to do with appeasing the woman and everything to do with the fear of her own shortcomings. She wasn’t keen on leaving a Luthor to sink her claws into an unsuspecting teenager. And she is a Luthor, that much she has proven. But she is also calculating and intelligent. She is a business woman when it is all said and done. And this experience is a quid pro quo if there ever was one. So while leaving Lena unattended with today’s youth makes her want to bite her nails down to the quick, and she can really do that now, she can acknowledge that letting the brunette take the lead on this one while she learns the ropes will not bring upon the end of the world. Probably. She is a solid seventy percent on that.

That’s what led her here. To a building that would likely crumble if the super version of her were to sneeze on it. To ceiling cracks and epiphanies and that one very scary door at the end of the hall where she has to talk to the father of a potential mass murder and convince him to live his best life while she left Lena of all people to save his daughter. It’s been a day. But if ever there was a time she could add something substantial to her superhero resume, that time is now. If she could ever knock on the damn door. 

How do you just casually say to someone that their daughter is aiming for a life sentence? Should she have brought coffee for this? Should she avoid the knowledge all together and just trust Lena to hold up her end? She realizes she just used the words _trust_ and _Lena_ in the same sentence during that inner monologue and that is an issue in and of itself. 

The thought is what finally pushes her past her fear and she strides down the hall before she can talk herself out of it again. She gives the door three swift knocks and steps back, holding her breath. He stumbles to the door and she hears the chain rattle before it creaks open. His eyes squint in the early morning light filtering in from the front windows. His beard is unkempt, he has a stained white shirt on and he reeks of whiskey. She feels yet another wave of relief that she doesn’t have all of her senses currently, the smell alone would do her in. Unfortunately though her tendency to ramble and say exactly what she’s thinking has followed her right to the afterlife because the first thing her brain conjures up is, “You look awful.”

She claps a hand over her mouth in embarrassment and she can feel the blush radiate to the tips of her ears. She looks down for a moment to collect herself before meeting his eyes again. “I mean, good morning. My name is Kara. I go to school with your daughter.”

The man seems to sober up a bit at the mention of Abigail, the creases around his eyes smooth out. His eyes are kind, she decides. They remind her of her father. “Then I believe you should be in school yourself, Kara.”

“Oh. Well I, I’m um-" stammering is another lingering trait, “I’m on a school project today. I’m in the…journalism club?” She says, gritting her teeth as she fumbles through the fib.

“The journalism club?” The man looks skeptical and she can’t blame him. She should have thought this out a little more.

“Yes. The journalism club.” She says it more strongly this time, “And I’m doing a piece on…um. Fathers and daughters.”

“That’s an interesting piece you have there for a school project Kara. But should you really be wandering out here alone? This isn’t a good part of town.” His voice is gravelly but holds an air of concern. And if she was just a high school student he would be right. Knocking on the door of a strange man in a bad neighborhood may not be the best choice. But for a superhero turned angel, she thinks she'll be okay. Surely they keep an eye on Lena and her to secure their safety. Again, probably.

“Yes well, greatness requires work. And this is a great project that I’m working on.” She reaches up to adjust her glasses and then gestures toward his apartment, “May I come in? I wont take up too much of your time.”

The man hesitates, but does push the door open enough for Kara to slip in. The apartment is in much the same condition it was when she and Lena were there two days prior, still littered with bottles, piled with trash. While happy to have been let in she can't fathom how one could accept company this way. As if he read her mind he mentions, “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting anyone.” 

He busies himself shuffling papers around and anything else taking up space on the sofa while Kara takes a look around the room. The photos on the wall catch her eye. Abigail is much younger in them. Her red hair pulled up in a bow, sat between her father and another woman with the same shade of auburn, the same smile, same brown eyes. She casts her eyes along the wall and sees more photos. Abigail with Santa, grin firmly on her face and a toothless smile. Abigail maybe two or three years old eating an ice cream cone with chocolate all over her hands and on the tip of her nose. Abigail on a bicycle with a big red bow, father jogging along beside her. Others show her holding up an award from a fourth grade spelling bee, a soccer trophy, first place in a science fair. A full wall of memories that seem to just stop when she looks to be about ten years old. “You have a beautiful family.” She comments, tracing her finger along one of the photos of the young girl laughing.

“Thanks. It’s been tough since uh. Since her mother died.” The man had sat down on the couch and is sipping a cup of coffee, Kara admires his respect. She knows he would prefer the whiskey. She joins him on the other end, sitting closer to the edge and pulls a notepad and pen out of her bag.

“Can you tell me about her?”

“Tess? She was wonderful.” He gives a fond smile and Kara matches it, “She was so full of life, so free spirited. She was a great mom. Always told Abby she could do anything she wanted. Which is bioengineering, at least the last time I checked. Abby and I don’t talk much these days.”

“Why is that?”

“Why do you think?” He gestures around the room and scrubs his hands over his face. He remembers himself now. Underneath the unkempt beard and stained shirt is an abundance of self-loathing. “Kara, I really don’t think that I’m going to be the best person for your story.” Truthfully, he lasted longer than she expected. She really hadn't expected to make it past the threshold. But now that she is here, she can't allow the opportunity to slip by. He stands, presumably to show her out the door but she stops him.

“Then change.” She says it like it’s the simplest thing in the word and he looks at her with a question in his eyes, “Abby gets bullied a lot, you know.”

He doesn’t know, if the crestfallen look on his face is any indication.

“She’s brilliant. And sweet, and funny, at least so I understand. But people don’t like her very much. They should, but they don’t.”

“Are you and Abby friends?”

“No,” Kara chuckles, “Not for lack of trying on my part. She’s been hanging out with my frie – um, my..Lena.” She gulps hard at what she just said and instantly tries to correct herself, “Not _my_ Lena. Just someone I know. Named Lena.” And the awkwardness followed her to angel hood too. Great.

“And is not your Lena good to my girl?” He asks tentatively.

_Well she was a bit on the homicidal side in her past life._

“She’s trying to help her.” And she believes that, maybe not out of selflessness but Lena is trying to help the girl regardless of reason. “But I think she could use your help too.”

He considers her for a moment. And she knows what he must be thinking. She’s a teenage girl, sitting in the house of a man she doesn’t know on behalf of a girl she doesn’t know trying to make a difference. She’s certain she must be a sight to see. The cape is gone, at least the earthly version, probably still wrapped around her comatose form in the DEO med bay. But she can almost feel the weight of it on her back as she stands strong in the conviction that she needs to do this. 

It was by no means a selfless act on her part either, at least not at first, not until she saw Abby smile and hug Lena as if she was the greatest thing to have ever happened to her. Up until that crucial moment she had been just as jaded, looking at the experience as a means to an end. This is how she gets out of here. This is how she goes home. How could she be a hero when she failed the one person she vowed to save? And she did fail her, and for all the insults she throws at Lena she knows that she is no better than her. She lost her way too. She threw in the towel, she quit long before Lena ever pushed her. She wanted to hurt her, it is going to take her years to come to terms with that but she wanted to hurt her for everything she did. For every retaliation she made, for every jab she threw. For trying to harm humanity just like her home was harmed. For not forgiving her no matter how much she begged for it. She wanted to rid the world of another threat, no matter how much she may have loved her then. She wanted to be a hero, and she never noticed when she became a villain too. 

“You aren’t here for the school paper are you Kara?”

“No. I’m just here to help.” May as well be honest, the jig is up now. 

He sits back down with a sigh. People always told her that she has a trustworthy face, and though she doesn’t know what she looks like to this man, she suspects it may be another quality that followed her.

“I think that Abby may be headed down the wrong path,” she begins softly, “I don’t know her very well, but I like to think that I know a good person when I see one and I just don’t want anything bad to happen to her.”

If she sounds wise beyond her years, he doesn’t comment on it. If you count her age from birth she is probably older than this man in front of her. Though he looks worn down and haggard in a way she likely never will. She feels the pieces of her heart beginning to mend sitting in this god awful living room. Things she thought she lost slowly making their way back and if the only thing she ever accomplishes in her life is fixing this, then maybe she can be at peace with just that.

“I was an engineer too. Before Tess – I think that’s where Abby gets it from. Or got it from, before my last relapse.” He says it absently before he remembers who he's talking to and then looks mildly horrified that he’s sharing this much information with someone he believes to be his daughter’s age. 

Kara waves off the concern, “I just wanted to let you know. I won’t pretend to understand what you’re going through. I just think everybody should have the choice.”

“Thank you. Your parents have done a great job with you Kara.”

It's unexpected and she feels the tears spring to her eyes at the mention of her family. Both the ones she lost and the one anxiously waiting for her to wake up. Wondering if she will wake up. 

“I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to bring anything up that’s painful for you.” He amends quickly, putting his hands up in surrender.

“Don’t worry about it. I should get back to school though.” She won’t, but she thinks it will do him some good to process. She doesn’t suppose her attendance means too much in the grand scheme of things. 

“Right, of course.” He stands to show her out, “Journalists need to take their studies very seriously.” His stern face is covered in a bright smile as he says it.

“I’m not really a journalist, you know.” She laughs.

“Well you could have fooled me.”

And as he thanks her again and closes the door behind her she gets lost in a memory of bright green eyes and red painted lips in a playful smirk saying the exact same thing.

Before the nostalgia and everything else she lost the right to feel takes hold she snaps herself out of it and sets out to explore the city. It’s a lot more vibrant than its earth one counterpart and it makes her long for home even more. She was almost hopeful at first that she had gotten dropped off on the wrong earth by accident. She would give anything to see Oliver right now. She would even give anything to be shot with an arrow right now. 

She wanders to the ice cream shop that Lena and Abby went to the day prior. Thankful that the angel had the inkling they may need a small amount of cash she purchases a triple scoop waffle cone and lets off a less than appropriate moan at the taste. The other customers at the counter turn to look at her and she quickly shuffles out the door. In her defense though, she’s been over a month without ice cream and that is just unacceptable. 

She’s at a loss for what to do for the remainder of the day. Going back to school was never at the forefront of her mind. She had done her part already. It wasn’t a part they had necessarily agreed on, but she didn’t know if she could stomach another full day with Lena so she had set off on her own this morning. The brunette hadn’t asked where she was going and she hadn’t volunteered the information. Their disinclination to spend quality time with each other being the only thing they still agree on.

Kara still hasn’t read the book. Mostly just to get under Lena’s skin at this point. She instead spent the night exploring the castle. Her detest for the woman does not dull down the amazement at what her mind had created, even if it is merely an illusion. The space seemed endless. Each corridor leading to another maze of rooms. She had found the throne room, which she was very excited about and may have possibly spent a bit too much time indulging herself with the magic of it all. It was a bit dark for her taste, but it still had its appeal in the golden staircase and tall statues. Lighting was minimal but she could still see the vibrant colors in the candlelight. Instead of the red she was accustomed to seeing in the depths of the brunette’s mind, this room was bathed in shades of blue. But her favorite part was the open ceiling giving way to the blanket of stars surrounding them. She had been quick to float upwards as soon as she’d noticed and spent the remainder of the night resting peacefully in the sky, hands tucked behind her head. She could see the gates of heaven far off in the distance putting her in mind of how the earth looks from above. Apart from that, there was nothing else in their immediate vicinity and it was astonishing to her that even in her mind, Lena distanced herself from the remainder of whoever else may be out there. She had stayed until the sun began to peek over the horizon and then retreated back to her room for the angel to collect them. 

She wishes that she had the ability to break free into flight now but she knows the reasoning extends beyond stripping her of her powers for their safety. It extends right to where Kara would go if she had the ability to do it, and that may be the primary motivation behind it after all. 

The morning fades into early afternoon quickly and she begins making her way back in the direction of the school. She arrives just in time for the last bell to ring and leans against the railing waiting for Abigail and Lena. The latter is who she sees first. She’s flanked by Abigail and another girl she doesn’t recognize with honey blonde hair and her left hand wrapped firmly around the red head’s right. 

“Hi Kara.” Abigail says, stopping in front of her. 

Kara whips her head around for a moment as if searching for someone else in the vicinity with her name. The realization that Abigail is speaking to her catches up quickly, though she’s still questioning the abrupt change in her demeanor. “Um. Hi.”

Abigail notices her confusion, but she lets it go. “We were going to go to the arcade. You wanna come?”

She catches the look Lena gives her out of the corner of her eye and Abigail returns it with a smirk that translates to _Shut up and let me help you._

“Uhh.” She darts her eyes between the two of them, she sure is articulate today.

“Abby seems to think that you and I like each other, which I have explained multiple times that we definitely do not. However if you would like to come partake in the joys of adolescence, I promise to be on my best behavior.” Lena grimaces through the last part of it. She knows it's only for their cover and Kara bites back a laugh the other woman's sheer discomfort. 

“That’s not what we talked about.” The redhead whispers with an elbow to Lena’s ribs. 

Noticing that Kara still hasn’t given a response Lena rolls her eyes and huffs, “Are you going to come or not?”

“Well a promise of best behavior isn’t much coming from you, but I don’t have anything better to do.” She decides on, pushing herself off the railing and slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“Great!” Abby claps her hands, shuffling them together, “Double date, let’s go!”

The two teenagers begin walking down the sidewalk in front of them and Kara has to admit that it is an impressive shift in demeanor from the girl she met in the hallway. She seems more confident now, she’s smiling brighter, and if the handholding was anything to go by has apparently gotten herself a girlfriend. It almost seems too perfect and she can’t help herself from addressing the brunette to her side, “Did you do some kind of Luthor voodoo on her?”

“Like Lillian would let me attempt something as trivial as voodoo,” she chuckles, “Turns out teenagers are rather impressionable.”

“That’s what I was afraid of.”

“Oh come off it Kara. I don’t have some vile plan for everyone in my reach just because of my last name. She just needed a push in the right direction.” She gestures to the two young girls in front of them. They have gotten closer together on their walk and Abby is giggling at something the other girl says.

“Okay so you got her a girlfriend. How is this going to help?”

“I also broke a girl's nose.” Lena shrugs.

“What?!” Her increased volume draws the attention of their company for a moment, but they quickly return to their own world, to gossip about Kara and Lena no doubt. “You cant just go around violently solving problems!” She grabs her by the arm jolting them to a stop.

“That’s rich coming from you.” She flips her hair across her shoulder, “Don’t see you politely speaking to aliens who are reeking havoc on the city. You just punch your way right through a problem so why shouldn’t I?”

“Because that’s not -" And she stops herself. The habitual saying almost flies out without her even considering the implication of it. Her defense of Lena's character is something so engrained in her. Something that is so second nature that it spills forth like a reflex. Lena catches it too. The world surrounding them moves in slow motion as Lena just stares at her for a beat too long for comfort, mouth poised at the ready to fire yet another shot of degrading remarks the moment the lie floods her ears. But she doesn’t say it.

“That's what I thought.” She articulates it so clearly, in such a way that Kara has a perfect view of how her tongue twists around the syllables and then turns on her heel to follow the girls up the sidewalk.

Kara blinks a few times as she watches her leave, clearing the lingering thoughts from her head, the nagging thread at the back of her brain that tells her she may still be naïve enough to believe that. The infinitesimal shred of hope she has no business holding. It flickers on like a faulty light bulb and Kara immediately flips the switch, throwing the breaker for good measure.

She spots them quickly from her place at the door. The entire establishment is like a blast from the past. The black carpet with intermittent colorful design, the prize counter being manned by the freckle faced boy who looks like he would rather be anywhere but here, the various buzzing sounds of the machines as they announce the winners and fire off tickets. And pizza. The smell of pizza hits her nose and she swears she can almost feel the phantom growl of her stomach. Directly in her line of sight are Lena and the girls sharing a large pepperoni and laughing. She hesitates to go meet them but her taste buds make the decision for her and she finds herself all but floating to the table. 

“Well, nice of you to join us.” The cool exterior is still in place as Lena peers up at her.

“Dude be nice.” Abigail is seated to Lena’s left and smacks her shoulder, “We saved you a seat Kara.” 

This seat she is speaking of is presently occupied by Lena’s bag. Abigail must notice because at another pointed look Lena huffs and places the bag on the floor. Kara doesn’t miss the way she subconsciously shifts further away once she sits down. 

“So I was thinking we could start with some DDR, “Alyssa starts, chewing on a slice of pizza. A quick ‘no' from the other two at the table shuts down the idea, but Kara’s eyes light up long enough for the other blonde to notice and amend to, “Okay Kara and I can start with some DDR then. And we can compete for the rest of the games that we all want to play. How about that?”

Lena hums her agreement, calculating the chances of winning in her head by the look on her face. 

“Oh good idea! What does the winner get?” Abigail asks.

“How about a kiss from the girl of her choice?” Alyssa smiles flirtatiously at her and the redhead stutters a bit but agrees eagerly. Kara looks on with a fond smile at the scene which only doubles in size as she sees the exact moment it clicks in Lena’s overly competitive head that she will have to lose on purpose.

“It’s a deal then. Come on Kara.” She stands and extends her hand, “Let’s show them how it’s done.”

Alyssa leads her through the maze and they stop in front of the game to wait their turn. The young girl chats aimlessly about different things and she finds rather quickly that this girl is exactly someone she could have been friends with in her old life. Where Abigail is shy, Alyssa is brave. She says what she means, she’s not afraid to be herself. She's light and funny and charming. And maybe there is something more pertinent here after all. Maybe Alyssa really is something that can inspire the right kind of hope in Abigail – at least Kara would like to think so.

Once the other group has vacated, she tells her to pick her poison while they step up to the screens together. She wears a smile accompanied with a confident gleam in her eye, and Kara almost feels sorry for how badly she's about to beat her. But only almost.  
Kara scrolls through the options and settles on one of the first ones she had learned when she was younger. She feels the rush of excitement as the music begins to play and when she steps to the first beat it’s like flying all over again. The floor lights up beneath her and for the first time she knows what it feels like to do this without simultaneously worrying about putting her foot through the floor. Its exhilarating. Chancing a glance over at Alyssa once they've got a good rhythm going she notes that the young girl is keeping up fairly well. Delight painting over her features, she laughs as Kara makes a funny face in attempt to distract her. It doesn’t work. Alyssa is a perfect picture of freedom with her hair flying, cheeks flushed and dancing as if her life depends on it. 

Alyssa is everything Kara wishes she could be.

She harnesses her own competitive spirit through this particular challenge since she'll have to throw all the rest of them. When she wins the first round, Alyssa wants two out of three. When she’s still winning by the third round, the younger girl steps off the board and gives a dramatic bow in defeat.

They’re arm in arm walking back to the table still red faced and giggling from their display. Abigail is looking at Alyssa like she hung the sun. Lena is finishing off her last slice of pizza and completely unaffected.

“You guys wanna do air hockey?” Abigail asks excitedly rising from her seat.

The blondes nod in agreement and Abigail turns her attention back to Lena who balls up her napkin to toss on her plate. “Why not?”

The disappointment is evident in her tone, at least to Kara who has been around her enough to pick up the slight lilt in her voice. Even without the super hearing so much of Lena has been instilled in her that she just can’t turn it off. 

She knows the way her voice sounds when she’s had a hard day. She knows her alcohol of choice based on the company she’s kept. She knows what her eyes look like when she hasn’t slept enough. She knows exactly what sigh she gives for exactly what reason. She knows that she has approximately twenty eight different laughs and that maybe five of them are genuine. She knows the sound of her heartbeat when she’s happy or afraid or sad. She knows the look on her face when her world has been tilted on its axis. She knows that one too well. 

And right now she knows that Lena would rather get a root canal than play air hockey because it’s so much harder for her to lose than it is for her to win and the last thing she wants to do is kiss Kara in the middle of an arcade surrounded by the smell of body odor and pizza.

Kara seconds the sentiment. 

She wonders if Kal and Lex ever played air hockey together. 

The younger girls set up the game and Kara and Lena take up residence by a pac man machine a few feet away. “How did you do it?” Kara asks when they’re out of earshot. 

Lena eyes her for a moment as if trying to determine whether or not she wants to give the answer and then sighs, “I hyped her up a lot about it. Told her that it’s obvious that Alyssa likes her and that life is too short not to go for the things we want. I convinced her to go right up to her at lunch while she had the nerve and she did it. Turns out Alyssa was planning on asking her to prom but hadn’t quite found the guts either. So they had their happy little moment and that’s when the cheerleaders showed up trying to rain on the parade. You already know how that turned out.”

Kara ponders it for a moment, “Wait, how are you not suspended?”

Lena turns to her with a bored look, “I see you still haven’t read the book. What exactly is it that you do all night?”

The signaling response of the game drowns out her reply and they turn to see Abby's victory dance. “Who's next?” She smiles brightly looking between the two of them. 

Lena waves a hand instructing Kara to go first but still plants a firm grip around her bicep to give the instruction in a vile whisper to her ear. “You'd better lose.”

Kara wins just to spite her. 

Three more rounds of air hockey, two rounds of skee ball and four rounds of foosball later Alyssa is declared the winner. Abigail is in a close second and Lena had been very meticulous about making sure she lost by a mile having not won a single game.

Kara congratulates Alyssa on her win as she and Abigail rest their hips against the foosball table. 

“Guess a deal is a deal.” The redhead smiles shyly, ducking her head down. Alyssa lifts her chin up with her fingers and brushes her hair out of her face. As she leans in, they hear a slur from a few feet away. Kara and Lena turn their heads to see a group of boys from their school sitting at a nearby table. Kara moves to speak but Lena puts a hand up to stop her. The blonde watches as Lena and Abigail make eye contact. One slight nod and smile from the guardian beside her and she watches the fear dissipate from the young girl's face. Abby moves forward to kiss her without any further regard to them.

The boys lewd comments are interrupted by cat calls from another group across the room after the rowdy display had gotten their attention. A boy she doesn't recognize in a blue baseball cap and basketball shorts sees what is going on and walks up to the table. He speaks lowly. Low enough that they can’t hear him from where they stand but whatever he says appears to rattle Shawn. He's been one of the main ones to antagonize Abby, purposely going out of his way every chance he gets to harass her, something that they later find out is because she turned down his insistent offers for a date, thus hurting his ego. They watch as his posture goes rigid, his forehead wrinkles and he stands to his full height, which is a good four inches above the one currently giving him a lecture, but that doesn’t seem to bother him. It doesn’t seem to bother his friends either who quickly materialize out of various places from the arcade to stand at his side. Shawn and the others are quickly outnumbered and they see him take in the group, looking back and forth to weigh his options before storming off, homophobic posse in tow.

The boy throws his hand up in a wave and laughs. He turns to approach Abby and Alyssa, assuring them that he doesn’t think they will be bothering them any more and wishes them a good night.

Abby’s smile could light the room and Kara turns back to Lena who is looking on proudly.

She finds one thing to hold true. For all the things that Lena Luthor isn’t, there is one thing that she still is.

Inspiring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will pick up a bit in the next chapter. Stay tuned.


	5. Chapter 5

_”How do you just not care what people say about you?” Abigail asks, twirling a forkful of week old spaghetti. Lena internally takes back every pleased thought she’s had that she can still eat and tries to keep the bile from rising in her throat._

_”People will always say something. And if they aren’t saying it, then they’re thinking it.” She starts. They’re sitting in the cafeteria. It's in the lower level of the main building. They had gotten a table in the far corner away from the rowdiness of the freshmen. The large windows cast light in on the old wooden tables, betraying the paint on the surface and giving the initials carved into them new life. Lena takes a sip of water to wipe the putrid smell of canned spaghetti out of her senses. “Your life is your own. If you made every decision based on the opinion of others you couldn't so much as get out of bed in the mornings because maybe you step out left foot first and the rest of the world leads with their right. Everyone leaves their own mark. So if Tony the Tiger over there,” She gestures to the quarterback who is trying, and failing, she might add to balance a milk carton on his nose, “has something to say about your hair or your clothes or that big rainbow flag that follows you down the hallway, then fuck him. He'll probably be balding in his thirties from all the steroids. You don’t have to fit in a box for his ego. You can be anybody or anything you want to be.”_

_”My mother used to say that to me.” Abigail replies quietly, shuffling her food across her tray._

_”Mine did too.” Lena says gently, reaching a hand out to rest on the other girl's forearm. “So what do you want to be?”_

_Abigail looks at her in confusion._

_”Come on.” Lena encourages her, “In ten years, what do you want to be? Lay it on me.” She brings her arm back and rests both elbows on the table pressing her chin to her hands with a glint in her eye._

_“Okay fine.” She rolls her eyes, “I want to be in biomedicine. I have a scholarship to Stanford.”_

_Lena tries to hold in her absolute glee at the idea. “And? What else?”_

_”I want to have a nice house with one of those awesome spiral staircases in it and my own lab so I can blow stuff up in my free time.” She laughs and Lena does too having done that herself, a lot. “And I want to have somebody to share it all with. And dogs. Definitely dogs.”_

_”That sounds nice.” She responds. And she watches as the excitement drains from the girl’s features. She sees the exact moment that it clicks in her brain in the subtle movements of her eyes and the creases around her lips as she frowns. She just painted a picture in her mind of everything she wants to do, everything she wants to be, and she watched it swirl down the drain with every dream she ever had. Unless she changes her mind. Her brows furrow and she begins dragging her fork around the tray again. Before she drops further into the dark, Lena adds, “You know the first step to getting there?”_

_”What?” She looks like a scared little girl, clutching onto a teddy bear with all the strength she can muster. Like someone whose world ended and she’s grasping for anything that will keep her rooted._ _”Take your life back from them.” She pauses to let the words sink in, “And then, get over there and ask her out.”_

_She puffs her cheeks, then lets out a long breath and raises her eyes to meet Lena’s. “You give one hell of a pep talk.”_

_”I know.” She smirks and takes another long sip from her water bottle. “Now go before the speech wears off. We don’t have much time left.” She refers to the time preluding the upcoming disaster, Abigail interprets it as the amount of time left for their lunch period, but whatever gets the ball rolling is fine with her. The clock in her head is ticking, and she’s been mentally calculating percentages of stocks dropping in between algebra and literature. The teenager rubs her hands back and forth on the front of her tattered jeans to clear the sweat from her palms and stands up, the bench creaking from the sudden loss of pressure._

_Lena looks on at the young girl as she crosses the space to a smaller table with one lonely occupant. She can see the nerves radiating off her on the journey but they begin to slowly dissipate like the smoke from a dwindling chimney fire once she sits down across from the other girl. She sees Alyssa fold the page of a book she’s reading and close it. She can’t hear what Abigail is saying but she watches the tension bleed out of her shoulders once the blonde starts to smile at her. Alyssa grabs onto nervous hands on the surface to steady them and Lena feels the roots sink in._

_Here in front of her, she sees the start of a different kind of fairy tale. They’re young and fumbling, but so full of light. They’re everything she could have had but never had the courage to reach for._ _Abigail nods her head eagerly at something the other girl says and Lena smiles from deep inside her soul knowing that some people can still have that._

_It will likely just be a high school romance and she knows that. These things hardly ever last. But she isn’t just watching a scene where two people profess their feelings and live happily ever after. She’s watching the impending storm recede and be replaced by a warm breeze. She’s watching another drowning soul make it’s way to the surface, treading gently as to not get swept up in the current but still pressing forward to break free. And it is these things that make her decision to stand up when she sees Stacy Morrison and her spray tanned entourage approach the table because she will be damned if she let’s anyone ruin this crucial moment. She crosses the room at a speed that would rival her kryptonian company and lands a punch right to her crooked little nose before she can get ‘dyk-' fully out of her mouth._ _She let’s out a dramatically high pitched scream and erupts into tears as the blood starts rushing from her face onto her pink Hollister top and another member of the group turns to demand napkins from a pimple faced freshman who is still engrossed in the concoction on his tray._

_The room dissolves into chaos and a few of the teachers rush over to survey the damage. Lena sits at the table beside an awestruck Abigail, crossing her legs and enjoying the show. Two of the teachers rush the girl off to the nurse, one helping hold her head back and the other guiding. The remaining teacher demands answers from the students in the immediate area to identify the culprit but nobody speaks up. Whether they didn’t see it happen or thought Stacy had it coming is unclear. The teacher gives up after a few moments of silence with a threat of watching the cameras and an extra long suspension for whoever was involved. The action is futile as none of the security cameras will pick up a ghost. And in the event that Stacy even knows her name to identify her and is taken at her word, Lena will have disappeared from this reality long before any suspension can take place. So she sits cool and collected, mask firmly on her face as if nothing ever happened._

Admittedly things are going better than expected. As she said, teenagers really are quite impressionable. A little encouragement here, a little assurance there and _bam_ confident baby gay ready to take on the world. So what if she had to break a nose to get here? _For the greater good._ She plays the mantra in her head on repeat.

She began checking milestones off a list in her head since first meeting Abigail. Befriend the kid – check. Help the kid see she is not the only lesbian on the planet and allies do exist – check. Make the kid realize that the people who bully her now will likely never amount to anything – check. Make her say all she wants to do and then realize she will have none of that if she ends up in prison – check. Try not to kill the woman in front of her for completely deviating from the plan and talking to her father to set back all of her progress and break the trust she built, thus making the kid forget all the things above…well, she is still working on that one.

Lena pinches the bridge of her nose and tries to focus on her breathing. They had just returned for the evening and reported back their day to the curious angel when Kara had dropped the bomb.

“You’re making too big of a deal out of this.” Kara says, exasperated. They have made it approximately five steps off the elevator and she is already wondering if there is kryptonite stashed somewhere in this place. Neither of them are willing to budge on their stance and off to the side Gabriel waits, rapidly moving his eyes back and forth between them as if expecting to intervene at any moment.

“Too big of a deal?” Her voice echoes off the stone walls of the dungeon. “I’m making too big of a deal out of the fact that you just wrecked all my hard work because you couldn’t resist the urge to be a goddamn tattletale Kara.”

Leave it to Kara to always want to be the hero and create destruction in her wake.

“You were the one who said that you were going to deal with Abigail. And against my better judgment I agreed with you because for some unknown reason, she likes you. But you do not get to tell me how to spend my free time.” She steps into Lena’s face, pointing a finger at her chest. “You’re not my boss, you’re not my friend, you’re not my anything. You lost all rights to your opinion of my actions a long time ago.”

“This is not an opinion! You cannot go behind someone’s back and still expect them to trust you! But you wouldn’t know anything about that would you?” She pushes back into Kara’s space, staring her down with a look that dares her to argue.

“Rao, how many times do I have to apologize to you?!” Kara throws her hands up and backs away from her. “I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry that I lied to you and broke your trust. I’m sorry that I hurt you but that does not justify your actions!”

“You see that? That right there is the problem.” Lena says, turning her head to the ceiling before snapping back to meet her eyes. “You can never just apologize without making some excuse or another for yourself or throwing some of the blame off on me. But I don’t need you to apologize Kara. I need you to stay out of my fucking way while I handle this!”

Kara moves to approach her again, mouth framed to fire a retort but the angel steps between them placing a hand up in both their directions.

“Okay ladies, let’s just take a step back.” He flicks both hands in a dramatic shoo motion and both women retreat slightly. “Thank you. Now while I understand both of your points of view, how about we take a little peek, hmm?”

Lena looks at him, confusion etched on her face and she can see Kara mirroring her expression. The angel only smiles and with a snap of his fingers their surroundings shift.

She swivels her head around taking in the view. Rather than the stone walls she has grown accustomed to, these are a stark white. The room is bathed in moonlight, courtesy of the glass ceiling above them. The well in the center gives off an ethereal glow and for the first time, Lena truly gets a taste of heaven.

The angel is seemingly unaffected, as if this is just a normal sitting room, and maybe for him it is. But Lena can’t hide the awestruck expression on her face as she follows him forward, watching him wave a hand over the water. She peers down over the edge, transfixed as the rippling surface transforms into a picture. She doesn’t register the blonde beside her until she hears a soft _wow_ escape her lips. Only then does she glance over at the woman, argument all but forgotten as she takes in the way light catches the deep blue of her eyes. The ripples of the water reflect on her skin, her hair appearing more golden. Even her hatred doesn’t blind her to how beautiful Kara really is like this, though she truly wishes it would. And when she turns to look at her with a bright smile painted on her face, Lena can’t help but return one of her own albeit a small one. And if her body suddenly shifts a little closer, she'll blame it solely on the shared experience of something so otherworldly that one could never put it in words.

She tears her eyes away from her companion and focuses back on the picture in front of her, watching the story unfold. She sees Abigail and her father sitting miles apart on a sofa in a living room she barely recognizes. The young girl has her feet tucked underneath her as she plays mindlessly with her fingers while he tells her how he wants to be better. He tells her that things will be different, and even being the most skeptical person to have ever existed Lena still believes the look in his eyes when he promises to change. Abigail’s body language conveys that she does too and she sees the girl get slightly less rigid as he tells her of his plans to check into rehab first thing Monday morning because he wants to make sure he can see his baby girl go off to prom. He tells her how he has arranged for her to stay with her aunt who Lena assumes she is close to if the way she smiles gives any indication. He tells her how he looks forward to meeting Alyssa and listens as Abigail tells him about her, eyes shining. He hangs onto every word, intent on hearing anything she’s willing to share with him. She watches as the crack in the foundation begins to repair itself. And she won’t admit it. She will never say the words aloud. But she sees what an important step this is. She sees that this wound runs deeper than she gave it credit for. Kara was right in her decision to try to bandage it. A dysfunctional childhood is so much of a norm for her that she hadn’t considered the weight of how it would affect someone as gentle and fragile as this girl. Someone who is innocent. Someone who is on the verge of making a terrible mistake. Someone who can still be redeemed.

They watch for a few minutes more and see the man tentatively reach out for a hug, which his daughter reciprocates, equally unsure but willing to bridge the gap anyway. Willing to extend the olive branch. Willing to mend. Gabriel reaches out to wave his hand again and the picture slowly dissipates, the man’s whispered apologies fading off into the distance.

The trio stands silently for a few moments, their companion allowing them some time to process. Lena steps back, the full weight of how close she was standing to Kara finally sinking in, and runs a hand through her hair.

The spell seems to break for Kara as well and she moves a respectable distance away. She makes eye contact with the angel who has a silent question in his gaze and when she nods her head ever so slightly, he snaps his fingers again and they’re back where they started.

No more words are spoken except for a soft dismissal from him indicating they should rest up because there is one more thing to do. They walk in step with each other to their respective bedrooms and when Lena reaches for the knob, she chances one last glance over her shoulder at the blonde who is paused outside her own door looking back at her. No more smiles are exchanged just a nod to acknowledge the ceasefire for the evening. Lena steps into her room and closes the door, leaning back against it with a sigh. She'll hate her again in the morning. But for now, it’s nice to know she isn’t alone.

* * *

Early morning light filters through the windows moving kaleidoscope patterns across the deep colors of the rugs. She feels refreshed in a sense, despite the fact that sleep still doesn’t come. She did try after finding out she could still eat although it wasn’t required. Evidently sleep doesn’t work the same way, but she still pretends. Through the night her eyes drifted closed and when she couldn’t succumb to the trip into oblivion, she allowed herself to create her own dreams instead. Dreams of a time before everything was broken.

She dreamt of her mother. Her mother with dark hair and green eyes like her own. Her mother with a crooked smile as she chased her younger self around the backyard and told her stories by a fire.

She dreamt of Lex. Of running down hallways and sneaking into the kitchen to make cookies in the middle of the night. Of the ways he used to comfort her after her nightmares. Of all the things he taught her. She dreamt of everything he was before he wasn’t recognizable. Before he was bleeding out and she was holding a smoking gun in her hand as he uttered the words that changed her entire world.

And she dreamt of Kara. Another thing she would never admit out loud. The way that Kara always put the pieces back together when the world shattered. The way she believed in her, stood up for her. The way she would brush the hair out of her eyes and hold her until she felt whole again. The way she would stammer and fumble and be so awkwardly beautiful. The way she wished she could still see her. Before she turned, before she lied, before she became this.

She hears three soft raps on her door signaling that it’s time. She sits up slowly, noting the way the lighting has shifted in the room. Gone are the rainbows, replaced by an orange and purple hue dancing along the walls signifying that the sun is almost setting. She berates herself for dreaming the day away, quite literally when she could have been doing something far more productive.

She doesn’t see Kara until she reaches the depths of the castle and she realizes just how unordinary it is that the blonde is on time, something her earthly being could never quite master. But being almost dead has its perks in the sense that one never has anywhere else to be. There are no emergencies to rush off toward, no deadlines to meet. Just endless amounts of time to reflect and dream. Maybe this was the purpose of it all. Not so much to help others but to have the time to search the crevices of her own soul, something her boxes would have never allowed her to unpack.

“You’ve done well.” The angel smiles, “It's quite impressive how you’ve managed to put your differences aside.”

Lena responds with an eye roll. She wouldn’t really call it that. More a mutual understanding that completing the mission meant going home and they both want to go home.

“So what’s the plan?” Kara rocks on her heels beside her, eager to get on the move.

“Well the grand finale of course.” The angel beams. He gives the signature snap and Lena watches as her grunge attire transforms into a dark maroon evening gown.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” She groans.

Her detest only intensifies as she notes the jeans and converse of her companion have also been replaced by an ocean blue dress that compliments her eyes perfectly and _Why am I still thinking about this?_

“It’s your big moment!” He all but squeals, clapping his hands together.

“Prom is our big moment?” Lena retorts, voice oozing with sarcasm.

“Well you must be sure it worked Miss Luthor.” He slings an arm over both their shoulders and leads them toward the elevator. “It'll be fun! You can dance and drink punch and relieve your youth,” He stops himself and glances apologetically at Lena, “Well Miss Danvers can relive her youth and you can experience something new.”

He releases them to press the button and the doors slide open.

“What if it didn’t work?” Kara asks after stepping in.

“Well I’m afraid you’ll have to use some more hands on tactics then Supergirl.” He grimaces for a moment as if playing that ending in his head, then plasters the smile back on his face and shouts “Happy prom!” as the doors slide shut.

Lena scrapes her shoe along the soft rug, eyes cast downward, grateful to at least be in a pair of heels she feels more like herself in.

“You look pretty.” Kara says it so softly she almost misses it. She snaps her head up and sees the blonde staring at her. She’s fiddling with her glasses in the way she always does when she's nervous, expression unreadable but she doesn’t seem to have any ulterior motives in mentioning it.

Lena could be childish. She could fire back a rude comment. But it comes out so surprisingly genuine that she can’t bring herself to tear the woman down for it. At least not in this moment. “Thank you.” She settles on, just as softly as if speaking at a normal volume would bring upon the venom that has been lacing all of their interactions recently. “So do you.” And she means it. She really does. Despising the other woman doesn’t make her any less beautiful. She has found many women beautiful who's company she did not enjoy in the slightest and it means nothing.

Kara just smiles in response, but it means nothing. They are nothing. And they never will be. So she can rake her eyes over toned arms and soft skin when Kara looks away and it’s fine. That’s what eyes are for, she reasons.

The familiar ding sounds and the doors shift open. “I promised Abby I would meet her at her place, if you want to come.” Lena says, stepping into the alley.

“Sure. I’m guessing you’re supposed to be my date so it would make sense.”

She thinks of her adamant refusal to entertain such an idea only a few days ago and stiffens slightly at it. Kara seems nonchalant about it, and maybe she should be too. Maybe she should have seen this coming a mile away.

Maybe she should have seen a lot of things.

They take the walk in silence. Kara stumbles a few times, not accustomed to walking in heels and being robbed of her opportunity to float a few millimeters off the ground to keep her balance. She draws some chuckles from a group passing by and Lena sees the blush appear on her cheeks, even more vibrant in the sunset.

Not wanting the blonde to make any more of a spectacle of herself Lena huffs and grabs her arm, looping the blondes elbow through her own. She sees Kara's grateful smile out of the corner of her eye but chooses not to look any further. No need to crack her resolve any more for one evening. The civilized conversation up until now has been quite enough.

They start to pass the familiar shops and Lena is relieved at how short the walk is. She releases Kara’s arm at the top of the concrete stairs and opens the main door to the building.

Their heels clack against the checkered tile and she can’t help but see the building in a new light. The peeling yellow paint no longer causing her to wrinkle her face in disgust. The golden 2B on the door at the end of the hall no longer seeming so hopeless and empty. And when the door opens to a smiling young girl the once cold apartment seems so much warmer.

There is still duct tape on the refrigerator door, still the lingering odor of secondhand smoke and the worn out sofa. But the empty beer bottles are gone. The room is free of all the clutter and garbage. The hideous green carpet is covered in stains, but it is still visible whereas a few days prior she couldn’t say for certain if she was walking on carpet or hardwood or asphalt. Alyssa is perched on a barstool by the kitchen counter in a red sequined dress, laughing at something the older man says. He glances up toward the door as Abigail leads them in.

“Dad this is Lena and Kara.” She points to each of them respectively as she introduces them.

“Nice to meet you guys.” He's leaned back by the sink with his arms folded, but his smile creases the corner of his eyes making him look far warmer than a first impression of him would be.

Lena breathes a sigh of relief that the man had the sense enough not to mention Kara's presence to his daughter, but she doesn’t miss the way his eyes convey a silent thank you to the blonde at her side.

“Did you guys eat already?” Abby asks. “Dad made pasta.”

“We did, yes. But thank you.” Lena answers quickly before Kara can respond in the negative. She doesn't have to look to know she is pouting, but she is eager to get this over with so she can make sure it worked and be one step closer to home.

“We should get going then. Dad, can you take some more pictures of us? I want to get some with Kara and Lena too.”

“Sure kid.” He pushes off on his heel and reaches for the camera on the counter.

Alyssa moves to join them and Abby gestures for them to move back towards the door.

And her intention is to stand as far away from Kara as possible. On the other side of the room would be ideal. Outside would be even better. But Abby moves to stand behind Alyssa and gives Lena a pointed look that says _Stop being a baby._

She’s still standing with a panicked expression when she feels soft hands slide around her waist from behind, pulling her backward until she’s flush against chiseled abs and for a moment – for one fraction of a second she forgets how to breathe.

They’re now mirroring the pose of their young friends and Abby smiles in approval when Lena looks at her again. The man in front of them clears his throat and Lena notices the way his hands are shaking, giving away the withdrawal he's trying his best to hide. He's putting his best foot forward though, and she tries to mask the bewildered expression on her face for him if no one else because he may be the bravest one in the room. She relaxes slightly into Kara's hold as the blonde puts her head over her shoulder to whisper, “Just act the part. It will be over in a minute.” A little too close to the shell of her ear. An involuntary shiver runs through her and she hates herself for that.

“Okay. One, two, three.” The man chants and she hears the shutter of the camera as he says the last number. She tries to step forward as soon as it’s over, but is interrupted by Abigail's _One more._

The man raises the camera back up and begins his countdown again. “One.” Kara pulls her closer. “Two.” She feels her head turn inward and blonde hair tickles her shoulder. “Three.” Soft lips press against her neck and her vision momentarily goes black.

She registers Alyssa laughing that Abby got lipstick on her cheek. She hears her father say something about going to get makeup wipes out of the bathroom. She hears Abby tell her girlfriend how pretty she looks. And she feels the exact moment that Kara realizes what she just did and releases her waist abruptly.

Abby’s father returns with the wipes and hands the package over sparing a curious look at the other two women. Abby wipes the lipstick stain from her date's face and hands her a mirror out of her clutch to ensure the rest of her makeup is still intact. Lena tries her best to focus on the task at hand, but her thoughts are still muddled, her nerve endings still on fire and she can’t seem to remember exactly what she’s doing here.

Kara, on the other hand, seems intently focused on Abby and anything remotely attached to her person. Though she does see the blush has returned to her cheeks and the way she slightly trembles as if the spell is broken now that they are no longer touching and she’s coming to grips with what just happened.

Lena watches as the blonde scrutinizes the young girl, eyes scanning up and down her form before letting out a frustrated breath of air and that’s when she realizes it. Kara is looking for the gun. Kara is frustrated by her lack of x-ray vision. Kara is still standing way too close to her and if she’s going to make it through the night she needs to get out of this apartment right now.

“Okay, I think we're ready.” Alyssa's voice breaks the silence. Abby's father reaches out to wrap her in a hug.

“Be safe, kiddo. Call if you need anything.”

Lena sticks around through a brief goodbye and then she’s the first out the door.

She gulps down the cool spring air the moment she hits the front steps. The other three catch up quickly though and Kara steals Alyssa away to compliment her dress and suggest they give the other two a minute, which is really just the coded message that she needs to get as far away from Lena as possible. They start walking toward the school, Kara's arm now looped with the younger blonde's as she seemingly still can’t keep her balance.

“Um, you okay?” Lena hears Abby's voice beside her and only then does she realize she was staring at the other angel’s retreating form.

The girl’s face is a mixture of concern and amusement.

“Yes. Yeah, I’m fine.” Lena stutters a bit, brushing a hair behind her ear.

“So you and Kara, huh?” Abby wiggles her eyebrows as they begin walking toward the dance.

“No. There is no me and Kara.” The blush heating her face probably does nothing for her story but she tries anyway. “We are here for moral support.”

“Uh huh. And is the lipstick on your neck for moral support also?”

“Shit!” Lena stops suddenly, searching for her own purse only to realize she doesn’t have one. Abby laughs.

“Relax. I have mine. I brought the wipes too.”

She hands the clutch to Lena who snatches two wipes out in haste and scrubs her neck thoroughly. She tosses them into a nearby bin and proceeds to reach further in the clutch for the compact to inspect her work. Her neck is red from her incessant need to wipe any trace of the blonde from her skin but she doesn’t see any lingering marks. Satisfied, she deposits the compact back inside and hands it back to Abby.

“Still standing by you two not being a thing then?” The young girl asks as they start moving forward again.

“Yes.” She replies simply, not trusting her words.

“Whatever you say, dude.” Abby laughs again and puts an arm around her shoulders.

The music is in full swing when they arrive. The school is evidently on a strict budget as they are hosting the event in the gymnasium. Night has fallen and she can see the disco style lights through the windows near the top of the building. Alyssa and Kara stand outside the double doors waiting for them, having gotten a decent head start thanks to Lena's pit stop. She hears the younger blonde mumble a _Finally_ as they ascend the stairs outside and she reaches for Abby's hand.

The theme for the prom is something having to do with Paris. Though the lopsided balloon Eiffel tower near the entrance equipped with student photographers hints very strongly toward that strict budget. The remainder of the gym is decorated with much the same amount of enthusiasm. White Christmas style lights hang from the ceiling, there is quite literally a disco ball rotating in the center and Lena wrinkles her nose at how distasteful it is. The only thing the school seems to have spent any substantial funds on is the DJ at the back of the room. The younger girls don’t appear phased by it though and rush off hand in hand to have their picture taken in front of the balloon monstrosity leaving the two angels alone in the foyer.

“Look, I –“ Kara starts awkwardly, unsure of where she’s even going with this and Lena feels something akin to whiplash as she tries to reconcile this version of her with the one intent on ravishing her neck ten minutes ago.

“What the fuck was that?” She cuts off any attempt of Kara trying to justify her actions and immediately calls attention to her inappropriate behavior.

Kara looks mortified at being called out. She looks as if she wants to sink through the floor here and now. She stammers and flushes and gives a soft, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Lena folds her arms, tilts her head and shoots a look of disbelief.

“No, I don’t.” Kara sighs and rubs her hands up and down her arms as if she is fighting off a chill. “Something just came over me and you were just there and I - I don’t know.”

“Just keep your hands to yourself, Kara.” She replies sternly, knowing that’s all she’s going to get for now.

They will talk about it. A discussion will absolutely take place because one thing she will not tolerate is a deliberate disregard for her own personal boundaries, especially from someone who claims to hate her and despite how she may have involuntarily responded to it but they need to get through the night first. Lena needs time to calm down, and Kara evidently needs time to formulate some kind of response beyond a shrug and a look of horror at her own behavior.

The young girls approach again holding cups of some green concoction in both hands.

“We brought you guys some punch.” The redhead says, handing each of them a cup and taking her own from Alyssa.

Kara downs hers in one gulp and Lena wonders if she wishes hard enough the drink in her hand will transform into any type of hard liquor. She brings it to her lips, and takes a hesitant taste. Still zero alcohol content much to her disappointment, but not bad overall.

“You guys wanna dance?” The young blonde asks.

She doesn’t want to. Not remotely. At this point it's pretty apparent that there will be no repeats of a bad slasher movie tonight. There was no gun in the clutch so unless she is hiding it somewhere under that dress and going to flip some kind of personality switch like her not so angelic counterpart and open fire, Lena assumes they’re in the clear. So no, she doesn’t want to dance, but someone has to keep the vultures away until Abby can learn to walk on her own so she finds herself nodding and following the other three to the middle of the floor.

Abby being bullied as relentlessly as she was astounds Lena. And for her to go from homicidal closet case to the girl she sees now in such a short amount of time only adds to her amazement. They’re dancing to an upbeat song that Lena doesn’t recognize, her young friends are spinning across the floor laughing and looking as if they don’t have a care in the world. The refracted lights from above throw shadows on their faces, obscuring them from the view of the world but she can still sense their smiles.

She can’t help the pride that swells up inside her knowing that for all her shortcomings, this is not one of them. She made a difference. Inventing advanced technologies to save lives, working on a cure for cancer in a garage - all of it pales in comparison to the feeling of saving just one soul.

Abigail Northrop will go on to do great things, this she knows with certainty. And maybe Lena didn’t rid humanity of everything that makes them want to hurt others. Maybe she did make a mess of her own life and maybe redemption is so far out of the cards for her she doesn’t dare reach for it. But the world will be a better place with this girl in it and that’s all the redemption she needs. She feels the ice chip away at her heart and the walls around her crumble ever so slightly.

The music slows down and she watches the two girls move closer to each other. Alyssa drapes her arms over Abby's shoulders and Abby pulls her in at the waist. They're getting looks from some of their classmates, they know it and Lena knows it. But it doesn’t seem to bother them. They’re lost in each other, free from burdens. She doesn’t realize she stopped moving until she feels Kara’s hand on her shoulder.

“Um. Do you think we should – “ She gestures between them in lieu of finishing the statement and hastily adds, “For the sake of the cover obviously.”

She looks awkward and bashful and Lena still wants to hit her, but resigns simply with a roll of her eyes.

“Don’t get handsy.” She says it in her CEO voice and Kara flushes.

As a form of apology, the blonde lets her lead. She drapes her hands over Lena’s shoulders, barely brushing the skin and avoids eye contact, choosing instead to look around at the other students huddled together and keep a watchful eye on Abby and Alyssa every few turns.

Perhaps this realm causes some form of otherworldly psychosis she thinks. It’s the only explanation she can muster for their behavior around each other. She still has hatred muddling her brain but her body responded in a fashion she absolutely did not consent to. The fire in her fingertips that rest on Kara's sides only further cement that theory. A chemical reaction in the neurons of her brain brought on by being a pseudo guardian angel standing in a gym filled with teenage sweat and hormones, swaying along to a generic song about eternal love. Perfectly reasonable explanation.

Kara stumbles a bit over her heels causing her to fall slightly forward, Lena’s hands flex on instinct to catch her, pressing into firm muscle. The pressure on her shoulders deepens slightly as Kara tries to get her footing. She hears a mumbled apology, the burning sensation shoots from the tips of her fingers up the length of her arms, nestling in her chest and she waits with a baited breath for the song to be over.

“You did really good with them, you know.” She clears her throat and gazes at the young couple a few feet away. Too enamored by them and too desperate to call the attention off of herself to bother delivering the compliment in such a way that conveys to Lena that it pains her to admit it.

Lena takes in how at peace they look. Alyssa’s head rests on Abby's shoulder. They’re swaying slower than most of the other couples on the floor, seemingly more in tune. A smile tugs at the corner of her lips as she watches Abby cup her girlfriend’s face and lean in to kiss her.

How differently this all could have been turns over in her mind once more. But instead she sees a young girl who is more sure of herself, more secure. So the scowls of their fellow classmates don’t matter. The harsh words are just whispers in the wind and she sees the tether that bound this girl to her own self hatred finally be cut.

The song slowly fades out and she watches Alyssa excuse herself to the restroom and sees Abby take a glance in her direction. Kara picks up on it as well and steps away from Lena. The blonde goes in the direction of the refreshments to get more punch and Lena let’s Abby lead her out of the crowd over by the bleachers.

“You two looked cozy.” Lena says with a smirk, tucking her dress at the knees as she sits.

“So did you and Kara.” She challenges, her eyes bright, taking a seat beside her.

“Not this again.” And Lena manages to laugh it off in what she thinks is a convincing matter, but her throat is still dry from having Kara so close to her.

Abby puts her hands up in surrender with a quiet “Alright.” And leans back on her elbows still grinning.

Lena mirrors her pose and tries not to grimace at the feel of the sandpaper texture on her elbows.

She supposes the experience is typical as far as proms go, not that she’s ever been to one. She sees a group of girls rush by, squealing in excitement that they’ll be announcing king and queen within the hour and chuckles to herself. She sees a couple standing by the back exit sign seemingly in a very heated argument, the light flickering and illuminating the mascara tracks on her cheeks. She sees Stacy Morrison coming from the direction of the restrooms, sporting glorious under eye bruising and a bandaged nose and erupts into laughter at the sight. It blatantly goes against guides to angel hood 101, she is certain but she just cannot contain herself. Abby looks at her confused, but when Lena points it out she starts laughing too.

“Dude you really got her.” She says, giggles subsiding.

“Yeah I really did.”

“So um.” Abby clears her throat a bit and sits back up with a slight frown. “I wanted to thank you.”

“For?” Lena pushes off the bleachers, grateful for the reprieve and meets her eyes.

“Well I- um.” She’s nervous, Lena knows. She knows exactly where this is going, but Abby needs to say it so she just waits patiently for the young girl to find her bearings. “I was going to make a really bad decision.” She hangs her head, tears well up into the corners of her eyes, and she swipes a finger across the brim, trying to keep them from falling. “But you really helped me be more okay with who I am, and I owe you a lot for that.”

And the walls crumble a little more.

“You don’t owe me anything, Abby.” She lays her hand over the one on the girl’s lap. “Who you are is wonderful. Just always remember that, okay?” She feels the prickle of tears in her own eyes and quickly blinks them away, unprepared for the sudden wave of emotion.

Abby nods slowly and turns to meet green eyes with her own. “So is who you are.” Lena is taken aback by it, surprise paints her face and seeps deep down inside her as she tries to will her thoughts away from the last person who called her that. But Abby only smiles and pulls Lena in for a hug. “At least we'll always have each other, right?”

And it’s meant to be a light comment. Just something that people say offhandedly while poking fun at a situation. Its supposed to be a promise to call when they’re away at college. It’s supposed to be someone you can whine about girls to and binge Netflix with. It's supposed to be simple and easy to maintain. But it isn’t and Lena realizes for the first time how much she’s going to miss her. Because for Lena, this is forever.

She squeezes her eyes shut and pulls Abby a little tighter as she whispers back, “Always.”

She hopes the word spills down from the universe into a song she'll always hear.

Lena knows she isn’t meant to stay. She is only meant to leave a mark, just a blip on the radar of the girl's life. But she will miss her all the same.

She feels Abby's hold begin to loosen and she opens her eyes to see Kara striding toward them, a heavenly light surrounding her. She starts to move through people instead of around them and she knows their work here is finished. Lena looks down at her own hand and sees a similar glow before Abby slips fully out of her grasp, standing up to greet Alyssa and leading her back to the floor without a single backward glance.

“Whoa.” She hears Kara gasp as she approaches, and Lena slumps back on the bleachers, trying to calm herself. Kara is turning her palm over and back again, examining the change, and Lena wipes at her face.

“Um...are you okay?” Kara notices her state and crouches hesitantly on the floor in front of her.

“I’m fine.” She replies weakly, but still locks onto blue eyes.

Kara stares at her as if there's so much she wants to say. Her lips part and she snaps them shut again. But her features are soft, softer than Lena has seen them in a very long time.

“Come on.” She says, rising to her feet and extending out her hand. “Let’s go home.”

She shouldn’t take her hand, shouldn’t allow herself to indulge in this small act of comfort, but she does. She shouldn’t look back as the metal catches on the gym doors, giving the familiar hissing sound as the cool night air tousles the hair at her cheeks, but she does. She shouldn’t miss her. She really shouldn’t miss her. And which _her_ she is thinking of she can’t say for sure.

But she does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone want to place their bets on who will cave first?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I am - Someone with a day job in collections who lost way too much sleep writing this entire fic courtesy of my overacheiving brain.
> 
> Things I'm not - A bioengineer

If Kara was given a sketchpad and asked to draw a man named Percy Adams, she can say with absolute certainty that she would have drawn this man down to the very last detail. He is dressed today in a rumpled brown suit, with pants that come just slightly above the ankles. He’s short, stout and balding. His facial features are best described as cartoonish and he’s fumbling through a stack of paperwork outside of Myler Industries. Sweat forming on his brow, he looks as if he’s rehearsing a speech of some sort in his head. The early morning light causing him to squint as he looks up, trying to recall something she assumes. He stands out like a sore thumb in the sea of people on the sidewalk, all in high end designer suits and Rolex watches. She watches as one man bumps into him, causing the paperwork in his hands to scatter, the coffee nestled in the crook of his arm follows shortly after staining the sheets already fallen and the man tries desperately to catch the remaining few still sailing on the breeze. 

With a disappointed sigh, she leans back on the bench, bringing her own cup to her lips and grimacing at the taste of the now lukewarm coffee. They’re at a park directly across the street. It is the best view of the building they could manage without blatantly standing out front and if it weren’t for his obvious appearance they may not have even seen him. She observes him quietly, people jogging by occasionally disrupt her view but for the most part she gets the gist. Her companion is equally as quiet, sitting beside her with a rigid posture as if moving too much would cause the splinters from the bench to rip holes the sides of bowling balls in her royal blue Armani suit. Lena looks on with her expression void of emotion, at least Kara assumes she’s looking but she just as likely could have fallen asleep, if they could actually sleep, leaving the blonde none the wiser courtesy of the dark glasses that obscure her eyes. Even though she seems intent to not move a muscle and her back doesn’t quite touch the seat, Kara imagines that she is most comfortable like this. The first time Gabriel snapped her into her typical day at the office attire – which if you ask Kara is a ridiculous thing to do given that she is only working in a lab, but whatever, he probably just wanted to make her happy – was the first and last time she saw her smile since leaving Abigail behind.

The angel had lightly explained to her that these things are to be expected sometimes. Most of the guardians have at least one that they grow deeply attached to despite the short amount of time they spend with them due to their clients being selected in a way that closely mirrors their own life experiences. Lena had been so out of it that night that she allowed Kara to hold her hand right up until the elevator doors opened, at which point she promptly ripped free of her grasp and walked by Gabriel without a word. She marched directly to her room to lick her wounds in private, the sound of a slamming door vibrated even the dungeon walls and the angel had winced before filling in a dumbfounded Kara on the not so happy side of angel hood.

Kara had tried to be gentle with her after the fact, as she would with anyone after they had experienced a loss. At least that’s what she tells herself. She would have spoken softly to anyone. She would have held the hand of anyone all the way home who was in desperate need of something to ground them. She would have even held Lex Luthor's hand had he given her the same fragile, broken look. She would – she thinks.

“I don’t get it.” She wonders aloud, sighing once more, “We've been watching him for three days now and literally no sign of what we're supposed to stop.” She sips the coffee again, noting that it has gone from lukewarm to cold and tries not to blanch as she deposits it into the bin on the other side of her.

They had been watching. Or rather, Kara had been watching. She watched him while he grocery shopped, while he took his lunch break. She watched him while he worked, having spent the day prior in her new career path and still nothing.

“Well perhaps if we were acting rather than watching we would have some more data by now.” 

Her voice is hoarse from days of silence and there is no influx in her tone. The words simply come out flat as if she just can’t be bothered to put any emotion behind them. 

“That’s why we're meeting with the heads of the departments today.” Kara replies calmly. She knows Lena hasn’t done quite the extensive bit of research this time around as they had an unspoken agreement that it was Kara’s turn to take the reins. 

“And what will we be doing exactly?” She asks, taking a sip from her own cup, still facing forward. 

“Well, you and I work in research and development. The department heads meet regularly to discuss new projects and allow employees to introduce ideas of their own. And Pam in the lab told me that Percy has been working on something for awhile now so I think he may be introducing it today.”

Lena only hums non committedly and Kara suddenly feels irritated by it. She had worked really hard doing this on her own while Lena's head was in the clouds and now the woman can’t even feign interest in it.

“Could you at least pretend to care?” Kara asks exasperated, before she can stop herself.

Antagonizing the woman might not be the best route to take. She promised herself she would tread lightly around her as stirring the pot hadn’t really been helpful, but she has to snap her out of this somehow if they're ever going to get to go home. 

“Sure. Would you like me to go buy him donuts and invite him over for board games or is that strictly a Kara Danvers friendship bribe?”

And just like that, they revert to one step forward, twelve steps back again.

“Lena just be serious will you? I’ve given you space to deal with the whole Abby thing and whatever else is bothering you.” Downplaying is also not a good idea, but she still continues, “But I’d like to go home and I know you would too.”

“What else is bothering me Kara is your blatant disregard for my personal space, followed by you holding my hand and taking me home, all the while claiming how much you hate me, after you actively tried to kill me, I might add. And yet you still expect me to hold some semblance of civility.” She sees her eyebrow raise over the frame of the glasses, Kara is still stuck on the beginning of her statement and oh – so she does want to talk about that then. 

She should have expected this. She knew there was something deeper than just Abigail but for some reason she didn’t think that Lena was ever going to bring it up and she was completely content with that. Totally A-okay with pretending it was a figment of her imagination. But that’s not what they’re doing. 

“Yeah I’m um,” She rubs the back of her neck awkwardly and peeks up at Lena out of the corner of her eye, “I’m really sorry about that.”

And she is. Regardless of circumstance and her current feelings toward the woman, there was no excuse for her behavior. Consent is important, and consent was not given, and she was very, very wrong. 

“That’s it? You’re sorry?” Lena looks at her expectantly as if she’s waiting for something else. That’s when she remembers her words, that she can never just apologize without making an excuse for herself.

“Yes. That’s it.” She straightens her back and turns to meet Lena's eyes. “I’m sorry. That was very wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”

If she had a reason, she still doesn’t know what the reason was outside of the gravitational pull she always felt around the younger woman. One moment she was standing in a stranger’s living room being asked to take a picture, and the next she was transported back in time. The moment Lena pressed against her she was gone, she was four years ago at a gala, fumbling through an interaction with Lena in a black dress. She was tongue tied and sweaty palmed but suddenly granted the courage to do something she had spent ages wanting to do. For that one little moment all she could see and think and feel was Lena. And when Lena had confronted her about it her head was still cloudy, she was still reeling from the sensation and trying to be normal and civil and get through the night so that she could apologize properly. Then none of that went according to plan and now she’s sitting on a park bench with Lena Luthor at eight o'clock on a Tuesday morning feeling just as confused as she did when she was asked about it the first time.

She sees Lena’s stoic face falter, but only for a second. She seems to be mulling it over. Picking the words apart and dissecting them, looking for any hidden agendas.

Seemingly satisfied that she’s gotten the truth she asks, “Care to share your motivation behind the display then? Because I would really love to know.”

It’s clear she has been thinking about it, and Kara feels the heat already radiating her cheeks creep down her neck and singe the tips of her ears. 

Lena carefully angles her body to face Kara, draping an arm across the back of the bench. She removes the glasses, holding them delicately in her hand and _Rao_ this is so much harder when she has to look in her eyes. They’re harsh and impatient, but still shine so beautifully in the sun and Kara finds herself entranced by them. She feels compelled to answer truthfully, having only realized what the truth is in this exact moment. 

“Because I wanted to.” It’s barely above a whisper and she searches Lena's eyes for any ounce of mercy. Peers between the cracks of greens, blues and golds desperate for the softness she used to find there. She finds none. 

Lena sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and looks away briefly with a chuckle bordering on sadistic, “You wanted to?”

And oh if she could capture how she feels in this moment, put it in a little jar and throw it into space, she absolutely would. 

“Yes.” If her heart could still beat it would be pounding, she hears the blood rushing in her ears and she cannot understand why she’s reacting this way.

“So you want to kiss me, but you hate me?” Her eyes are challenging in a way that makes Kara's mouth go dry. There’s a fire behind the irises waiting to explode and she reverts back to the stumbling mess she was upon first meeting her all those years ago. 

“I-umm.” She stutters and blinks her eyes a few times. What was the question again?

“Do. You. Hate. Me?” Lena punctuates the words carefully, lacing them in venom and presenting them with a pretty little bow at Kara's feet.

And she wants to say yes. She wants to scream it even. She wants to shout it so loud that it reaches the edge of the universe and plows back with such force that it turns her into dust.

But she doesn’t. She _cant._

“I don’t think you do.” Her smirk is the definition of smug, “Which is why I’m having a bit of trouble taking this seriously as you call it.” She licks her lips and Kara visibly gulps, “If you can’t even commit to something as simple as hating your mortal enemy consistently, then how can I trust whatever half-assed plan you've come up with to get us in that room?”

It’s a bucket of cold water to the heat in her chest and she finally snaps out of her trance at the insult. Lena smiles maliciously, deeply pleased with her work and Kara thinks that killing her might actually be worth it in the long run.

The dark haired woman stands, smoothing out the wrinkles in her slacks and looking completely unbothered. And Kara still wants to say it, but her mouth won’t form the words. Instead she looks at the woman in front of her with utter disgust, for her and for herself, regretting every moment that ever led her here. “I can’t believe I ever loved you.” She ignores the bitter taste in her mouth as it twists around the past tense.

“Likewise.” Lena replies simply, though she doesn’t miss the slight shudder of her frame, and slips the sunglasses back on.

The journey to the twenty fifth floor is a quiet one. They’re joined in the elevator by stiff businessmen who don’t seem slightly interested in the two women standing as far away from each other as they can get in the cramped space. Lena’s eyes are trained forward, expression neutral as if she hadn’t just dropped a bomb on Kara outside. The blonde busies herself watching the numbers on the LED display slowly creep upward, all the while wishing the men would strike up a conversation. She doesn’t care about what, just yearns for something to fill the silence. Without her powers, she doesn’t even have the advantage to listen to the gears moving. 

The doors open to a wide hallway and she can hear voices from a room down the hall. She follows the men without a second glance back at her companion. The conference room she’s lead into puts her more in mind of something she would find at a law firm rather than an engineering company. Wood paneled walls and modest sized windows make up the space. The smell of fresh coffee and donuts hit her nose and she walks a little too quickly to the table set up in the far corner. She sets about making herself a fresh cup and piles three chocolate glazed donuts on a napkin before taking a seat toward the back of the long table in the center of the room. Her coworkers look at her strangely but she has long since become immune to people’s commentary about her appetite. She takes a healthy bite of the first one without a second thought and hums delightedly at the taste. She sees Lena look on amusedly from the seat across from her, but quickly averts her gaze back toward the PowerPoint presentation at the front of the room. She’s had quite enough of her at the moment.

She sees Percy sat near the front of the table, scrubbing hastily at a coffee stain on his shirt, likely stemming from the mishap outside. He scrubs for a few moments more, but then sighs in defeat, pulling the lapels of his jacket closer together to hide the stain. Her expression softens at the dejected look on his face. He wears the harshness of the world in the deep lines around his eyes. He stands out when he so desperately wants to blend in. He doesn’t belong. Gabriel's words echo in her ear once more and she comes to the realization that if she is going to have a human, this is hers.

Director Hanes begins the meeting by going over the quarterly budget. From what she is able to follow the company is doing quite well but he still wants to gain an edge over the competition before heading into the third quarter. He strikes Kara as the type to do anything to stay ahead of the game and she immediately dislikes him. A glance at Lena reveals that she is diligently taking notes and Kara cant stop the scoff that escapes.

It is strange now to remember that she used to love the way Lena’s eyes would light up when she talked about her latest project. Her accent would start to slip out and she would moved her hands excitedly as she explained the inner workings for whatever prototype she was working on. Kara would smile and nod along, asking her questions even though she understood exactly what she was talking about just to allow her to launch into a more in depth explanation so she could see the joy that paints her face. And maybe it is that memory along with the other that put such an action underway. She saw the joy in Lena’s eyes, even under the mask of indifference when the dark haired woman experienced the peace she could create in a young girl's life. She saw a glimpse of her Lena return. Her foolish heart got carried away and in the moment it pushed her to do something she inevitably wanted to do, something she hadn’t realized until she admitted it out loud. Something that is so hard to fathom and justify and explain with the vile thoughts that surround Lena Luthor in her brain.

The trouble with Kara is that she’s always worn her heart on her sleeve. It’s a trait that made her a good hero, a good sister, a good reporter. But it also left her vulnerable. Carrying love around so externally does nothing but leave someone open for attack. It’s a fact she learned a little too late. It allows the poison to seep in and take over. It allows things like green eyes and bright smiles. Like late nights and hugs too long to be considered just friendly. Like wolves in sheep’s clothing. Like Luthors. 

She bites the donut a bit more aggressively and snaps her focus back to the task at hand. The director had just called for the presentations to begin. A man in his mid twenties, she'd guess, is the first to stand. Everything about him screams arrogance. From the way he walks to his thousand dollar suit. The stench of cologne follows him with every movement. It permeates the room in such a way that leads her to believe he may have quite literally bathed in it and she shrinks down in her seat, pulling her shirt up to cover her nose. Lena is a bit more poised about it, probably from years of experience, but Kara sees the way her nose twitches and her face tries to fight off the grimace.

When the young man, Mason she thinks she heard, begins to speak she finds that his voice is just as ridiculous as the stench that follows him. He reminds her of Toby Michaels, a boy in her high school who didn’t hit puberty at quite the right age and kept the squeak in his voice a tad longer than his peers. 

Mason presents a plan for a permanent artificial heart. In his research he’s found that using silicone along with other materials will make it more adaptable for sizing, allowing smaller adults and younger children to be candidates. His model is simplistic and he’s confident that it will reduce the chances of blood clots which has been a known problem in the scientific community. He speaks of a battery that can be implanted under the skin which can be charged by a source small enough to put in a watch or another piece of jewelry leading to a higher quality of life for the patient. Kara admits begrudgingly that it’s quite good. Krypton had found a way to create artificial organs long before she was ever born, but she never thought humans would catch up. 

Lena is holding that same gleam in her eye now, and Kara can practically see the gears turning in her head as she works out how exactly she can hire him in her ghostly form without tipping off the angel to her plan. And its because of this she almost misses it. 

She almost misses the way Percy’s face flushes a deep red and the sweat on his brow becomes more prominent. She almost misses the way his fingers start to twitch their way into a fist. She almost misses the look in his eye, similar to a lit match. But even if she had missed all those things, she could not have missed the sound of the cracking wood as Percy slams his fist down on the table, harder than any human should be capable of. 

The room erupts into a flurry of movement. Percy rises and lunges over the table after Mason, toppling the projector over in the process. The remaining men rush forward to pull him back, but he’s already pinned the young man to the floor. Green eyes flicker to hers briefly, holding an air of confusion before locking back onto the sight in front of them. 

She hears Percy's maddening shouts that the young man is a thief as he’s roughly jerked up by his elbows by two of the larger men. His sleeve is torn, the button holding the jacket together lost somewhere in the scuffle and he’s absolutely seething. 

She sees Mason bat the hand away that was reaching to help him up and clamber to his feet, sporting a forming bruise under his left eye and wiping the trail of blood from his lip. He looks at Percy, daring him to try harder and that seems to be all the incentive he needs to wriggle and strain against the hands that hold him back. The men tighten their grip around him and the director inserts himself between Percy and cologne boy. 

“Enough!” His voice booms loudly enough to quiet the storm in her own mind. It seems to do the trick as the room stills abruptly. “Mason, go clean yourself up.” He juts his chin toward the door and the protest on the young man's tongue dies with his firm look. He complies without comment, but the sound the door makes when he wrenches it open roughly and slams the wall is still jarring for Kara. 

“Percy.” Director Hanes turns his attention back to the older man, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a few deep breaths. “You’re done.”

“You’re firing me?!” It would have been much more intimidating if it weren’t for the slight creak in his voice. “He stole my research!”

“And you assaulted him!” The director fires back, the vein in his forehead so prominent that it would be mildly concerning if Kara held a positive opinion of him. “In the middle of a meeting! You’ve always been known for your theatrics Percy, but this has gone on long enough.”

“Hey that was uncalled for!” Kara is on her feet before her mind catches up with her mouth. 

Several sets of eyes turn to look at her. Most with distaste, some with surprise. The last set though is what makes her push forward instead of shrinking back down into the box she’s supposed to fit in. The last set holds pride, laced deeply with amusement, but pride nonetheless. The last set reminds her that she can do anything.

“He just said he stole his work and your response to that is termination?” She marches to the front of the room and comes to Percy’s side, looking the director in the eyes. “Don’t you think you should be firing someone else right now?”

“You’re right, Kara. You can join him.” He says it with a smug smile and she instantly wants to pummel him for it. 

“Are you really that power hungry that you’ll just step over anyone who stands in your way? You would rather sell off stolen research than even check into this? Percy has been here for twenty years! You think that kid pulled this off in a couple of months?” She gestures vaguely toward the door he just walked out of, arms flailing.

Percy remains silent at her side, too stunned at someone standing up for him to utter a word in his own defense. Kara knows this isn’t helping anything, she knows that the man won’t change his mind, but she can’t stop herself. She cannot stand idly by and watch another person tear this man down the way she was always torn down. So she finishes her declaration in a way that is completely out of character for her. “Are you really that fucking stupid?”

He stares at her appalled for a moment before regaining his composure. “I’m the director of R&D, I do not have to justify anything to you, missy.” He straightens his spine as if to prove superiority, but Kara doesn’t waver. “Now get out. Both of you.”

She knows he wants to say more. She can see it in the way his jaw clenches and she can feel the steam rolling off of him in waves. He settled for misogynistic as a last resort. A substitute for the things he really wants to say. Something to stroke the ego she bruised. The comment doesn’t bother her much. Cat Grant and Snapper had addressed her with far worse terminology, so she was immune to it. She could brush it off with an eye roll. Lena however, never took kindly to it. It was another difference between them. Where Kara was easy-going, Lena was cut-throat. It’s the only reason she speaks up now.

“No need to get your panties in a twist, Mr. Hanes.” Her voice is a sharp contrast from the one that just filled Kara’s ears. Melodic, even. And despite expecting at least one remark from the young woman, it still startles the blonde. It startles her more that she finds it welcome, at least for now.

Lena doesn’t move from her spot. She simply smirks at the man. Her very essence exudes the power she knows that she holds. She has no need to square up to him the way that Kara had.

“Excuse me?” The man is taken aback by the comment, clearly not expecting another attack and such a brazen one at that. He looks at Lena with his mouth agape and she adopts a devious expression.

“I believe you heard me just fine. You’ve been going a bit over the top with your commentary. And I’m certain that that human resources would enjoy the information just as much as the board of directors would take interest in your willingness to market a stolen prototype. The lawsuit Mr. Adams will file won’t bode well for the quarterly budget I'm afraid.”

“You sound like you want to head out the door with them.” He replies, but it is clear that the threat rattles him. There’s a slightly noticeable quake in his arm as he points toward the door.

“Why not?” She shrugs, simply. “You're on a roll today. The more people in on the lawsuit, the better. Wrongful termination is quite frowned upon.” She stands, smoothing out the wrinkles in her slacks once more and reaches for her purse. 

“Okay fine.” He says quickly, looking between the two women, “Let’s just wrap up for today and pick this up again tomorrow. Percy, in my office.”

Director Hanes sets toward the door and Percy follows but not before giving Kara a small smile and a nod in thanks. He'll still fire him, as much as she hates to admit it they probably should. They may be here to complete a mission and the man may be wrong in the way he addressed him, but he won’t condone assaulting a coworker. The remaining engineers in the room disperse shortly after, leaving only her and Lena. Kara approaches her timidly, unsure of what to say. She’s still angry, very angry and a barrage of other emotions but Lena coming to her defense, even unintentionally provided a quiet truce, if only for a moment. 

“That was a smooth plan you had there. Getting yourself fired.” While her tone isn’t exactly warm, it isn’t as menacing as it had been outside. Kara can run with that.

“Yeah well,” Kara let’s out a puff of air and chuckles, coming to rest against the table while the brunette packs up the remainder of her briefcase, “You almost got fired too, you know.”

“Luthors don’t get fired darling. We get assassinated.” She's sifting through the last stack of paper work, organizing them in her own meticulous way. And it’s so blasé when she says it that Kara laughs loudly on reflex.

“Or carted off in handcuffs.” She can't help but point out. The other woman hums in response and rolls her neck, shoulders rising into a shrug.

Later they will be at each other’s throats again. Later more jabs will be thrown. Later she'll remember the things Lena said and scream out into the expanse of the sky. But for now, she takes her at her suggestion to go spy on Percy and the director so they know what they’re dealing with and follows her out of the room.

Director Hanes office is nestled at the end of the hallway on the first floor. The main labs are down the hallway, and the potentially-blow-things-up lab is in the basement beneath them. They can hear the shouts from the office about three doors away and exchange concerned looks as they approach. The words are muffled but they’re able to get the gist of it. Kara hears something about _Only kept you around because you were Doctor Hoffman’s pet, but you haven’t contributed anything since he retired._ which then turns into _you’re not smart enough to pull this off_. Kara starts off for the door to rip the man a new one, but a gentle hand on her chest stops her. She looks at Lena who puts a finger to her lips and leans in closer to hear Percy’s response. _You’ll pay for this. All of you will pay for this._ The door wrenches open and the two women move quickly down the hall toward the lab to avoid being spotted eavesdropping. 

Percy stalks off in a quiet rage and the they decide to follow. The women stay a few paces back from him to not draw attention to themselves, but careful not to lose him in the crowd of people. Central City is bustling. Though most people are at work there are still older couples milling about the shops downtown. They pass a group of teenagers, obviously skipping class and Kara turns her head away to escape the cigarette smoke rolling from the group and coughs lightly. She was disappointed to learn that she was going to be in another home city of a close friend, but evidently still on earth thirty eight if the lack of yellow lightening is any indication. 

They see Percy duck down an alley and turn the corner after him. There is a small lamp protruding from the brick wall about halfway down looking startlingly out of place. They crouch behind a dumpster to avoid being spotted and watch him go in the door beneath. 

“Is this where he lives?” Kara whispers.

“No he lives about three blocks down.”

She looks at Lena incredulously. “Are you just going to stalk all of them?”

“Well how else are we going to figure out their grand master plan Kara?” The blonde rolls her eyes but admits she has a good point. “Now how about you go in there and distract him and I’ll go break in his house?” Lena offers.

“Breaking and entering also a new hobby of yours?” Kara asks dryly.

“If you want results, sometimes you need to break the rules.” Lena stands. “Besides, something tells me you’re going to fit in a lot better than I would in there.”

“What does that even mean?” Kara turns to look at her but she’s already disappeared around the corner. 

She stands up in a huff and curses under her breath. Upon opening the door though, she finds out exactly what Lena meant. Though how the woman guessed it before she did, she'll never know. She pinpoints Percy the moment she walks in what is apparently a dive bar, only by way of the rumpled brown suit. He still has a dark stain on his shirt. His features still look a bit cartoonish. Only the last time she saw him, his skin wasn’t a bright blue. 

Percy Adams is an alien.


	7. Chapter 7

Percy lives in a modest apartment, despite his generous salary, which Lena supposes is a good thing given the recent turn of events. She’s pleased to find that unlike Abigail's father, Percy is very clean for a bachelor. He has an open floor plan with the kitchen to her right, three small steps separate the plush carpet from the tile. The island holds most of his cutlery and leads her to believe he rather enjoys cooking. His living room holds a comfortable leather sofa and a small television in the corner, but she supposes the expanse of books on his shelves draw most of his attention. The smell of coffee still lingers and she notes it is still quite early in the day. 

She moves quickly through the apartment, not dwelling on one particular thing for long but not quite sure what she is looking for. She does notice the lack of photos around, which isn’t very surprising to her given his heritage. She assumes he probably came alone and may prefer to keep it that way rather than having to explain himself to a human or seek out someone from wherever it is that he came from. She isn't exactly certain on alien's preferred views on dating, it’s not like she ever got the opportunity to figure that out. Yet another thing she doesn’t dwell on. She’s nowhere near ready to unpack that box. 

Percy’s bedroom is also tidy. His bed is made with a deep blue duvet, there’s a small lamp on his nightstand perfect for late night reading. Beige curtains allow the sunlight to seep in, but not so much so that its overwhelming. Lena decides that she likes it. She runs her hand over the light oak bedpost and looks around for something, anything that will be helpful. 

She spots his laptop on the nightstand on the other side and decides to start there. She settles herself into the armchair, feeling that perching herself on the edge of the bed would be a bit too intrusive and powers it on. It starts out much the way Abby’s journal did. Nothing too out of the ordinary. She browses through the files with ease and finds the notes that Percy had taken from his experiments of the artificial heart. She quickly gets lost in the research and is vastly impressed that he came up with such a thing. It had been such a puzzle in the scientific community for so long, but his research is dating back a few years, indicating he had been toying with the idea for a long while. The dates on the files were one of the first things she had checked. Though the man did seem to be telling the truth, she is a skeptic by nature, it isn’t engrained in her to trust. It is even less of a possibility now. When Kara came along, there was a crack in the ever present walls that she had built around her heart. Now it has been sealed off, certain to never let anyone or anything sneak under the radar ever again. So yes, dates were checked, laptop fully inspected to rule out chances of foul play on Percy’s end. And for the most part Lena is satisfied that the older man had come up with the idea first. Now she just needs to prove it.

Deciding that she has invaded the man’s personal space enough for the day she decides to take her leave. She goes to place the laptop back by his bedside but something nags her about it. Making a split second decision, she slips it under her arm and heads for the door. It will be a little more difficult to return than a journal, he will definitely notice its absence immediately, but a little voice in her head tells her that she has not found everything there is to find just yet. She takes extra care these days to allow her intuition to guide her, and she knows Kara won’t be able to keep the man busy for very long. She’s proven correct on that last fact after she walks about a block back toward the bar and sees Percy headed straight for her, tailed by a nervous blonde. Lena ducks into the group walking beside her. Though Percy’s attention is directed toward his shoes, she still doesn’t want to run the risk of him seeing her. It would be quite suspicious to see both of them out and about. Thankfully he passes by her without noticing and she sighs in relief.

Kara meets her a few paces later and they stand off to the side. “Sorry I tried to keep him longer but he was pretty startled by me and wanted to go home and is that his laptop?” She rambles but adds the last part in a tone of disapproval with a furrow of her eyebrows.

“No Kara. I decided to go purchase one while I was out.” She deadpans.

“How exactly do you plan to get that back? You can’t exactly throw it in some mulch and play it off.”

“Let me worry about that. What did you find?” Lena swiftly changes the subject and listens to Kara recount her short interaction with Percy while they walk. 

Percy had tried to flee the moment he saw Kara, horrified at being discovered. She put him at ease the best she could and assured him that she didn’t care and wouldn’t spill his secret, she just wanted to make sure he was all right. He seemed to relax a little at her statement she recalls. Lena doesn’t know what she looks like in this life having the ability to still see her as she is, but she imagines that Kara’s deceivingly kind eyes follow her in whatever form she takes. She couldn’t quite pinpoint where he was from, though he did look familiar to her, he remained tight lipped on the subject. Lena decides to hack the DEO for more information, Kara deems it a horrible idea, but she isn’t keen on taking the blonde at her word these days and decides quietly to do it anyway. 

Kara goes on to say that she told Percy she does believe him and offered to help him prove his side which he brushed off, telling her it wouldn’t do any good and that’s around the time he made his exit. Lena can tell she is defeated at this and her immediate reaction is to offer words of encouragement, which she quickly vetoes in her mind before the words can escape her lips and remains in a thoughtful silence for the remainder of the walk back to their heavenly transport. Old habits die hard.

Her mind had been in a constant loop over the past several days, replaying over and over the events that transpired the night of the prom. She still misses her young friend very much, but dwelling on that serves no purpose other than chipping off more pieces of her heart. She decides instead to focus on the rest of it, starting in that living room and going all the way until she flew out of the elevator doors into the room that she had claimed for herself. She struggles to reconcile the Kara who was so bold with the Kara who was so gentle and the Kara who so convincingly declares to hate her. She supposes it is no different than her friend Kara who hugged her and believed in her and pretended to love her, versus her alter ego who lied to her, spied on her and treated her like a criminal. But it is still a considerable amount to process and only further fuels her anger.

She can’t deny her involuntary reaction to Kara's close proximity, but she can deny the reasoning. She’s still blaming it on psychosis to give herself some semblance of control. It is contradictory and foolish and a variety of other things but it works for her. It has to work for her. Otherwise she'll never make it through the other side of this. Still, it has left her feeling stripped and bare and she desperately needs some distance right now to regain her composure. So they’re going to their temporary home long before curfew so she can get a grip on herself and do some more thorough research into Percy. 

When the doors open to the dungeon, Lena heads to her room to start on the task, satisfied with putting some form of a plan together. Kara takes off without a word down the long corridor that Lena has seen her take on a few occasions and she tampers down her curiosity toward the action. She really should make it a point to explore the place herself so that she can at least get something satisfying out of the ordeal, but for now she settles cross legged in the center of her bed and gets to work on the laptop again. Sunlight filters in beautifully through the stained glass windows and it puts her more at peace. She can focus here. She can relax and do something that she's good at.

She starts with the files that she had peeked at initially, looking further into the details. She finds more research to support his theory and the scientist inside her is thrilled. If they can’t get him his job back, she will absolutely seek him out and hire him immediately upon returning. 

If they ever return. 

The thought hangs over her head like a storm cloud. They can work together, sure. This much they have proven. But its merely one of them tolerating the presence of the other without too much griping about it. So maybe they can’t work _together_ but they can be in the same room without attempting to kill each other which is better than where they started. Granted they don’t have as much of the means to kill each other as they did before being brought here. But had Kara truly desired to, she imagines she would have done so by now. She isn’t exactly powerless up here, which Lena completely resents, and she could get to her before God himself could think of stopping her. And Kara's only reason for not doing so is probably just to save her own soul. She still thinks she can be redeemed, which Lena knows is impossible for herself. But maybe Kara has saved enough people to be granted a pass. Either way they’re both still alive-ish and not much worse for the wear so that has to count for something.

Lena stumbles on a file she hadn’t found in her initial search and that nagging feeling in the back of her brain rears up again. She’s staring at a language she's never seen before, something she undoubtedly knows she will never be able to decipher but she tries anyway. She inspects the screen, tilting it in all different directions as if the act will cause her to learn out of sheer will alone. But when it doesn’t, she knows what the simplest solution is going to be. Even if she doesn’t want it. Even if she would rather take literally any other avenue than this one, but they are rather pressed for time.

She heaves out her most frustrated sigh to date, closing her eyes and whispers it so very quietly that she isn’t sure it will be picked up. She halfway hopes it won’t be.

“Kara.”

Nothing happens for a few seconds and she chances peeking open one eye to validate. The tension melts out of her shoulders, only to seize back up when she hears three soft raps on the door. 

The door opens slowly and hesitant eyes meet hers. Kara barely pokes her head in. She looks like a child who has been waiting in her room and has finally been called for punishment. “Um. Did you call me?”

_For the greater good._

Kara’s nerves bring Lena more comfort. It’s the first time the blonde has been in her room, and certainly the first time her presence has been requested at all. So yes, she does look like a child being called for punishment. And Lena feels like the four year old who had to ask her new mother for help tying her shoes. Maybe that’s the root of all this. She only asked for help tying her shoes once. Luthors don’t ask for help. It’s something that four year old Lena learned the hard way and she got plenty of scrapes on her knees from falling over unruly shoelaces to prove that. And she hasn’t asked for anything since. 

She has accepted help. She has accepted the gifts and the illusion of love that Kara so freely gave, but she never asked. And its killing her pride to do so now. She takes a deep breath, repeats her mantra once more and tries to look at anything except Kara’s eyes as she speaks. “Yes. Can you-" She falters, the word tasting foreign in her mouth. “Do you know what this says?”

Kara seems surprised, but pleased to be of some use. She crosses the floor stepping ever so lightly, as if it may reach up and swallow her whole if she puts too much weight on it. She reaches the edge of the bed and tries to look at the laptop Lena is gesturing toward. She squints as she leans over, then she peers up through long lashes with a question in her eyes. Lena gives a small nod and shifts a bit to the right as a response. It isn't necessary, but she does it instinctually. Kara perches herself on the very edge of the bed, taking up the least amount of space possible and pulls the laptop closer to her. She’s just as uncomfortable encroaching on Lena’s space as Lena is having her there. 

Blue eyes scan the page and Lena watches the crinkle form on her face. She always looks like that when she’s concentrating, the crinkle becomes more prominent when she’s trying to remember something. She watches the lines around her eyes deepen as if she’s reaching for something but just can’t grasp it. Finally, recognition crosses her features. “It’s Malzerian.” She says quietly.

“Can you read it?” Lena asks, hopeful that there was a purpose behind calling her here.

“No.” She huffs out a small laugh. “My father took me there when I was young. It was one of his favorite places.” A faraway look appears on her face as she remembers and Lena fights back the urge to smile. “I can kind of understand it when it's spoken to me and I know a few phrases, but it’s a very difficult language to read. I never could master it.”

She sighs and hands the laptop back to Lena. The dark haired woman is determined though. It isn’t what she was hoping for, but it is still more information than she initially had. Kara shifts to stand and Lena stops her. “What do you know about them?”

The hero is quiet for a moment, but then continues. “As a whole, they are a peaceful group. My father took me there a few times. I really liked the scenery. Where Krypton was a dying planet, theirs was so full of life. They had animals I had never seen before. Their oceans were a deep violet color, it was beautiful to see from space.”

Lena notices the past tense she uses in regard to the planet and probes further. “What happened?”

Kara shifts on the bed again, this time tucking a leg underneath her and turning to face Lena. “They were invaded by an unknown race when I was about ten, I think. Picture the daxamite invasion, just much more amplified. Whoever the intruders were, they forced the malzerians into working for them. They turned them into slaves and made them build weapons. They destroyed their planet.” Kara looks down in her lap with a deep sadness for their loss. “I know that some of them got out, apparently Percy did, but we haven’t found very many on Earth. I don’t know how many of them made it.”

And Lena’s hardened heart caves further still for him. “What about the ones you have found? What are they like?”

Kara hums. “A lot like Percy. Reserved, keep to themselves. But with the knowledge they have, the DEO is still wary of them. They were an extremely intelligent society. Like Percy's idea may have taken him a few weeks at most, but he would have had to drag it out to fit a suitable human timeline.”

And if Lena didn’t want to hire him before, she absolutely does now. Her mind unleashes worlds of possibilities. Advanced medical treatments, a wider variety of knowledge to treat another species of patients, cures for age old illnesses that even the most brilliant minds couldn’t figure out. But she still cant help but to be offended at a government organization insistent on criminalizing yet another person, another species because of their unfortunate circumstances. “So the DEO is afraid of all intellectuals. Not surprising.” She says with a telling roll of her eyes and click of her tongue.

“No.” Kara matches the ire in her voice. “But they were all enslaved before they escaped. So they are very afraid of a people who have the knowledge, and likely the resources, to build advanced alien weapons as easily as a child could make a lego house.”

The wheels start to turn in her head. “And these weapons, do you know what they were?” She is both intrigued and terrified of the answer.

“Explosives.”

She watches as the blonde’s face mirrors her own expression of recognition. “Well then I think we know what we're looking for. And we should probably get started on a plan to diffuse an alien bomb.” Truthfully she could just do it herself, but the kryptonian's input may speed it along. Kara refuses to entertain it though.

“It won’t come to that.” Kara says it simply. As if it is the obvious answer. As if the man didn’t just lose everything. 

Lena laughs in disbelief, leaning back on her elbows. “So you just want to go in there and wing it. No contingency plan.”

“I don’t need a contingency plan for something I will never let happen.” Suddenly it isn’t Kara Danvers sitting by her bedpost. She’s looking at Supergirl in all her stubborn, thick-headed glory. The abrupt shift in her demeanor brings a bout of clarity to Lena. She had so much trouble reconciling all the sides of Kara but here is yet another shift she sees with her own eyes. It's more than just her words and her tone. It’s everything. The way her jaw clenches and her eyes steel. The way she straightens her spine. The way her voice doesn’t waver in her conviction. She’s seen these sides of her Kara before, but this is different. Stronger somehow. It’s sobering. It’s what she needs to throw her walls back up. It's what she needs to remind her why they're here.

There is a challenge in Lena’s gaze, her Luthor genes shining through. “You mean like the time you gave me access to your most deadly weapons that you had safely tucked away? Or the time when I succeeded in my plan before Gabriel decided to give history a rewrite? Like those things you didn’t _let_ happen?”

They are at a standstill. Deadlocked to see who will cave first. Lena is still leaned backwards, a dangerous smirk playing across her lips. She sees a hesitation flicker across Kara’s face, but only for a moment.

“Percy isn’t you.” She replies strongly. 

“And you know this after what?” She laughs incredulously, “Twenty minutes with him in a bar? You were around me for years and you didn’t see me for who I am. _What_ I am.”

“No.” Kara stands shaking her head. “No, you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to make this man out to be just like you. Because I know exactly who you are.”

“Do you?”

For one startling moment Lena thinks she might cry. People have a look, a specific tell before the floodgates open. It's unique for everyone. She finds that all people handle it slightly differently. Kara's upper lip trembles, her cheeks flush and there’s a specific bob of her throat that always gives her away. Right now they’re in the trembling upper lip stage, and honestly Lena has no idea how she'll react. There will be a part of her that yearns to reach out, to make it stop. There will be another part of her that tries to silence that instinct she has. The instinct that has been years in the making, created under false pretenses. The urge to protect her soft, sweet friend from harm when all the while she never needed protection. The woman who saves the world will never need to be shielded from it.

Thankfully she doesn’t have to find out which side of her will win the battle. Kara turns and leaves the room without another glace her way and Lena is relieved. She probably will cry, but as long as she doesn’t have to see it she can be strong.

She closes out the file on the laptop and pitters through the remainder of it. That file is not the only one written in his native language and Lena is itching to find a way to translate it. She wracks her brain for a remedy and suddenly it dawns on her. The DEO has a software for this. She’s hacked into their database enough in the past to have found it. Now all she needs to do is access it. Unfortunately for her, there is no wifi on the outskirts of heaven so she'll need to improvise. She’s not a patient woman, she never has been. She’s also never been someone to follow the rules. She writes the rulebooks. So it's under the cover of the night sky that she decides to make her escape. 

She pads over to the wardrobe in the far corner of the room, Gabriel finally giving up on the idea that he needs to snap them into a change of clothes each day and they are perfectly capable of dressing themselves. She changes into a black sweater, black jeans, and ties her hair up into her signature high ponytail in front of the mirror. One nod of satisfaction of her appearance later, she’s out the door. She sneaks down the hallway quietly, mimicking the soft footsteps of a teenager sneaking out of the house at night. She curses the heels of her boots as she descends the stone stairwell leading to the exit. She puts most of her weight on her toes to hide soft clicking sound. It doesn’t work. She knew it wouldn’t work. If Kara can hear a barely there whisper from wherever she spends her time, she can undoubtedly hear the sound of heels on stone. The familiar whoosh sounds behind her but she doesn’t turn around. She simply walks forward normally and presses the button for the elevator as if she’s just going home from the office. 

“Where are you going?” It doesn’t sound intimidating. Quite the opposite actually. It sounds concerned, curious. 

“Out.” She says nonchalantly.

She expects an argument. A speech about breaking the rules and sneaking out. A lecture on her morals. But she gets none of those things. Instead the blonde slinks quietly to the left of her without a word. Kara always did have a penchant for the unexpected.

“I don’t need a babysitter, Kara.” She scoffs as the doors open. 

“Maybe not. But a partner never hurt.”

“You didn’t seem to share that viewpoint an hour ago.” She comments, watching the doors close after they step into the car. She watches the reflection of Kara in the doors. The distorted image of her still portraying the defeat on her face.

“Well throwing caution to the wind is what landed me here so, maybe you were right.” She sees Kara turn her head. “My perception of you was a bit…disillusioned. So giving someone the benefit of the doubt may not be the best course of action.”

Disillusioned. If there were a word that summed up the entirety of their friendship, it would be that word. 

Lena remains silent, not trusting her own voice and not feeling the need to comment. Kara seems content to follow her lead and falls into step at her side when they reach the streets of Central City. It's much quieter at this time of the evening, it's nearing ten pm and Lena takes the stroll as the opportunity to breathe in the fresh night air. It is just the right amount of cool and refreshing, the smell of car exhaust floods her senses and she's never been more grateful. She hasn’t been out this late since the night before they died. It's an interesting way to put it, but for all intents and purposes, they are dead. She is dead in all the ways that matter. She is just a ghost of her former self, walking amongst the downtown night life of a place she had never been. She doesn’t belong here. She doesn’t belong where happy couples come stumbling out of bars in fits of giggles. She doesn’t belong amongst the street vendors, just starting to close up shop for the night, smoke still wafting through the air. She doesn’t belong with Kara by her side. Because for everything she isn’t, Kara is still a hero. She is still brave and running head first into danger. She’s still inherently good by nature. And Lena was foolish to think that anything about the two of them would ever fit.

The lobby of Myler Industries is quiet apart from the soft snores of the security guard at the front desk. Most of the lights are out, likely his doing so he could enjoy a nice nap. Only some of the more temperamental lights are still on, flickering defiantly to guide their way. She doesn’t bother with stealth here, he doesn’t seem like he will rise any time soon and honestly she doesn’t care either way. 

“What’s the plan?” Kara asks as they walk down the hallway toward Director Hanes’ office. Lena pauses briefly outside the door, she hadn’t given a great deal of thought to how she would proceed. She thought maybe she would rustle through Mason's things, dig up some type of proof that he was a thief, but something about the director is unsettling to her. She decides that her first course of action should be to put that notion to rest, or bring it to light as the case may be. A jiggle of the handle reveals the man has at least some basic common sense, but unlike previous times she did not plan a break in and was stuck without anything to pick the lock. Kicking it in would be too obvious, and she doesn’t much care for the idea of having her cover blown so soon. She catches sight of Kara pointing upward to the ceiling and Lena puts on her best you've-got-to-be-joking face. Kara just shrugs in response and Lena grumbles, wishing more than anything the blonde still had the power of flight. She starts looking around for a chair tall enough to give her a boost.

“I can lift you.” The blonde says nervously. “If you want. It would be faster.” She offers the last bit as a hasty explanation, a reminder.

Lena turns, her hair flipping over as she does and she sees the discomfort at her own offer radiating from her.

“You know you don’t have your powers, right?” She gestures at Kara, stepping closer toward her. 

Kara takes a sudden interest in the nearest wall and answers in a mumbled voice, “I can still lift you.”

It isn’t the most appealing method. But it may very well be the quickest so she concedes.

“Well let’s see you try Miss Danvers.” Lena reaches down and unzips one boot, then the other, kicking them off haphazardly. She steps even closer to the hero, now a good two inches shorter but still exuding the most power in the space. Kara is still looking away from her, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. “You do have to touch me if this is going to work.”

The phrasing causes Kara to snap her head around so quickly that Lena is wondering if she does possess at least the superspeed aspect of her otherworldly persona. The dark haired woman only looks at her amusedly in response and places her hands on Kara's shoulders. All the blood in her body has evidently rushed to her face with the blush she’s sporting and Lena wants to laugh at the affect this is having. Only she isn’t prepared for her own reaction as calloused hands grip her waist and begin to lift her up with ease. Her breath hitches in surprise, which seems to snap Kara out of her nervous state and back into the bravado Lena is becoming all too familiar with. The hero suspends her in the air for a moment, with Lena just above her head and leans in until she is a mere hairs width from her face. “Told you.” She whispers with a sly grin and Lena fights the urge to slap her.

Kara lifts her further and transitions her hand placement from her waist to her thighs, allowing Lena to readjust herself momentarily. Though after this is over she will need a lot more than simple readjusting. Yet another thought she will not allow to come into fruition. She seals that box with the strongest tape she can find, perhaps even a nail gun and pushes it as far away from the forefront of her brain as it will go. Her ascent seems to take ages, an eternity of absolute torture being handled in such a way. When Kara's hands move to the soles of her feet, Lena loses her balance for a second and falls forward, Kara reaching one hand up to steady her which just so happens to land right below her belt and she decides to set that box on fire. She shoves at the tile with a bit too much enthusiasm, desperate to get away from the inhumane strength of a powerless kryptonian. Kara was not expecting the sudden change in movement however and the hand that was already resting in much too friendly a spot for two people who cannot stand one another slips right between Lena's legs as she makes a dash for the ceiling. She thinks she hears a rushed apology as she hoists herself up but can’t be certain courtesy of her rapid breaths echoing against the cramped space. 

Safely tucked away, she tries to steady it. In and out she counts to ten and then pushes herself forward. She’s grateful that it isn’t that far of a crawl to her destination, maybe about fifteen feet or so. The dust she sucked into her lungs causes her to cough and she holds her breath for the remainder of the journey. She feels the cobwebs settle in her hair, the grainy feeling of the tile snagging holes in her sweater. She hadn’t given much thought to how she would get out on the other side, but she still has enough adrenaline pumping through her veins to give one enough of a shove to send it plummeting to the ground.

It narrowly misses his office chair on the way down and she rests her head on her arm for a moment, relieved to have hit the mark she was aiming for. She angles herself over the opening, leaving just enough room for her legs to squeeze through and lowers carefully from the ceiling, keeping the best grip she can until she has to drop. The feel of carpet is heavenly on her socked feet she brushes herself free of the dust and insulation, starting with her hair and working down the rest of her body, careful not to leave too much evidence on the floor. 

Plucking the last piece off her shirt she looks up to see Kara hopping down off a chair after replacing the tile that Lena so excitedly dismantled. She tilts her head back at various angles to inspect her work and smiles to herself, seemingly pleased with herself. She swooshes her hands together and takes the chair back to where she found it. Lena takes the opportunity to unlock the door for her and then settles behind the man's desk. The whiz of the fan when she starts the computer is the only sound filling the room after Kara clicks the door shut. Her frame looks silhouetted against the glass, the only light in the space coming from the hallway behind her. Blue hues are the only thing about her that is truly visible. The reflection of the monitor dances across Lena's cheekbones and for a few long moments they don’t move. They only stare and in some strange way, unique only to them, they are resetting. Rewriting the dynamic between them. Into what, she doesn’t know, but it is a wavelength they both seem to be on. 

Seeing Kara in the shadows is not something she had bargained for. She needs the clear light of day to see her for what she is and steer her in the direction her emotions need to go. Kara in the shadows is too familiar. It’s a haunting reminder of all the things that they could have been. 

The chime of the desktop breaks the silence in the room, along with the spell she had fallen under. She redirects her eyes to the screen and Kara comes to stand a respectable distance behind her. She begins with his inbox. The majority of it buried under budgets and quotas, things she could take charge of in her sleep. Exchanges between himself and his employees, mostly seeking approval for some project or another which he seldom granted. It seems his prejudice extended further from Percy. It has been weaved into every move he makes. While unethical, it doesn’t make him a criminal. Just not a very good boss. There is one thing that catches her eye though. Dating about one week back. _Mason Smithe_ looks taunting on the screen as do the only two words composed in the message.

_It's done._

Attached is an encrypted file that she makes quick work of decoding. Her stomach fills with dread, somehow knowing in advance what she is going to find. The computer makes a humming noise to indicate her success and she is staring right at a copy of Percy's research.

“What an asshole.”

Lena jumps in surprise at the sudden commentary, but keeps her eyes trained on the screen. He was in on it. The director of R&D worked with one of his incompetent underlings to deliberately steal research from someone he has some unjust grudge against. Lena's eyes grow wide and she swivels around in the chair abruptly causing Kara to take a step back. 

“He knew.” She whispers.

“Knew what?” Kara's brows furrow in confusion.

“He knew Percy was an alien.”

The blonde still looks as if she’s missing the joke and Lena elaborates, “You remember the way he was talking to him? Like he just couldn't believe he could ever come up with something like that?” Kara nods. “I know that look in his eyes Kara, he knew.”

Kara just scrunches up her face and shakes her head. “No. No there's no way he could have known. I didn’t even know.”

Lena gives a bored look and turns back around and gets to work in bringing up the DEO database. This breaks Kara from her denial and she rushes forward, reaching across Lena for the mouse. “What are you doing? You cannot hack the DEO!”

Lena simply swats her hand away and goes about her task seeing Kara stand tall in her Supergirl pose in her peripheral. “Lena.” It's said as a warning, the tone one would use to advise a small child of an impending time out. Until this moment she hadn’t realized how long it had been since she heard the blonde say her name. Thinking back on it, the last time she heard it was probably in that very same way. The same warning tone perhaps laced with more desperation. She ignores it now as she ignored it then. Kara sighs in defeat knowing her pleas are falling on deaf ears and leans back against the far wall with her arms crossed. 

“They’re all aliens.” She says as she cross references the employee directory of Myler Industries with the DEO's copy of the alien registry. “All of the employees he was brushing off in his emails, they’re all aliens.”

Kara remains quiet for a few moments. “He a friend of your mother's then?” It would have been offensive had she not said it with a small smile.

“Doubtful. So far he’s only treating them poorly, not planning mass genocide.” Lena smiles back. 

She pulls a small flash drive from her pocket and begins downloading the necessary files from the company and the DEO along with the language translation software. Kara busies herself by scooting the armchair in the office below the open ceiling and climbing up to replace the tile. Once the download is completed Lena goes to remove all traces of the hack from the DEO mainframe but stops herself. They’ll be able to track him. They’ll probably storm the place by morning and drag him off in handcuffs and she knows it. Does he deserve it? Maybe not to that extent, no. Does she leave the line open anyway? Yes. Her soul has been doomed from the get go, may as well make it worth it.

Kara hops down from her perch just as Lena is locking down the computer. The blonde is going to be pissed at her in the morning. But for now they can carry on. They leave the office locking the door back behind them. 

“Wait, shouldn’t we do something about the security cameras?” Kara asks as they walk back toward the lobby. 

Lena halts her movements and stares at the blonde in disbelief. “You _still_ haven’t read the damn book?” 

Her accent slips out heavily with her irritation and Kara only blushes. She really shouldn’t find it pretty. But she does.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me - "I cannot possibly get any more gay."
> 
> Katie McGrath *puts on a suit and breathes*
> 
> Me - *develops rainbow heat vision*

They have developed a system, if you could call it that. Some sort of unspoken mutual agreement as to how things are going to go. Lena is the tactical one. The smooth talking, power posing, surgical strike where no one expects it. Kara is the approachable one. The warm smiles, kind eyes, drop off cookies on the neighbor's doorstep type. Or the remainder of one's belongings packed tidily in a box after an unexpected termination, equipped with a stolen laptop courtesy of aforementioned partner type. Diversity is her middle name. 

They hadn’t really come up with this plan exactly, it was more of an on the fly decision when they saw Dave from janitorial packing up Percy's belongings this morning. Director Sneaky had asked for a volunteer to take the items to Percy as he was banned from the building and right as they gave a silent look to communicate with each other Valerie had walked over to ask a sciencey question to the both of them. Kara quickly volunteered herself after that. It isn’t that she didn’t understand the question, she just isn’t particularly in the right head space to take her intelligence down to a human level at this current moment given the recent turn of events. And by recent she means this ‘angel' experience in general, and by events she means Lena. 

So that's how she finds herself here, in front of yet another apartment door. She is less nervous than she was the last time around, but knocking on this door isn’t all that appealing either. Percy's apartment seems inviting, or at least the hallway does. It’s nicely lit, gray walls with tiny gold flower patterns, and a houseplant on the table outside of his door. The only thing missing is a Welcome mat, but then she doesn’t suppose he has very many visitors. His neighbors are playing soft music, something classical she thinks. Whatever it is, it’s soothing for her nerves. She adjusts the box over to her left hand and raises her right to give three friendly sounding knocks on the door. She hears shuffling on the other side and then the chain sliding slowly out of place. Percy opens the door hesitantly in his human form which doesn’t surprise her. He seems taken aback by her presence so she paints on the warmest smile she can muster. 

“Hi, I brought your things over from the office.” 

He wants to grab the box and flee, she can tell. If it were anybody else he likely would have. Instead he looks around nervously, checking over her shoulder to ensure she came alone. She instantly relates to that fear and is quick to assure him. “It's just me. I knew you wouldn't really want anyone else here. Not to imply you want me here, either – anyway.” She stops mid-ramble and juts the box out in his direction. He opens the door a bit further to allow more room and takes it gently from her hands. His mouth turns to say something, a polite dismissal no doubt, but she is here for more than a simple delivery. “May I come in? Lena and I have found out a few things and I wanted to talk to you about them.”

He looks like he’s going to protest but his curiosity gets the best of him and he opens the door wider to allow her entry. She walks in, head swiveling to absorb her surroundings. “You have a really nice place, Percy.” He mumbles his thanks and places the box on the edge of his kitchen island. She has interrupted a meal it seems, a cutting board and peppers adorn the other side of the island and she smells something wonderful coming from the stove. 

She gestures to the sofa and he nods his consent, coming down to sit in the armchair across from her. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, I just wanted to let you know that we found something out about Director Hanes.” His interest perks up at this, but it’s mixed with something more, a feeling of trepidation. She takes a breath and continues, “He and Mason worked together to steal the research from you.”

A variety of emotions pass over his face. Anger, disbelief, and sadness being the most notable. “We're working to expose them. Lena and I are meeting with the board of directors later today to tell them what we found.” Its true, they are. Though they haven’t quite worked out how they’re going to explain they came upon this conclusion. They also weren’t exactly invited to this meeting, instead they are relying solely on the Luthor charm to get them in the door. Small details in the grand scheme of things that she doesn’t deem relevant to this conversation.

Percy is quiet for a long moment, mulling the information over before he replies, “Don’t bother. The board has much the same opinion of me as Hanes does.”

Kara looks at him bewildered. “Well they’re _wrong._ Percy you’re brilliant. What you’ve come up with can help so many people. They have no right to take that from you.”

“You and I both know how I came up with that idea, Kara.”

“So do they.” She mumbles, but he catches it anyway and she quickly amends, “I didn’t tell them. They already knew. We think that’s why they did it.”

He puts his face in his hands and it breaks her heart. 

The world thinks of her as a hero. They aren’t afraid to share their home with a kryptionian. Someone who walks and talks like them and can also dismantle buildings. But the world would be very afraid of Kara Danvers. She spent her entire life on this planet hiding that part of herself. Supergirl is just a job she does. While it may be her, it also isn’t. At heart she is just Kara. She’s just a fumbling mess. She’s clumsy and kind and a bit of a pushover. Supergirl is all of the things that she could have been if she never lost her home. Brave, confident, free. But Percy gets no alter ego. Percy gets to hide in the shadows to blend into the world around him. Percy gets to wear a cloaking device that he designed himself just to fit into a world that doesn’t want him. Percy gets walked on and lied to. 

“We're going to fix this for you Percy. I promise we'll fix it.” She says, rising from the sofa and crouching down in front of him. He raises his head, tears brimming in his eyes. 

“You can’t fix it.” He takes a deep breath, “I appreciate you coming by, but I think I need to be alone right now.” 

She wants to protest. She wants to tell him that the last thing he needs is to be alone. But he’s made up his mind and stands to show her out so she only follows. “I’m here for you Percy, you aren’t alone.” She says stepping back out into the hallway. His only response is a polite nod and the click of the door behind her. She slumps back on the wall for a moment wishing there was something she could say or do to fix this. Some things are so much easier with a cape on her shoulders. What she’s seeing now is something she never gets to see. She never sees the struggle, only the end result of that struggle. And his may be an uphill battle.

Fearing she has only made things worse and knowing there is nothing further she can do, she sets off to regroup. The sunlight warms her face as she descends the front steps of his building, and there is a comfortable breeze tickling her cheeks while she walks. She has to admit that she feels much more at home in her ensemble as well. The khakis and brown loafers seem to mold to her skin in the way the jeans and converse never did. She understands Lena’s excitement over it. There's a sense of control in it, and control is something she desperately needs since she doesn’t seem to possess very much of it these days. 

A bakery catches her eye, or rather her nose as she passes by. The black and white awning seems so inviting. She sees a few people inside as she peers through the window, through the cracks of the _Belle's Bakery_ embroidered in white print. She back peddles a few steps and ducks inside, the rusted bell above the door announcing her entry. Though she imagines it's seen better days, there is something soothing about it. The years of wear indicating how many faces it had seen, how many people it had welcomed. The thought makes her smile. She waits patiently in line, trying to peek over the shoulder of the man in front of her at the decadent display of treats in the glass case. It is filled with pastries, brownies and various cakes. If her stomach still had the capability to growl it would definitely turn heads. She’s still indecisive when she gets to the counter but decides on the brownies and a vanilla latte upon recommendation from the friendly old woman – Belle, she assumes – behind the counter. She leaves the shop satisfied with her purchase and takes a bite as soon as her feet touch the sidewalk, deciding instantly she will be a frequent flyer here as soon as she returns to her normal life.

She devours the treat in record time while walking the two remaining blocks to Myler Industries. Depositing her waste in the bin outside, she waves at a few of her coworkers who are headed to lunch and then enters the lobby with a pep in her step that immediately dissipates at the sight in front of her. 

She sees Vasquez first, flanking Director Hanes on her left with her hand gripped firmly around his bicep. Martin is on the other side mimicking her stance and the director is very vocal in his stance on harassment and being framed. She pauses in perplexity for a moment until she glances over to her right and sees a smug looking Lena leaning back on the security guard’s desk. From there she promptly dissolves into a blinding fury at the woman's audacity.

She knows from the look on her face that she could have wiped the traces of the hack from the system, but deliberately decided against it. She intentionally sought out to frame him. And he may be an alien hating scum bag but she knows the interrogation tactics. She knows they’re going to lock him in the darkest cell they can find until he talks, and this is absolutely not something that is going to help Percy right now.

“How dare you!” She says, stalking up to Lena. The brunette just smirks and folds her arms over her chest. She was expecting this reaction, Kara concludes and it just fuels the fire. “Was all that just a ploy to have him framed?”

“Stop being so dramatic. He’s blatantly discriminating against his employees. What did you expect me to do?” The statement is accompanied by an eye roll as she turns to face her. 

This is why Lena is so hard to trust. There was a time when Kara was inherently convinced that she was good to her core, that she was just trying to overcome the hand that was dealt her. But the woman is still pulling the wool over her eyes even now. Lena is a wild card, always patiently waiting to make the most strategic move. She was foolish to ever think she could be more than her name. She was foolish to think that Lena could ever change. 

“He deserves to be fired! Not locked up in a DEO prison.”

“Oh will you just relax! They’ll figure out it wasn’t him. They’ll just rattle him for a few days, make him rethink some things.”

She looks back at the scene in front of her. The agents have seized his computer and other personal items from his office it seems. She never realized just how intimidating they look until this moment. They’re clad in all black attire, guns strapped to their belts. They’re turning the heads of everyone who passes by but give no regard to them. They march together with army like precision. Everything about them screams authority and she imagines how terrifying it must be on the other end of the spectrum, to be the one under a microscope. 

They walk him out into the clear light of day, dragging him out from the shadows of his own poor decisions. He’s threatening a lawsuit, screaming about conspiracies but they do not waver. They never waver. And it is true that they will find out he’s innocent. J'onn will read his mind at some point after his intake, and his memory will be wiped of all things related to the experience. He will only come back though. It will serve no rehabilitating purpose. He will come back and face no repercussions of his actions which is another thing that makes her so angry. There is no point in this.

She looks back to Lena to fire a retort and notices the woman’s now holds a different expression. It looks almost like sorrow before she schools it and suggests they go back down to the labs. “Are you really talking about labs right now?” Kara asks disbelievingly.

Lena grumbles in vexation and reaches for Kara's hand, throwing the blonde even more off kilter. Slender fingers slip through her own and there’s an urgency in the grip as she finds herself being propelled forward. Lena suggested the labs but her sense of direction seems a bit skewed as she pulls Kara down an adjacent hallway. 

“What are you doing?” She abruptly tugs her hand away, causing both of them to stop and that’s when she hears it. 

She would have known sooner if she weren’t trapped in a human’s body. She would have heard the heartbeat from miles away. She would have felt the _thump, thump, skip, thump_ deep inside her soul and come running. But she doesn’t hear the heartbeat. All she hears is a loud “Clear out!” over her shoulder. 

She turns hesitantly, afraid to see but needing to all the same. Her eyes find the familiar form, the flash of red hair falling into brown eyes as she looks over checklist in her hands. Another agent appears at her side, holding a drive in her hand and Alex nods her consent to take it with them. Kara stands dazed at the sight of her sister. Her sister who was always her rock, her one tether to the world stands just twenty feet from her in a building she shouldn’t be in. In a life that she shouldn’t be living but is because of the woman she just turned her back to. 

Lena tries again to reach for her to no avail. Kara's feet carry her forward of their own accord. She hears the desperate plea of her name being called behind her but chooses to ignore it. Her steps are heavy, purposeful. She’s stampeding toward something she wants so desperately. Alex seems to sense someone approaching and darts her eyes up from the list. But her face holds no recognition. Instead she just looks confused. Kara sees her hand flinch downward to the gun on her belt and stops. It is a justified response. She can only imagine what she must look like. Alex relaxes her posture, her shoulders releasing the tension as she sees Kara come to a stop. For a few tense moments, they just stare at one another. Kara feels the tears prickle as she takes in the features of her sister’s face for the first time in what seems like three lifetimes. Her eyes are as soft as she remembers, though the bags underneath are hard to miss. They’re filled with worry and sadness. So much sadness. And Kara wants nothing more than to throw her arms around her and never let go. But she can’t. 

“Miss, are you alright?” Alex asks, reaching her hand out tentatively toward Kara's shoulder and it only makes her miss her more. Tears spill over freely at the question, the way there is no familiarity in her tone. She offers comfort like one would to a stranger at a bus stop, only acknowledging it because it is right in front of her face. 

Kara tries to speak but chokes on her words. Her throat feels full of sandpaper, parched and closing in her attempt to say something, _anything_ just to hear more of the familiar voice. It is then she feels another hand reaching for her, settling on her forearm gently. “There you are. I've been looking all over for you. We're going to be late for the meeting.” It’s the sweetest tone she's heard from her in a long while, the Irish lilt twisting around the words in the loveliest way. She knows their voices are different too. They have to be. Surely the angels prepare for these possibilities. But she still feels the pang in her heart all the same when Alex tilts her head as she stares at Lena like she’s trying to place her. Like the woman she aimed to kill is more recognizable than her own sister in a stranger’s body. It’s enough for Kara to pull herself together marginally to nod at the brunette, still not having the strength to speak. 

Alex though, not one to let things slide, asks once more before letting her go. “Is she alright?” She directs it at Lena but darts her eyes between the two of them. 

“Yes she – “ Lena looks at her before turning her attention back to Alex. “She just lost someone very recently.”

Something settles on her sister's face. A knowing look, a shared sense of anguish. “I understand.”

Alex bids them both goodbye at that and Kara can see her sister wipe her own face as she walks away. One of the agents walks up to her and she shrugs him off. She can hear her say something about needing to get back to her sister before she shoves the door open, disappearing into a ray of sunlight. Kara loses it right there, her knees buckling in the lobby. And Lena just grabs her hand again, pulling her back into the same hallway and pulling her into her arms. 

She should be outraged, she should rip herself away and storm off, but instead she stands there under a still flickering fluorescent light with her face buried into the chest of the woman she once loved. She feels soothing hands rub her back, up the curve of her spine and down again while she lets the grief spill out in waves. She falls into shambles under the familiar touch, thinking of everything she’s missing. Her sister, her friends, her city. She has so many people to run home to, but she’s stuck here with the one person who took it all from her being wrapped up in comfort and whispered _I'm sorrys_ like a Stockholm victim. But Lena still smells the same, still feels the same and just for one little moment Kara allows herself to forget that she isn’t. Just for this moment she allows herself to be pulled in tighter, to have pale arms wrap around her and be soothed by the memory of the heartbeat that she no longer has. It is a sound that for all of her existence in whatever form she takes she will never forget. She can imagine exactly what it would sound like now, pounding away in her ribcage like it would sprout wings at any moment and fly away. The same sound it made anytime they were pressed close together. The sound she never understood because she never had the chance to ask.

Her rapid breathing slows after a few minutes more and she feels the hold around her loosen but not recede. She chances a glance at Lena and sees green eyes filled with remorse. She didn’t think Alex would come. She had just assumed she wouldn't dare leave her sister’s side for something so simple and just send the cavalry, Kara decides. She wouldn’t have been like this if she had. If she’d planned for Kara to see her sister only to watch her fall apart she wouldn’t be so tender with her right now. She may have intentionally set out to throw an innocent man into a DEO cell, but she wasn’t outright trying to hurt her. Kara doesn’t know what to make of that. 

“Are you okay?” Lena asks timidly, quietly. And it’s so out of character for her. So different from the woman with the biting remarks and cold shoulder. So much like the old Lena that she can’t help but to fall for it.

“I think so. For now anyway.” Kara whispers back, scanning Lena's face. Memorizing the soft features that she’s missed so much.   


Lena nods, giving her another tight squeeze before releasing her. Kara runs a hand through her hair and blows out a deep breath. She finds herself missing the contact immediately and she doesn’t know what to make of that either. Lena senses it, like she always does and gives her an out.

“The meeting starts in a few minutes, can you still do it?” She's biting her lip and running a hand up and down her own arm as if it just needs something to do now that they're separated. 

“That depends. Do I look like I’ve had a nervous breakdown over being almost dead with my natural born enemy in a hallway?” Kara chuckles awkwardly, deflecting to humor was always her go-to. 

“Well apparently one of the advantages of being almost dead is that you can have a nervous breakdown with your natural born enemy in a hallway and still not have a single hair out of place. Its rather annoying actually.” Lena smiles the same dimpled smile and Kara falls for it even more.

“At least there’s one upside.” She retorts.  


Lena’s laughter is contagious in the same way it always was. Delicate but captivating. It used to be one of her favorite things. And she thinks to herself as she follows the brunette to the elevator that despite everything they’ve been through, maybe it still is.

* * *

The meeting is buzzing with a nervous energy. All the board members are perched on the edges of their seats in a dreadful silence as the CEO stands at the helm of it all. He is a stern-looking man. His brown hair nearly covered in patches of white and Kara knows this isn’t going to be very helpful on that front. They stand on the outside looking in, peering through the glass awaiting an opening. 

“What’s the plan?” Kara asks. 

Lena's face contorts into a downright wicked grin and she grips the doorknob, proceeding to barge in like she owns the place. Kara shuffles behind her for lack of anything better to do, hopeful she can borrow some of her courage. She sees the brunette reach into her bag and casually pull out a stack of paperwork, circling the table to lay a sheet in front of each member without saying a word. Lena inserts herself as if she belongs, as if it’s just another day at the office for her. Her suit hugs her curves as she walks, turning the heads of the men for multiple reasons and Kara shoves down the inexplicable urge to melt them with the heat vision that she no longer possesses. 

“What the hell is this?” The CEO demands as she shoves the final paper at him.

“This, Mr. Bowers is the reason you’re going to listen to me.”

Kara can’t see much of what is on them from her spot by the door, but she does take note that each sheet has a signature that is different from the one beside it. Lena commands the attention of the room, the CEO too startled to argue much further and begins her speech.

“Maya Stevens,” She gestures to the first paper she handed out, “organized the start up of the cutting edge cancer research that the company began last year. Curtis Plunkett,” she points to the next sheet, “had the break through for the solar powered batteries that we profited millions from.”

She goes from person to person, sheet to sheet naming the employees and their contributions to the company. Kara looks on in awe of her, pride flowing through every vein in her body, igniting her nerve endings and warming her from the inside out. The men are slowly beginning to look even more squeamish as their eyes scan down the pages. The CEO only grows impatient as she drags it out and Kara knows how much she’s enjoying this game. Lena loves the thrill of it all, Lena loves to make people feel inferior.

“Percy Adams.” She starts, staring Mr. Bowers down with a signature glare, “came up with a revolutionary artificial heart and had his research stolen by his coworker and the man who was dragged out of here in handcuffs this morning. These individuals have never received any recognition for their contributions to the company. They have been overlooked, undermined and scrutinized based on one thing they all have in common. Would you like to know what that is?”

Her spine straightens, she raises herself to meet the man's eyes. “They're all aliens.” And if the room wasn’t silent before it certainly is now. All the members of the board are sweating, all of them terrified of the conclusion of her speech. “But unfortunately for you gentleman, that is not the only thing they have in common now. They now have letters of resignation printed off downstairs, official statements of discrimination in front of you all and attorney’s ready to take this company by storm and drain everything that you’ve worked so hard to maintain.” 

“Who the hell do you think you are?!” The CEO fumes.

Lena isn't phased in the slightest, if anything she looks amused at his attempt at a power play. “You have twenty four hours to clean up this mess before you find out.”

And with that she side steps around him and makes way for the door, beckoning Kara to follow. 

* * *

They decide to head back early again, having done all they can do for the day. Now it is just a waiting game. Lena rolls her neck as she steps out of the elevator to release the tension in her shoulders. The castle always feels different in the afternoons. More lively in a way. The mornings hold the dread of things to come. The nights hold the mistakes that have come to haunt them. But the afternoons bore a sense of liberation. It feels like coming home from work early on Friday and having nowhere else to be. It feels serene. Or at least it did until an angel with extremely ruffled feathers came to rain on their parade.

He charges down the dungeon steps at top speed, puffing his cheeks out as he goes. He stops a few inches in front of them, holds up a finger and turns back up the stairs, only to charge back down a millisecond later. His face is the definition of ‘and another thing’ and Kara knows they’re about to get the dressing down of a lifetime even with his kind hearted spirit. He cups his hands over his face and closes his eyes, letting out a deep breath before he speaks. 

“There are rules. For a reason. They are not a suggestion, it is a contract. Do what we tell you and you can go home. Don’t do what we tell you and spend an eternity in fire. What is so hard about that?” His voice takes on a child-like screech at the last part.

“Which part are you referring to exactly?” Kara asks with a wince, regretting it instantly. 

Shock rewrites his face and he snaps his fingers to produce the book, along with a lounge chair and a cup of tea for his nerves. He crosses his legs as he sits, licking the tip of his finger to turn the pages of the book rattling off rule after rule that they had violated by sneaking out, and then the rules that they had all but set fire to when they had the man framed. Kara hangs her head down shamefully, listening intently to the speech but Lena just rests against the wall with one foot propped up examining her nails. 

“Are you even listening to me?!” He stops mid rant to gaze over at the brunette who shoots her eyes up at being addressed in such a manner. “I let the breaking and entering and petty theft slide, I even let you get away with assault, but sneaking out at night to frame a man?”

“Technically there is nothing in that book that strictly prohibits that.” She points out, causing the man to go into another tizzy. 

“You have to conduct yourself in a certain way to be an angel!” 

“I'm no angel!” Her smooth faced façade cracks right down the middle, along with Kara's heart at the declaration. “You knew what you were getting into with me. You knew that I wouldn’t conform, that you couldn’t fit me in a box so why even bother? Why not just take her and let me die?”

She looks so broken with the candlelight flickering over her face, mapping out the contours of her jaw as she grits her teeth and deals with things in the only way she knows how. And Kara sees her. Kara sees her the same way she always did. Kara sees the anguish beneath the stone exterior as she tells him to do whatever he wants and stalks away from the lecture with a slight slump to her frame that only someone who knows her like the back of their hand would notice. He watches her go without putting up a fight about it and then turns back to Kara, presumably to continue the lecture with his only remaining participant. But she is having none of that.

“You’re being a bit hard on her don’t you think?” The blonde says, having given up her timid stance for a more assertive one. Her arms are folded, eyes sharp, and this is also not a good idea but she can’t stop herself. He looks surprised. As if this is the last thing he expected. And truthfully she is surprised at herself. “She snuck out to get information on how to help Percy. She hacked a government organization to read his language so she can better understand him. And yes, she framed a man. Yes she blackmailed people. But she also got to the root of the problem in under twenty four hours and we may actually have a chance to save him.” She steps closer to Gabriel, towering over him in his seat, “And in case you had forgotten, I was right there with her through all of it. So whatever you’re going to do to her, wherever you’re going to send her, you’d better take me too.”

She expects a multitude of things to happen from there. She expects him to snap his fingers again to bring Lena back and banish them for all eternity. She expects him to yell, to push, to fight harder. She expects every possible outcome except the one she is currently facing. 

She does not expect him to smile. 

His lips turn up into an all-knowing grin and he stands to take his leave without another word about it, leaving a very confused superhero in his wake.


	9. Chapter 9

There are things in this life that define the essence of a person. Little puzzle pieces that slot together just right to form the beautiful picture. Though all the pictures are a little different, some pieces a little more frayed, they are the parts that make up a soul. Percy's letters to his wife are his pieces. 

Of all the things Lena had expected to find after running the translation program, admittedly love letters had not been one of them. But there were hundreds of them, cataloged and suspended in time because it is the only part of her that he has left. It is the only thing he has to tie him back to the life that he lost, the love that he lost. So he had written letters. He told her about his earlier experiences. The days that he had nowhere to go. The days that he had been shunned, left to fend for himself in a place he did not know. He told her when he designed the cloaking device. He apologized for not being true to himself, for molding himself into someone who would fit. But he had promised to make the most of his time here, to put his knowledge to use and help people, to save people. Then that was taken from him too.

Lena had spent the remainder of that night going through years of entries. Skipping from place to place along the files. What started as a way to gain information soon became an adventure. He wrote about his experiences from this world, but also experiences from his own, painting through the crevices of her mind as she hung onto every word. He recounted stories with his wife, stories of his youth, things they had done, places they had gone. Every little miniscule detail of his world were embedded in those pages, in a language long lost only to be understood by a select few.

The entries made her heart ache and swell all at once. She wanted to weep for him, cheer for him, tell him how wonderful he was. How brave he was. She wanted to burn the world even brighter at the things he had been through. Because those are the pieces that make up Lena Luthor. Bitterness, revenge, hatred. Those are the things that drive the choices she makes. The choices to manipulate, deceive, insert blame where there is no crime committed. Those are the things that carve the hole in her chest where her heart is supposed to go.

In Percy's letters she got to see the world through another's eyes. Through his eyes. Through Kara's eyes. She saw a perspective she hadn’t quite looked at. A stone she left unturned for the fear of what may lurk underneath. But once she had, she couldn’t turn it off. She couldn’t unsee it. Though she wished desperately that she could. This is what she had been afraid of. She had been so blinded by her anger, because she had to feel anger. She had to feel pain and resentment. She had to feel the betrayal like billions of glass shards piercing her skin because the moment she stopped feeling that, the moment she let another person’s point of view shadow her own was going to be the exact moment that she would start to understand.

And just as she had predicted it was this revelation that made her hold Kara as she cried, even though she shouldn’t. It was this that caused something to reach from deep down inside her to cradle the person who had betrayed her the most. A desperate need born from good intentions to shelter and protect her from the loss of her own world. Kara had lost enough worlds. Kara had lost enough. And watching her break down at the sight of her sister was all Lena could take. So she held her, breathed her in, chipped off pieces of herself to offer to someone so full of light but so consumed with darkness. 

She held no fear at Gabriel's threat. Not for herself, she was doomed from the start and surprised she had made it this far. But she was unguarded for his attack, her mind still in shambles from the letters, from the hero in her arms. She wasn’t prepared and she reacted poorly, threw her emotions out before applying the filter and then didn’t know what to do with herself in the aftermath. So she had walked away. She had retreated to her own room in her own prison, lit the fireplace and watched the flames dance along her skin in the reflection of the mirror that hung high above her bed. She saw her pieces wither still. Fray and crumble. And that’s how Kara had found her. 

_Soft knocks creep across the door frame, causing Lena to draw her attention to the sound. The few tears that escaped her eyes have pooled around her throat and she wipes them away quickly as she obliges the blonde’s request, lifting her head slightly off the pillow._

_”If you've come to collect my soul, I’m afraid you won’t find one here.” She says dryly. She’s not upset with Kara, not right now. She just can’t muster the energy for her normal witty remarks._

_The blonde stands anxiously by the door, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “No. I just came to tell you not to worry about that. I um. I talked him out of it. I think.” She winces at the last part and Lena almost smiles._

_”You think?” She retorts, eyebrows raised._

_Kara falters for a moment, thinking of the best way to phrase it. She ducks her head down in a nervous chuckle and raises her hand to fiddle with her glasses. And for the first time, Lena sees her. Really sees her. “Well I either talked him out of it or talked me into it. One of the two.”_

_Lena doesn’t know if she wants to see her own face in this moment. She doesn’t know if she wants to laugh or cry or scream. The blonde quickly amends her statement with her signature ramble at the silence. “We're already partners, and I was right there with you so it wouldn’t be fair for me to put the blame solely on you.”_

_She tries to downplay it. To make it seem so much less extreme than it actually is. Which is why Lena won’t let her. She won’t allow it to be simple. She wants her to acknowledge the gravity of what she’s implying. “So you came here to tell me that you think you changed his mind, but if you didn’t then you’re going to damn yourself for all eternity because it wouldn’t be fair to blame me for my own idea?”_

_She blushes deeply, the embers from the crackling fire only making it spread further, but to her credit she doesn’t falter. She doesn’t try to amend this time. She knows exactly what she’s saying as she looks directly into Lena’s eyes from across the room. “No. I came here to tell you that you won’t be alone.” Kara takes a shuttering breath and Lena finds herself matching it. “No matter what happens, I won’t leave you alone.” She lets the statement hang out in the air, the weight settling over Lena's body like a warm blanket. She doesn’t expect a response. She doesn’t need one. She just needed to say it because she can. So it would filter into Lena's mind when things got too dark to handle and cradle her back to the light of day. Because those are the pieces that make up Kara Danvers._

She had left the room then after a whispered goodnight, and to say the exchange left Lena feeling a little unhinged would be an understatement. She could not afford another soft spot, another opening in the wall that the blonde could squeeze herself through. She already knows how that story ends. So in the clear light of day, she puts the mask firmly back in its place. Kara walks quietly at her side down the streets of Central City, she knows not to prod and Lena resents her for it. Gabriel had been there to see them off that morning but he had no further commentary in regard to the events of the previous day. He simply placed some sort of heavenly communication device in Lena's hand, relaying that it will allow them to speak only to each other at short range – now that he can mildly trust they will behave cordially, rather than their earlier derogatory barbs. Lena assumes he had given it to her as a peace offering of a kind, and then sent them on their way with an acknowledging nod. 

She is still mentally cursing him as they draw nearer to the building, her heels pinching her ankles as she walks because this time their destination is a bit further than just around a corner. Allowing her to indulge in a look that is comforting to her is one thing, but if she can’t be caught on security cameras or have a single lingering bruise from breaking a nose then it isn’t completely out of the realm of possibilities to give her sturdier ankles. At least in her opinion. 

She is just wrapping her head around the idea of another mundane day, going through scenarios of the best course of action when they stumble upon pure chaos about a block from the building. There is a stampede of people coming toward them, shouts of hysteria so loud that they could be heard for miles. Kara looks over at her wide eyed and takes off in a brisk jog, urging her to keep up and now she is really cursing the universe for the four inch pumps and skin tight dress she pulled out of her wardrobe an hour prior. 

They’re piling out of the building like ants, firetrucks are already on the scene. She sees that the police have a tent set up outside and the situation is looking more grim by the moment. She notices a disheveled woman that she recognizes from the labs speaking with one of the officers. “He’s got Mason!” She cries out. The officer is trying to calm her down, encouraging her to take deep breaths as she relays that someone is holding Mason along with other members of the board hostage in the basement labs threatening to blow them all up. It’s a short leap to who that someone is and she feels the dread settle into her bones. Kara looks like she’s taking the news about as well, alarm written all over her face as she sizes up the crowd of employees coming from the building. She spots an entry point to the far right, looks around to make sure everyone is already preoccupied and grabs Lena's hand to run up the front steps into the door. 

Alarms are sounding inside, the building only illuminated by the emergency lights and Lena covers her ears to drown out the sound. Kara scans the room and points at the stairwell to their left. The noise isn’t as overbearing once the door slams shut behind them so she lowers her hands and reaches for the back of Kara’s jacket to stop her. “Wait!”

The blonde looks back at her incredulously, having only made it to the landing at the bottom of the first set. “What are you doing?! They need help!” She tries to shrug Lena off, but she only grips the fabric tighter.

“You need a plan. Running headfirst into danger is not going to help anyone.” The dark haired woman speaks firmly. Kara holds her eyes for a few seconds as if waiting for Lena to recede. But when she doesn’t, she feels Kara's shoulders start to relax and loosens her grip on the jacket. 

“You’re right.” She sighs. Though its obvious she’s not happy about it.

“I’m going to go into the control room, see if I can figure out where he placed the bomb and work on a way to disarm it if need be. You go try and talk to him, but do it calmly, okay?”

Kara takes another deep breath and nods. Lena pulls one of Gabriel's gifts out of her purse to hand to her, a new wave of irritation coming in because he knew this was going to happen, and they continue their descent down the stairs at a less frantic pace and push the door open at the bottom quietly. Kara turns right when they step in, the muffled cries of civilians drawing her into her alter persona, and Lena goes left toward the darker part of the lab. She finds that it is eerie in nature. The worn metal tables and dismantled equipment are covered in sheets. Dust gathers in the parts that drape into the crevices of discarded tools. In another life it may have sent a chill up her spine. In another life she may have questioned her choice to come down here blindly. But she has long since let go of her fear of things that go bump in the night.

The room in question is just past the last set of tables and she picks the lock with ease, having learned from their latest experience to always come prepared. An expanse of security monitors cover the space and she gets a glimpse of Kara on the center screen. She’s standing a few feet away from Percy, who is the very definition of a madman. What little hair he has is in disarray, his eyes are wide and manic and he has a detonator in his right hand, thumb poised firmly over the trigger. 

She quickly brushes her hair to the side and fastens the device to her ear, tuning in to listen to the scene before her. She’s supposed to be looking for the bomb, she knows that. But her eyes lock on to Kara of their own volition and she finds it unexpectedly difficult to look at anything else besides blonde hair that cascades down the back of her rain jacket, watching Kara Danvers become Supergirl in a pair of navy slacks. Her hands are raised in a surrendering stance, and Lena wonders how many times she’s done this. How many times has she tried to talk someone off a ledge; how many times has it actually worked?

“You don’t want to do this Percy. You’re better than this.” She hears Kara say in the voice she's heard her use so many times when she’s on mission. Strong, urgent and convicted. And Lena curses herself again for not seeing it sooner.

“You don’t know what I want!” He shouts as he steps nearer to her. She doesn’t back away, much to Lena’s surprise. She holds her ground and it causes him to falter. He stumbles back a step, rubbing his hands over his eyes, “You shouldn’t be here.” He says in a broken voice. 

She sees several employees huddled together under a table near them. The monitor shows them clearly, they’re shaking like leaves and crying. Clinging to each other for dear life as if holding onto another person will lessen the blow. It’s heartbreaking to see, even knowing the type of people they are. But they can’t be all bad. There has to be some good in them somewhere. And that’s the part that speaks to her. They may be bigoted, they may be thieves. But they all have families and friends and pets. They all have something that they love beyond all else, just as she once did. 

Kara continues to try to talk Percy down with soothing words and promises that it will all be okay. Promises that she can’t even believe right now, but its to no avail. He still hasn’t released his grip on the trigger and they’re running out of time. 

“Kara, nod if you can hear me.” She says into the earpiece with her eyes still on the screen. It takes a few moments but she sees a slight incline of the blondes head. “His wife's name was Shala. His letters said that she was always the best part of him. Try that.”

“Percy.” She sees Kara inch up a little closer. “Percy what would Shala say if she saw you right now? Would she want you to do this?”

His body goes rigid at the mention of her name and she doesn’t know if it was a good call or a bad one but it’s all they have. Lena’s hands fly over the keyboard at lightening speed as she filters through the remaining cameras in the lab, glancing back at the scene every few seconds. She sees the way his chest rises and falls in rapid succession. He’s spiraling out of control and she knows she needs to find a solution for it now.

“Kara, you said you remember the language right? Can you speak it?”

She hears the whispered no in her ear, the uncertainty evident and there really isn’t much time for a pep talk right now. “Yes you can. Just try.”

A shaky breath filters through the line, timid and unsure, but it is soon followed by one of the most beautiful languages she has ever heard. She stutters at first, but the words glide out smoother as she goes and Lena stops again to watch her. She’s approaching him again and his breathing is a little less labored. He hasn’t released the detonator yet, but she watches as he shrinks in on himself. He staggers back against one of the tables as she speaks to him softly and slowly lowers himself to the ground. And there on security camera in a basement lab, she watches a grown man erupt into sobs. 

The tears run like rivers down his cheeks, endlessly spilling out all the pain he had kept locked so carefully away all these years. He brings his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them protectively as if to shield him, as if to keep all the horrid things from leaking out, to keep the pieces patched carelessly together. Kara, ever the hero, drops to her knees beside him. She reaches for him, pulling him into a hug that he gets twenty years too late. Lena watches it all unfold from the safety of a control room, the four walls shielding her from all the heartbreak on the other side of the screen. Tears brim in her own eyes, obscuring her vision and she quickly wipes them away. It is not the time to let her own emotions get the better of her. It is not the time to dwell on a side of Kara that she never got to see. The outsider, the girl who lost everything. She had gotten enough insight from Percy’s letters to last her a lifetime. But she can’t help but to consider the irony of it all. They had both lost their worlds, but Kara had to lose hers twice to be here. Kara had to go through so many trials and tribulations to become someone who can sit on a basement floor to give peace to a man in a way that only she can understand. So she can’t help but wonder what would have become of Percy Adams without Kara Danvers. What would have become of Lena Luthor without Kara Danvers. 

He drops the detonator to the floor beside them, the clatter of it almost as loud as the bomb itself would have been. The employees that had been huddled under the table crawl out one by one and make a bee line for the door, trampling over one another to see who will get there faster and Lena rolls her eyes. Maybe they didn’t deserve to get blown to bits but she hopes the scare will open their eyes to their own wrong doings. That’s all one can hope for their enemies anyway, that one day they will see the error of their ways. That one day, they can turn the mirror on themselves. 

She brushes the wrinkles from her dress, just about to take her leave to assist with the clean up when a thought strikes her. She had seen several familiar faces huddled under that table but there was still one that she hadn’t seen, and it is by far the most important. Her brows furrow as she reaches for the controls again, zooming into a flash of movement from the screen on the top left. Her eyes spot the polished shoes first, followed by tailored trousers and a look of horror on the face of a man with his mouth taped shut. He’s tied to an old wooden chair, tucked carefully out of plain sight, but the most alarming part of the image on the screen are the flashing red numbers on the box underneath the chair. _1:37_ and counting down.

“Fuck!” She fists her hands in her hair, paces the length of the room and then tries to keep her voice steady as she delivers the news. “Kara, the bomb is still on a timer. It’s strapped under a chair at the other end of the lab, this place is going to blow.”

She watches Kara’s face as she delivers the news. The blank look that fades into panic, that fades into desperation. 

“Percy, no. No you’ve got to disable the bomb.” She tries, her voice fading into something watery, something urgent and terrified but Lena watches as he shakes his head. She hears the certainty in his voice as he tells her to leave, the sincerity as he thanks her for her kindness, the finality as he tells her that he is going to stay right here so that he can see his wife again. Her pleas and attempt at reason fall on deaf ears and then her upper lip starts to tremble. There’s a familiar bob in her throat and a pink tinge flushing her skin. She looks to her right, up to the ceiling at the nearest security camera and – 

“Lena!” The cry vibrates her eardrums, travels down to her chest and punctures her heart. She staggers back a step as if she'd just been sucker punched. Kara looks like a scared little girl as she screams out her name and it reaches a part of her soul that she didn’t know she still had. 

“I can’t get to it in time, but you can. I’ll talk you through it, I can see it. But you have to go now.” The blonde still looks hesitant, frozen in her spot, fingers clenching where they rest on her knees. “Kara you have to go now!”

And whether it is the shock of the noise or the plea in her voice she will never know, but Kara springs to her feet and runs.

Lena directs her through the maze of tables and machinery. Right, left, left, right. Kara dodges around them with ease, like all the training she’s endured prepared her for this moment. She runs with purpose, with all the determination someone with dead worlds can hold. Percy jolts up a few moments after she does and gives chase, trying with all his might to catch up and stop her so that his wish can be fulfilled. “Behind you!” She shouts after a particularly close call and she watches as Kara stops just long enough to land a right hook to his jaw so loud that they probably hear it outside. He crumples to the floor, knocked out cold and Kara finally rounds the last corner. She slides to her knees as if she just hit a home run, coming to a full stop in front of Mason who is shaking like a leaf and a flashing _0:13._

“What do I do?” She’s skipping right down to business, not even trying for calm and Lena hopes she can steady her hands enough to do this. She instructs her to remove the control panel on the side and takes in the sight of all the wires, weaving and twisting mockingly around each other. She zooms the camera in as far as it will go, seeing the tears that streak the blonde’s face and gives the order.

“Pull the blue wire.” She says it clearly, precisely with no room for doubt. 

She sees Kara start to reach for it with trembling hands before she pauses, “How do you know?”

And let it be known that if Lena Luthor leaves this world as nothing else, she will at least leave honest.

“I don't.”

She lets out a slow breath as Kara reaches for it again. Her right hand still grips the mouse and her left grips the edge of the table. And she finds in this moment, with one final burst of clarity that the tear running down her nose isn’t for her. 

_0:05_

“But you won’t be alone, Kara.”

_0:04_

It is because in spite of everything she’s done, even if it only lasts for a split second – she cannot bear to watch her die.

_0:03_

“No matter what happens, I won’t leave you alone.” 

_0:02_

So she tucks her face into her shoulder and squeezes her eyes shut.

_0:01_

_0:01_

_0:01_

And she could hear a pen drop. She could hear every raindrop that ever fell on the roof of a downtown high rise. Every sputter of a car engine, every plane taking off. Every sound no matter how small, how undetectable by the human ear. But all Lena really hears is the silence one would find at the bottom of a cave, the kind of silence she couldn’t begin to describe to another soul who hadn’t had the experience, followed by the gut wrenching, anguished cry of a superhero as the timer continues to flash _0:01._

And anger be damned, betrayal be damned, when she says something she means it so she runs for the door.

Her feet protest in her heels, having already taken all that they can for the day, so she shucks them off somewhere by the stairwell and runs barefoot through the labs, feet slapping the cold concrete but she doesn’t feel it. She hears the echo of her steps bounce off the walls, she hears the stairwell door slam open followed by shouts of the police but she doesn’t slow down. She has only one destination, her mind set on one single idea and she’s not stopping for the police or the world or God himself lest he strike her down where she stands. She leaps around Percy's hunched over form, the SWAT crew a few paces behind having evidently decided that following the crazy woman would be the best course of action. But she doesn’t care about them, doesn’t give them a single last thought. She makes a less than graceful dive about three feet away from a still quivering blonde who has her back against the wall, long since abandoning her post by the bomb in favor of hyperventilating in the darkest space she can find. Her dress rips at the knees as she falls, but she doesn’t care about that either as she throws her arms around Kara in a bone crushing hug and holds on as if her life depends on it. 

Her fingers thread through blonde locks as she cradles her head to her chest in much the same fashion that she did in the hallway and she feels arms circle around her middle with the same force. Like a grounding wire, like a lifeline, like a steady heartbeat she holds on. Whispers of pride and assurances spill from her lips. Promises that everything will be okay are easy to make here. Promises are made and kept easiest in the dark. Feelings are less inhibited in the cover of shadows. So she pulls her tighter still. 

They hold onto each other as Mason is cut free from the restraints of the chair. They hold on as they wave off the insistence of the paramedics that they be checked out. They hold on as Percy stirs and is carted out in handcuffs, into the clear light of day for what is likely going to be the last time in his life. They hold on as Lena turns over ideas in her mind as to how to remedy that, as she grabs the attention of the last agent in the room who has the evidence of a long day wearing into the wrinkles of his skin, as she drops the name Alex Danvers and directs him to the front desk for her contact information. As he radios it in to the rest of his crew and gives her his nod in thanks, with the assurance that she is already on her way to collect Percy. And she still holds on as he looks her direction but is now looking straight through her with the final statement lingering through the air. She still holds on as she sees both of their bodies taking on their heavenly glow, softly informing them that their work here is done.

Until the hiccups slow, until the tears dry, until all she can hear are little puffs of air coming from the woman in her arms. Only then does she pull away. She looks into ocean blue eyes, glowing as bright as any star in the sky. Still brimmed with tears but still so heavenly, so otherworldly. Only then does she whisper a sweet “Let's go home.”

She gets to her feet, noting that the rips in her dress are mere memory now. The heels she discarded are back on her feet and no longer pinching in all the wrong places. There’s no evidence of the day hidden in crinkles of clothes, not a speck of dust in sight as she holds out her hand for Kara to take. Nothing that remains besides the pang in her heart that no longer beats as the blonde rises up to meet her. Nothing but a promise, a silent assurance of tomorrow as Lena Luthor walks out into the early afternoon sun and holds a superhero’s hand all the way home.


	10. Chapter 10

There are two things in this world, this multiverse of possibilities of which Kara Danvers is undeniably certain. One, potstickers are the cure for all ailments.

Two, she absolutely does not hate Lena Luthor. 

_The chime that signifies the elevator doors opening is far too much for her sensitive ears to bear as her feet hit the cobblestone floor. Her steps are shaky, the exhaustion having crept in long before she ever left that basement and she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she wouldn’t be able to stand upright if it weren’t for the firm grip around her left hand. Gabriel is waiting for them, just as she suspected he would be, with a reassuring smile and knowing eyes. He knows, of course he knows that Percy was hers. Percy was the one living being that she will form an attachment to during this experience. She will bond with the rest of them, sure. At the end of each task she will wish them all well, but Percy was hers and she will never be the same again for having failed him._

_”You did well, Kara. Both of you did well.” He assures, and it is the absolute last thing she needs to hear._

_She turns on her heel, mouth agape to stare at him as if he has lost his last shred of sanity. “We did well? We did WELL? He was dragged off in handcuffs! He will spend the rest of his life in a DEO prison and you think we did well?” She can feel the familiar burn in her eyes and slams them shut. Regardless of how angry she is, incinerating a literal angel is not the best course of action._

_”You saved hundreds of lives, Kara. The building wasn’t evacuated.” He says gently. She knows that he means well, but she just cannot accept his praises when she has so desperately fallen short._

_”Yeah, well.” She scoffs, “I didn’t save the one that mattered.” Tears gather in her eyes again and she feels the grip on her left hand tighten._

_”How about we save the pep talks for a later time, Gabriel and just let her process for awhile.” Her voice is as smooth as the thumb that runs across the side of her index finger and Kara feels herself relax slightly at the soothing touch._

_The angel only nods and bids them farewell, heeding the warning she tucks in the words and disappears through the wall. Lena gives her a soft smile, a tug on her hand and leads her up the winding stairway to her room. They pause briefly outside her closed door, turning to face each other one final time before parting for the evening. Lena reaches up and wipes the stray tear from just under her waterline, lingering just a moment too long. “No matter what happens.” She whispers._

_”No matter what happens.” Kara repeats with a nod. And with a final squeeze of her hand Lena let’s her go and retreats to her room leaving Kara to process on her own terms._

“Will you please stop fidgeting? You’re making me nervous.” Lena's voice interrupts the onslaught of memories, bringing her back to the present. She has to admit the suburbs are a nice change of scenery. They had taken the elevator down that morning and were pleasantly surprised to find that rather than a dark alleyway they were in someone’s den. Their den evidently. While Lena had taken it in stride, much to the amazement of the blonde, Kara is still wrapping her head around the idea that she is married to Lena Luthor. They have a house at the end of a quaint little street outside the bustle of Metropolis. They have a white picket fence and blue shutters. They have a living room filled with photos they had never taken, of people that look almost like them. They have a well stocked bar in the kitchen with a stereotypical _Home Is Where The Heart Is_ wooden sign above the sink. They have a home office and a master bedroom that they will never sleep in with a dark cherry poster bed and red comforter. They have a stone walkway and a grill on the back patio. They have new neighbors right across the street who have a covered porch they are currently standing on. Lena has on a yellow sundress that she would rather die than wear twice, with a bowl of ambrosia salad in her hands, and Kara just has a headache. 

“Sorry.” She replies, dragging her shoe across the welcome mat, eyes still cast downward. The house they stand in front of looks like it came straight out of a catalog, though she supposes their own isn’t much different. It’s a two story brick, likely with a finished basement by the looks of the windows she noticed around the side. The door is a dark red with rain glass in the center, just enough to see movement but not enough to make out the residents.

“You have the attention span of a golden retriever.” She scoffs, stretching an arm out in front of Kara to ring the doorbell again. They had reverted quickly back to their normal routine, trading barbs with each other, though it doesn’t hold the same malice as it once did. It has become a softer banter. Lena is more gentle, less jagged around the edges than when they started their journey. And she knows it’s because of Percy, at least mostly. Lena felt the loss of Abby deep inside her soul and she had only extended out the same courtesy to Kara. But the way she held her, the way she came running after parroting the words said in a room in the sky, that had been everything but courtesy. Lena held her like she loved her. Lena with her harsh words and sharp eyes held her like it was the only place in the world she wanted to be. 

Kara looks at her now, the way she brushes the hair back from her face. The way the yellow sundress contrasts against her dark hair and while it’s something she would never wear if given the choice, she still looks devastatingly beautiful. Her eyes shine brightly even under the shaded porch and Kara is dangerously enchanted by her. “What?” She asks, glimpsing over at the blonde. 

Kara ducks her head back down, embarrassed to have been caught staring. “Nothing. You just-"

The shuffle of footsteps coming toward the door interrupt her which is probably a good thing. She has no idea what was going to come out of her mouth just then and she would rather not find out. The door opens to reveal a woman, and she’s exactly who Kara would have expected to live in a quaint little house on a quaint little street in the suburbs. Her cheeks are a little flushed, blonde hair a little frizzed but her smile is lovely as she greets them. The baby on her hip smiles too in response to his mother’s enthusiasm and Kara feels the pounding in her head recede slightly. 

“Welcome to the neighborhood!” Lena says in the friendliest tone Kara has ever heard her use. Honestly she didn’t even think the other woman’s voice could reach that high of a pitch. The surprise must be apparent on her face because she soon feels an elbow to the ribs, warning her without question to play along. 

“Right. We just wanted to come over and introduce ourselves. I’m Kara and this is – um." Her speech falters and she looks to Lena for help. 

She doesn’t miss the eye roll, though Lena plays it off as a fondness for her. “Lena. Her wife.” She juts her head in Kara's direction and shifts the bowl to her left arm and extends her hand in greeting. 

“Yep.” Kara says, extending her own hand, “Yep she’s my wife.” The woman just looks at her curiously and she adds, “Sometimes I forget it’s even real.” She looks to Lena, tongue in cheek with an awkward chortle, earning an inconspicuous glare in return.

“Newlyweds?” The woman asks, seemingly satisfied and overly oblivious.

“Oh yes, very new.” The eyes that meet her this time are full of affection and she adds that to the list of things she didn’t know Lena Luthor was capable of. “We brought a welcome gift, but I see you have your hands full.”

She readjusts the baby on her hip, shifting him upward and calls for her husband. Unlike Percy, Robert Houseman is the last thing that she expects. If tall, dark and handsome were a person it would be the man in front of her. He appears in the doorway beside his wife, in a pair of well-loved jeans and a t-shirt. He wraps an arm around her shoulders as she introduces him, wearing an easy smile. Noticing the bowl in Lena's hands he reaches out politely to take it, thanking her for her kindness and mentioning that it's his favorite. He seems so normal, so happy. So undeniably ordinary that Kara almost thinks they have the wrong Robert Houseman. 

“Would you guys like to come in?” He offers. It isn’t part of the plan, they were just going to introduce themselves and be on their way but the offer is too good to pass up. 

Boxes are still piled on the stairs, but she notices that they have already unpacked certain odds and ends. Keys are settled in a dish on the table in the hall. Photos adorn the walls leading into the kitchen. The island in the center is much like theirs, only covered in glasses and plates wrapped in newspaper. The patter of little feet sound out behind her and she quickly shuffles to her left to avoid colliding with the unexpected addition. She bumps into Lena instead who wraps an arm around her to keep her from stumbling to the ground. 

“Bella, what did I tell you about running in the house?” The woman, Natalie, chastises the young girl who looks to be about three or four. She looks down bashfully as she mumbles her apology and Kara’s heart melts at the tiny blonde girl.

“Bug, can you say hi to the neighbors?” Robert asks, scooping the little girl up in his arms. She looks like him. Same hazel eyes, same dimpled smile. She considers them for a moment before burying her face in her father's shoulder. “She’s not usually this shy.” He explains, putting her back down and they just wave it off. 

“How long have you guys been living here?” Natalie asks, taking the bowl her husband put on the counter when they came in and placing it in the fridge. 

“Oh, its been a few years now, hasn’t it darling?” And Kara swears she will never get used to the term of endearment. While it had frustrated her to no end when they first arrived, in light of recent events, it makes her stilled heart flutter in a way that she is nowhere near ready to comprehend.

“Yep, about three years now.” She manages to say. Lena’s arm is still wrapped around her waist and for some reason she’s finding it more and more challenging to form coherent sentences. She’s quite proud of herself for getting that one out without stuttering. She’s sure that Lena notices, she sees the uptick of her lips when she looks over and feels a thumb slowly moving across her side. 

Robert invites them to the living room and she readily accepts. The dark haired woman finally releases the hold on her waist but her skin still burns from the phantom touch and she wonders if this is how Lena felt all those times she couldn’t seem to keep her hands to herself. They settle on the sofa, Kara trying to keep a reasonable distance without looking too suspicious, while he takes a seat in the recliner across from them.

“So what brings you to the area?” Lena asks him, feigning interest in an answer that she already knows.

Her first order of business when they had arrived that morning was to make full use of the home office and research him. They came from the west coast to be closer to Natalie’s family – at least that was their best guess at it. He is a police officer, she’s a former nurse turned housewife after Bella was born. They met in college, have been married for five years, lived in a two bedroom apartment up until they had Matthew and decided they needed more space. At a glance they are the perfect family. They are happy and in love, everything that a family should be. But tragedy looms around the corner. Like the others, he is on the list for a reason. Kara wishes he wasn't.

“Babe, didn’t you say you were getting a new partner?” Kara looks up at the question, not having realized until this moment that she had been absently tracing the patterns on the arm of the sofa and not paying a bit of attention.

“I did.” And if she thought ‘darling' made her head spin, ‘babe' might actually kill her.

“What are the odds? Our new neighbor is your new partner.” She tilts her head in surprise as she glances at Kara over her shoulder. 

The odds are fairly good if you are a guardian angel on a mission to stop horrific crimes, thus tossed into the exact career path you need to be in, but whatever. 

“What a small world.” Kara plays along.

His laugh is infectious, one that bubbles up from his stomach into a larger than life sound. He slaps his knee and agrees, quick to tell his wife who just made her entrance and perches herself on the edge of the armchair after having put Matthew down for his afternoon nap. 

“You'll keep him out of trouble wont you Kara?” She asks sweetly, “This one has a knack for getting stuck in sticky situations.” She looks fondly at her husband who has the sense enough to look sheepish, but still vehemently disagrees that he goes looking for trouble.

“I'll do my very best.” She smiles at the woman. She’s so young, so full of life. So undeserving of whatever is waiting for her and Kara means this from the bottom of her heart. She will not fail. She cannot fail, not again. Lena senses her inner turmoil, something she always excelled at, and makes a polite excuse for them to take their leave. Robert stands to walk them out. 

“It was nice meeting you both.” He says as they approach the door, “I guess I'll see you in the morning, Kara.”

“You will.” She nods.

He waves from the front steps as they cross the street, back to the house that isn’t theirs, and she suddenly finds herself wishing that they could stay.

Lena groans as soon as she steps over the threshold, muttering about her ridiculous outfit and Kara just shakes her head and smiles. “I like it.” She says, before she can think it through fully. “I mean - it's just something that I would wear.” She looks down at the suit adorning her own form. The way that it’s tight in places that she isn’t accustomed to. The fact that the dress is something she would wear isn’t a lie. And this suit looks like it walked straight out of Lena's rich CEO closet and attached itself to the wrong body.

“I'll be sure to tell Gabriel.” Lena says, reaching down to undo the clasp on the equally out of place sandals, “Maybe next time you can play the housewife.” She kicks the offending footwear off to the side and walks into the kitchen, pulling a wine glass from the cabinet and selecting a bottle from under the bar. 

“Trust me, I’m as thrilled as you are.” Kara perches herself on a barstool and watches Lena shuffle around the kitchen in search of a corkscrew, slamming drawers as she goes. 

“Oh please. At least you get to go out and fight crime. That is your thing isn’t it?” She mumbles as she reaches the last drawer, still unsuccessful in her attempt. 

Kara rolls her eyes at the jab, absentmindedly reaching her hand out for the bottle the brunette is holding. Lena gives her a curious look but hands it over. “And you get to stay here and research, which is your thing, isn’t it?” She muses, popping the cork out with ease and passing Lena her treat. The domesticity isn’t lost on her. The thing about Lena is it was always so easy. Easy to fall, easy to breathe. Easy to just be. 

“How did you – nevermind.” She pours a substantial amount in the glass and throws her head back to down it. She’s never looked less like a CEO in her life, probably not even when she was in diapers. A drop escapes the corner of her mouth and she wipes it away with the pad of her thumb. Lena Luthor has not a single fuck left to give as she grabs the bottle and pours another heaping glass like its water in the Sahara. Kara doesn’t blame her though. She had much the same opinion of the ice cream, but she still can’t resist the urge to call her on it. 

“Don’t you think that might be frowned upon?” She asks. The other woman has slowed down a bit, this time only having chugged half the contents, but it is still something considerable for a human who hasn’t had a drop to drink in – what month is it now?

Lena just laughs softly. She swirls the liquid around in the glass, watching it with fascination as it sloshes on the sides. “Didn’t Jesus drink wine?” Her green eyes gleam as she looks back at her companion. 

“I don’t know. I’m Kryptonian.” Kara shrugs, “We're kind of on your playing field here. This is your idea of the afterlife after all.” She stands and rounds the counter, tugging the freezer door open. “I’m just along for the ride.” Her eyes scan the contents of the freezer and she’s happy to find what she’s looking for. She snatches the carton of Rocky Road greedily, already licking her lips in anticipation and sending a silent thank you to Rao or Jesus or whatever entity is up there that thought to stock the ice cream. She doesn’t bother with a bowl, they’re long past the point of civility. She simply picks a spoon out of nearest drawer, flings the top off in haste and digs in carelessly. If she’s going to be stuck in the suburbs, married to her not quite enemy, she can at least indulge in simple pleasures. Lena certainly is. 

“My idea of the afterlife is a bit more doom and gloom than a house on Maple Street, darling.” She abandons the wine in favor of the ice cream and gets a spoon of her own. Kara settles into her spot on the other side of the bar and pushes the carton closer to the center without thinking much of it. 

She doesn’t quite know how to respond to that, so they sit in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Lena perches her elbows on the surface and reaches over to help herself, forgoing her usual comments about Kara’s appetite and lack of etiquette. It appears the experience has altered her as well. She’s shed free of the burdens that come from carrying a last name like hers. Kara thinks it must be nice for her to take the hat off and just be Lena in a way that she never could. She’s Lena in a yellow sundress that she would never wear, in a house she'd never own, in a neighborhood she’d never live in. She’s Lena without a price on her head, without a budget to pour over, with nothing to oversee. She’s Lena with the spoon hanging out of her mouth, smiling at someone she hates but holds like someone she loves. She’s everything she could have been but will never get to be once this is all over. And there’s a piece of Kara that wants to drag it out a little more, make it take a little longer. If only to allow her to be just Lena for a few more minutes.

“So I was thinking,” She starts, reaching for another scoop, “Something is up with the wife.”

Kara’s jaw drops at the statement, though she’s quick to compose herself, if only for the sake of not soiling the suit with a mouthful of chocolate. “No way! She’s so nice.”

“She’s _too_ nice. I'm telling you,” She uses the tip of her spoon to emphasize her point, “Something is off about her.”

Lena was always good at conspiracies. Always piecing things together that anyone else would miss. She has that look in her eyes now, that all knowing, mischievous look she would get whenever they would watch any crime show or suspenseful movie ever made. It reminds her of one evening in particular. 

_”I promise you, you’ll like it.” Lena stands in her kitchen, pouring popcorn in a bowl, snatching a few kernels off the top as she walks over to where Kara is settled on the leather sofa. She plops down next to her, much less gracefully than her poise often allows and grabs hold of the blanket draped over the blonde's lap. Kara takes the bowl eagerly from her grasp and Lena only smiles at the childlike glee in her eyes, shimmying herself underneath the fabric, close enough that their thighs touch._

_”What’s it about?” She asks, popcorn already tucked in her cheeks, giving her best chipmunk impression. She often forgets Lena was raised with a separate fork for every dish, being doted on by butlers and maids, reprimanded if she even considered putting her elbows on the table._

_”Would it kill you to be surprised?” The other woman asks, snatching a few more kernels from the bowl and pressing play on the remote. The lights in the penthouse dim automatically, which is a feature Kara always loved. It was a rarity that they had their movie nights here, but Lena had been working longer hours than normal to finish her latest merger and her penthouse is a lot closer to the office than Kara’s apartment. The blonde had insisted, telling her it was fine, she could come there. She does have the ability of flight after all. But even if she didn’t, seeing a Lena with her face scrubbed clean of make up and a sleepy smile as she inevitably drops her head to the hero’s shoulder at the end of the first movie is always worth it._

_”I guess not.” She huffs playfully and Lena smacks her shoulder. She feigns injury after that, and when Lena flirtatiously offers to kiss it better she decides that throwing herself into harm's way every day is absolutely the most noble thing she can do with her life. She knows the other woman can see her blush even in the dark, and when lips press to her cheek followed by a ‘you’re cute’ in her ear, she doesn’t pay a single bit of attention to what is playing out on the screen._

_Lena however, is none the wiser to Kara’s internal panic as she stares intently at the screen, stiff as a board as she calculates the ending. She brings the blanket up to her chin at a particularly intense part of the movie, gripping it fiercely in anticipation. Kara may not have been paying attention to the film but she was absolutely paying attention to her. She paid attention when she announced a full fifteen minutes in that the brother did it. She paid attention when she shuffled closer to her and buried her face in Kara’s chest after a jump scare. She paid attention when she decided not to move after that. She paid attention right before the ending credits rolled, when Lena shouted in victory that she was right._

_”Did you like it?” She asks, shyly. So unlike the confident woman she met all those years ago. And Kara agrees so readily, so easily._

_”I loved it.” She says, and the million watt smile she receives rivals any sunrise she ever saw. She asks if she wants to watch another one and Kara nods, knowing that this will be it. Lena surfs through the selections and settles on something lighter the second time around. Her head drops back to Kara's chest as soon as it starts and she’s asleep within minutes. The lines on her forehead smooth, free of stress. Kara smiles and pulls her closer, letting her own eyes drift shut._

She had awoken the next morning under a curtain of dark hair and greeted with a sleepy smile. Their perfect world had ended shortly after that. It was only a few weeks later that she learned the truth. That morning was something Kara held onto when Lena hated her. Until there was nothing left between them but betrayal and manipulation. Until Lena trapped her in the fortress, until she told her how she really felt. Until the moment she actually tried to kill her, the moment Kara retaliated in all the worst ways, she held onto sleepy smiles. It hurts more than she ever thought it would to remember it now.

“You have any input about that or-" Lena let’s the statement hang in the air, pulling Kara from her daydream. And as much as she would like to protest, she can’t find it in herself to do so. She’s too startled, too raw from the memory.

“I mean, you’ve been right about everyone so if you think something’s off, then okay.” She says it as convincingly as she can muster, reaching forward for another spoon of ice cream. 

“Okay? That’s it?” She challenges her, not believing it could be that simple. Always waiting for the catch, never trusting in something as simple as someone’s word. Kara knows she played a part in that. 

“Yeah. I’ll go to work and dig up what I can on him, and you can look into her.” She says simply.

And it’s not a sleepy smile. It’s not sunlight creeping in through balcony windows or fuzzy pajamas and discarded popcorn bowls. 

But it's enough.


	11. Chapter 11

Natalie Houseman at a glance is perfectly ordinary. She is a balanced amount of grace and chaos, exactly what she would expect of a mother of two young children. She sees her husband off to work in the mornings with a kiss and a wave. She prepares breakfast for her children, placing Matthew in his high chair with tiny bites of eggs and applesauce. She makes Bella pancakes with smiley faces fashioned out of blueberries and other various fruits. Sometimes chocolate chips as long as it stays their little secret. She encourages her to pick her own clothes within reason, and paints with her on the sidewalk in the afternoons. She sings to Matthew while she puts him to sleep, rocking him as long as she can because she knows there will come a day when Mommy doesn’t need to rock him anymore. It is the most mundane, inconsequential routine there is. By day three, Lena is up to her neck in monotony and bored out of her skull.

Every day, she sits by the window and waits. Peering through a pair of binoculars like a burglar scoping out his next target, learning routines and habits. She can’t even use her normal go-to plan and just break in because Natalie seemingly has an aversion to ever leaving the house. Every day, Kara comes home at promptly five thirty three, decked in full police uniform that Lena absolutely does not find attractive and asks if anything new has turned up. Every day she says no, and Kara offers words of encouragement. They make dinner just because they can, Lena cleans out the wine cabinet and they retreat back to their own personal prison. Today is no different. Today has Kara chopping onions and Lena stirring homemade spaghetti sauce while sipping her latest selection. 

“You could try talking to her, you know.” Kara says in between chops, wiping her eye against her shoulder. “It might help her confide in you if you’re friends.”

Lena only chuckles and takes another sip, turning to face her, “You know how I am with friends.”

“Well you and Abby were-" She starts without thinking it through, that much is obvious. She winces at something other than the onions and quickly rushes out an apology. If she had said it in the first week it would have stung, it would have caused her to lash out and bring up everything that Kara had ever done that led them here. But now she knows it doesn’t come from a place of ill intent. The blonde just has a knack for putting her foot in her mouth. But now enough time has passed that she can think of her young friend and smile. She can look back fondly at the first person to warm a dead heart and hope she’s doing well. So she does just that.

“Don’t worry about it.” She smiles, “And I told you I’d chop those. You’re too accident prone and you aren’t invincible here.” It’s said in a light hearted manner and she wonders when it all changed. She wonders when the harsh words shifted and the bitterness faded. It’s still not something they can joke about, far from it. But it’s not something that causes a homicidal rage to bubble up inside her either.

“I know how much you hate it.” She says with a shrug. As if it’s the obvious answer. As if it is just a normal day in a normal life. As if it doesn’t mean the world to her.

She wonders if they could have ever gotten to this point on their own. If she hadn’t followed her most primal instinct to respond to hurt with total annihilation. If Kara hadn’t responded in kind. If she had just cut Kara out of her life and moved on without taking it to such extremes. She wonders if she would have tried. If she would have called, dropped in unannounced, sent flowers. She wonders if it ever would have worked. If she would have softened, if she would have let the blonde in. If she would have ever put herself in the position to have her heart slaughtered again. 

The truth is, she doesn’t know. Just like she doesn’t know what's changed now. She doesn’t know why Kara Danvers chopping onions in a house at the end of Maple street makes her want to cry.

But she doesn’t. She just nods, not trusting herself to speak and turns back to stirring the sauce. She hears a little sniffle behind her followed by a groan. “Now I know why you hate this.”

“Not so tough now, are you Supergirl?” She quips. She moves to the sink to drain the pasta and feels the blonde come up behind her on her way to add the onions to their meal.

“Even superheroes have weaknesses.” She says quietly, her chin almost resting on Lena's shoulder.

_It had been a long day, even in the world of Lena Luthor who routinely worked thirteen hour days and slept in her office rather than trudging back to her apartment at some ungodly hour. It started with a business deal gone wrong, another one of her brother’s henchman putting on the hat of a respectable businessman only to gain access to the tech she was developing. She had it nipped in the bud by noon, the man dragged out in handcuffs and screaming about changing the world. She then had to cancel lunch with Kara in favor of a three hour long board meeting where she threatened to fire over half the members simply for getting on her nerves when they started their speeches about female CEOs not belonging in a man's world. Then Jess had a family emergency which she practically had to force her out of the building for, assuring her that her family was more important than her job and she would be all right. She then had to manage her own schedule, which is a feat all in itself. She almost missed an important call with a potential partner because for being a tech genius even she had struggled with the system Jess designed to manage said schedule. After that her team had nearly blown up the lab and the head of R &D came to her office borderline crying waiting to be fired. She assured her that her work here far exceeds the weight of one lab mishap and offered to help clean up, also offering her assistance in teaching them an easier way to do it to avoid future explosions. Her suit is ruined, but their grateful smiles were worth it. Now here she sits covered in soot and grime, heels discarded, buried in paperwork and not remembering the last time she ate._

_She hears a tap on the glass of the balcony door behind her and she knows its either a girl with a cape or a very polite assassin. She’s so exhausted that a flight home or murder are both equally appealing as long as she can get some type of sleep. She spins in her chair and finds the former, cape blowing in the wind and waving with one hand, a bag of something greasy in the other. They aren’t far into their partnership and on any other day she would be very unnerved at the idea of the hero on her balcony at this hour of the night. But today isn’t any other day, today is one catastrophe after another so she rises to unlock the door without dwelling on the why._

_”Supergirl.” She regards her with a nod. “What brings you by?”_

_”Well I was in the neighborhood. Saw your light was still on and thought you might be hungry.” She raises the bag up as proof of her story and Lena’s stomach growls in response. The hero laughs, a light carefree sound, tilting her head back as she does. “Guess I was right. May I?” She gestures to the sofa in the office and Lena steps to the side in consent._

_She moves through the room as if she'd done it a million times, placing the bag gently on the table before inviting herself to the mini fridge and taking out two bottles of water. Lena watches her, silently wondering how she knew to do that but still not thinking too much about it. It is yet another thing she would question if it were any other day, but today was truly awful and her head already hurts._

_”You coming?” The hero asks. She has made herself comfortable on the sofa and is unpacking the bag, dividing the contents in two separate piles, one considerably larger than the other. Lena doesn’t answer, just allows her feet to carry her over, sinking into the plush carpet as she walks. It’s a welcome change to the heels that have been pinching her toes all day. It feels like walking on a cloud in comparison and she sighs contently as she lowers herself to the sofa._

_She takes the first bite of the burger and lets out a pleased sound at the taste. The hero to her right smiles as if she is very proud of herself, and she wonders how she knew to bring her a burger from her favorite place, light on everything but heavy on the pickle. She files the question under the any other day category and just enjoys the treat presented to her._

_”That bad huh?” The hero jokes in between bites of her own burger, her forth burger to be exact, but Lena supposes crime fighting would cause quite an appetite._

_”You have no idea.” She chuckles dryly, wiping the corner of her mouth with a napkin. “What about you?”_

_”Hmm, the usual.” At Lena's raised brow, she elaborates. “Fine. It started off normal. Saved a few cats from trees, stopped a few traffic accidents. Simple stuff.” She shrugs and Lena scoffs. Of course she would consider superheroing just a run of the mill experience. “Then there was a structure fire downtown.”_

_”Oh! I heard about that.” Lena says, pointing in her direction. “Did everyone make it out okay? I was wondering about it.” She remembers hearing about it on the breakroom television as she blew by, sometime in between being questioned by the authorities and that disastrous meeting._

_”Yeah they did.” She nods, reaching back into the bag for her third order of fries. “Everyone was fine. I had to cancel lunch with a friend though because it took a few hours.” She looks disappointed, deflated at the revelation and Lena wonders exactly how good of a friend they are._

_The hero recounts her day hour by hour and Lena realizes the chain of events that follow are not dissimilar from her own, though on a grander scale. After the fire, there was a pile up on I-95. After the pileup there was a bank robbery turned hostage negotiation. After that, there was a showdown at the DEO where they nitpicked at her performance, which she blew off in favor of saving a bus full of children from teetering off a bridge that was destroyed by the rouge alien that she spent the last four hours chasing all over the city before finally catching him and fighting off the urge to hurl him into the sun._

_”And I haven’t eaten in over five hours!” She exclaims after finally taking a breath. It’s Lena's turn to throw her head back laughing, having finished her meal sometime in the middle of the story. She is turned to her side, facing the hero, arm thrown across the back of the sofa. Supergirl has finally finished her buffet of greasy sustenance as well and leaned back in defeat at the latest revelation._

_”So you decided to bring a heart attack in a bag to the neighborhood Luthor?” She teases. They must be a sight to see, really. Two people who are destined to be enemies, sharing a sofa and a meal at almost midnight, laughing like old friends. The press would have a field day. Cat Grant would have a field day, and probably a few shots of hard liquor afterward._

_Supergirl blushes in a way that reminds her of someone else, her ears turning pink and ducks her head shyly. “Well when you put it that way.” She looks at Lena and her eyes twinkle, an even darker shade of blue in the dim lights of the office, and she looks so familiar. She looks so much like she fits here, so much like home that it’s startling. “After I passed you, I passed Big Belly Burger and thought you could use some company. So I took a break.” She says it like it's something that just made sense. Like she just wanted to spend time with her._

_”So you just took a break from saving the world to have burgers with me?” It’s ludicrous and sweet and everything it shouldn’t be. But it makes Lena smile in a way she rarely does. In a way she only shares with one other person._

_”And you took a break from saving the world to have burgers with me.” She points out, grinning as if she has a secret, though Lena presumes she has many._

_A siren sounds out in the distance and she knows the act is coming to an end, like all good things always do. “Besides,” she adds as she stands to leave, “Even superheroes have weaknesses Lena Luthor.” She punctuates the statement with a wink and an instruction not to work too hard which only pulls another smile from the other woman standing in her wake. She walks backward on the balcony, falling over the edge in a theatrical display before shooting off into the night. ___

_”Show off.” Lena mutters._

_The last thing she hears is a melodic laugh carrying through the breeze before she decides to call it a night._

Kara had moved right past her after repeating the familiar phrase into her ear. She took over sauce duty, stirring in the vegetables and looking none the wiser to Lena’s memory flash. She remembers though, if she didn’t she wouldn’t have said it. There is a reason, a plan behind every move Kara Danvers ever made when it came to her. She played her like a fine tuned instrument, always knowing what cord to strike and the exact moment to strike it. She looked at Lena and saw straight through, past the madness and the hurt. She took her weaknesses and exploited them. She pretended to care only to be let in. But something about that night never made sense to her. She hadn’t pried for information, hadn’t snooped, hadn’t appeared to have any ulterior motives. She brought food and told her about her day, asking nothing in return. Lena hadn’t asked then, nor had she asked afterward. They never brought it up again and she had never done it again. It was just their secret to share, tucked away in a dim office at midnight on a Tuesday. So she never asked. Until now. 

__“Why?” She barely turns in the blonde’s direction, still having her hand placed on the strainer in the sink as if it would ground her somehow. Keep her in this moment and not trapped back in that one. Kara expected the question. She can tell by the slightly rigid posture of her shoulders, the tension in her muscles veiled underneath the white t-shirt. Her hands still for a moment as she answers, cutting board still hovering mid air in one hand, knife still poised in the other._ _

__“I wanted to see you.” She says it as simply as she had then, but it carries with it a weight it never held before. She says the next part quietly, more vulnerable, like it was just another secret she kept but needs to say it now. “I missed you.”_ _

__And Lena doesn’t know how she didn’t see it. It’s a thought she had been wrestling for months. One that kept her up at night and plagued her dreams when she could finally fall asleep. She doesn’t know how she missed that the shade of their eyes were the same, an otherworldy blue. How they laughed the same, held her the same, felt the same. She finally decided that she didn’t see it because she didn’t want to. She never wanted to know, because when she did it would be ruined. They would be ruined._ _

__The thing that haunts her now is slightly different. It would plague her dreams if she had them. It nags at her, pulls at the edges of her mind and tucks itself in. It's something she had convinced herself the opposite of for so long. Because she had to. Because it made sense to her. She could rationalize it and use it to fuel her rage. But something changed. Something shifted and she started seeing things differently somewhere along the way. It’s the hardest thing she’s wrapped her mind around yet, but it's there._ _

__When Kara gives the answer, the answer that she just _wanted_ to. That she missed her, something happens to Lena that hasn’t happened yet and it may just be the turning point of it all. They may have reached the curve in the straight away they have been flying down all this time. _ _

__Lena believes her._ _

__

__Fortunately for her, she doesn’t have to listen to Kara’s advice. The morning following the revelation has the blonde leaving in her uniform at her usual time telling Lena to have a good day. It has Natalie seeing her husband off with the normal kiss and a wave. Though this time she doesn’t retreat back into the house to make smiley face pancakes and scrambled eggs. No, this time she looks both ways on the dead end street and heads right for her front door with Matthew on her hip and holding tightly to Bella's hand. Lena jumps up from her usual seat in a panic, running to stash the binoculars somewhere inconspicuous, which happens to be under the sofa cushion. She checks her appearance in the hallway mirror out of habit, a ritual that runs bone deep to never have a hair out of place whenever company arrives. A ritual she threw out the window the first time she ever caught a cold after becoming friends with a sunny blonde who brought her soup that dropped straight from the heavens. A sunny blonde who saw her open the door in sweatpants with a red nose and insisted on taking care of her, despite her protests. She stopped giving a damn about her appearance after that, at least as far as Kara was concerned, because she still looked at her like she hung the moon even with flushed cheeks and tangled hair._ _

__But this isn’t a sunny blonde bearing soup and fuzzy blankets that smell like her and keep her warm at night. This is a target, an ordinary housewife in the midst of a mystery. So she checks her appearance, combing over every last detail twice, and lets the doorbell ring out for a reasonable amount of time before opening the door with a look of surprise._ _

__“Good morning!” She says cheerfully, too cheerfully for this hour in Lena's opinion. “I wanted to thank you again for the ambrosia salad, Rob loved it.” She has the bowl in her hand that she’s balancing her son in and Lena reaches out to take it. The woman smiles gratefully at her._ _

__“No problem. It’s Kara's favorite too.” She lies. Kara hates it, called it a fruity abomination and vowed to have Gabriel smite it off the face of the planet. They did the taste test of it together, Lena tisking Kara for her dramatics until she tried it herself and jumped right on the smite it off the face of the planet train._ _

__Natalie goes to take her leave but Lena reluctantly invites her inside. The blonde had come up with a few good plans since they'd started this mission so she decides to give the friend thing a shot. She may go stir crazy if she doesn’t. Natalie gives a good impression of an excited puppy at the idea of having a conversation with another adult so she pats herself on the back as the other woman steps into the foyer._ _

__She did not account for the tiny humans in tow however and wonders what exactly she is going to do to entertain them when she has a hard enough time relating to other adults. Bella thankfully decides that for her and shyly asks her mother if she can watch cartoons. Lena points them in the direction of the living room and sets off for the kitchen to make coffee. At least that's something she can do. Caffeine does nothing for her these days since she can’t sleep anyway so she’s pleased to find she can have as much of it as she wants._ _

__She sets the pot to start and pulls two mugs from the cupboard along with the cream and sugar. Its just a guess, but Natalie looks like the type who would indulge in a sugary concoction if her chocolate chip pancakes have anything to say about it._ _

__“Thanks for that.” Natalie says, taking a seat at the bar, “I don’t let her watch them often.”_ _

__Rare is better than never. Lena didn’t see her first cartoon until adulthood. Until Kara actually, and her not so subtle affection for animated films._ _

__

_”Lena, it’s The Little Mermaid! How can you have never seen this?” Kara looks hurt. Downright heartbroken at the knowledge that her best friend had never seen one of the most iconic movies of all time._

_They're settled on her sofa, Lena in borrowed sweatpants and an NCU hoodie because one cannot have movie night while looking like a CEO. It is yet another crime against nature according to her bubbly friend. The only light in the room is the lamp on the end table, and the stove light in the kitchen for when Kara needs more snacks approximately four minutes into the movie. It’s a tradition they’ve started now, a weekly movie night. It started three weeks prior when Kara had burst into her penthouse at the news she was under the weather and demanded she rest while the blonde fussed over her. She was too tired to argue and relented to a weekend filled with soup, Disney movies, and Kara Danvers singing all through the house. She feigned illness for an extra day._

_”Kara, you know I hadn’t even seen one animated film until three weeks ago. Can you imagine Lillian watching The Little Mermaid and braiding my hair?” And Lena laughs it off. It’s one of the more inconsequential parts of her childhood, it didn’t have a massive impact on her adult life. But Kara still has that look on her face._

_”When the Danvers adopted me, I was terrified of everything.” She emphasizes her point by tilting her head back, looking up as if searching for the memory. “They all had their little ways of helping me. Alex let me sleep with her when I had nightmares. Jeremiah taught me how to fish.” She laughs and Lena just looks on fondly as she shakes her head. “I never was very good at that, by the way. But Eliza watched movies with me and braided my hair. It made it feel like home to me.”_

_And Lena is so glad Kara had that. She couldn’t imagine what an upbringing like hers would do to this sweet soul beside her. The world needs Kara Danvers just how she is. Giving and kind and wonderful. “Thank you for sharing that with me, darling.” She reaches for Kara's hand and threads their fingers together. “Now, show me the wonder that is The Little Mermaid.”_

_Kara smiles her favorite smile, the one that makes her nose crinkle and brings creases to the corners of her eyes before pressing play on the remote. She moves closer to Lena, shifting until she’s cuddled against her side, fingers still loosely entwined. She still sings along through this one, albeit quietly as if she’s afraid to move, to break the bubble they’ve created. Lena determines very quickly that her new favorite thing aside from cuddling and fuzzy blankets is the sound of Kara’s voice singing softly in her ear._

__

__“So how did you and Kara meet?” Natalie asks, taking the first sip of her coffee and closing her eyes in contentment. Lena was right about the sugary concoction._ _

__“She saved my life.” She replies before she can think to lie, sipping from her own cup and grimacing at her lack of preparedness. Maybe it wasn’t the first meeting, but it was the first day and it’s the first time she’s really considered it, actually. She had the two stored into her mind as separate entities for so long that it hadn’t occurred to her. Sure she had thought back on some of her interactions with Supergirl in the midst of her rage, but it was mostly on the poor ones, on the accusatory ones. She hadn’t considered all the times that Supergirl had saved her, that Kara had saved her. Kara caught her as she fell off her balcony, Kara stopped bullets, Kara risked her identity to save her life because there was no time to rip off her day at the office attire before taking to the sky. Kara stopped the helicopter from crashing and uttered _you're safe_ before she knew anything about her past a suspicious family name. Kara was there, running headfirst into danger every time, without ever stopping to blink. Lena fights the urge to blanch when she considers herself the new Lois Lane._ _

__“Wow.” Natalie’s eyes go wide, “Now that’s a story I’d love to hear.” She’s the picture of a nosy housewife, and for all the things Lena Luthor will be, small town gossip will not be one of those things. She’s more a conspire to rule the world, scathing article kind of girl._ _

__“Perhaps another time.” She rests her elbows on the bar, smiling at the baby bouncing on his mother’s knee. She may not know the best method for entertaining children but babies always seemed to like her. “How about you and Rob? How did you meet?”_ _

__“College, actually. He was going into the medical field too before he broke up a bar fight and decided his calling was to save the world.” She says it in a whimsical tone, finger quotes and all and it pulls a genuine laugh from Lena._ _

__“I know someone like that.” She muses, hiding her smile behind the rim of her cup. “So are you still in the medical field now?” She knows the answer, it seems like a silly question to ask, but a necessary one to pry the lid off the proverbial jar._ _

__“No. I quit when we had Bella. It made more sense for me to stay home.” It's said with a nod. She doesn’t make eye contact when she gives the answer. Her tone is reserved, like she’s locked herself into this life and there is no point dwelling on could have beens. Anyone else would have dismissed it. Would have agreed that it was for the best and swapped a new quiche recipe. But Lena hears the bitterness in her tone and locks in._ _

__“Well you could always go back right? Once they’re older?” She prods. But Natalie only shakes her head._ _

__“Rob wants a big family. We'd have twenty kids if it were up to him.”_ _

__“And if it were up to you?” She doesn’t miss a beat. This is good, this is progress._ _

__She opens her mouth to respond and Lena is hopeful that it will be a truthful answer. She sees the reluctance in her gaze but also the need to confide in someone. Tiny feet break the moment though and Lena curses internally at the quiet “Mommy.”_ _

__Natalie spins on the stool to see what the small girl is up to when Lena notices something in her hand. Note to self- sofa cushions are not a good hiding place. “What these?” The little girl has her face scrunched up, a mix between confusion and genuine curiosity. She’s got the strap draped over her shoulder as if she were carrying a purse and is holding them with two tiny hands._ _

__Natalie just looks mortified that her child had the audacity to snoop, but Lena is endeared by the sight. Little blonde pigtails with bows, eyes filled with wonder and hope and all things a child should have. The mother goes to admonish her, but Lena places her cup on the countertop with a soft clink and rounds the island to kneel in front of the girl._ _

__“Those are binoculars, love.” She says with a smile and reaches one hand out for them to show her._ _

__The little girl tries to repeat the word, tongue twisting around it in an adorable way and Lena only smiles wider, eyes crinkling at the corners. She pulls the binoculars to her own eyes and turns to look out the kitchen window for a moment before pushing them back over to the tiny blonde girl and helping her bring them up to her face. She bumps her nose against them at first and Lena giggles, forgetting if only for a moment who she is and why she's here. Right now she isn’t Lena the CEO or Lena the angel. She’s just Lena, teaching a little girl something about the world._ _

__Bella gets the hang of it the second time around, her mouth contorting into a perfect O shape and utters a quiet _whoa_ before whipping her head back around to Lena. Her little eyes are still pressed against the lenses and she’s getting on a first name basis with all the pores on Lena’s face. She whips her head around again to her mother and Matthew, squealing with unbridled joy at seeing them this way. Lena rests back on her heels, hands gently on her thighs as she watches the child run around her kitchen getting an up close and personal look at the refrigerator and the dish towel hanging on the stove._ _

__Natalie urges her to be careful and instructs her to sit back down in the living room and look out the window there, looking briefly to Lena for her consent. She offers a nod in response and Bella juts off in that direction before being stopped by her mothers warning _what do you say?__ _

__She offers a bashful _thank you_ against the doorframe and then dashes off to play with her new toy. _ _

__“You’re good with kids.” Natalie comments as Lena stands to resume her earlier spot. It’s not something that’s ever been said to her before, the words spread a warmth through her chest. “Are you and Kara thinking of having any?”_ _

__It’s asked nonchalantly, and she should have expected the question, it is the natural order of how conversations like this normally go, but it still catches her off guard and she stumbles on her last step. She rests her elbows back down on the island and puffs out her cheeks, exhaling a long breath. “I don’t think we're there yet.” She responds, ducking her gaze to the cup in her hand with a small chuckle. It’s the understatement of the century._ _

__“Fair enough. I have no room to give speeches.” Natalie jokes, good-naturedly at her own expense._ _

__From the outside looking in, the woman seems to have it all together. She’s the perfect mother, perfect wife. She hosts neighborhood parties on the weekends and she has the house that all her kid's friends will want to sleepover at when they get older. She has everything that some people dream of, yet there is a part of her that is locked away. A part of her that is buried underneath the rubble of her duty that longs to claw itself out and be free. Something in Natalie just wants to fly. Lena knows the look well, the feeling of entrapment that goes along with what the world expects someone to be, when all of one's desires point them someplace different._ _

__“You have room to say whatever you want.” Lena shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee, urging the woman on in the most subtle way she can._ _

__Natalie mulls it over. Picking and choosing the battle in her head. Sometimes there's a danger in saying what’s really on your mind. Some thoughts are best kept at bay, hidden from the world. Because once the thought escapes, once there is voice to the desire kept so carefully under wraps, it becomes all consuming. It slips to the forefront of the mind and chisels its way into action. Lena is affording Natalie the opportunity to be exactly who she wants without fear of contempt for it._ _

__But Natalie is exactly who she expects._ _

__Natalie is a shaking head and a muttered excuse about something she forgot to do. Natalie is a ‘thanks for the coffee’ as she gathers her children. Natalie is a ‘we should do it again soon’ with a reserved look and painted on smile. Natalie is a look both ways before crossing a dead end street, willing traffic to sweep her away lost cause._ _

__Lena closes the front door behind her and goes back to her day with a heavy sigh._ _

__Kara comes in the same time as usual, breezing into the living room and Lena peers up from her book watching her undo the buttons of the uniform shirt. She drapes it over the back of the armchair like she always does and releases her hair from the bun with a content sigh, letting it cascade down her shoulders in waves._ _

__“Anything today?” She asks, shaking out the tangles._ _

__Lena must have gone too long without responding because she’s looking at her curiously. “Oh!” She releases the lip she hadn’t realize sneaked its way between her teeth and shakes the cobwebs from her brain. “We bonded over coffee and our shared experience with spouses who have a hero complex.”_ _

__“Ha!” Kara laughs loudly, settling into the armchair and leaning forward, elbows on her knees. “See I told you that you could make friends. You have a lot in common, in her eyes anyway.”_ _

__“Only you aren’t under the impression that I’m a baby mill.” She had turned her attention back to her book after having been caught staring and flips the page for show._ _

__Kara sputters on air at the brass comment, “I’m sorry, come again?” Lena looks over at her, taking in her bewilderment._ _

__“Oh yes. Evidently your partner is stuck in the 50’s and wants a homemaker wife who does nothing but bore children and bake pies.” She says with an overemphasized flutter of her eyelashes. It may be an exaggeration, but it’s the same general concept._ _

__“Wow.” Kara sags back against the chair, breathless at the revelation. “I never would have thought that about him.”_ _

__“That’s why I’m the brains of the operation, love.” The term of endearment slips out with the subtle jibe on it’s own accord, completely accidental this time and Lena clears her throat. “We should invite them for dinner.”_ _

__“Good idea. I’ll bring it up tomorrow.” Kara nods, not mentioning the slip but looking contemplative. She looks as if she’s going to say more, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as she gazes over at Lena._ _

__It’s a strange dynamic that has developed between the two of them. At the beginning, she never would have imagined she could be like this with Kara. She had been blatantly against the idea, would have rather gouged out her eyes than spend any kind of quality time with the other woman. But somehow buried underneath the pile of lies and deceit, her Kara still existed. The Kara that passed out on her couch and encouraged her to do rash things like eat unhealthy food and run through parks at night was still in there. It is her Kara who looks at her now, timid and shy but somehow bold and strong all at once._ _

__“So, food?” She asks, eyebrows raised. “I'll cook.”_ _

__“Well, since you’re offering.” She knows it will barely be anything past grilled cheese with Kara’s culinary talent, but Lena shrugs anyway and the blonde's eyes light up at the prospect of dinner. She scrambles out of the chair like a woman on a mission and sets off for the kitchen, calling way too casually over her shoulder as she goes._ _

__“You would make really pretty babies, you know.”_ _

__And there are two things in this world, in this multiverse of possibilities of which Lena Luthor is undeniably certain. One, scotch and a good book are the cure for all ailments._ _

__Two, she absolutely does not hate Kara Danvers._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact. After writing this chapter my girlfriend and I had a conversation about how she has never seen The Little Mermaid, and she was completely unaware that this was something I had tossed in here.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love all the positive responses to this. You guys make my day. This chapter is one of my personal favorites.

Metropolis has a different type of bustle, if one could call it that. It seems less chaotic in a way, more precise, more focused on a unified goal of some sort. Everyone and everything just seems more in tune. She has no idea what it is, but the city itself just moves differently. The buildings themselves are more dignified, more futuristic. They stand in all shades of gray, windows reflecting against the sun looking like mirrors to another world. Newscasts run high above the city on billboards that she can see from central park. Everything seems brighter here. She feels brighter here.

She gets two coffees from the usual cart in the center of the square. She’s become friendly with the old man who runs it and he always wishes her well and tells her to be safe. He tries today as he does all other days to tell her it’s on the house, and she tells him today as she does all other days that he needs to make a living too and gives him the payment with a smile. She can see why Clark liked it so much here. It’s not that National City is a bad place, it’s her home and she has been called to duty to protect it. There’s just something about being needed somewhere else in a slightly different light that holds an appeal for her. 

She breezes down the walkway back to where Rob waits in the squad car. He buys the breakfast, she buys the coffee and evidently he got the shorter line today. It’s a good partnership they have developed, a routine they easily slipped into. She finds that she likes him as well as the others, but there’s something unique about him. Percy and Abby held a darkness inside them. They were good people, but she saw in them the potential to make bad decisions. Rob on the other hand is charismatic, always smiling, always trying to make others smile and put some light back in the world. He loves his family dearly, comes in each morning and tells her funny stories about the kids. He wants to help people. He wakes up every day with the desire to save the world and for the life of her Kara cannot fathom the idea of this man wanting to hurt a fly.

She opens the passenger door and ducks her head to slide in, “One large coffee, two sugars.” She says cheerfully, passing the cup over the console to him.

“Two bacon egg and cheese, heavy on the bacon.” He grins, digging the food from the greasy takeout bag to hand to her and chuckles at her mouth watering expression. “I don’t know where you put it.”

It’s a phrase she’s heard at least ten times a day for her entire life, so she just shrugs as she bites into the first one and lets out a sigh of contentment. “Chasing criminals boosts the metabolism.” She says between chews and he only laughs louder.

“Well let’s get started then.” He buckles his seat belt gesturing for her to do the same, and for the umpteenth time she’s subtly reminded that she isn’t invincible here. She lays the half eaten biscuit carefully into her lap and complies, picking it back up to finish devouring it as soon as she hears the click and he pulls back into traffic. 

Regular police work is quite boring; she found that out fairly quickly on her first day. The days where she actually gets to chase criminals have thus far been non-existent. The real fun is left to the detectives. Her daily tasks barely consist of anything more than a few traffic tickets and other mundane activities. She did help get a kitten out of a tree yesterday which was nice, though the climbing back down the tree part was not as easy as it looked. A fact that she and the feline realized the hard way. 

Today is shaping up to be a little different however. The call comes through the radio around noon. They had spent their morning patrolling and are just discussing what to eat for lunch when they hear the familiar crackle, this time indicating that there is a robbery in progress. Kara bites back the _finally_ that longs to escape. Of course she doesn’t want people to be in danger, she just wants something interesting to do. She swallows the guilt along with a sip of water and hangs on for the ride as Rob maneuvers through the streets in the direction of the bank that was indicated. 

Being the closest to the location, they are the first to arrive. There's a lot of commotion out front so he skids to a stop on the curb roughly fifty yards away. Humans never cease to amaze her with their innate need to put themselves in the line of fire just to be a part of the gossip. In addition to the silent alarm pressed by one of the tellers, a few bystanders had also called the police when they heard shouting followed by a round of gunshots going off inside the building. They still stand out front now, waiting on the sidelines with baited breath. It makes Kara shake her head in frustration. She gets out of the car and immediately puts her hand on her gun, freeing it from the holster not willing to put much trust in a group of people who they already know to be armed. They should wait for backup, they really should, but neither of them are equipped to sit idly by when people need help. Yet another thing she admires about Rob. They can hear the sirens sounding off in the distance, horns from the firetrucks blaring loudly but they’re still too far away.

“They sound at least five blocks out, and this traffic isn’t letting up. I’m going in there. You with me?” He says it without an ounce of fear, chomping at the bit to be let loose and Kara frantically nods her head. 

The building is a stand alone with a modest sized parking lot. They cross the grass, rushing through the shrubs and hedges that separate the property from its surroundings. They note a side door from where they approach and file it away for future knowledge. The June heat is stifling in her uniform and she already finds herself breaking into a sweat from running the short distance. 

Rob charges in first, Kara hot on his heels bursting through both sets of double doors. There are approximately twelve people on the floor with their hands over their heads. One of the thieves is standing guard over the patrons, wildly flailing his gun around with threats of _Nobody move!_ His partner is rifling through the teller drawers madly, shoving as much as he can in the black duffel bag hanging off his shoulder. They are donned in homemade ski masks, she can tell by the uneven cuts on them. The one waving the gun is doing so with a shaking hand, his threats sounding firm but to her sounding empty. She’s been doing this for a long time. Even without superpowers she can spot the difference between criminal masterminds and amateurs. These are the latter.

Rob notices too, she can tell in the slight droop of his shoulders when he shouts “Freeze!” and both of them do momentarily. They look at him wide eyed and terrified, the gunman putting the weapon down by his side, his partner holding a fistful of cash in midair. 

She looks down to the tattered jeans of the one she can see, the plain zip up hoodie, and the converse on his feet that have definitely seen better days. Her conclusion is an easy one that she immediately voices in a whisper to the man at her side, “They're kids.”

He nods in agreement and lowers his weapon slightly, as does she. She always hated guns, thought it ridiculous when her sister insisted she learn to handle one. She thought it less ridiculous when she blew out her powers for the first time and got the first taste of human life. She didn't gripe much after that but she still isn’t a fan. 

“Drop your weapon. No one has to get hurt here.” He says, softer than before but still with a no nonsense tone.

The thieves look at each other seemingly weighing their options and Rob takes a single step forward, his shoe squeaking against the waxed floor. The boy in front backs up a step, startled at the sudden movement and almost trips over the person behind him. “It's okay, son. Just put the gun down.”

Kara sees it before it happens, the split second decision in bewildered eyes. Just another thing she's learned to pick up on through the years. And that’s what makes her quicker on her feet than the man beside her. She sees the choice being made and already has her feet placed in a running stance when the boy turns his back to them and jumps over the counter. 

“Check on them!” She shouts over her shoulder as she clears the counter in one swoop and gives chase to the two boys.

The side door slams against the brick with a loud clunk as they dash out. The contrast of sunlight to the fluorescent lighting in the bank blinds her momentarily and she raises the hand not clutching her gun to shield herself from the harsh rays. Turning her head to the left she sees them run behind the building and sprint toward a nearby alley.

With a burst of speed she follows, dodging around spilled over trash bins and Rao knows what else. Her feet splash through puddles of rainwater left over from the storms earlier in the week and she sends up a word of thanks to whoever is listening for her waterproof boots. The alley brings them out on one of the main downtown streets. The boys look back, bumping into an elderly woman as they do and Kara wrinkles up her face at their carelessness. She slows enough when passing the woman to check if she’s alright and then picks her pace back up with newfound determination.  
The boy shouldering the duffel didn’t have the foresight to zip it fully before their marathon. She’s seen more than a few bills take flight from the bag, some drifting to the pavement, others drifting into pockets, but that’s a problem for a different day. 

They’re several blocks over when she hears the static of the radio on her shoulder, Rob asking her position. She glances up to the street sign at the nearest intersection and wheezes out that they're headed west on Oakland. 

“Hang tight, I’m coming to you.” Is the garbled reply. She suspects he'll probably drive, coming on foot would do no good and she looks forward to the reprieve. Her lungs burn from the continued sprint and she regrets her choice of words that morning, though she supposes something like this really would boost one’s metabolism. Her legs protest with every step she takes and she has no clue how humans do it. She suddenly has a much higher regard for the workout routines of the people in her life. Alex thinks of the DEO training room as a second home and Kara always thought she took it too seriously, always encouraged her to carpe her diam, or whatever that saying is. She never could get it quite right. 

The boys take to another alley and she wonders if they'll ever get tired. They look back every few paces and seem surprised that she’s still chasing them, though she feels her pace getting slower the longer she runs. The sweat on her brow is running down into her eyes and she’s wishing desperately that she could rip off her uniform shirt and continue in just her tank top. A ridiculous thought given her normal work attire, but she also isn’t able to regulate her body temperature the same way in this form.

Down an alley, up a sidewalk, through a crosswalk, down a park trail. For twenty minutes she chases them. Twenty minutes of sharp pain in her shins and flames in her lungs. Twenty minutes of hearing sirens blaring from all directions but none of them close enough to catch the thieves. Twenty minutes in the blazing sun wishing desperately for a nap that she knows she isn’t capable of. Twenty minutes of running in circles in an unfamiliar city, a city that she loved that morning but she is cursing now. Twenty minutes until they reach the final alley, a few miles from their starting point and she feels a blinding pain in her skull as one of them strikes her in the head with something and she falls to the pavement.

She doesn’t know what hit her, quite literally. When she rounded the last corner she was further away from them. She had fallen several paces back from the time they passed the park fountain until now, and she noticed she was only following one of the boys right before she felt whatever it was collide with the right side of her head.

She hears the loud footfalls of the culprit as he dashes away, barely registering it over the sound of the blood rushing in her ears. She falls to her hands and knees and rolls over to her side before coming to a stop against the wall of whatever building she was nearest to. She lays stunned for a few moments catching her breath before pushing herself up into a seated position with her elbow. 

Rob finds her a few minutes later with her head cradled in her hands slumped against the wall and thoroughly irritated with the fact that angel hood doesn’t even bestow upon her the ability to pass out when struck with a blunt object. 

“Shit Winters!” He shouts a little too loudly for the steady thump in her brain when he approaches her, kneeling down in front of her hunched form. “Are you okay?” His chest is heaving almost as hard as hers had been, indicating that at some point he had grown impatient with traffic and decided to take off on foot with her.

She feels a hand on her shoulder and peeks up at him through crooked glasses with a half smile, “Well I ran off the biscuits, that’s for sure.”

His worried expression melts into laughter, the creases around his eyes deepening. The hand slides off her shoulder and extends out in front of her to help her up. “Come on Supergirl. Let’s get you out of here.”

She knows it’s a figure of speech, something just to honor her frantic dash through the city, but it still strikes a chord. One that makes her happy and sad and all things in between.

She later finds out they did catch the thieves. Mark and Tyler Morrison. Brothers from a few neighborhoods over. Seventeen and fifteen respectively, their father having recently walked out on them leaving their mother to struggle raising them while also battling her own health issues. They were going to use the money to pay rent and her rapidly growing medical bills. They had only made out with about five grand, nearly half of which was lost in transit and the anger she felt toward them disappeared instantly, morphing into sorrow. An ache that she feels deep in her soul and she wonders where their guardian angels are. They cried all through their interrogations so she heard. She was buried to her neck in paperwork at the time, a bag of frozen peas held to the side of her head, but she thinks she caught a glimpse of their mother as she signed off on the last page and declined medical attention for the fortieth time.

“It’s crazy that you don’t have a scratch on you.” Rob comments as he pulls into her driveway. “You must have a really hard head Winters.” He puts the car in park and chucks her on the shoulder lightly, grin firmly in place. He had insisted on driving her home, relaying the story about the boys on the way over. He wasn’t a fan of the idea that she refused to get looked at by the paramedics at the very least. He let it go quicker than the rest of them had though, trusting her to make her own decisions, but still wanting to look out for her and see to it that she got home safely. She appreciates him for that. 

He gets out to open the door for her and lends a hand to help her out of the car. It isn’t necessary, but she smiles a dazzling smile and thanks him anyway, more for being a good person than anything else. 

“Is she okay?” She hears the voice from across the street. Natalie had evidently seen her husband’s car pull into the driveway, a bit later than normal at that and had come outside to investigate.

“She hit her head!” He calls back, causing her to wince at the loud noise yet again. Natalie says something about getting her medical bag but Kara drowns out the specifics as she sees her own front door swing hastily open revealing a way past worried Lena Luthor. 

She’s wrapped in a sweater despite the overwhelming heat outside. Lena always got cold easily, always having some type of long sleeved something tucked in her office for when the air conditioning got too much. It wasn’t common knowledge. Lena was always far too poised to let anyone know something as simple as that about herself for fear that it would ruin her ruthless image. She refused to show even a shred of weakness and often froze through board meetings in the summer when turtlenecks and three piece suits weren’t exactly practical, hiding her hands when they started taking on a slightly blue pigment. Kara had noticed it once and she had come clean with a shy smile and tinged cheeks. A space heater mysteriously appeared under her desk the following July morning which she never mentioned to Kara. But the day following that, a triple order of potstickers and a lovely bouquet of flowers found their way to Catco around lunchtime, starting up the rumor mill once more on just who Kara Danvers mystery someone actually was.

But now here she stands in the doorway of a house on Maple street, wrapped in a fluffy gray sweater that brings out all the colors of her eyes. Bottom lip clasped between her teeth and a painstakingly concerned expression with a crease between her eyebrows, looking like everything that dreams are made of.

She meets them halfway up the walk, having grown impatient with waiting and Kara is irritated all over again. Angels can whip up houses, cars, jobs and backstories, but cell phones just are not possible and she wanted to talk to her hours ago. Her head hurts too bad to dwell on why that is.

She reaches for Kara, grabbing onto her hand and bringing her fingers up to caress the side of her face in a way that she hasn’t done in so long. And if it’s all to play the role of a loving wife Kara doesn’t particularly care because it feels so nice. She feels so nice and blue eyes flutter closed at the sensation. “What happened, love?” Her voice is soft as if she knows. She always knows and it may be a trick of her mind but she feels the pain in her skull slightly ebb at the feather light touch and soothing lilt she once came to love so much.

“Kid clocked her with a wooden beam while she was chasing him for robbing a bank.” His voice is a startling contrast to hers and he says it like it’s everyday news. Just a normal thing to happen on a job and she wonders if that's what she sounded like when she casually mentioned punching out an alien while eating a donut.

She opens her eyes to find Lena still staring at her softly, so softly. “Lets get you inside to lie down okay?” And Kara finds that she would follow her anywhere, do just about anything as long as she keeps talking to her like that. She nods and sees a small smile tug at the corners of full lips. Fingers lace through hers, cold as she expected and she revels at the feeling. She allows herself to be pulled the rest of the way up the walk and she doesn’t know if it's the almost concussion or the reds and purples bleeding out of the horizon, but Lena looks quite literally like she walked right out of heaven with the way the light casts on her face. She doesn’t really have the time to weigh out those options though when she hears another set of footsteps shuffle behind her. 

Natalie invites herself in, though they don’t really protest. They both know that there isn’t anything wrong with Kara that won’t heal as soon as the elevator doors open tonight, but they decide to humor the woman. Lena leads her into the living room and guides her gently on the couch, taking the spot beside her, close enough that their thighs touch and still holding her hand. 

She starts by waving a flashlight in Kara’s eyes, which she is not very impressed by. It's shooting the pain in all directions, bouncing around her brain in a zigzag motion and traveling down her neck. Satisfied with whatever she was looking for, she drops the flashlight back in the bag and begins examining the area where Kara was hit, pressing gently to see where it hurts.

"You know, when I asked you to keep him out of trouble I didn’t mean get yourself into it.” She tuts. 

“What can I say? I must have a knack for it too.” Kara jokes back, pulling a disapproving look from her ‘wife.’

Natalie probes a few minutes more before zipping the bag shut again and tucking it under her arm. “Looks like a mild concussion. You’ll want to get plenty of rest, be sure to stay hydrated and put some ice packs on it. It’s definitely going to bruise.”

They both thank her and Lena walks them out, extending the dinner invitation that Kara hadn’t quite gotten around to before her impromptu jog this afternoon. She hears Rob gratefully accept and they set a time for tomorrow evening as long as Kara's feeling better. They both know she will be.

The front door clicks softly shut and Lena pads back into the living room and resumes her spot on the sofa much to Kara’s surprise. 

She can imagine what she must look like right now. Her hair frizzed out on the sides, uniform showing all the evidence of rolling around in an alley, still clinging to her from the sheer gallons of sweat pouring off of her earlier. But Lena is still looking at her tenderly, brushing the hair back that's sticking to her forehead with cold hands that feel heavenly on her flushed skin. “What do you need?” She asks quietly. 

And maybe it’s the day she just had, the knowledge of where those boys came from and why they did it. Or maybe its that Lena is looking at her in that familiar way, the way she used to when it was just them. Whatever the reason, her answer comes out uninhibited. “Can I just stay here with you for a little while?” Her voice is small and unsure but she finds that it doesn’t need to be. Lena settles herself back against the cushions and wordlessly snakes an arm around Kara’s waist. She pulls her close and tucks her into her side keeping her arm snug around her and releasing the tie from Kara’s hair with her other hand and threading her fingers through it. 

Kara sighs and snuggles closer, wrapping her arm around Lena's middle and burying her face in her collarbone. She had almost forgotten what this felt like. Lena was always so soft, so lovely, so everything that you would never think she'd be. Earlier today, all she wanted was a bubble bath and ice cream. If she’s being honest with herself she still very much wants those things, preferably at the same time. But she wants this so much more. 

She wants Lena who always smells like vanilla and something she can’t pinpoint, but whatever it is, it’s perfect. She wants Lena in a soft gray sweater who hasn’t complained in the slightest about the state of her even knowing that she’s getting it filthy. She wants Lena who is giving little squeezes to her waist, pulling her closer still as if she missed her too. She just wants Lena, plain and simple, even though it isn’t but that’s a problem for tomorrow. Right now she just wants to focus on the fingers running through her hair, massaging her scalp in all the right places and the steady sound of her breathing. 

She doesn’t know how much time passes before she asks, only that in keeping with the theme of knowing exactly what she needs she does eventually ask. “Do you want ice cream?”

A flash of the clock on the mantle reads 7:34. The living room is starting to bathe in shadows of the upcoming night and she just wants to hold onto this for as long as she can. “Can we sneak it back home instead?” She asks like a child requesting to sneak treats home from grandma’s house. 

The low throaty chuckle vibrates her ear in the most soothing way. “Yes darling, we can sneak it home.” Lips press softly to the crown of her head, the hand on her waist pulling her closer still and she thinks she dies a little right there.

It ignites a fire far different from the one she felt in her lungs, but she shoves the feeling down. Puts it in a little box and seals it up as best she can because if she doesn’t she knows exactly what she will do.

She buries further into the soft sweater she feels against her cheek, gets lost in the rise and fall of her chest and tries not to get too attached to this feeling. She knows all the reasons that she shouldn’t, but the logical part of her brain shut off hours ago.

_”You are by far the most stubborn person I have ever met.” Lena says with a roll of her eyes. She closes the door of Kara's apartment behind her, shrugging the long trench coat off her shoulders to put on the rack by the door and brushing the few remaining snow flakes from her hair. A small puddle forms on the floor where she’s standing, the heat of the apartment melting off the remnants still clinging to her boots._

_”Are you including yourself in that statement?” Kara asks with a knowing smile, switching on the lamp in the living room._

_”We aren’t talking about me right now.” Comes the reply. Lena crosses the floor and sags down on the couch with a sigh, kicking her legs out in front of her and throwing an arm across her forehead._

_Kara only smiles wider and takes in the sight of the great Lena Luthor, donned in a Gucci sweater and dark jeans, leaned back on her second hand sofa with her eyes shut. “You want something more comfortable to wear?” She asks. One green eye peeks open at her and she only finds it more endearing. Her only reply is a nod and she scurries off to her bedroom in search of the most comfortable thing she can find. She speeds out of her own attire and into her favorite sweatpants and thermal shirt, dumping today’s outfit into the hamper at the foot of the bed, careful how she places the shirt to hide the bullet hole in the back of the shoulder. She'll have to throw it out which really is a shame, she loved that shirt, but that isn’t much of an option right now. It will only raise questions she isn’t prepared to answer. She rifles through the dresser and pulls out a similar pair of pants and sweatshirt, the softest and warmest one she owns and trudges back to the living room to present them to Lena._

_She is met with a grateful smile as the other woman accepts them, rising from the sofa with a creak in her bones that cannot be healthy for someone so young, but she couldn’t hear it without the enhanced hearing so she doesn’t mention it. “You know, you’re being rather cavalier about this Kara.” She says from the bedroom, the swoosh of the shirt coming over her head accompanying the statement and Kara tries to think about literally anything else._

_”Well what’s dinner with your best friend without a little gunfire?” She says absently, picking up the remote from the arm of the sofa and flicking through the channels._

_No response comes from the other woman for a few minutes, the only sounds in the apartment coming from the swooshes of clothes being neatly folded in a pile and the music of the guide channel as her eyes scan through the choices. That is until she sees a shadow in her peripheral and hears the small sniffle._

_Her eyes dart up from the television and her heart cracks in two at the sight. Here stands her brave and beautiful friend, with watery eyes and a red nose. Her arms are wrapped protectively around herself, a fluffy sweater that’s too big for her frame and socked feet, looking so small and helpless._

_Kara opens her arms on instinct, beckoning the younger woman over. Lena obliges gratefully, padding across the carpet with her eyes cast downward and collapses into her side. She wraps both arms around Kara’s waist and squeezes, holding on as if the blonde will disappear if she lets go. “You could have died. They shot right at you.” And Kara pulls her closer, cradling her head against her chest with one hand, other sneaking under her arm to hold her as best she can in the awkward position._

_It was just a normal evening out, in their world anyway. Kara had just gotten a big article published and Lena insisted on taking her out to celebrate. She tried to tell her it wasn’t necessary, that if she really wanted to do something they could just order pizza and stay in but Lena wanted to go and be her extra self, so Kara relented. She took her out to some restaurant, a name she couldn’t spell if you paid her. A place where they served boat loads of those awful greens that Lena loves so much but also had plenty of choices for the less than healthy appetite so it wasn’t so bad. They were halfway through the second course, laughing at some cat video on Kara's phone when the shot rang out in the restaurant. Her senses had caught it before it happened. She had her back to the door that they came in and had shifted slightly to her left, leaning a little further across the table as she did knowing that Lena's body would be fully covered in that position. She felt the bullet bounce off her shoulder and heard it as it hit the ground with a tink. Panic ensued after that. Patrons were screaming and ducking under the tables. She quickly closed the distance between them, jumping over the table and shoving Lena to the floor, bringing a hand up to cushion her head from the fall. The gunman was quickly apprehended by an off duty police officer who was having an anniversary dinner with his wife. They had to hang around for awhile to give their statements, Lena picking up the tab for everyone in the restaurant because that’s what big hearted billionaires do when they accidentally bring danger to unsuspecting civilians. She was texting Alex while they waited, who had reached out to her police contacts and took a seat in the interrogation. They had determined that he was a bitter ex employee of her brother’s, looking for revenge on his own accord with the last available Luthor and not part of a bigger conspiracy. Alex was satisfied that it was a one off, but Kara decided to take her home for the night just in case while the DEO dug into his background a little further. She filled Lena in on the walk back to her apartment. The dark haired woman was reluctant to put Kara in anymore unnecessary danger but as a whole had been too tired to argue when Kara had assured her that they would station agents outside the building. They wouldn’t. There is really no need to waste money on the payroll to guard a literal superhero, but white lies won’t hurt too much._

_”They missed.” She says quietly, simply. They didn’t but Lena doesn’t know that. Getting shot from her perspective just feels like the human equivalent of someone flicking her, but more like the kind where they try and don’t have enough momentum behind it and it just falls flat._

_”And what about next time when they don’t?” Emerald eyes peer up from dark lashes, glossy with tears. Their faces are so close, Lena’s breath hitting her lips in little puffs of air. It would take nothing to lean forward and kiss her. She wants to. Rao she wants to more than she’s ever wanted anything in this world or her own. But she doesn’t. “Being around me is going to get you killed.”_

_Kara only looks at her softly, running the pad of her thumb under her eyes and across the expanse of smooth skin on her face. “I'm tougher than I look.”_

_It earns her a watery laugh. Her smile looks so lovely even with the heartache beneath it. Lena's head drops back to her chest and she sighs. “And I’m more selfish than I look since I can’t seem to let you go.”_

_The way she says it effectively melts Kara into a puddle of goo. “I don’t want you to let me go.” She rubs her hand along Lena's back, dipping into the ridges of her spine. “Even if you did, I’d come back. In case you hadn’t noticed I’m clingy like that.”_

_She can feel the laugh before she hears it. Tinged with regret but also laced in appreciation and love, so much love. “Says the one currently being clung to.”_

_Kara pretends to think about it, bringing a finger to her chin and tapping, earning a swat from the other woman before she clasps her hands back around the blonde’s waist. “I think I can let you slide just this once.” She sighs dramatically, tapping Lena lightly on the tip of her nose. And the night is worth it. The whole night is worth the feeling of the woman in her arms and how she fits so perfectly here._

_A comfortable silence settles between them, illuminated only by the barely audible music playing from the television and the soft sound of snowfall, only audible to her. Lena’s breathing slows, evening out to a deep rhythm and Kara knows she’s almost asleep. She gently coaxes her up, kissing the crown of her head and urging her to come to bed before her neck cramps up in that position. Tiny grumbles of protest spill from her throat but she allows herself to be pulled from the sofa, head lolling back. Kara holds her at her waist and guides her through the apartment, keeping her from bumping into the end tables on her way. She pulls the covers back on the bed and helps her settle in, tucking them up under her chin so she doesn’t get cold. She rounds the other side and climbs in, switching off the lamp on the nightstand and is greeted with one of her favorite sleepy smiles, looking even more beautiful in the glow of the moon. Once she settles, Lena shifts to cling to her once more, the concern for her tough image long forgotten. She tangles a leg between Kara’s and buries her face in her neck with a content noise, nudging blonde hair away with her nose. Kara holds her gentle yet firm and places another kiss to her forehead. “I love you, Kara.” Comes the tiny whisper before sleep claims her._

_”I love you more.” She whispers back and lets her own eyes drift shut._

_She hasn’t slept that well since._

The minutes ticked by too quickly for her liking and the night had to come to an end, as good things always do. She had untangled herself from Lena with a whine to voice her displeasure at the movement, clock on the mantle reading 7:59 because ‘a few extra minutes won’t hurt.’ Her green eyes twinkled as she uttered the sentiment and Kara reached an all new level of absolutely _not_ hating Lena Luthor at the revelation that she had intentionally cuddled her for five minutes longer than she should have. They made a pit stop in the kitchen as promised, Lena handing her the ice cream out of the freezer and indicating her to take off her crumpled up uniform shirt to wrap it up with in case Gabriel was waiting for them.

The chill in the air jolted her as she finally stripped off the shirt she'd been longing to all day and she unintentionally shivered once she stood covered by just the tank top, tub of ice cream in her hands. Lena had thrown an arm over her shoulder to pass off some of the warmth and they walked room to room, flicking off all the lights before pressing the call button on the elevator in the den. 

Just as she expected, the moment the doors opened to the all familiar dungeon, the pain in her skull disappeared along with the lingering chill in her bones. Lena knew this, but deliberately kept an arm around her shoulders anyway, not that Kara had been complaining.

Now they both sit cross legged on Lena's bed, Kara suddenly kicking herself for not exploring the castle more at the beginning because Lena had clearly chosen the nicer room. The fire crackles behind them, bathing the room in a comfortable orange glow and Kara wastes no more time in prying the lid off the tub.

“Oh Rao, we forgot spoons.” She dissolves into a full blown pout staring down at the carton. 

Melodic laughter fills her ears, a soft carefree sound and Lena taps her nose with the tip of a spoon. Her eyes cross and she reaches an enthusiastic hand up to take it. “You should have seen your face.”

“I have been looking forward to this ice cream all day, Lena.” She whines, wasting no more time in scooping a heaping portion. “It would have been worth it to sneak back down to get one and get another lecture about rules.”

“You didn’t seem to want it too badly when you got home.” She points out with a teasing smirk, a much smaller portion on her own spoon.

“I wanted you more.” She mumbles quietly, so quietly, mouth full of moose tracks and head still ducked down. She hadn’t meant to say it, but she doesn’t quite regret that she did. The truth is something she’s trying to work on these days. 

She finds shock painting the other woman’s features when she gathers the courage to look up, mixed with something else. Something fond maybe? She isn’t quite sure, but it isn’t an unhappy emotion. “Well.” She breathes out. “And here I thought that was just the concussion talking.”

“It wasn’t.” 

They lock eyes then and Lena looks almost shy. Her lips are slightly parted and there's a pink hue making it’s way onto her cheeks. “Good to know.” She says quietly, suddenly finding the ice cream very interesting and Kara knows they should get away from this conversation. 

“So you know how my day was.” She starts, readjusting herself on the bed and getting another spoonful. “How was yours?”

“Yeah we probably should talk about that, um.” She clears her throat and looks back to Kara. “She’s cheating on him.”

“What?!”

Lena just nods, unfazed by her outburst. “She was quite obvious about it honestly.”

She recounts the day between bites of her ice cream. Natalie’s mother had come to pick the kids up early that morning, shortly after they had gone to work. Mystery man came around 10:30 and she had eagerly gone to the door to greet him. He drives an old mustang, works at a mechanic shop, graduated high school in the same class as Natalie. She had started talking to him again two years ago when she ran into him while visiting her family and used the guise of missing her mother to move back across the country, conveniently settling down within a thirty minute drive of the man in question. And while she got busy reliving her rebellious youth, Lena got busy hacking her email and social media accounts where she found proof of all of it.

“Two years?” Kara breathes out in disbelief.

“Two years.” Lena confirms. “And she’s not even trying to hide it. You would think she would have had him at the very least park somewhere else and sneak him in through the back door, but no. She’s got it on display for the whole neighborhood and you know how Rosie next door is.” She says it like they’re gossiping over lunch at Noonan’s and it makes Kara laugh despite how awful it is. 

“Oh does Rosie also hack email accounts and watch the neighbors with binoculars?” She teases.

“Binoculars, yes. Hacking no. I don’t even think Rosie knows how to use her own security system.” She giggles and reaches back down to the carton. Noticing they’ve reached the bottom, she tips it up to Kara in silent offering of the last bite. Kara lets her have it.

She drags the spoon across the bottom and licks it clean, popping it out of her mouth with a satisfied grin.

“Rao we're terrible.” Kara says after a few moments of thought, placing the lid back on the carton and standing up looking for a trashcan. “We're sitting here gossiping over ice cream and this poor guy is going to work every day while his wife –“ She trails off when she spots one by the door. 

“Shags the local mechanic?” Lena offers bluntly, grabbing a pillow and settling across the bed on her stomach.

Kara cringes at the way she puts it, chucking the carton into the bin but agreeing anyway. “Yes, that.” 

She settles herself back down on the mattress, tucking a foot underneath her and letting the other dangle off the side. “He’s just such a nice guy you know. And he really loves her.” She sighs. “What are we gonna do?”

“I don’t think there's anything we can do about broken marriages, darling.” Lena reaches out to put a hand on her knee. “Any clue what he may be up to?” She peers up at her with curious eyes. 

“No.” Kara mutters dejectedly, knocking her shoe against the bed frame. “I’ve been with him for days and he’s giving literally no sign of anything.”

“We'll figure it out.” She encourages, rubbing small circles on Kara's knee with her thumb. “God your pants are filthy.” She rubs her fingers together to prove her point and Kara laughs. 

“Yeah a bubble bath was also fairly high on my to do list.” She sighs again, knowing how long she's been here. “I should probably go, I’ve barged in on your space enough today.”

“Or.” Lena starts with the circles again, keeping her eyes trained on her thumb as she does and letting the statement hang for a moment as if trying to make the decision. “You could borrow my bathroom and then we can talk some more about it.”

A strange tension hangs in the air, the innocent suggestion feeling like so much more than what she’s offering. She’s asking her to stay without ever saying the words. She’s extending an olive branch that Kara never would have thought could exist between them again. She’s hesitant to take it, even though she wants to. 

“Really?” She asks in a small voice, scanning Lena's face for any signs of apprehension. 

“Really.” She repeats, warmly. The same tone she always used when she was being very sincere about something. “Now go before I change my mind.”

The threat is an empty one. She never would have offered if she was going to change her mind. Kara rolls her eyes. “Okay, fine.” She gets up and crosses the floor to the opposite corner of the room.

“Thanks, Lena.” She says, standing by the door frame and they both know she doesn’t mean for this.

_Thanks for staying with me. Thanks for making me feel safe. Thanks for being you. _Are all the things she doesn’t say, but Lena’s smile lets her know she hears them all the same.__


	13. Chapter 13

It's funny the things one considers before they are about to die – though Lena is no stranger to the feeling. If she were asked, she would say that most people consider their loved ones. Husbands, wives, children if they have them. Others may consider their friends, their pets – if they have on decent enough underwear for the coroner to find them in. But Lena Luthor considered her company. While most people would beg for the mercy of their killers, Lena mulled over if she finished that last budget report or not. While most people would pray to some deity or another to save their soul, Lena searched every corner of her mind to recall if her employee reviews were completed, if the last acquisition was signed. Admittedly though, somewhere along the way she began to consider Kara Danvers. Silly, ridiculous, pathetic little things like would she regret never telling her how she really felt about her? Would she be glad that she hadn’t? Would Kara pick up the pieces and be okay eventually knowing that her best friend was never coming back? Lena never had a very high regard for her own life, though she did have a high regard for Kara's feelings once upon a time. 

After each assassination attempt she would review her will, making adjustments when needed but mostly just to remind her that there would come a day when someone would need to read it and she never knows when that day might be. She had left LCorp to Sam, always to Sam for her to do with it as she wished. If she didn’t want to keep it she knew that Sam would at the very least appoint someone worthy. She left Catco to Kara, something she knows the blonde would vehemently disagree with, but make it the best she possibly could when entrusted with such a big responsibility. She left most of her fortune to Kara too. Some of it to Sam and Jess, certainly enough that they would never have to work a day in their lives, nor would their children. But most of it was Kara's. She never could find it in her heart to change it after everything. She had stared at it for hours one night in her office, drunk out of her mind with the pen poised in her hand, but she never could make her hand move. She wonders what will happen to it now. Surely she had a contingency plan in place on the off chance that they went out in a blaze of glory together, but she cannot for the life of her remember what that plan is now that she’s faced with the possibility. 

_Pie in the oven, check. Steaks on the grill, check. Fruity abomination in the fridge, check. Smack the hand of a hungry Kryptonian for the umpteenth time away from the deviled eggs…check._

_“I'd say you’re going to ruin your appetite but we both know that isn’t possible.” Lena sighs, mixing the mashed potatoes and not even having to look up to know Kara's cheeks are stuffed with the aforementioned side._

_“Ut ver so fod, Lena.” The muffled response comes in the form of a whine, only proving her point._

_She stops the mixer to look at Kara who has now settled on the counter top, swinging her feet back and forth with a look of contentment on her face._

_“You know, rather than stuffing your face, you could make yourself useful and watch over the grill.” She says, wiping her hands on the God awful apron around her waist, wrinkling her nose up once more at the hideously tacky floral print._

_“Sorry.” The blonde looks at her sheepishly and hops down, snatching one last egg before dashing toward the door._

_“Kara!”_

_Her only response is a giggle and a thump as she shoulder checks the door frame on her way outside._

_She sees Kara through the window running down the stone pathway, ponytail swishing in the breeze, sun radiating beautifully off the golden strands. She pauses in front of the grill, finishing off her stolen treat with a pleased little smile and then promptly jumps back at least a full two feet when she opens the lid to the grill and the steam smacks her in the face mercilessly. Her glasses are fogged, and now she’s pouting and she’s quite effectively the cutest thing Lena has ever seen. A thought she promptly kicks out of her brain._

_A glance at the stove clock tells her that they will be here soon. She sets the mixer to high, quickly finishing off her task and carrying the bowl to the dining room to place at the center of the table before going to the backyard to assess the damages. There’s a reason that Kara is the taste tester, that reason being that there have been several occasions where she had shown up unannounced to her doorstep with a duffel bag and wry smile announcing that she can’t take the smell of the kitchen she almost burnt down and ‘Lena, can I stay with you?’ She'd give her best pair of puppy dog eyes and Lena never could turn her away. Not that she would have anyway, she always was desperate like that._

_“Hey do you think these are done?” Kara asks, tongs in one hand and wearing the expression of a C+ on a good day math student being presented with advanced calculus._

_Lena slinks up beside her, looking down and pretending to think about it. “Well that depends. Do you want them to still be mooing when they get to the table or are you going for something a little more solid than that?”_

_The expression on Kara's face almost makes her feel bad, but only almost. It’s too adorably funny for her to truly regret it. “Why are you like this?” She passes the tongs over, unwilling to participate any longer and looking solemnly at the half cooked steaks. “Those poor baby cows.”_

_She can’t help the giggle that slips out as she starts flipping them over. “I’m just saying, Kara. You do realize that at least ninety percent of your diet consists of some living being right?”_

_“Shhhhh!” Kara reaches out to clap her hand over Lena’s mouth. “Don’t say that. I can’t think about it. I’ll end up going vegan.”_

_Lena lets out a full belly laugh at that and Kara removes her hand with another pout. “You can’t even look at kale without nearly blanching. I don’t think that would work.”_

_She stomps off to the picnic table in response, sitting down with a humph and crossing her arms. Lena smiles at her victory._

_“What time are they supposed to be here?” She asks, changing the subject before she can be tormented any further._

_“5:30 or so. Maybe later if he wants to change.”_

_Kara's boss had all but demanded she take the next several days off after her run in with the two boys. It had put a damper on things, but since Rob wasn’t giving off a world domination vibe she relented without much argument. Lena can’t say that she hates the company. Though Kara’s company mostly translated to sneaking food and being an overall nuisance, she did finally catch a break on the stalking._

_Natalie did sneak him in through the back this time, an attempt that was drenched in futility considering that he still looked fairly suspicious leaving six hours later with a half-buttoned shirt. She had effectively passed surveillance duty off to the blonde as soon as he had arrived and curled up with a book on the sofa._

_“Maybe we should have invited the boyfriend too. Get everything out in the open.” Kara mentions with a look of mock determination and curt nod._

_“I don’t think that’s the best course of action with steak knives involved.” She quips, turning them again._

_“Fair.” Kara shrugs._

_The sound of a doorbell, their doorbell, filters to the back patio. Kara rushes out to greet them while Lena finishes up, dishing the steaks onto a serving plate. The blonde had left the back door open and the sound of light teasing fills her ears. She hears Rob make a joke about her hard head again and although it is the last thing she should be doing, she can’t stop her foolish heart from wondering what it would be like to have this, really have this._

_Maybe not the housewife, sundress and ugly apron bit, no. But to grill for the neighbors who are people she actually likes and teach their children something new. To have a white picket fence in the suburbs and teach Rosie how the security system works. To come home at five. To come home at all. To actually see the sunset and the stars and all the things that slip by without her noticing._

_“Baby, do you need any help?”_

_To have her._

_She’s leaning out of the door smiling, turning her head back to their guests for a moment to tell Rob to ‘Shut up.’ She looks so alive and so free. So far from the ties that bind her too. She doesn’t look quite like anyone she’s met in either persona, the two blending together, mixing in ways they hadn’t until right now. It's dangerous and she knows it. The resolve she swore to have is already crumbling all on its own, especially if that last thought she just had has any say in the matter. But then, she always has been a bit masochistic._

_”I've got it.” She says, laying the last one on the plate and following her inside. Willing herself to get through the evening and not dwell on her newfound appreciation of Kara in tight fitted t-shirts and delusional fantasies._

_She sets the table with the remaining dishes, accepting help from Rob to bring the last two from the kitchen. He makes small talk with her, something she ordinarily hates but finds that she doesn’t mind so much with him for some reason. She can see why Kara likes him._

_Apart from their initial meeting and his watchful eye as he brought her reckless ‘wife' home the day prior, she hadn’t spent any time with him until now. He’s funny. Charming. Gentle. He’s like her._

_He tells stories of his younger days, things he and his brother got themselves into trouble for as he helps to make his wife a plate. He asks Kara how she’s feeling and fills her in on all the things she missed today, which includes how Mr. Chen doesn’t like him as much as he likes her, but he’s determined to win him over. He includes Lena in conversation and offers to put her in contact with some friends of his who are working on a start up company. He is an all around kind hearted human being and she has no idea what they’re even doing here._

_She keeps a watchful eye on Natalie throughout the course of the meal. On the surface, she is everything that she is supposed to be. She laughs at his jokes in all the right places. She asks Lena for the recipe for the few remaining deviled eggs. But there is an aloofness about her. Right underneath the surface of her pristinely clear skin is the unbridled, unmistakable urge to flee. She can see it in the way that her eyes flitter around the room seemingly in search of the exit. In the subtle but steady tremor of her hands on the knife, in the smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She can see the farce behind it. The way she would rather be anywhere but here. And it suddenly reignites the familiar flame in her chest. The flame that has been dwindling for weeks with every tender look from deceiving blue eyes. She looks to Natalie and she wonders why people feel the all consuming urge to destroy such beautiful things. She wonders how people can look someone they claim to love in the face and lie._

That had been another turning point. Another hurdle in the path to forgiveness. Enough to plant the seed of doubt back into her already skeptical brain and leave her to wonder what in the hell she had been thinking to entertain such thoughts about a woman who had wreaked so much havoc on her own life.

_She excuses herself from the table to bring the pie from the kitchen, but really all she needs is a break from the charade to regroup. To get back on task and out of her own head. She paces the length of the kitchen, wringing her hands to fight off the sudden bout of panic before stopping in front of the sink. The sign above it is a mockery, just another ridiculous notion and she fights the urge to smash it into a million pieces with the meat tenderizer. An idea that she is still entertaining when Kara finds her. She sensed her from halfway up the hall. Her footsteps are light against the linoleum in some half-hearted attempt not to spook her but it's too late for that._

_“We aren’t them you know.” She says quietly, gingerly as if her tone of voice will make the statement less offensive. Lena's hands are knuckle white against the sink, a fact she doesn’t realize until Kara gently places her own hand on top of Lena's right. They aren’t them. They’re worse. They’re an utter catastrophe. A literal ticking time bomb._

_She peers up slowly, taking in the sight of her. Her legs are crossed at the ankles, back resting against the counter and she’s waiting for Lena to set the pace of the conversation. Hoping for the best as heroes do, but knowing her well enough that she won't get that lucky._

_“Aren’t we? You may not be a cheating wife Kara but you certainly hold a monopoly in pretending.” It comes out as ruthlessly sharp as it has in the earlier days because it needs to. She needs it to. She needs to feel the rush of pain to throw the dam back around her withering heart._

_Kara only sighs, the deep weary sigh of an angel and Lena knows she’s caught between the urge to fire back and the desire to reassure. She chooses the latter. “I never pretended to love you, Lena.”_

_Love. It's such a strong word. A word she doesn’t expect her to use and it throws her even more off balance, world tilting a little further on its axis. She also doesn’t expect the thumb that starts stroking the back of her hand. “I think we should probably take some time to talk about this.” She adds, dropping her gaze to their hands. “I know it can’t be easy for you to see her like that. And regardless of how we feel toward one another now and the choices we've made because of that you do still deserve honesty from me.”_

_”Honesty.” She scoffs. “Now I deserve honesty? You didn’t seem to share that sentiment for the last four years.” She glares at her. Something she hopes comes out intimidating but she can’t be certain with the betraying sheen of tears in her own eyes._

_She sees the same emotion go across Kara's face again, the anger that battles a hero's urge to do the right thing. She doesn’t get to see the choice this time though._

_“Kara?” A deep voice calls out from the hallway causing them to jump apart. Lena busies herself going through the drawers in search of an imaginary utensil, and Kara rounds the island to meet him. “Hey, we're actually gonna head home.” He says, stepping into the kitchen. “Natalie isn’t feeling well.”_

_Lena fights back the urge to snort at that. “Well at least take the ambrosia salad.” She settles on instead. His face looks like Kara's when she lets her have the last slice of pizza at the offer._

_“Are you sure?” He hesitates out of politeness and it brings a genuine smile to her face for a moment._

_“Trust me.” She crosses over to the refrigerator and pulling the concoction out. “It's all yours.”_

_Rob takes the treat gratefully from her, thanking them again for their hospitality. She and Kara both walk them to the door to exchange half hugs and lets do it again soons that they know they can never commit to. They wave from the porch and go back inside to start the clean up, the slow setting sun giving the warning that it’s almost time to go._

_No words are exchanged after that. She doesn’t bring it up again, instead deciding to let the tension remain thick in the air. They complete the dishes in silence, flip off the remaining lights in silence, and retreat to the elevator so far off from the way they came down this morning._

She wonders if Kara regrets it now, that she didn’t just bite the bullet and say it when the opening was there. She isn’t giving any indication either way. Turns out she is the begging for her life type, not that it surprises her. She does have a considerable amount to live for, much more than Lena does. 

Her breathing is ragged as she pleads one last time for the man, Michael, to just put the gun down. That it doesn’t have to be this way, that there are always other options. He passed those ‘other options' awhile ago. 

Natalie is hiding in the corner near Rob's hunched form, crying hysterically. One of those overly dramatic, body wracking sobs and Lena kind of wants to shoot her herself for being the cause of all of this and still having the audacity to cry about it. She’s begging too, and Lena's honestly surprised the man hasn’t turned the gun on her yet either for creating even more chaos than is really necessary.

Lena remembers the moment when it first occurred to her that things might turn out this way, though she didn’t expect it on quite this extreme of a scale. It was a sudden thought in her head brought on by the extended silence that had blanketed them ever since the dinner.

_“What if it's not premeditated?” Lena snaps the book shut, suddenly stricken with the idea that they hadn’t yet considered, forgetting briefly about the silent treatment._

_It's just past two in the afternoon on a Saturday. Rob picked up an extra shift to help out since much of the precinct has come down with a stomach virus and Kara's still out of commission. Natalie and her new friend are still going at it like there's no tomorrow. Kara has long since grown bored of simply watching the street for anything. She found a drawing pad that morning, squealed as if it were the best thing to ever happen to her and sat by the window ever since._

_The pencil that she had been trying to balance on her upper lip for the past five minutes falls to the floor at the sudden influx of noise and she looks at Lena with equal parts intrigue at the question and shock at being directly addressed for the first time today._

_Lena decides to elaborate, seeing no point in backing out now. “Gabriel never said it had to be. Not that he says much of anything outside of lectures and vague commentary.”_

_Kara is quick to recover from her initial shock, grasping onto the olive branch she is provided. “True. But how do we stop something we can’t see coming?”_

And that really is the million dollar question isn’t it? 

A question they had tried to answer. The conversation had been stilted, forced. But it was something. 

It's not that Lena doesn’t want to talk about it. She does. But the trouble with her is that when it comes to Kara, the battle between her mind and her heart is a wild one. Her heart yearns to pull her closer. It pushes her to do things like wrap her in her arms after a long day, deliberately staying longer than she should because it makes her feel whole again too. It pushes her to invite her in, let her stay, treat her like she loves her in all her vulnerable moments. It pushes her to listen when she tells her it was real. 

Her mind is another matter. Her mind picks her apart. Forcing her to shove her away when she gets too close, telling her to protect herself. Telling her that Kara never loved her and she was a fool to ever think she did. 

But Kara doesn’t do things halfway. She doesn’t love halfway. Kara is all or nothing. 

_”Stay here.” Is the first thing she says when the shot rings out. Its faint but distinctive sound breaking the new wave of silence between them. She’s out of her seat and out the door before Lena can protest, jogging recklessly across the street toward the source of the sound._

_Lena never was one for adhering to instructions. She couldn’t conform, couldn’t fall in with the marching soldiers in the crowd. So she follows. She follows for so many reasons, one of them being because Kara explicitly told her not to. Another being the fresh wave of horror for what may await in that house. She dashes for the door, slipping on the most sensible shoes placed by the mat and takes off in full sprint to catch up._

“Michael please!” Natalie cries, desperation lacing her voice. Her husband's head is cradled in her lap, drenching the already stained mechanic uniform shirt in a startling shade of crimson that still shows vibrantly despite the engine grease. “You don’t have to do this. You can let us go.”

The living room shows all signs of a struggle. The coffee table lays broken down the middle, caved in from the indention of the body that was thrown into it. Though she can’t say for certain who was thrown into it anymore. 

_The sound of glass shattering is the first sound she hears after pushing the front door open. She follows the noise down the hall, past the kitchen and to the living room in the far part of the house. There’s a flurry of movement, a blur of colors and the sound of bones cracking as a fist lands against someone's face. Its drowned out only by the sound of Natalie's blood curdling scream._

_She stands by the fireplace, dressed only in her lover's discarded shirt, hands covering her mouth and mascara tracks down her cheeks. Kara is closer to the entrance of the room, her back to Lena. Her feet are in a fighting stance as if she’s just waiting for the best moment to jump in to break it up and Lena – for some reason that she cannot explain – just wants to grab her and run._

_”What are you doing here?! I told you to stay at the house!” Kara finally notices her, sensing her presence as she walks up and wastes no time in slipping into her alter ego._

_”I’m not going to let you run off half cocked into God knows what by yourself Kara, and it would serve you well to watch how you speak to me.” Her reply holds an air of authority and she folds her arms over her chest._

_Another loud thud draws their attention and they see Rob and Michael wrestling for the gun, firing rounds into the ceiling. He had evidently come home earlier than she expected, or they had lost track of time. Whatever the option, Natalie’s dirty little secret was out in the open now and it was being handled in the worst possible way. She crouches down, hands covering her head to protect herself from the crumbling overhead tile. Kara shoves Lena back, still preparing to dive in the middle of the fight with no real plan in mind when another sickening crack fills the room followed by the thud of a body hitting the floor._

“Shut up Natalie!” He points the gun in her direction and with a quivering lip she obliges. His hands fist in his hair and he paces the floor like a madman, trying to come up with an exit plan she assumes. Its hard to tell really, his stability is questionable and frankly Lena is appalled at her choice in companion.

“You don’t have to do this, Michael.” Kara tries again. She had made it to the center of the room at some point in the confrontation and stands with her hands raised much like she did with Percy. But this is different. She has no rapport with this man, they know nothing about him and thus far he has not seemed remotely like someone who will listen to reason.

“He tried to kill me!” He stalks toward Kara, getting much too close for Lena's comfort. “Who do you think they’re gonna believe huh? The cop or the guy with the record?”

“I believe you, Michael.” She says earnestly, hand over her heart. “I’m a cop and I believe you.”

She thinks for a moment it may work. His breathing slows from its frantic pace to a more steady inhale. His finger slips a little further off the trigger. But then he shakes his head. “No. No you’re all the same. The only way I’m getting out of this is if all you can keep quiet. And there’s only one way to make that happen.”

He raises the gun to Kara's chest and Lena's breath catches in her throat. 

_Rob’s body lay sprawled on the floor by the back wall and another wail makes its way out of Natalie’s throat. He had finally wrestled the gun free from his assailant after the last shot was fired, and Michael took the opportunity to pick up the first thing in his reach, which had been a very solid, very heavy, very concrete centerpiece that had previously been centered on the now shattered coffee table. He landed one swift strike to his temple, loosing his footing with the force and sending them both toppling over the couch. He hit him hard enough to do some damage, hard enough to kill him, and Lena clings to the wall overwhelmed with a fear she hadn’t felt since being four years old and watching her mother drown. Natalie finally finds the will to move. She rushes over to him, still crouched down as she runs, checking his pulse immediately as her medical training takes over. Lena takes the relief on her face to be a good sign. He’s bleeding profusely from his temple it seems and she’s quick to pull his head in her lap._

_She whispers apologies over his unconscious form. Promises to do better, to be better for him. Promises she should have made long ago. Promises she still may never get to keep._

“So you’d rather jump an assault charge up to capital murder?” Assault is reaching, assault will probably be the most inconsequential things on his ever growing list of offenses for the evening. But even attempted murder would carry a lighter sentence than the one he's now aiming for. And the words are out before she can even think, her brain urging her to just _do_ something. Heart urging her to save her.

Kara looks at her with more fear than she’s ever seen on another person's face. Kara looks at her, blue eyes begging for her not to do this. “Lena, no.” She says in warning, a noticeable quake present with the words. But Lena can’t stand idly by, Lena can’t let him hurt her. 

“I'll do whatever I have to as long as I make it out of here tonight.” He replies, gun still trained on Kara but looking at her when he says it. 

“You won’t make it far. The police are already on their way. They'll be here any minute.” She has no idea if it’s true, but right now she’s putting all the faith she has left in Rosie and everyone else who is sure to have heard the commotion and alerted the authorities. 

“You call the cops on me bitch?” His face twitches in a nervous tick, finger inching closer to the trigger but his body finally pivots. 

Lena has never been happier at the prospect of being shot.

“Did you call the fucking cops on me bitch?!” He asks again, increasingly irate that his question hadn’t been answered the first time around and stalks toward her. But she doesn’t waver. She doesn’t cower in fear nor does she beg. She is a Luthor and she will never go out as anything less than dignified. She will remain poised and unaffected until her very last breath.

Her aim in this is to buy Kara time, to buy Kara the few seconds she'll need with his back turned to hopefully disarm him and take control of the situation. But everything is going to happen so fast and she knows he will pull the trigger before she can grab it. She knows this and she can make her peace with it as long as it spares the life of the woman she once loved because the world needs Kara Danvers. The world needs Supergirl much more than it needs the little sister of a genocidal maniac, the daughter of a terrorist, the woman who tried to slaughter its hero.

She looks at Kara one last time, realizing the last thing she wants to see before the end is the last thing she would have ever expected. And she’s glad she won’t live long enough to ever dream again because the look of terror on Kara’s face will be forever etched in her brain. It would be something that surfaced in every nightmare that ever plagued the dark corners of her mind, and while the blonde's face might be the last thing she wants to see, she would rather see her smile. She can picture it though if she tries hard enough. She'll picture it how it looks first thing in the morning, or when she sees puppies or when she wins at trivia. She'll picture how it looks when she laughs at her jokes or when she brings her potstickers or when she leans in to hug her. She'll picture every line around the crescents of her eyes, every faint freckle on her perfectly smooth skin. She'll picture that and it will all be worth it. Though she can finally answer one of the questions she always had. 

In the face of her death, would she regret never telling Kara how she feels?

“Yes.”

The shot is deafening. It vibrates her eardrums and sends shock waves to her toes. It’s followed only by the sound of screams and another thump as a body hits the floor once more, only it isn’t the body she expects. She’s still standing, a glance at her form shows she’s not bleeding anywhere. She stood waiting for the pain that she knows now will never come, though the pain she does feel is much worse than the one she anticipated. 

“Kara!” 

The blonde kneels at her feet, her back to Lena and she’s sitting as tall as she can muster in her current predicament. Lena’s line of sight ends with a perfect view of the red stain slowly increasing in size at the abdomen of her t-shirt. “Get away from her.” The blonde croaks out in a weak voice, eyes struggling to meet her assailant when she finds that she can’t quite hold her head up. Her arm snakes back around Lena's thigh, gripping with all the strength she has left as if that will protect her somehow. And Lena sees the one moment, the one opportunity she has where he's momentarily distracted enough by the shock of his own actions that he isn’t looking at her. And in a fit full of rage and vengeance and everything that comes along with the weight of a last name like hers, she rips the gun from his shaking hand and fires a shot right between his eyes.

She drops it from her hand as he falls limply to the ground and Kara releases the grip she had on her thigh, hunching forward to catch her breath. 

“You’re totally,” Kara coughs, a splutter of red escaping her lips and landing on the beige carpet. “Going to hell for that.”

“I don’t give a damn where I go Kara, but you’re going home.” She squats down, bringing Kara’s arms up to circle around her neck long enough to get her to stand and then wrapping one securely around her waist, securing Kara's arm around her neck with a death grip on her wrist. She's heavier than Lena anticipated, partially due to the slack in her body but she manages to get them through the narrow hallway and start moving for the exit. 

She thinks that she hears Natalie scream again but she can’t be certain. Not when Kara’s leaden feet make a dreadful squeaking noise across the kitchen tile and then drag across the carpet through the foyer. She moves one step to Lena’s three, her legs struggling to keep up as the movement jostles her around, putting more pressure on the wound.

Finally making it to the door she wishes more than anything for the ability to fly as she carts them off into the night. The world is under a blanket of stars, serene and unconcerned with the turmoil of its inhabitants. It simply moves on, orbits and turns. And people live, they work and they go home and they have dinner with their families. Unassuming, completely oblivious to the way their beautiful world is shattering at Lena’s feet. Crumbling and dissolving into nothing as the streetlights illuminate the steadily graying pallor of Kara's face.

“Come on Kara, we're almost there.” She urges as they approach their own walkway. Her blood drips down the front of her pants and onto the pavement, splattering and sloshing as loud as the waves in a hurricane, at least to Lena’s ears which are honed into every step, every splash, every deathly rattle of breath. It lays out behind them in a grim trail for the sirens in the distance to follow.

“Lena, if we don’t make it-" She wheezes out, the words garbled by the blood in her throat and Lena can’t look, can’t watch as it begins to drip down her chin.

“Tell me when we get there.” She says, throwing their front door open with a bang, not bothering to turn on the lights. The blonde at her side falls silent, too silent and she looks over to see blue eyes drifting shut. “Damnit Kara open your fucking eyes!”

A flutter of lids and a groan are her only response and she somehow finds it in herself to move faster. Dragging and heaving through her last burst of strength, through the living room, up the hall and down the three brick steps that lead to the den. She slams the elevator button with everything she has and hurdles them through the doors before they completely open. Pressing the button for H she pins Kara against the wall, bracing most of the blonde's weight with her legs and gets face to face with her. “Kara.” She shakes her shoulder, her voice coming out with an unmistakable quiver. “Kara open your eyes love.” 

Blue eyes slit open in response, “We goin' home?” She mumbles. 

“Yes darling, we're almost there. Just hang on okay?” Lena wills the tears from her eyes, blinking rapidly to clear her vision. She brings a hand up to stroke the side of her face, brushing back the blonde locks that are sticking in front of her ears. Her skin has broken into a light sheen of sweat, she looks to be almost glowing in the low lighting of the elevator. “Remember you had something to tell me.” She whispers. “You’ve got to stay awake so you can tell me when we get there okay?”

“Okay.” Comes the weak response.

And Lena can’t help herself, she can’t take another moment of this so she wraps her arm around Kara’s waist and pulls her flush to her front, wrapping her in a hug that begs her to stay. 

She feels the blood seeping through the front of her dress, marring her skin with the evidence of what the other woman did and she screws her eyes shut and holds Kara tighter. Her breath comes out in shallow puffs at Lena's ear as she sends up a prayer for the first time in her life to please, _please_ just let her make it. The ascent seems to take lifetimes, eons of listening to the familiar rumble but when the doors finally open with the telling ding it is like music to her ears.

“Shoot, shoot, shoot!” Gabriel exclaims running down the stairs to greet them, promptly snapping his fingers to place a sofa in the center of the room once more and rushing into the elevator to help get Kara out. They each sling one of her arms over their shoulders and Lena finds she’s much easier to maneuver with the assistance of someone else. They carry her the few steps over to the sofa, laying her gently on her back. Lena kneels down beside her, holding her hand firmly in her own, pressed against her mouth and Gabriel stands watch with baited breath. 

“Please, Kara.” She mutters desperately against her knuckles as if she will hear it somehow. As if the sound of Lena’s voice will snap her back to reality. But it’s still silent for a few moments. A few life altering, soul crushing moments in which Lena hopes that God would just take her too before Kara sucks in a gulp of air and her eyes shoot open. She bolts upright causing Lena to nearly lose her balance at the jerk of her hand and looks around the room in confusion. 

“Oh I’m so glad you’re alright!” The angel squeals, throwing a hand to his heart in a swooning way. “You gave us quite the scare Miss Danvers.”

Kara tilts her head at him, trying to decipher the meaning of his words before she looks down at Lena. There’s a tremble in their hands which Lena discovers is coming from her own end. She finds herself paralyzed with the blonde's eyes on her. She can’t move, she can’t think, she can’t breathe. The tears she held at bay in the elevator spill out freely now and Kara is looking at her so tenderly. Her skin has lost the gray undertone and is back to it’s normal golden bronze color. Her nearly lifeless eyes back to the deep blue she treasures so much and she finds that her brain can’t quite keep up with all the changes she’s witnessed in a matter of sixty seconds.

“Lena?” The blonde asks hesitantly.

She stands up and pulls her hand away, suddenly too overwhelmed by the other woman’s gaze to stay there another second. She turns her attention on Gabriel instead, needing to release some of the pent up emotion that had been building for the last hour. “Where the hell were you?!”

He seems startled by her outburst, but only momentarily. His eyes widen but quickly narrow as he speaks. “I think you’re on thin enough ice without demanding answers that I cannot provide, Miss Luthor.”

In the midst of all the chaos she had forgotten about her own fate hanging in the balance. The weight of a phantom gun presses into her palm to remind her. But it isn’t the first life she's taken. It isn’t even the first life she’s taken in Kara's defense. The memory of her brother’s lifeless eyes comes to the forefront of her mind before she banishes it away, focusing on the task at hand. “Well maybe I wouldn’t be on such thin ice if you had done your fucking job and brought us back when we stopped Rob from killing him.” 

“Your work was not finished.” He says simply. “You two have actually made quite a mess of things. Namely you.” He's never addressed her in such a way, so full of detest and contempt.

“That’s not fair, Gabriel.” Kara seizes the moment to speak and they both look over at her. She’s still trying to get her bearings though she is looking better by the moment. She tries to stand but stumbles in doing so and plops back down in defeat. “She saved everyone. He would have killed us all.”

“You know what Kara, I think you’ve defended me enough for one night.” Lena snaps and the blonde quiets down immediately, having not expected to be chastised.

“He would have.” Gabriel nods once and she knows it is the ending he had seen. “The world would have lost Supergirl and without you countless lives will be lost. Two children would have grown up without their parents. It’s all a very sad story.” He says it like it’s anything but. Like it’s just another speech he's rehearsed too much and has now grown bored with the content.

She notices how she is left out of the speech, there is no mention of the things Lena Luthor contributes to the world. Not that it surprises her. “So am I free to go then or am I being banished to hell because quite frankly I would like to take a shower.” She would like to do a lot of things, but scrubbing herself free of this night and letting what is left of her shatter in pieces away from prying eyes is high on her list of priorities. 

He tuts at her nonchalance but dismisses her with a warning. “You’re free to go Miss Luthor, but make no mistake. You won’t be as lucky if this happens again, and I will have to speak with management about your continued….employment.”

She doesn’t give a response to that. 

Her room looks different somehow, as if it has been ages since she's seen it last. The wrinkle in the comforter is still there, the fire still lit but there is an eerie silence settled over the room. She supposes that’s how things always are after a brush with death. She strips out of her dress the second the door shuts behind her, letting the fabric fall to the floor without looking. She can’t bear to see it knowing it's drenched in blood. Kara's blood. 

She leaves a trail of clothing on her way to the bathroom, ripped off in her haste to get as far away from them as possible. She starts the shower, getting in before the water even warms. Her head drops forward against the tile and she makes the mistake of looking down to see the blood swirling around the drain. She clenches her jaw and squeezes her eyes shut, turning her head and bringing her fist to the wall. Her hair mats to the tile, pulling uncomfortably at the roots as she twists but the only pain she really feels is in the hollow of her chest as she lets out a piercing scream before letting the sobs overtake her already trembling form.

The water cascades down her back, soothing her muscles once it reaches the desired temperature and she thinks that she doesn’t deserve the mercy it provides her. Kara could have been killed. She could have been killed all to save someone who wasn’t worth saving to begin with. They’re in this mess because she tried to kill her herself, but now that she’s seen the very real possibility that it could happen she's disgusted with her own actions. Left reeling at the fact that she ever thought killing Kara could make her whole again. 

She goes through the motions on autopilot once the screaming subsides. Once her breathing is even and her vision isn’t blurred. She scrubs at her hands, her stomach, any part of her that holds the evidence of Kara's near sacrifice until her skin is raw and she can feel something other than the overwhelming numbness that plagues her. Only then does she shut off the water. 

She towel dries her hair and slips into the silk bathrobe, fighting off the chill in the air. She ties it tightly around her waist and walks out of the bathroom right in time to hear the soft knock on her door. 

She isn’t ready to face her. She knows that. But she opens the door anyway, not having the strength left inside her to turn the blonde away after everything.

“Hey.” She says quietly. She’s staring down at her shoes, barely peering up at Lena through long lashes with her hands tucked behind her back. She at least had the decency to change her shirt but the dried blood is still staining the front of her pants, albeit closer to her knees courtesy of the way she had been hunched over and Lena fights a new wave of nausea at seeing it again. Kara notices her struggle and quickly explains herself. “I was in the middle of changing. I just heard you and I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

Lena scoffs, stepping closer to the blonde with her fingers gripping the door frame. “Would you be okay right now?”

“No. I wouldn’t.” She lets the statement hang in the air between them and Lena can tell there’s so much that she wants to say, but she still doesn’t know if she can hear it. Kara bites her lip as if to prevent the incoming ramble and Lena can’t stand the sight. 

“God Kara what in the hell were you thinking?!” She tips her head back to the ceiling, willing herself not to start crying for the umpteenth time tonight because she doesn’t need that right now. She needs to be strong. She needs to be angry.

“What was I thinking?” Kara says with a bite in her tone not formerly present and Lena snaps her head back to meet steel blue eyes. “Why don’t you tell me what you were thinking, Lena? Why don’t you tell me what thoughts were rattling through your brain when you decided to use yourself as bait? Let’s talk about that.”

She changes her mind. She can’t do this. 

“I don’t have to explain myself to you, Kara.” She turns on her heel and moves away from the other woman, expecting her to retreat. She doesn’t. She follows her in coming to stand in the center of the room.

“So what, you can go around demanding explanations for other people’s actions but you can’t justify your own?” She huffs a laugh of disbelief. “You didn’t seem to mind offering up every reason why you wanted to mind control the planet.”

Lena spins back around at her audacity to bring that up again, catching the blonde off guard with the way she staggers one step backward. “Well if I had done that then you never would have had a gun pointed at you! But I’m not surprised you'd be against it since you have a fucking hero complex!”

She storms off again, boiling from the accusation and starts rifling through the drawers of the dresser so that she can at least have this conversation fully dressed if Kara is insistent not to leave.

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with my ‘hero complex' all those times I was saving your life!” She says, equipped with finger quotes before curling her hands into fists at her side, mimicking the beginning of a full blown temper tantrum.

“How dare you!” She stands with a pair of yoga pants wrinkled in her palm, kicking the bottom drawer of the dresser closed. “I never asked you to save me then and I damn sure didn’t need you doing it tonight!”

“Really? Cause it kinda looked like you were about to get yourself killed.” She squints her eyes, wrinkling her nose as she does, with a sarcastic edge to the statement.

“Well it's better me than you!” It slips out without her meaning for it to and she wishes the floor would just swallow her right here. Or at least that Gabriel would change his mind and come to retrieve her. At least then she wouldn’t have to see this look on Kara's face.

“Don’t say that.” She says sternly, brokenly, as if Lena had just stolen all the air from her lungs. Her hands come up to fold tightly around her waist as if it will keep her together.

“Why not?” Lena says, chucking the leggings to the ground, tears building back up in her own eyes much to her chagrin and mirroring Kara’s pose. “The world needs Supergirl, it doesn’t need me.”

“Lena,” She warns with a quake in her voice. Her chin starts to tremble and she sees the familiar pink hue on the tips of her ears. “Don’t.” So many emotions dance across her face like she can’t choose only one.

“Don’t what? It’s true.” She shrugs. She had long sense resolved herself to be unappreciated, overlooked unless she was under a microscope for her wrongdoings. That’s just what life was for her and she could deal with that. Until right now, until it was thrown in her face again just how much the world needs Kara and Kara isn’t there right now because of her. Kara almost didn’t go back at all because of her. The blonde protests again with a barely one word answer and Lena has had enough. “Why do you even care so much Kara?”

“Because you matter!” She sucks in a shuttering breath and tries to get herself under control but Lena just can’t hear it. She doesn’t have it in her to hear another Kara Danvers speech about her contributions to the world. She rolls her eyes at the thought of the familiar pep talk and walks briskly toward the door with every intent to show the blonde out of it to regain some semblance of her dignity. But Kara doesn’t move outside of pivoting to follow the sound of Lena's voice as she tells her in no uncertain terms to ‘Get out.’

The dark haired woman looks at her expectantly, her hand perched on the doorknob but she holds her ground and speaks. “You might not think you do, but you matter to me Lena.” 

If she still had a heart, it would stop right here. And with a trembling chin and watering eyes the kryptonian utters the statement that moves mountains. That crumbles the earth and the last of Lena's resolve in a way that nothing else ever will.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me in any world I’ve ever been a part of. And I’m sick and fucking tired of pretending that you’re not.”

And then Kara crosses the room in three long strides, pinning her against the wall and kisses her like there’s no place in the world she would rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mic drop*
> 
> I'm sorry


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your responses to this have been amazing. Like seriously, thank all of you so much for the support. Now without further ado, because I know some of you have been waiting not so patiently all day for this, we are finally going to make that taunting E rating in the corner mean something.
> 
> Also, pray or send good vibes or whatever it is you do for the slow burn writers, we are not okay.

Kara thought about it a lot over the years. It being kissing Lena Luthor. Early in the morning when she was greeted by the smell of coffee and sleepy smiles. After lunches together when they would hug on the sidewalk outside of the restaurant, drawing the stares of anyone passing by because the thought of anyone actually befriending the woman who's brother is a mass murderer was just too much for their small minds to handle. At every gala and fancy work function that found them sneaking off together to sip champagne on a poorly lit balcony, party still in full swing beneath them. On every birthday, every Christmas, with every rush of five o’clock traffic. Kara thought about kissing Lena Luthor. But now she can say without a shadow of a doubt in whatever is left of her functioning brain, none of the scenarios that she has ever dreamed up come anywhere close to what it feels like to actually kiss her. 

At first she had been surprised, not that Kara could blame her. She was very surprised with herself. And if she’s being completely honest, she thought there was a very good chance she was going to get slapped. Perhaps even shackled and tossed into some secret room filled with kryptonite that realistically could exist in Luthor Dream Castle, she doesn’t know. But neither of those things happened. In fact, now that the initial shock of the unexpected has worn off, Lena is a very enthusiastic participant. Her back is to the wall, being held firmly in place by Kara’s hands on her hips, silk robe leaving so little to the imagination. Kara can feel every twitch of her muscles, every ripple in her skin as she rolls her hips forward to press closer to Kara's front. She nips at Kara’s lips, suggesting in no uncertain terms that she wants more, she needs more and Kara – Kara suddenly just wants to give her _everything._ She licks along her bottom lip slowly, teasingly before giving her what she wants and a surge of heat floods to Kara’s core at the feeling of Lena's tongue – only amplifying at the sound of the whimper it pulls from the other woman’s throat. Lena's hands are everywhere. Threading through her hair, caressing gently down her neck, gripping tightly to her shoulders and Kara’s head is foggy. So, so foggy from the feeling of this exquisite human in her arms that she can’t help herself. She slides her hands from Lena's hips, reaching down to lift her up with a firm squeeze. Another gasp slips from the dark haired woman at the sudden change in movement and Kara groans at the thought that the only thing separating them right now are her own clothes because there is absolutely _nothing_ under this sheet of fabric she calls a robe. 

She kisses a trail down Lena's jaw, feather light around the sharp lines and down the column of her throat. She nibbles lightly at the mark she’s always wanted to kiss, dips her tongue into the hollow at the base of her neck and back up again. Lena moans, a low throaty sound and Kara genuinely thinks she might combust on the spot. She tries to move them to somewhere, anywhere with a soft surface will do but finds that her feet won’t cooperate when Lena attacks her lips again, dropping her hands even lower on Kara's back and pulling her as if she can’t get her close enough. 

She’s proud of herself when she does finally move, albeit just a few feet to her right, knocking over what likely used to be a very expensive vase in the process. But that’s a problem for future Kara. Present Kara is much too interested in sitting Lena down on top of whatever table this is so that her hands can wander properly, so she does just that. She starts at her thighs, slipping further and further up, wanting desperately to rip the fabric off but forcing herself to wait. Instead she runs her hands underneath it, along the smooth expanse of pale skin. She caresses Lena’s bare hips, rubbing circles into the bones as she kisses her senseless. Her hips jerk up in response, searching for purchase in something solid but Kara moves back slightly, so slightly and causes a huff of protest from the other woman which is somehow adorable and sexy all at once. Her hands move from Lena’s hips to the curve of her back and up her ribs gently. Her fingertips brush the underside of her breasts and she can’t say for certain who is trembling harder anymore.

She pulls back then to look at her. Her eyes are lidden, a dark emerald color and she’s looking at her with so much uninhibited want. Her lips are swollen, skin flushed slightly pink and she exhales shakily. The robe is peeking open at the top hinting at what's underneath and Kara tries to keep herself under control. She tries so hard but it’s the most difficult thing she’s ever done, the tremor in her hand becoming even more prominent as she reaches for the tie of the robe. She doesn’t pull, not yet. She lets her hand linger and looks at Lena with a silent question. 

“Please.” Lena whispers, raspy and low, and it’s all the incentive Kara needs.

She pulls the tie slowly, wanting to both savor the moment and come to terms with the fact that she’s really doing this. That she’s really being given permission to see and touch and feel every part of her that she’s ever wanted to. When it finally slips open though she can’t help but to stare, blatantly stare, completely mesmerized for a moment at the sheer magic that is this woman. A glance at Lena’s face shows her biting her lip in nervous habit and Kara quickly throws her brain back in gear before she can get the wrong idea.

“Rao, you’re fucking beautiful.” She says, leaning back in to kiss her roughly in sheer appreciation and thanking whoever is responsible for allowing this human to exist and for her to be lucky enough to even be in her orbit.

Her hands start their exploration again, caressing over every inch of alabaster skin within immediate reach. They kneed at Lena’s breasts, her thumbs circling around her nipples and it causes the other woman to break their kiss abruptly, tilting her head back into a sinful moan and Kara swears if she only has to hear one sound for the rest of her life she wants it to be this. It spurs her on, encourages her to do more, to feel more. She sinks her teeth into the base of the other woman’s throat and then moves to her collarbones. Nipping and sucking her way across pale flesh before dipping even lower to pull a nipple into her mouth and she feels Lena's hands fly to the back of her head and grip, holding her in place with a needy gasp. She switches sides after a few moments, bringing her hand back up to thumb over the one she just abandoned and from the sounds Lena is making Kara thinks the other woman may come from this alone. But it isn’t enough, not for her. Not when she wants to touch every part of her and worship her until she can’t even remember her own name.

She starts her descent down Lena’s body, moving her hands to the other woman’s thighs, up her sides and down again as she plants kisses on the valley of her breasts. Across her ribcage, down her stomach, taking the whimpers escaping the other woman’s lips as encouragement. And somehow in the midst of hearing all the pretty little sounds and seeing the inside of her already glistening thighs, it hits her. It hits her just how close she came to losing her. To never having the opportunity to touch her or hold her or even hear her laugh ever again. It hits her in an unexpected tidal wave of emotion and her one track mind veers slightly to the left at the sudden realization. So she stops. She just stops momentarily to nuzzle against the swell of her stomach. Just to feel her. Just to know that she’s here and she’s breathing and she’s perfect. She’s so perfect. 

She feels fingers in her hair, threading, scratching lightly at her scalp as if she knows exactly what Kara's thinking. She always knew exactly what to do to calm her, to ground her, to put her back together when everything shattered. She looks up to her then. To her flushed cheeks and tender eyes. Lena's looking at her like she’s the only thing in the world that matters and it makes her heart swell and break all at the same time because it's everything she ever wanted. 

“Show me, Kara.” She whispers, a soft plea of _make me believe it._ And Kara never could deny her anything, the last thing she will ever deny her is this. So with one last kiss to her stomach and squeeze around her waist she continues down until she’s on her knees, kneeling at the mercy of this woman. 

The fire crackles in the background but she can barely hear it over the sound of Lena's labored breathing. She nips at her thighs, sucking into the flesh and leaving marks as she travels down one leg and up the other. Lena's hands grip the edges of the table so hard she thinks it might crack. She looks up at her again and she’s the picture of ecstasy with her hair mussed and lips parted in anticipation. She keeps her eyes trained on her, taking in every last detail of the look on her face in slow motion as she finally goes to where Lena needs her most. One lick up her center has the brunette’s head rolling back and chest shuddering with a breathless _haah_ , effectively shooting a molten wave of heat between her own legs. Her hands still travel the length of Lena's thighs as she laps at her center, drawing circles on her clit with her tongue.

“Kara.” Lena whimpers her name, wrapping her legs around Kara's shoulders to pull her in, and the blonde grabs her around the waist sliding her to the edge of the table to honor her request. Lena looks down at her, watching her and biting her lip so hard Kara thinks it might bleed. One of her hands flies into blonde hair, the other remaining on the table to keep her balance as she writhes beneath her. Kara's left hand reaches up to grasp Lena's, lacing their fingers together and letting her brace down on her instead. If she were human it would hurt. If she were human she would feel the pain of her wrist being bent backwards at such an extreme angle that if it could break, it would. She would feel the pain in her scalp as Lena pulls at her hair, chanting her name over and over as if it's the only word she has left in her extensive vocabulary. But instead all she feels is fortunate and _proud_ to be drawing this kind of response from her.

“Fuck Kara!”

She laps at her clit, sucking mercilessly on the bundle of nerves and thanks Rao that she doesn’t really need to breathe up here because she would honestly rather die than move. Lena's pupils are blown, her eyes with vibrant flecks of gold, seeming to widen with every flick of her tongue and it's maddening to think she wasted so much time in getting here. 

She can feel Lena getting close, she can hear it in the rush of blood to her center and the rapid sound of her breathing. And she’s torn, she’s so torn between never wanting to stop and wanting this gorgeous woman to come undone underneath her touch. Eventually the latter wins. Eventually she decides that she cannot live another moment of her life without knowing how Lena sounds when she comes. So she commands it softly with a squeeze to her hip. “Come for me, baby.” And let it not be said that Lena Luthor can never follow instructions. 

She comes with a strangled cry, a desperate plea of something that sounds like her name, but she can’t be certain because it’s never sounded so pretty before. Slack-jawed and wide eyed looking down at the blonde as her thighs quake, squeezing tightly against Kara's head. And Kara watches her, soaking up every last second of it and continues her ministrations through the aftershocks, not stopping until the grip on her hand loosens, the hand fisting in her hair releasing some of it's tension. 

She rises from her knees to kiss her, another soft sigh of contentment falling from her lips at the feel of Lena's tongue against hers. She circles her arms around the brunette's waist and Lena kisses back lazily, still attempting to catch her breath and probably expecting it to be over. But Kara smiles to herself because she has impeccable stamina on earth, and now that sleep isn’t required and there's no chance of her being called out to save the world, she’s nowhere near through. 

Lena lets out a yelp of surprise at being picked up again, followed by a hiss of pleasure as Kara attaches her lips to her neck. “I’m not done with you yet.” She muses, chuckling beneath the curtain of slightly damp hair. Lena whimpers softly in response, evidently pleased with the turn of events and it entices Kara even more. 

Her movements are more calculated this time, even focused more on the slope of Lena's neck than where she’s going she’s considerably more coordinated. She carries her over to the bed with ease, kicking off her shoes by the chest at the end and hovering them both upwards, having absolutely no interest in releasing the woman long enough to place her on the side for her to crawl in herself. She settles them in the center, floating gently down until the brunette is flat on her back. Only then does she let her go. She rests on her knees straddling her, just wanting to admire her and catch her own breath. A light sheen of sweat coats her skin and her chest still heaves. Kara slowly grinds her hips down, eliciting a soft gasp from the woman beneath her but it’s still not enough. It’s not enough because Lena is still looking at her like that, Lena is spread bare beneath her and staring deep into her eyes like she’s reading every thought she's ever had which normally would be unnerving. But this isn’t normally, nothing about this day is normal and right now it is the most comforting thing she’s ever experienced. 

Lena's hands find their way under her shirt and dance up her ribcage, leaving a fire in their wake that buries deep inside her bones and grows with each new place she touches. Her eyes fixate on her freshly changed t-shirt, flitting down to her abdomen and she simply says, “Off.” In a rough and insistent voice that she has never heard. Kara is quick to remove it, using a burst of speed to remove her shirt and bra because it’s best to be thorough and she knows that will be the woman’s next complaint. 

Lena’s eyes rake over her, her hands still gripping Kara's sides as she takes her in fully. But instead of the gawking teenager routine that the blonde had taken part in, Lena's stare is more focused, particularly on the still fading pink scar in the center of her stomach. Kara aches for her, melting from the trance-like state of her eyes as she brings one of her hands to the raised patch of skin. She traces over it with the pad of her thumb, studying it as if she expects it to burst open again at any second and leans up on her elbows, shifting Kara backwards. She dips her head to the spot, mimicking the nuzzle that Kara had done to her. Dark hair tickles her chest and she feels every shudder, every sharp intake of breath as Lena finally looks up with eyes so full of a deepened despair that it makes her head spin. “Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again.” She says in a broken, demanding whisper before leaning up further to wrap her arms around the blonde and pulling her into another smoldering kiss that tells her everything she just can’t say.

Kara responds in kind, melting in her arms and falling forward on top of her. She slots herself between Lena’s legs, resting against her forehead and whimpers at the feeling of their bare chests pressed together. Slender fingers dig into her spine and lips move down her neck, sucking at her pulse point and her breathing goes ragged. She rocks her hips into Lena again on impulse, causing the other woman to bite harder. The fingers on her spine move down, dipping under the fabric still covering the lower half of her body and squeezing, pulling her in. She shudders at the sensation, grinding down again, purposefully this time and she knows the top of her waistband holds all the evidence of what they’re doing. Lena shoves at her pants as if she can make them disappear out of sheer will alone and if Kara could think straight with the other woman's mouth at the hollow of her throat she would be amused at her impatience. But she's not amused, she’s drenched and trembling and desperate for the feeling of molding herself into Lena and never letting go. So much like the top half, she reaches down for the button and zipper, knuckles brushing against Lena's dripping center as she shucks them off. 

Their bodies are slick with arousal as they come together for the first time. Lena grasps at the flesh of her ass, pulling her up further and wrapping her lips around a nipple, drawing a high pitched whine from her throat. Kara's hips find a steady rhythm, grinding them together in just the right way, giving friction in all the right places and she buries her hand in Lena's hair, careful not to tug too hard. Lena switches sides, rolling the peak between her fingers, sucking the other into her mouth and Kara's brain short circuits. All her senses fill with everything Lena, the ways she smells, the way she sounds, the way her legs wrap around Kara's waist and suddenly it’s too much to handle. Kara's hands reach for the headboard, she’s going to break it. She knows that she’s going to break it, but its better that than Lena so she grips it at full strength. “Fuck, Lena! I’m-" She cries out as her orgasm crashes through her embarrassingly quickly, catching her off guard and her body trembles. The headboard cracks like she knew it would but the sound is muffled out by the guttural moan tumbling from Lena's lips as she releases Kara's breasts in favor of gripping onto her waist to hold her somewhat steady and follows suit with her own.

Kara leans down and captures her lips again, still out of breath but needing to kiss her much more than she needs something as inconsequential as breathing. She moves her hands back to Lena's hair, ignoring the crumble of what's left of the headboard, also filing that away for future Kara's problem. She kisses every part of her that she can reach. Her lips, her cheeks, her still fluttering eyelids. She tastes the salt on her skin, nosing her way through dark hair as she nibbles the shell of her ear. “I can’t stop.” She husks desperately, searching for permission or clarity or just _something_ that will clear the haze from her brain. She feels crazed, completely out of her mind with absolute need and she can’t fathom the idea of ever stopping now that she has started. Her entire body feels as if it’s been doused in gasoline and set ablaze and she still needs more.

She can feel Lena shaking, still clutching onto her waist for something to ground her and she finds that she’s in much the same state Kara herself is in. Her breath comes out in gasps, heaving Kara up with every exhale and all she can muster is a single word response. “Don’t.” 

She attaches herself back to full lips with unmistakable fervor at the blessing. And Kara finds that kissing Lena Luthor has quickly become her new favorite hobby, among various other things. But the feel of the little puffs of air on her lips and the way her breath catches in her throat in surprise every time Kara leans in is so endearing that she just can’t help but to put it at the top of her list. 

Her hands roam Lena's body, tickling down her ribs, massaging her hips, grasping at every part of her, every crevice and searing them to her memory like this is the last time she can ever do this. She kisses her slowly this time, forcing herself to calm down enough to be unhurried in her journey. She wants to suspend herself in this moment, get lost in her forever because no amount of time is ever going to be long enough. Lena senses the change and follows right along with her, bringing her hands up to cup Kara's jaw. The robe is still on, but barely. It had slipped off her shoulders sometime during the last few minutes and Kara takes the liberty of removing it now. She reaches behind Lena to lift her up slightly, just enough to slip it off her frame. 

Her attention goes to Lena's shoulders, kissing the exposed skin there. From one side to the other she goes, then down to the valley of her breasts again, placing the softest of kisses right over the heart she wishes she could break the space time continuum just to hear. Lena looks at her with so much adoration at the gesture, so many things she still doesn't say but Kara feels. _Rao_ does she feel. 

She snakes a hand down between their bodies, running her fingers through Lena's slit and the brunette whimpers, squirming underneath her to get Kara where she wants but she's intent on taking her time. She circles around her clit and leans in to kiss her again, running her tongue along her lips and licking into her mouth. Lena's hand finds it's way between her legs and she shifts to the side, raising her hips to allow her better access with a breathless “Fuck” into Lena’s mouth as fingertips brush against her in the same way, intent to make Kara suffer with the same slow torturous treatment that she's giving her. Her hips roll forward, her body shakes from the continuous strain but Lena feels so _good._

She tears her lips away, not wanting to stop kissing her but not wanting to miss this part. She slides her fingers through glistening folds and watches her eyes widen and her lips part as she slips inside her, painfully slow. “God, Kara.” She croaks out, lip pulled between her teeth again, looking devastatingly gorgeous and the blonde finally feels nimble fingers move inside her as a response. And for the first thirty seconds, she thinks she might actually die for real this time.

She moves steadily, thrusting her fingers and curling them in all the right places. Lena matches her movements, stroking and teasing and reaching as far as she can and back out again, quickly working her up into her earlier frenzy and the blonde picks up her pace. She's pulling the most delicious sounds from the woman beneath her, watching her as she gets closer to the edge. She moans deeply, wildly, writhing under Kara's touch. And Kara's seen planets with colors that she couldn’t even describe to humans because they just don’t exist here. She’s seen the milky way up close and traveled through oceans of stars, seen the sun set on so many horizons but none of it compares. Not a single one of those things are as beautiful as Lena is right now.

She feels herself getting closer, and Lena's tightening around her fingers. Her eyes are bright, shining into the darkening room. She’s whispering Kara's name again, over and over. Pleading with her not to stop and it slips out before she even realizes what’s happening. But on the brink of her orgasm she says it. She presses her forehead to Lena’s and it tumbles from her lips in her native tongue in the truest statement she’s ever uttered in all her years of life. 

She can tell by the sudden hitch in the woman's breath that she knows exactly what it means. But she deserves to hear it in her own language, she deserves to hear it in every language, every hour of every day for the rest of forever because she means it. She so wholeheartedly means it. So as Kara tumbles over the edge of ecstasy she looks right into emerald eyes and gasps, “I love you, Lena.” With a trembling body and phantom flutter of her achingly stilled heart.

And Lena moans long and deep, coming in a choked breath of air with the fingers of her left hand gripping hard enough to leave marks on the impenetrable skin of her back. “Kara!” She pulses around her fingers, and Kara keeps going. In a frantic rush of love and adoration and all the wonderful feelings that come along with that epiphany, she keeps going. Unwilling to end it just here, not now, not knowing that Lena is all she will ever want again. She thrusts deeper inside her until she feels a cramp in her shoulder at the utterance of _please, Kara, please_. She watches the crinkle between her eyebrows deepen, her mouth contort open into a silent scream before tilting her head back and coming again with a chorus of _ohs_ in a beautiful falsetto, a rush of liquid covering Kara's palm. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” She cries out as her whole body shakes behind the force of it. Her back arches sharply and Kara's fingers go numb and it’s the most perfect feeling she's ever experienced. 

She lets Lena ride it out before slowing her pace, calmly bringing her down with kisses to her forehead, her eyebrows, whispering over and over and over again, “I love you.”

When Lena's body goes slack, she withdraws her fingers, collapsing on top of her and burying her face in her neck, inhaling the scent that she loves so much and reaching her arms underneath her to hold her close. 

And when Lena responds with an embrace of her own, clinging tightly to her shoulders as if she never wants to let her go, she realizes that there has never been a single moment in all of time that she didn’t love her. Through every jab and every insult that she didn’t mean, she loved her. Through every morning coffee run, every lunch, every sleepy smile and lingering touch she loved her. And right now she loves her, deeply and purely. Irrevocably and unconditionally. More than she’s ever loved anyone or anything she loves Lena Luthor. 

And for all the things she felt tonight, all the amazing, mind numbing experiences she’s had, the best thing of all is the little sniffle she hears now. The feel of a tear running from Lena's eyes and dripping onto her cheek as she says, “I love you too. So much.”

Kara moves to kiss her again, pulling her in to the softest kiss of the night and brings one of her hands from behind Lena's back to wipe the tears from her face. “Don't cry, baby.” It's a ridiculous request considering the tears building in her own eyes, but she says it anyway. 

It does no good though, the tears only fall more freely as her eyes search Kara's face before she hides her face in the blonde's shoulder and squeezes her so tight it knocks the air from her lungs. “I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.” 

Kara's heart cracks in two at the admission. And maybe it isn’t there but she can feel the break as if someone had literally just smashed it into pieces at the sound of apology that is just seeped in self-loathing. An apology that while legitimate – still sounds out of place alongside her running list of transgressions. She runs her fingers through dark hair, “No.” She shakes her head and presses a kiss to her temple. “I'm sorry.”

‘Sorry' doesn’t seem adequate enough a word but it’s all that she has and she means for everything. They both mean for everything. For the way they fell apart, for the way they handled it. For not listening, retaliating in all the ways that they did and landing themselves here. For all their wrongdoings, shortcomings and failures. And maybe this was a very extreme scale to balance forgiveness on, but Kara doesn’t know if they ever could have gotten past it without this, so to her it will always be worth it.

“I don’t know how you can even look at me.” Lena mumbles into her shoulder, choosing to ignore Kara's soft dismissal and still clinging onto her back as if she will get up and walk away after being reminded of it all. But there is no walking away. If this proves nothing else it proves at least that much. There's nothing that Lena could ever do to make her run.

Kara pulls back slightly, forcing Lena away from her shoulder to look into her eyes. She presses their foreheads together again and lets out a shaky breath. “The same way you can look at me.” And she means that. If Kara were to give her opinion she does find that her own actions had been worse. At least if someone is counting in blame and tallies. She’s the one who started this. She’s the one who lied and went behind her back and exposed her weaknesses. She’s the one who caused her to do all that she did. And she is far from being an innocent party in how all of this played out.

Lena laughs then, a watery laugh at her own expense because for her it's a ludicrous comparison. For her, she fired the first shot and anything Kara did after that is completely justifiable despite how much she tried to claim otherwise in the beginning. “I tried to-" And she can’t even finish the sentence for fear of facing it. Her lips tremble again and she squeezes her eyes shut. 

“You tried to take a bullet for me.” Kara reminds her, finding it the more important thing to focus on and green eyes open hesitantly. “And then you brought me home, saving my life after all that I did to you.” She pulls her hand from her hair and strokes the side of her face. “I love you for all that you are, Lena. And if you can forgive me for _years_ of lying to your face then I can certainly forgive you for your response to that, especially when mine was no better.”

The brunette still looks skeptical, but she softens at the admission, and Kara is just ready to let it go. She doesn’t want to be another name on a list of the people who failed her. She doesn’t want to be another all-powerful being on the path of vengeance. She just wants to be better. She wants to take her how she is, love her how she is, forgive her and turn the page. “I still see the same person I’ve always seen when I look at you. So why don’t we just call it even and start over, okay?”

Lena nods rapidly against her head, tears still falling freely down her cheeks and Kara wraps her arms around her again. Tucking her face back into Lena's neck and pressing a lingering kiss right underneath her ear. She feels a hand reach up to cradle her head, another still wrapped tightly around her back and she falls into a sense of belonging. A complete, overwhelming feeling of acceptance and suddenly something Gabriel said on that first day makes all the sense in the world to her.

Kara doesn’t think of jewel mountains and a red sun bathing a planet in a deep orange hue. She doesn’t think of a house in Midvale or a downtown loft apartment. She doesn’t think of her sister or her parents or anywhere else she's ever carved out a place for herself. When she thinks of it, it's the most obvious answer and it doesn’t matter where she goes. Be it a house on Maple street, a castle on the outskirts of heaven or anywhere in between.

When Kara thinks of ‘home,’ she thinks Lena Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you need me, I'll be over here wishing I was Kara Danvers


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain needed a break after that one, but I'm back!

They lay in a cocoon of soft pillows and blankets, a small slice of heaven they’ve carved out for themselves in the afterglow. They are skin on skin legs tangled, and her head is resting at the hollow of Kara's throat. The blonde absently draws patterns on her back and hums softly. It sounds hauntingly familiar but she can’t place it, so she focuses instead on the vibration against her temple, the soft lull of the tune. The tears subsided hours ago and the conversation has long since died out. Instead a comfortable silence surrounds them, broken only by the flames dancing in the background, the lovely unknown melody and the sounds of their breathing. Kara intermittently places kisses to the crown of Lena's head and she lays contently, allowing the various sounds to drown out the storm in her mind that rages at the course of events, starting with the fact that she loves her, and ending with the promise of her forgiveness. Forgiveness that Lena would have never sought. Forgiveness she didn’t think herself capable of giving but somewhere along the way, sometime between promises to never leave her and a gallon of moose tracks, she had forgiven her before she even knew what was happening.

Anger is a fickle emotion. It often changes course and intensity and subjects, until one day it just grows tired and takes its leave. It bows out at the destruction it leaves in its wake, handing a broom over to love to clean up its mess. And though it may stop in for a visit on occasion when a particular chord strikes, it’s easier to slam the door in its face each time it does. And Lena is ready to just slam the door and slide the chain because she can still see Kara as the same person too.

She can see her as the person who went out of her way to make Lena feel welcome in a new city when she wasn’t looking to make friends, when she adamantly refused such a thing. The person who checked on her well being, invited her to Christmas dinner, believed in her so wholly when no one else did. The person who saved her life countless times. The person who did eventually tell her the truth of her own accord during a pivotal moment when Lena could have ruined her. The person who loved her when she couldn’t love herself.

She nuzzles closer with a sigh, knowing that the sun will come sooner rather than later, but for once she doesn’t dread the morning. Kara's hand reaches up to cradle the back of her neck in response, moving lightly across her skin.

“Can I show you something?” She asks, voice husky from hours of silence and Lena nods, knowing she will follow the blonde anywhere. “I want you to know that I am very opposed to the idea, but you have to get dressed for it.” Lena laughs. Quite honestly she’s opposed to the idea also, but she’s intrigued at what Kara has in mind. 

Kara bends her head down, kissing Lena softly, so, so softly before she starts to untangle herself. “Come on beautiful. I want you to see it before the sun comes up.”

Lena flushes deeply at the term, even more so when she sees the blonde's bare form standing in the middle of her bedroom, holding out her hand for Lena to take. She hadn’t gotten to appreciate it much before, having felt a lot more than she saw. By her delayed response in accepting the hand extended to her and the growing smirk on Kara's face she knows the other woman has picked up on what she’s doing. “Like what you see?” She asks teasingly and Lena has a half mind to drag her back to bed and show her just how much she likes it. She talks herself down though, reserving herself to believing there will be plenty of time to do just that. Preferably daily, for the rest of forever but she isn’t picky.

“Oh I like it.” She teases back, accepting the hand that’s offered and grinning at the small victory of the blush on Kara's cheeks. Her sultry attitude is short lived however, being far outweighed by the not so graceful stumble into Kara as she tries to stand for the first time. In her defense, Kara had done most of the work since her knees gave out hours ago so she hadn’t really needed to walk for quite some time. And she did just have the best sex of her life, so the fact that she's standing at all is really quite impressive.

“I could just carry you, if you want.” Kara laughs as Lena tries to find her footing with her face pressed in Kara's chest. It’s a tempting offer, but one that her independence will not allow. So she takes a few extra minutes to bask in the warmth that is Kara, wiggling her toes and willing the feeling to return to them before crossing the room on wobbly legs for the dresser.

Kara calls that she'll _be right back_ and rushes out in a burst of speed, presumably to get dressed herself. Lena finds what she’s looking for and glances around the room for the first time. Taking in the evidence of their tryst and laughs. The broken vase, the loosened doorknob, the remnants of the once very sturdy headboard. It's exactly what she would have expected of Kara, though she believes the doorknob was her own doing. 

The blonde reappears after her laughter subsides, walking in right as Lena is pulling up her underwear. She’s dressed comfortably and holding her folded cape in her hands. “That was a very nice vase, you know.” Lena muses.

Kara looks down at the shattered remains and shrugs, no ounce of remorse on her face. “I was a bit preoccupied at the time.” And Lena feels a new rush of heat between her legs at the memory of just how preoccupied Kara had been. She vaguely remembers hearing it shatter but had been much more focused on the feeling of Kara's hands running up her thighs. “It's your fault anyway. I cannot be held accountable for my actions when you look like that.” Blue eyes scan appreciatively over her still mostly bare form, her lip is caught between her teeth and Lena blushes harder at her comment. 

“Well I guess it's a good thing I’m a billionaire if that’s your only defense.” She pulls the shirt over her head. “Though I may just have to invent kryptonian proof furniture if I don’t want to go through the hassle of having my headboard replaced every other week.”

She says it before she can even think of what it implies and then freezes at her own assumption. But Kara just looks at her with a sly smirk. “Give me _some_ credit.” She saunters over to her and tucks a lock of dark hair behind Lena's ear. “It will at least be weekly, at minimum. So you should probably get to work.” Lena smacks her shoulder in response, Kara giving a dramatic _oof_ just for an extra effect before dialing down her flirtatious tone into something that is just so warm and so free and so Kara. “Ready to see something cool?” 

Kara takes her hand and leads her through the corridors with ease as if she’s done it a million times. Lena peeks into the rooms as they pass and curses herself for being so wrapped up in her own torment that she hadn’t explored the place in all the weeks they had been here. Kara notices her disappointment and is quick to voice her opinion. “You picked the best one. But I'll be happy to give you a tour later if you want.”

“I'd like that.” Lena squeezes her hand.

She leads her up another staircase and down the final corridor before reaching their destination and Lena may have followed in blind faith with no idea what she was walking into, but she soon finds that nothing could have prepared her for this anyway. For something so utterly magnificent, something she had been dreaming about since she was a little girl and it for what seems like the hundredth time tonight, the air is stolen from her lungs. She had imagined this in so many different ways, but she has to say that she's completely enamored with the final product of her mind. The throne room is bathed in moonlight, shadows cast in various corners but she's still able to make out the vibrant blues. The candlelight flickers against the paintings, catching the depths of the colors and breathing life into them somehow. She looks to Kara in absolute wonderment, mimicking what she is sure to be the expression of a child at Disneyland and the blonde lets go of her hand, encouraging her to explore with a smile.

She wastes no time in ascending the cobblestone stairs, counting each one in effort to commit every facet to memory. Every crack, every ripple, every stone. She does the same once she reaches her destination, running her hand along the seat, mapping along the seams, tracing the golden patterns with her fingertips. She moves along the side, feeling the soft velvet of the fabric, marveling at the color, the space, the way she feels as insignificant as an atom but somehow as bright as a supernova all at once. So she can’t help herself. She spins around in unreserved glee, staring up at the open sky, the moon cascading down like a waterfall over her skin. She revels in it. Kara’s laughter floats through the cool air of the night, a loving melody overloading her senses and making her feel like she's on top of the world. 

She collapses on the throne breathless, a wave of dizziness taking its hold. Once the room stops spinning she looks down to Kara, still waiting patiently for invitation at the bottom of the staircase. She extends her hand, having gotten enough of it on her own and just wanting to share it with the woman who made it possible, regardless of circumstance. Kara approaches her slowly, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips and somehow she still looks like she stepped straight out of a fairy tale even with the oversized sweatshirt and fuzzy slippers. She dips into a dramatic bow once she reaches the top complete with a hand flourish. “M'lady.” Her accent is ridiculous and Lena loves her all the more for it. 

She stands with the cape draped over her left arm, hair pulled into it's signature ponytail and she’s looking at Lena like she’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. Lena who is donned in sweatpants, messy hair and no makeup is still pulling that look from her and she suddenly finds it so hard to breathe. Kara steps closer to her, looking ethereal in the soft light of the moon and places her finger underneath Lena's chin, tilting her head back. 

She whispers “I love you” and kisses her on the throne of the castle that her mind dreamed up. And just like that, the little girl inside of her finally gets her wish. Kara pulls back with a smile, blue eyes sparkling and Lena can say with all honesty that there will not be a single night in her life that could ever rival this one. It's perfect. She's perfect. 

“Are you ready for the best part?” Kara asks with a mischievous smile. She truly can’t imagine there is a better part but Kara has continuously proven her wrong throughout the night so she simply nods her head and rises to meet her. Kara unfolds the cape and drapes it around her shoulders. It's heavier than she expects it to be, symbolic of the weight of the worlds Kara carries with her. It’s warmer than she expects too but she knows that’s only half the reason she chose it. She could have just as easily brought a blanket but instead she is choosing to share this part of herself with the person she loves. She pulls it tighter around herself, looking to Kara with parted lips and adoring eyes.

Kara holds out her arms, requesting to pick her up and Lena obliges easily. The ground disappears from beneath her feet as Kara scoops her up bridal style and floats them up toward the sky. She cradles Lena close to her chest as she clears the roof, bringing them far above the castle into the expanse of the night. She quickly concedes that Kara wasn’t lying when she said this was the best part. 

“Oh my God.” She gasps, with a look of sheer wonder, “You've been coming up here all this time?” Kara nods. “I see why you never read the book.” She says with a roll of her eyes, pulling a laugh from the hero.

The view is truly divine, exquisite, downright magical if she's being quite honest. And while she knows the castle itself may have come to fruition due to her overactive imagination, this part did not. This part is untouched by anyone, holding no influence from any breathing soul. While they have been operating in a world of make believe, this world is real. Real enough that she can reach out and touch the clouds. Real enough that the sky seems to go on forever, real enough that the only surrounding object outside of her dreamt up castle are the gates in the distance. “Is that –“ She trails off, pointing instead because the whole thing seems so impossible that she’s afraid if she says it, it will all disappear. Kara is none the wiser though. 

“Heaven, yeah.” She breathes out with a content smile and settles them then, adjusting herself on her back, tucking a hand behind her head and holding Lena securely against her chest. And it should be terrifying for someone with a phobia of flying, she should be overwrought with fear. But she isn’t. Whether it’s the day or the view or just the person she doesn’t know. But she thinks as she tangles their legs back together and relaxes into her touch that it may be a combination of all three.

“Thank you for showing me this.” She murmurs into her chest, still transfixed on the scenery but breathing in the familiar perfume and basking in the feeling of the soft cotton on her cheek. As reluctant as she had been to leave the cocoon they had built for themselves she finds this is worth it. This feels more like home than anything else ever has. 

“I was always going to show you this.” Kara mumbles into her hair. “But I have to admit this is the preferable option.”

“To completely ravish me and then show me literal heaven?” She asks only half joking and feels the soft laughter vibrate against her ear, causing her to grin even wider.

“Exactly.” 

Kara Danvers always had a unique way of making her feel special. It was in the way she included her, always made sure she was comfortable no matter the circumstances. She would make sure to have Lena's favorite snacks stocked for game night even though she was the only one who ate them. She bragged about her when she wasn’t around, a fact she quickly learned from Kara's friends when they would ask her about her latest projects. She defended her name in public and in private, always looking out for her. She made her feel safe long before she knew she was an actual superhero. She risked her career, her family, her life because she believed in her. She made her feel like she belonged somewhere she never thought she could fit. And now she floats with her, high above the clouds showing her something that no other living being will ever see.

“What would you have said to me?” She asks, intrigued, turning her head to rest her chin on Kara's chest. She also very much prefers this option, but she’s curious to know the answer.

Kara hums. “Probably something along the lines of I’m sorry I’m a selfish asshole and I hope you forgive me for that someday.”

Another silence falls between them as she scans over Kara's face. Committing this to memory too because this is deeper than just the afterglow. This is deeper than just wanting to remember how Kara looks cradled against the stars. This is more somehow. This is the definitive moment that leads to the next chapter. This is where she is content to stay, suspended for all time.

“I do.” She says finally, needing Kara to know, needing her to hear it. “Forgive you.” She clarifies and she watches the lines around her eyes smooth, feeling a shudder beneath her as Kara lets out a breath that she seems to have been holding for years. And before now she would have given an ultimatum. Something along the lines of _if you ever lie to me again._ But she doesn’t feel like she needs to. The way Kara looked at her isn’t something that can be forged. It had been too genuine, too filled with love and benevolence and longing. So she knows that Kara won’t do it again. With forgiveness came one other feeling. Something that she doesn't know how to begin to wrap her head around but she is willing to try. Maybe it makes her naïve, but if this experience has taught her anything it's taught her how to move on. “I trust you.”

Kara lays quietly, processing the information for a few moments before she answers. “You have no idea what that means to me.”

The truth is that she does. She knows exactly what it means to her and it only proves to her that she’s right to do so. 

They lay quietly until the sun starts to peek over the horizon, bathing the world in all the colors she can imagine, warming her to her bones. Kara floats them back down and she finds the throne room is just as beautiful in the early light of morning. They walk back the same way they came, hand in hand, catching each other’s eyes periodically and smiling. 

They know that Gabriel will come to collect them soon and they need to look presentable for it. They go back to Lena's room without the need to discuss it. They shed off the night and step into Lena's shower like it’s just normal routine. And Kara pins her to the wall the moment the faucet turns on, fully intent on making Lena scream her name until the water runs cold. 

She succeeds. 

So by the time they walk down the stairs to meet Gabriel, she’s sated and deliciously sore. He sits on the sofa that he had the good sense enough to leave, tapping his foot impatiently. But not even his arrogance can spoil her mood. He looks as though he's about to complain but then his eyes flit down to their joined hands and he breaks into a wide smile. “Finally!” He wipes imaginary sweat from his brow and fans his face dramatically. “You two were cutting it close.”

He knows. Of course he knows. He knew from the beginning with his sly smiles and witty commentary. That was the whole point after all. 

“So am I still on the heavenly payroll?” Lena asks, still not one to mince words despite her outstandingly good mood. 

“Right to the chase are we Miss Luthor?” She raises her brow waiting for a response. He clears his throat and stands. “Very well then. Yes. It seems my employers are rather fond of you despite your…unconventional methods.”

Well that’s a nice way to put ‘murder.’

“But I do still caution restraint.” He reminds her. 

She meets the warning with an eye roll. “Trust me, I’m in no hurry to repeat someone trying to get herself killed again.” She glares over at the blonde sternly and Kara ducks her head with a mumbled apology. They probably should discuss that at some point in time – without the screaming.

Gabriel squeals in delight, clapping his hands together. “Oh I’m so happy for you two! You were taking forever really. Way longer than we expected-"

“Okay!” Kara interrupts with a laugh. “We get it. Thank you, but we really should be going.” Lena smiles to herself knowing that the rush only translates to ‘we should get going so we can get back.’

Gabriel tuts. “Not so fast there Supergirl, there has been a change of plans. You wont be going back to Metropolis.” 

Lena doesn’t even bother to hide her relief at the knowledge. While she wishes Rob all the best with his life, she wasn’t sure that she could stomach going back there. She hadn’t really entertained the thought much throughout the night, mind focused on much different things, but the anxiety was starting to set in when they came down. Kara however is not pleased with the news.

“What do you mean we're not going back? You said it wasn’t finished.” Her face scrunches up, a mixture of confusion and irritation.

“Indeed.” He nods. “But we have people for that. A clean up crew, if you will. Contingencies are important in this line of work.” 

Of course contingencies are important to finish missions. Clearly not necessary when getting shot. Kara looks at her expecting her to agree with her protests, but falters when she sees the look on Lena's face. Kara considers her quietly, carefully before turning back to Gabriel. “Okay.” She says, much to Lena's surprise.

He gives them that look again, eyes darting back and forth between them before rubbing his hands together enthusiastically. “Excellent! I will let you know how it goes. But for now there is plenty of work to be done.” He ushers them to the elevator and bids them a good day in typical Gabriel fashion, muttering to himself about how wonderful this new development is as the doors roll closed. 

She may be annoyed by the angel, he may be a perpetual thorn in her side, but she is grateful for his thorough nature. She inspects the floor and notices it has been scrubbed clean. Devoid of all traces of blood and it eases her internal struggle if only marginally. She expects Kara to call her out on her silent protest the moment they are alone, but she doesn’t. She just stands as an immovable force by her side, trusting her to open up if and when she's ready.

The doors open to a ray of sunlight. Shadows cast on the tall brick buildings and she groans in frustration as they step out and her heel comes in contact with a fast food wrapper. “Honestly I don’t know why I’m surprised anymore.”

Kara just laughs good-naturedly, offering a shoulder for her to brace herself on while she reaches down to remove the offending object. “Perhaps you should consider more sensible footwear.” She teases, keeping a soft grip on Lena’s elbow.

“And lose my intimidation factor?” She asks with a sly grin, having finally removed it and standing eye to eye with the hero. “Never.”

“Psshhh. You? Intimidating?” Kara scrunches her face in an adorable fashion and Lena just laughs.

“I’m not? Is that why you were a stuttering mess around me for the first two years?” She tilts her head and when Kara doesn’t confirm or deny the accusation she simply pats her cheek lovingly and turns toward the sidewalk. “Come on love, let’s go save the world.” She smirks when she hears the muttered _No, that’s just because you’re hot_ as the blonde trails behind her. 

The downside to improvisation is that she didn’t get to do her research beforehand. Lena had spent nearly the entirety of the guardian angel experience doing just that. Researching, studying, stalking – the usual. So now as they wander the streets of an unknown city with no particular destination in mind, being lead only by a name on a sheet of paper and Kara's bottomless stomach she feels vastly unprepared. 

They’re sipping their coffee and milling down the sidewalk. It’s somewhere between the blonde's third breakfast and five pm, though she can’t say for sure which one of those are closer. They had used their newfound friendship to get back to their familiar antics which included but was not limited to walking through the local park with Kara making friends with every dog she sees. Window shopping and occasionally going in to try on something they found particularly interesting, though the making out like teenagers in the dressing room was a new yet very welcome development. They were awarded a few dirty looks from the patrons of the last shop but still ran out giggling anyway. And taste testing desserts from various bakeries because _It doesn’t count when you aren’t technically in your own body, Lena._ An adorable pout and twinkling eyes persuaded her far more than the perfectly logical reasoning behind the statement. In all fairness, it was the best brownie she'd ever had. Now her feet hurt though, a deep throbbing pain shooting through her ankles and right as she starts heavily considering the piggy back ride that Kara had offered up twenty minutes ago – despite her dignity and very short skirt – fate steps in.

Fate takes the form of a bright red ball. It bounces suddenly in front of her, trailing its way in the direction of the busy street. She dodges it at first, her ankle accidentally helping it on its journey, but only slightly. What she does not dodge is the toddler chasing after the offending object without a care in the world about its current destination. So in a bout of pure panic and impressive coordination, she discards her nearly empty cup not caring where it lands and scoops the little boy into her arms right before his light up sneakers hit the asphalt. 

He’s a mess of brown curls and wears a confused frown on his chubby face. Partly at the loss of his beloved toy and partly at the strange woman currently holding him. There's a furrow of his eyebrows over deep chestnut eyes and he’s studying her as if deciding if he wants to scream or not. He doesn’t. His mother is another story. 

She comes running through the crowd in an absolute tizzy, her apron hanging loosely around her waist. She has the same dark curls as her son, spiraling wildly in the wind as she sprints towards them. “Mijo!” She shouts as she gets closer, already reaching her arms out for him. Lena holds him out to pass to his mother who takes him gratefully, cradling him to her chest and squeezing him tight with a kiss to his head, admonishing him for running off. A closer look at her reveals that she works at a nearby restaurant; Josie's Place is embroidered on the green apron. There is a book tucked in the front pocket and she can make out enough of the name tag on her checkered shirt that reads ‘Esmeralda.’

“Thank you.” She says in a lovely accent with teary eyes and kisses his head again. The young boy doesn’t seem phased by his near brush with death, he's just happy to see his mother. The grin on his little face only grows wider when Kara appears at her side, holding the ball out to him and he takes it with grabby hands.

Fate has a funny way of stepping in indeed.

“I just turned my head for a second,” She explains, still catching her breath from the unexpected sprint. “My babysitter couldn’t make it so I had to bring him to work with me.” She’s shaking like a leaf and clutching him tightly, and Lena thinks there is no time like the present to seize this golden opportunity.

“Well you know we were just walking by there and thinking about stopping for dinner-" Lena trails off looking to Kara. The blonde's eyes widen is silent question of _Is that her?_ She quickly plays along at Lena's subtle nod.

“We were!” She agrees. “We could hang out with him for the rest of your shift if you like.”

The woman looks at them skeptically at first, unsure of what to make of a stranger's offer. But Lena's heroics and Kara's sweet smile and kind eyes quickly win her over, though she assures them that they don’t have to. 

“Nonsense.” Lena assures her. “We have nowhere else to be do we darling?” 

“Nope.” Kara smiles back at her, pleased to have been addressed in that way again and reaches for her hand.

And that’s how she finds herself in the middle of a mildly upscale restaurant watching Kara Danvers draw dinosaur pictures with a two year old.

They've seated him in a booster chair which he was against at first until crayons had been produced, then he was slightly more agreeable about it. They're waiting on their meal to arrive, Esmeralda having insisted she will cover the tab and Lena having put her foot down adamantly that she will do no such thing. 

“Yours is way better than mine, Nicola.” She beams at the child. Kara's drawing is actually quite good and Lena is thrilled to learn yet another thing about the never ending mystery that is this woman. Nicola's is just a mess of lines on the page but he’s very proud of himself and she doesn’t think she will ever tire of seeing this side of her companion. “Why don’t we let Lena try?” She asks him and hands an empty sheet over to her along with a variety of crayons. 

“Okay, but all I do is design prototypes for a living. I’m not so sure about my dinosaur drawing skills.” She warns with a slight grimace but takes the offered tools anyway.

“Oh I have the utmost confidence in you that you’re just as good as Nicola is.” Kara says sweetly.

“You’re going to pay for that later.” She selects a dark purple and begins drawing the outline of whatever this creature is going to be.

“Rao I hope so.” Kara mumbles into her glass of water with her eyes so deviously charming and Lena draws a line straight down the page. 

Their entrees arrive shortly after. Esmeralda comes by more frequently to help her son with his dinner but Kara insists that they’ve got it and sees to it that he doesn’t make too much of a mess. She does fairly well for someone who is intent on inhaling her own food, a pasta dish with more cheese than there is pasta – Lena is wholly convinced of that.

“Baby, just try it.” Kara whines with her best puppy dog impression and an outstretched fork. 

Her acceptance of the heart attack in a bowl once again has nothing to do with the argument that it doesn’t count and everything to do with being called ‘baby' in the clear light of day. Though she isn’t so sure about this one. The brownie may not have counted, but she can practically feel her former self gain ten pounds after just one bite of it. Kara laughs at her expression as she tries to chew and then promptly chugs her water afterward. She stops laughing however when Lena parrots her words back to her and waves a forkful of her spinach salad under Kara's nose. Yet another abomination she vows to have Gabriel smite off the face of the planet. 

Once their meals are finished Esmeralda approaches again with tired eyes and a grateful smile. “Thank you so much for watching him.” She says, running a hand through his hair and wiping away the leftover sauce from his chin.

“It was no bother.” Lena assures her. “Besides I think someone has made a new best friend.” She glances over to Kara who is slouched over in her seat having bitten off more than she can chew quite literally with her not so super metabolism.

“Totally,” She agrees. “Best drawing buddy ever.” She reaches out for a high five and is met with a tiny hand and a giggle from the young boy. 

Lena waves off her insistence to pay for their meal again and they bid her goodnight. Once their bill is settled they walk out into the early evening. Lena spots her several paces up the sidewalk and insists that they follow her home. They keep a safe distance, walking leisurely to accommodate her still aching feet.

“I could still carry you, you know.” Kara jokes after about three blocks. “That's always an outstanding offer.”

Truth be told, Lena had expected at least some awkwardness to follow them on the morning after. Daylight usually does bring clarity in that sense. She expected her shy, sweet, blushing Kara to make an extended appearance. She expected not to have any idea how to navigate the new dynamic herself. But she got nothing of the sort. She got the Kara who made flirtatious comments over dinner, who dragged her into various locations throughout the day just to kiss her without prying eyes. She got the Kara who is still looking at her like _that._ Like she’s the only thing in the world she sees.

“You’re just in a hurry to get your hands on me.” She teases back in a scandalized tone and Kara just throws her head back in a laugh and puts an arm around her waist. And she finds that maybe it’s not so different after all.


	16. Chapter 16

_”Did you think that I would save you?” Lena asks quietly, staring out the window at the stars from her spot on Kara's chest._

_They’re a tangle of limbs under a pile of blankets, unable to tell where one ends and the other begins. Lena is slotted comfortably between her legs, running her nails over Kara's ribcage as she asks and she can’t say that she didn’t expect this. She sighs and strokes the bare skin of her back, determined to be honest. “I knew that you would try.”_

_”But you didn’t think we would make it?” She gives a reserved sigh, already knowing the answer._

_”No I didn’t.” She can feel the tension in the other woman’s shoulders. The shaky exhale as she’s confronted with this new information and trying to process it. It’s something they need to discuss, though Kara regrets nothing and she would have held that very same opinion had she bled out in their living room. “But I couldn’t let him hurt you.”_

_It had been in that moment she decided. All the pushing and pulling they had been doing, all the years and all the lies between them meshing together in one thought in her head. She couldn’t name the feeling then. But she had just known without a shadow of a doubt that she needed to protect her, no matter the cost._

_”You terrified me, Kara.” The tension grows tighter, her shoulders more rigid as she curls in on herself, clenching her hand into a fist._

_”I know.” She says solemnly, continuing her ministrations. Up her spine and down again, palm splaying at the curve of her back. “But I won’t apologize for choosing you.”_

_Kara knows that Lena won’t argue that point. She will silently accept the answer she has been given and formulate a plan to ensure that Kara is never put in that position again. That they are never put in that position again. Kara loves her for that._

_She changes tactics then, bringing a similar item to the table. Something she knows they need to lay a foundation for. “I would never ask you to stop being Supergirl, you know.”_

_”I know.” She repeats. She brings her other hand to Lena’s still clenching fist, stroking her knuckles until she uncurls it. She's considered this. Weighed her options very carefully and given thought to who she is and who she wants to be. “And I’m going to make you a promise.”_

_This draws her attention from the window, her head turning ever so slowly until Kara is staring into emerald eyes. Lena's chin rests right over her heart and she looks at her adoringly. “You have taught me that sometimes there is more than one solution to a problem.” She starts, tracing across the back of her hand, “And you’ve reminded me that I sometimes do just run headfirst without thinking.” Lena looks smug at this, though Kara can tell she is trying very hard to keep the ‘I told you so’ off her face. The effort makes her smile. “So I promise that I will do better with that. I will stop to think things through. I won’t just charge in without a plan unless it is absolutely necessary.” Kara laces their fingers, running her thumb along the inside of her palm. “But there are a few exceptions to that.” She will always be one of them._

_This experience has opened her eyes to many different things. Kara has always put heroism on a pedestal. She always thought that it just meant being willing to dive headfirst into the deep end even without knowing how to swim. But this has put it more into perspective for her. It doesn’t have to be a series of one rash decision after another, not every time. And every person she encounters doing a bad deed isn’t necessarily a bad person. Sometimes they’re just lost. Just like she was. And maybe she can’t afford to take a pause on every single scenario that she will ever come across, but there are many that she can, even if it’s only for a few seconds._

_In the end it was the best solution she could come up with. Truthfully she has always known she has the tendency to do just that, run headfirst into danger without thinking. It is a habit that Alex has tried to break her out of for years unsuccessfully. But along with her pre-angel hood line of thinking, she also justified that her sister is a trained agent. Her sister is out in the field with her nearly every time. But something else she needs to consider now is that Lena isn't. Lena will be the one who has to worry every day if she's going to make it back because she isn’t invincible, no matter how much she likes to think she is. So the least she can offer her is an attempt to meet in the middle._

_It still won’t be easy. They both know that. There may be forgiveness but that doesn’t come as a magical fix. They’ve still hurt each other immensely. They’re still who they are. Lena still works too much. Kara still spends so many nights taking to the skies and getting into dangerous situations. They'll get a lot of backlash because no one else will know just what they’ve been through to get here. And people will hate her. People will hate her because they never saw this part._

_”I suppose I can work with that.” Lena smirks. Cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. “I mean, I couldn’t honestly tell you that I’ll never throw myself in the line of fire again either.”_

_And Kara doesn’t like it. She'll never be okay with the prospect of it. But something she knows about Lena is that this woman is stubborn and ruthless. She will never reserve herself to being the damsel in distress. She will move mountains. She will cross every line and push every boundary. She will remain as true to herself as Kara is. And as much as it terrifies her, she wouldn’t have her any other way. It doesn’t mean she can’t try to ever stop it from happening though._

_”Okay, how about you try not to get assassinated and I let you design a suit for me that’s everything proof?” She suggests, running her fingers through dark hair._

_And her smile could light up the world in the way that no sun ever will. “Deal.”_

_”One condition though. No skirt.” She says sternly, knowing the other woman is already considering it._

_The grumble as a face is buried into her chest along with the string of profanity only proves her point. She laughs and Lena just looks at her with a full on pout. Something that is so out of place for the great Lena Luthor that she can’t help but relent, if only just a little bit. “You know, I do still have the old one.” She says, tangling the tips of her fingers with Lena’s. The implication is very clear and it seems to satisfy her immensely._

_They lay quietly together in their own world. Their own slice of heaven where the sky goes on forever and the moments pass slow. And Kara can’t say she won’t miss this. She can’t say she won’t miss a castle in the sky or watching the sun rise, reflecting off gates in the distance. She can’t say she won’t miss the way Lena smiles when she can just be herself, when nothing is expected of her. There will be a part of her that will never want to leave, though someday they will. The day may be soon approaching and they will be cast back into their own lives with a new set of challenges to face, new tasks to conquer. But she will welcome them._

_”So we're really doing this?” Lena asks finally, needing to be sure. The scientist in her requiring a clear and concise answer and it makes Kara smile._

_”Yeah. We are.”_

_And kissing Lena Luthor is still her favorite thing._

“Do you believe in past lives?” Kara asks randomly, leaning along the wall of the brick building, one shoe propped up as she watches Lena work.

The brunette stills her hands for a moment, looking at Kara curiously before continuing her task. She entertains the question though. “Well, I didn’t even believe in heaven until presented with tangible proof, so no.” The window finally pops open with a creak and she puts the kit back in her pocket, brushing her hands together. “Unless you have a time machine that will allow me to go back and meet one of my former selves, I think I’ll just stick to heaven.”

Kara pushes off the wall and steps towards her, putting her hands at her waist to pick her up. “I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure you were some sort of vigilante in a past life.” She kisses her cheek. “Or at least a very successful burglar.” 

She lifts her with ease and Lena's hands grip the edge of the window. She looks down to Kara with a devious smirk. “And what were you?”

“Probably still an accomplice and lifting you into various windows.” 

Though the people they’ve encountered have not been what Kara would have expected, they have all had completely predictable homes. Esmeralda is no different. Kara had nearly knocked over the houseplant by the window on her tumble inside; Lena having expected nothing less had caught her at the last moment. Her living room is bathed in pastel colors, a bold move for the mother of a toddler. A well loved blanket is draped across the back of the sofa. Various toys are strewn about the floor. Her kitchen table still houses a half full sippy cup and the lingering smell of bacon or something of the sort assaults Kara's senses.

“Focus, darling.” Lena reminds her as she scopes out the living room, sparing a passing glance at Kara who had inadvertently begun following the source of the smell.

She still makes for the kitchen, snooping around harmlessly. The breakfast dishes are still soaking in the sink. There's a grocery list on the fridge indicating they need all the standard items that everyone has at the top of their lists. A small stack of mail on the microwave catches her attention and though she still is not thrilled at the idea of so blatantly disrespecting someone’s privacy, it has proven useful in the past.

“I do have friends with a time machine by the way.” She says absently, sifting through the stack of mail. Bill, bill, postcard, bill. They have all been opened at the very least so she does begrudgingly pull one out of the envelope. “They’re on a different earth though.”

She hears a soft thump, the sound of a book landing on the carpet before Lena rounds the corner looking as if Christmas just came early. “Did you just say time machine and different earth?” Kara worries she may spontaneously combust with the way she's vibrating with excitement. Though she still can’t resist. “Focus, darling.” She repeats back and splits the stack in half, handing a few to Lena.

“You’re insufferable.” She says with a roll of her eyes and snatches them from Kara's grasp.

Lena has no qualms about going through someone’s mail, not that Kara expected her to. She pulls out each piece and inspects it thoroughly. “Well she's certainly not doing well financially.” She points out, holding up the letter from the electric company, the daunting ‘Final Notice' stamped on the front in bright red.

Kara has come across a few of her own. It seems that Esmeralda is not in good graces with anyone these days. Where there is one final notice there are three more like it. And then finally an eviction notice buried at the bottom of the stack. She looks at it solemnly and holds it up to Lena who has much the same expression. “I suppose bank robbery is plausible at this point.” She comments. It’s not something they would have considered before this, but there is some validity in it now. And Kara knows by the look on her face that she wants to wake up from her coma long enough to write a check. When they do go home she will absolutely write a check. Pretty billionaires and their generous hearts.

They place the mail back neatly in the order in which they found it and explore the remainder of the apartment. Nicola's room is painted a light green, he has a toddler racecar bed and dozens of books on his shelves indicating he gets a considerable amount of story time. Now that is something she can picture. The image of Esmeralda at his bedside reading books about all things magical comes easily to her mind, making her smile. 

The bed in her room isn’t made, blankets thrown haphazardly to the side as if she missed the alarm and jumped up in a panic. Kara knows that feeling well. Superhearing doesn’t bode well for a good night’s sleep after all. She has reading glasses on her nightstand along with a glass of water. A small television sits on the dresser across from her bed, playing whatever talk show comes on at eleven am with the volume down low. 

One distinct thing she notices about the apartment that strikes her as rather odd are the lack of photographs. There are none. Anywhere. Percy made sense. Esmeralda on the other hand seems like the sentimental type and definitely someone who values family so it is quite off putting that there is no evidence of a family ever existing. 

The rattling sound of a pill bottle draws her attention and she looks back to Lena who is poised by the nightstand examining the contents of the drawer. Dozens of prescription bottles are scattered, but it is apparent which ones are used most frequently. Lena is examining one of them closely with furrow in her brow as if trying to place it. But when it clicks in her head she just looks sad. She places the bottle back and looks through the others. Not dwelling as long on those having recognized them quickly. The grim look remains on her face as she closes the drawer. 

“What is it?” Kara asks, looking at her with concern.

“Depression and anxiety medication.” She says, looking down to the floor as if she’s afraid to continue the sentence. “Chemotherapy treatments.” She relinquishes with a sigh and looks back to Kara.

Lena plops down on the bed and Kara follows suit, both of them sitting quietly and absorbing the new information. She deduces that most of her funds are going toward the cancer treatment, explaining the stack of ever piling bills in the kitchen. One does have to be alive to actually pay them, and she likely isn’t in good enough health to find any additional source of income. “What do we do?” She asks quietly, looking to Lena.

“I don’t know.”

Kara drops her head to her shoulder with a sigh of her own. 

In the end they decide that going back to the restaurant is the best place to start. Forming a bond is helpful in stopping evil plans after all. Even though they’ve only had one instance where talking someone down was actually effective, Kara is hopeful that Esmeralda is the type to listen to reason rather than the type who has to be stopped by force. Women in general are better listeners anyway.

The hostess seats them at a table in the back, close to where they were the day prior and gives them their menus. While Kara sizes it up to see what kind of calorie infused concoction she will order today, Lena still muses over the safer choices. “Are you ever going to eat something that’s actually good?” Kara teases, glancing up over the menu. 

“Not all of us have lightning fast metabolism, love.” Lena quips. “And it is good, you simply have no taste.”

The sound of little footsteps interrupts her retort. “Kara!” Nicola squeals, running up to their table to greet her. He's dressed adorably in a pair of overalls and wearing a bright smile upon seeing his new friend.

“Nicola!” She squeals back with equal enthusiasm and helps him clamor up into the booth beside her. He hugs her tightly around her neck and she finds that she is just as excited to see her tiny sidekick again. His mother follows shortly after, slightly panicked until she recognizes them. 

“Oh it's you two! Liked the food that much?” She jokes, placing the book back in her apron. 

It's difficult not to see her differently now with their newfound knowledge. Kara’s face softens out of instinct and she finds that she wants to extend the same hug to the young boy's mother. There are things she notices about her that she hadn’t before. She looks considerably more exhausted today with the slight bags under her eyes, her shirt slightly baggy on her frame as if it hadn’t always been that way. She’s still undeniably beautiful, anyone with eyes can see that. But there's something else there. Something lurking just around the corner waiting to reach out and drag her into the shadows.

“The food is wonderful. But we were hoping for the company.” Lena says warmly, looking over to Kara and Nicola who had settled into her side.

In an attempt to distract herself from the gloomy thoughts racing through her brain she asks Nicola for his opinion on what to order. He promptly points to the mozzarella burger and she commends him on his choice. “At least someone knows what good food is.” She chides to the brunette who playfully smacks the top of her menu with her own.

“Oh he knows.” Esmeralda laughs. “He's got quite the appetite.” She ruffles his hair affectionately.

“That’s something we’ve got in common, buddy.” Kara goes for a high five and he responds enthusiastically, slapping his little hand right into the middle of her palm.

“Told you. Best friends.” Lena thumbs over at the two of them. 

Esmeralda takes their orders and tries to usher her son out of their hair but he is having none of it. He clings to Kara's side with a pout and she assures her that it’s fine. She has grown quite fond of the little guy and Lena keeps looking at her adoringly as she interacts with him. He tells her about all his favorite TV shows, actual words mixed in with baby jabber but she catches most of it. She follows along quite nicely, sharing some of her own favorite things. Until she casually asks the question when on the topic of coolest superheroes and she expects him to say anything but-

“Supergirl!” He throws his fists above his head, mimicking the way she shoots into the sky and looks at her with the brightest smile.

Their food arrives right as she’s blinking the tears from her eyes and Lena's hand reaches across the table to grasp hers. “She's my favorite too.” She says with the softest look, eyes twinkling prettily in the low lighting and Kara really wants to cry now. She manages to focus on her food instead. 

Lena takes over for a little while, talking with Nicola about his favorite books while Kara composes herself. He tells her that his mother reads to him every night and sometimes makes up stories of her own. “What stories does she tell you?” She asks between bites of her salad.

And when he tells her about castles and dragons and princesses, Kara is convinced this child was placed here to kill them both. But Lena takes it in stride, hanging on intently to every word. His story comes to life in the glimmer of her eyes and Kara wonders if this is what she looked like as a little girl. She knows enough about Lena to have pieced together why she chose a castle of all things. Somewhere inside her there is a little girl who clung to those stories, dreaming them up when the world got too hard until it manifested into a castle in the sky. And Kara starts to wonder if heaven is exactly what you make it.

“I really should pay you for this.” Esmeralda says as she scoops up her son after their meal is finished. She had worked an early shift today and is just finishing up after the lunch rush. Kara can tell how hesitant she is. How much she worries about inconveniencing anyone else because she has no one to help her. 

“I literally have the two best looking dates in the restaurant.” She says, beaming at the boy and his mother. “You will hear no complaints from me.” She shakes her head, waving off the woman's concern and her shoulders drop with relief.

“Still having trouble with your sitter?” Lena asks.

The woman sighs, evidence of the question striking a nerve. “I have to find a new one. I have a few that might be able to do it but I’m still stuck for about the next week or so.”

And here's her opening. Her ticket into this woman's life. “I can do it.” Kara offers. “If you want.” She shrugs like it's nothing, like she isn’t extending the greatest courtesy to this woman who she barely knows. Esmeralda has the same hesitant look on her face and Kara amends. “I know you don’t really know me that well. I could watch him here if it makes you more comfortable.”

“Are…are you sure?” The woman's forehead crinkles, as if she's waiting for the punchline but she's still hopeful for the reprieve.

“I’m sure. We just moved here and you can never have too many friends.” She looks to Lena for confirmation and the brunette just looks proud. “Is that okay with you?”

“It's fine with me love.”

Esmeralda looks between the two of them, her resolve cracking with each glance and it reminds Kara of a time that seems so long ago now. Another brick wall, another wary gaze, another promise of friendship. Another chance to remember the most painful, but greatest journey of her life. 

“Friends.” Esmeralda says, testing out the sound of the word. “I think I’d like that.” She concludes with a small upturn of her lips.

They set a plan to meet up in the morning and Esmeralda takes her leave, she and her son waving back at the pair.

“Some things never change.” Lena teases, rising from the table and giving Kara a pointed look. “Your charm seems to follow you everywhere.” She extends a hand to the blonde and pulls her up. 

“Must be a kryptonian thing.” She shrugs as they walk up to the counter to pay.

Lena hums. “No, I think it’s just a Kara thing. You did get my attention after all.” She says with a wink and covers the tab.

The heat isn’t as sweltering without the uniform of her last persona. The shorts and tank top a much more adequate choice. The sun warms her shoulders and bare thighs. It's the kind of weather that makes her long for a beach. She can almost feel the sand between her toes as she thinks of it. 

She can’t help but wonder how the world is handling her absence, even though this experience has been freeing. She hasn’t been just herself in so long that she forgot just what it felt like. Being a hero is a wonderful experience, albeit a draining one and she ponders on whether she could ever apply the logic that it doesn’t always have to be her to her real life. If she could really just be the last line of defense. Probably not. She's so used to it now that she could never truly make that work. But it's a nice dream to have all the same. 

“So where to?” She asks, mindlessly kicking a rock down the sidewalk. 

“Well….she is being treated at the community hospital a few blocks down.” Lena replies, biting the inside of her cheek with her hands clasped in front of her, hopeful expression on her face. 

Kara just groans. 

“It will be fine.” She assures, looping one arm through Kara’s. “We'll just access the system, get the records and that’s it.”

“We'll just break the law, catch a few felonies, land ourselves in jail with no one to bail us out.” Kara deadpans, knowing she’s going to give in. She always does. She always will. “Are you at least going to give up the breaking and entering when we go back home?” She asks with a pout. “People usually don’t take kindly to that and I don’t think that's going to follow along with our no assassination agreement.”

Lena nods, looking down to the cracks of the sidewalk. “Of course. When we get home I will do nothing more than my usual hacking of government agencies and the occasional attempt at taking over the world.” Mischevious green eyes peer up at her coupled with a bitten lip that she swears is going to kill her long before kryptonite ever will. Still, she tries to keep a straight face.

“That’s not funny.” _Tries_ is the operative word. She tries to give Lena a glare, tries to spill some of her caped alter ego into the stone mask on her face. But the other woman sees the twitch of her lips, the way she clenches her teeth to keep the laugh from slipping out and she knows. She watches as Lena starts a countdown in her head-three, two, one. Kara laughs right on the mark and she grins in victory. 

Brixton Community Hospital is intimidating in its structure. It towers high above their heads casting gloomy shadows on an otherwise sunny day. The main entrance is a revolving door of people coming and going. Some visiting loved ones, some saying goodbye, some welcoming new life into the world. She sees several members of the staff smoking far away from the doors under a nearby bridge, looking as if they’ve been awake for days and surviving solely on caffeine and stale bags of chips. 

Lena is unfazed as usual. She stops at the cart by the entrance, towing Kara along with her and buying a ridiculous bouquet of flowers. Her over the top nature also having followed her into the afterlife. They squeeze into the entrance, narrowly avoiding an older man not properly piloting his wheelchair and approach the directory board in the main lobby. Lena scans the board with squinted eyes, checking off the list of names until she finds the one she's looking for and sets off promptly toward the elevators, making a last minute dash into the nearest one.

“Ever consider how much time we spend together in elevators?” Kara asks as the doors rumble closed. “I’m surprised Gabriel never pulled the emergency stop on one so we would be forced to hash our stuff out.”

“I’m sure he entertained it.” Lena says, pressing the button for the ninth floor. “But being that he has the gift of foresight he probably knew if he had done that it would be something he could never unsee.” Kara flushes. Blue eyes hover over the emergency stop button completely of their own accord in contemplation, pulling a lovely laugh from her companion.

“You said it.” Kara mumbles, flushing a deeper shade of red at being caught. 

This ward of the hospital is different than she thought it would be. Instead of the stark white floors and the stench of antiseptic the floors are carpeted. A light brown color with floral print. And while she does still smell the antiseptic, it’s mixed with something else. Something comforting. 

Lena goes left and she follows. They pass by two nurses who eye them suspiciously but say nothing. Whether it’s due to the obnoxious flower arrangement or the other woman’s ability to blend seamlessly into any environment she can’t say for certain. 

She tries not to look as they pass by various rooms. Partly for privacy, partly for her own bleeding heart. It doesn’t stop her eyes from wandering on a few occasions though. The rooms are mostly colorful. Filled with various artwork and knickknacks. She's glad it isn’t dreary, but no matter how you dress it up, what pretty little package it gets shoved into, it is still the last thing that some of these humans will ever see. She really doesn’t want to dwell on that.

A breath she hadn’t realized she'd been holding escapes her lips as they round a corner to the offices of the physicians. Her chest deflates like a balloon, instantly relieved to get back to the task at hand. Lena pulls her tools from her pocket and gets to work on the door she needs. _D. Hendricks_ appearing om the gold name plate. A few turns of her fingers, a flick of her wrist and the door emits a soft click. She throws a salute to the security camera in the hallway for dramatic affect, just because she can and Kara giggles at her. Honestly it’s something she would probably still do even if the cameras could see her. She always has exuded power like that. Kara, on the other hand is a bit more reserved and a lot more nervous. She stands with her back to the door and looks around. Left to right, on her tiptoes and back down with her bottom lip snagged between her teeth before dashing into the office behind Lena.

She closes the door behind her softly, standing with rigid shoulders because the last time they did this Gabriel nearly blew a gasket. And that wasn’t even in the middle of the day. But now here they are at 3:47 in the afternoon, nonchalantly breaking into a doctor’s office to illegally obtain medical records. Lena is already sat in the office chair at the oak desk, tucking a hair behind her ear and entering hacker mode. Her fingers fly over the keyboard with alarming speed until she finally lets out a noise of contentment indicating her work was a success. 

“Kara, love. Will you please relax?” She asks, eyeing the blonde amusedly while scanning through the computer files. 

“I’m trying but we’ve literally done this twice today and I think I’m overloaded with criminal activity.” Kara rubs one hand up and down her bicep, still biting her lip and looking over her shoulder every three seconds. 

And Lena laughs at her. Calls her cute and then laughs some more, dimples on full display and eyes crinkling. It makes her relax a little. 

A few clicks more and Lena found the file she was hunting for. Kara abandons her post by the door in favor of joining her. Draping her arm across the back of the chair she leans forward to read along. 

Her records don’t date back far. A few months it seems. She was stage three by the time they caught it and was promptly placed on treatment. Breast cancer. She’s only 32 with a stage three diagnosis and Kara’s heart hurts. She elected to do the oral treatments as it suited her life better, she has been more available to her son that way, but they’re dreadfully expensive. The piles of bills in her apartment make more and more sense as they read on.

“She can’t afford it.” Lena huffs out. A sigh of remorse and disbelief that the Healthcare system could fail someone so dramatically. That the world could fail someone so dramatically that they can’t even afford the health insurance to pay for the surgery that could save them. She’s a qualifying candidate with no means to pay so the system is shutting her out. Writing her off and allowing her to fend for herself and hope that she makes it. 

Kara watches the emotions pass over Lena's face. The contempt, the anger, the sadness. The weary look accompanying someone who wants to save the world but can’t save everyone. It’s a look she often wears on her own face. Lena turns to look at her, desperation settled deep into the lines on her face. Peering up from dark lashes with an ever present frown and Kara reaches out to stroke her cheek.

“Lets go home. We can figure it out from there, okay?” She says softly, encouragingly, moving her thumb down to trace across her chin. They have what they came for. Now it's time to regroup and decide where to go. Lena nods, leaning into her touch for a moment and then powering off the computer.

With a quick sweep of the hallway, they exit the office. Locking the door and going back the way they came. Back around the corner, down the colorful hallways until Lena stops at one of the rooms. Kara regards her curiously but doesn’t comment. She only watches fondly as Lena slips quietly through the glass door and places the flowers on the table for the sleeping patient, tiptoeing back out to meet her.

It may not save the world but it’s something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things:  
> I am trying not to let updates suffer for this, but I am not in a good space mentally right now so they might.
> 
> Also, I'm genuinely curious, do you guys even want them to be happy at this point or do you want me to pull the wool over your eyes? Lol


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for your kind words. It means the world to me.

It's not that she thinks she’s too good for the service industry. Really. She doesn’t. She’s dedicated much of her life to charity events. She’s participated in food drives and beach cleanups. She's done dozens of community service projects. She's fed the homeless, she’s helped the mansion staff prepare dinner much to Lillian's chagrin. And she always treated her staff with respect. Learning their names and recognizing their hard work, giving generous raises and bonuses. Cutting her own salary to make it more even across the board. She doesn’t even need a salary, not really. In fact she may cut hers out completely. So it’s not that she thinks she’s too good for it. Not at all. It’s just that if she encounters one more person who says nothing but “Water” when she approaches the table without even looking up…well. She may rethink world domination after all. 

It’s her own fault, really. She knows that. She should have known better than to play rock paper scissors with someone who has superspeed and x-ray vision. She really should have considered that Kara has the ability to actually see how the bones in her hand move, thus predicting that she would choose paper before she had even decided that herself. In her defense though, Kara does have outstanding abs and they weren’t fully dressed at the time so her brain was not functioning at normal level. Perhaps Kara should have just taken her shirt off years ago. It would have saved a considerable amount of arguments. 

So she knows it’s her fault. She’s the one who pointed out the _Now Hiring_ sign. She's the one who suggested it would probably be a good idea for one of them to work closely with the woman to really get to the root of the problem. So this is all her own doing. But that doesn’t mean she can’t be mad about it. 

“You're catching on quickly.” Esmeralda comments from her spot at the drink station as Lena swings the staff door open for the umpteenth time to check on the order her latest customers are screaming about. _How long does it really take to cook steak?_ Honestly it can take awhile if someone insists that they have it seared to the point of no return because God forbid there is any type of flavor left. 

Lena gives Esmeralda a pointed look and the woman chuckles at her expense. “Marco, how long for thirty-three? The husband may perish if he has to wait another moment.” She asks, peering over the rack to the heavyset man behind it. 

“And will that be because of starvation or because you’re thinking of killing him yourself Miss Lena?” He asks amusedly, flipping the item in question.

She had decided immediately upon meeting him on her first day that she liked him. He has a dry sense of humor that appeals to her and they have often bonded over their shared detest of people with no manners and their love of quality alcohol.

“You know me too well.” She bites the inside of her cheek and looks at him mischievously. 

“Here.” He says, transferring it onto a plate and passing it over the rack. “You're too pretty for prison.” He winks and she takes it gratefully. 

She catches a glimpse of Kara out of the corner of her eye. She’s currently teaching Nicola some kind of secret handshake. At least Lena assumes that's what it is. The blonde has slowed her movements and he's doing his best to mimic her. Though it’s mostly translating to him swinging his arms around wildly but they’re both laughing so it seems to be going well. 

She approaches the table with the plates. Chicken for the wife, burnt steak for the husband. And if she drops his plate to the table a little harder than necessary, well it is of course a complete accident. A total misjudgment of how far down the table is. Honestly anyone could make the mistake. 

“I asked for steamed broccoli, not potatoes.” He huffs. “Take it back. And I want another steak cooked as well. It will be cold by the time you fix the side and don’t you even think of putting it in the microwave.” He shoves the plate roughly back to the edge of the table and pinches the bridge of his nose muttering about incompetent wait staff. 

She takes three deep breaths. In, out and stalks off toward the kitchen without another word. 

If she happens to drop the steaming plate in his lap the next time, that’s an accident as well. A total fluke. Really. 

“I could beat him up if you want.” Kara mentions nonchalantly, arms crossed and propped against the wall as Lena punches out for the day.

“Don’t tempt me.” 

He had been her last table. Purposely sticking around longer just to torment her and whine to the manager about suffering third degree burns and how he is going to take them for everything they’ve got – which despite their outer appearance isn’t much. Said manager had apologized profusely, ensured him that she would be reprimanded severely, and then told her what a fantastic job she did as soon as the door swung closed behind him and his entitled, pompous attitude. She had bussed the table in haste afterward, in a desperate hurry to be anywhere but here. And realistically she knows that he can’t have made it far, so Kara's offer is a tempting one. Despite the light hearted manner in which it’s said, the blonde probably would actually do it. But there are more important issues at hand.

“You really do look good in that uniform, you know.” She ducks her head, scanning over Lena's body with her glasses pulled down. “It’s different from the power suits but I still dig it.”

“You do know that literally no one says that, right?” She asks with a laugh and looks at her affectionately. Kara just shrugs and grasps her at the hips, tugging her forward to kiss her. 

“You two are adorable.” Esmeralda mentions with a giggle. Her son tucked carefully in her arms as she comes up beside Lena, also finished for the day. “Any plans for the evening?”

They respond in the negative. Truth be told they aren’t quite sure what their plan is. There are no journals to steal, no laptops to hack. There is nothing outside of being armed with the knowledge that they already have, which is why they have gone back to the basics. Earn her trust, get close to her and by extension her son in hopes that they can figure out exactly what she is up to. 

“You should come for dinner. It’s the least I can do since you wont let me pay you.”

“Well I won’t argue with food.” Kara pipes up, nearly drooling already at the prospect despite having just eaten what the restaurant deems their ‘Monster Burger.’ It is an apt description and though Lena is seriously wondering how she can still do that while trapped in a human's body, she lets her have her fun and then by extension listens to her whine about how full she is. Esmeralda takes great pleasure in teasing her about it too, something she exercises now while heading for the door and ushering them to follow.

Nicola insists on being carried by his new friend upon learning she will be coming home with them. And Kara being Kara perches him up on her shoulders to walk the few blocks to Esmeralda's apartment. 

The two dash off for the living room immediately after entering with a call from Esmeralda about ‘no superhero business.’ She references Nicola's tendency to jump off the sofa thinking he can fly, but Lena chortles anyway wondering briefly if such a command would actually work on the real life superhero hiding in plain sight against the pastel wallpaper.

She offers to make herself useful and help with dinner, the other woman promptly declines and directs her to sit at the table. And she has to admit that while Esmeralda’s home was already cozy, it is even more so with her in it. Her laughter is warm, uninhibited. She moves around the kitchen with ease. Pots and pans clanking together as she recounts the story of how she met Marco. 

“I saw him around a lot you know?” She says, wooden spoon in her hand and her back turned to Lena as she tends to the pot on the stove.

She worked at a popular downtown bar before she had Nicola. The pay was good, clientele not so much. “This kid was plastered and kept bothering me. Called me over to the table to ask me personal questions, stuff like that.”

Lena sits quietly at the kitchen table, nursing the glass of wine that was offered to her. A glance over her shoulder shows Kara splayed in the floor like a child, playing with toy cars and making various sound effects, Nicola happily following along. 

“So finally when none of that works the kid tries to grab me-" The tendrils of her hair have begun to fall loose from their bun and she brushes them back with her forearm before adding in the peppers. “Marco came out of nowhere and dragged the kid outside by his collar lecturing him about his manners.” She turns to look at Lena then, placing her hands on her hips and imitating in a gruff voice, ‘You need to keep your hands to yourself young man!’ She wrinkles her face and stiffens her lips to further paint the picture and Lena laughs loudly. 

“Yeah I can see him doing that.” She finds that she likes Marco even more now. “He seems like a great guy.” She adds, pressing. Just curious to see where this road will lead.

Esmeralda turns away from her then, giving the food one final stir and clicking off the burner. “Yeah he's looked out for me ever since then. He drives me home when we have to work late shifts. Brings me lunch sometimes when I’m tired of restaurant food-" She pulls three plates from the cabinet along with a smaller tray for her son. “And Nicola loves him almost as much as he does Kara.”

Esmeralda looks into the living room to take in the sight of him. His dark curls drift wildly into his face as Kara tickles him. Shrieks of laughter fill the air and the woman looks on fondly at the display. She looks on with her eyes soft around the edges. Staring as if trying to etch this memory into her mind as something she can always keep. And Lena understands. Because while Esmeralda looks to her son, she looks to Kara with her flushed cheeks and broad smile. And while their situations are very different, the thing that stands between them is that it will never be this simple again. 

“He seems to really care about you.” Lena adds, attention still diverted but needing to comment on what may be somewhat of an interesting lead. 

The woman bats a hand at her, waving her off as the spell gets broken and she goes back to her task. “He's just being nice, that’s all.”

There’s more to it than that. She knows that there’s much more to it than that. But the complexity of the situation isn’t lost on her. There is looming dread and danger lurking, a story that may never get to finish. There is a young woman so full of life with so much to offer and she may never get to do any of it. Still she can’t help herself. And maybe it's cruel to plant the seed of hope into someone who has everything to lose. But hope is the point after all. 

“So was she. Until she fell in love with me.” She tries to keep her voice steady, to mention it as if it's just a funny story and not everything she ever wanted being handed to her in a matter of days.

And it’s true. It’s strange to think that it started off so simple given all that it has become. It’s strange to think that Kara fell into her life because of some sinister plot to kill her and then just slotted herself into the apex of Lena's story. Coming out of nowhere but now engrained in every chapter, every line, every foot note of her life. Maybe not always in the best context, but still there nonetheless.

She notices the tension in the other woman’s shoulders, the way she curls in on herself ever so slightly before relaxing. It happens so quickly that Lena almost thinks her mind is playing tricks on her but she knows that it isn’t. It got to her, it broke through for a split second before she shoved it away. It’s not about Marco. It’s about being in a position to even entertain the idea.

“Dinner's ready Mijo!” She calls out, indicating the discussion is over and starts dishing to food onto the plates. Two sets of enthusiastic footsteps follow the news. Nicola attaches himself to his mother’s leg, looking up to her with a toothy smile. Kara is red faced with messy hair, breathing like she just took off in a sprint and kisses Lena on the cheek. 

“Babysitting too much for you, Supergirl?” Lena asks, low enough for only the blonde to hear.

“Superheroes still have weaknesses.” She plops down with a wink in the seat next to Lena to catch her breath.

The heavy conversation drops over dinner, but it still looms in the air like a storm cloud. Esmeralda's smiles aren’t as bright, though it would only be noticed by someone who is analyzing her every move. The piled up bills on the microwave look even more taunting today. They had arrived to another notice on the door which the other woman had intercepted quickly as she dug her keys from her purse in hopes they wouldn’t see it. And maybe they wouldn’t have if they weren’t already armed with the knowledge. Maybe they would have just brushed it off the way she did as she muttered about neighborhood kids always peppering her door with some kind of propaganda. Maybe they could have had a normal dinner between friends with them none the wiser to her struggle. But this is everything but a normal affair. 

Once the plates are cleared and the dishes washed, they go to take their leave. She thanks them for coming, thanks Kara again for all her help with the promise to see them both tomorrow and makes the suggestion that perhaps she could take Nicola to the park. Kara agrees quickly to the idea, pleased to be trusted to that extent and absolutely looking forward to it. She extends a timid hug to each of them, a gesture not reflected by her son who has no qualms about squeezing the air from their lungs as he tackles them both. They wave goodbye in the doorway and set off into the evening. The sky bathing in all colors as the sun starts to set. They walk back to their destination, hands clasped and swinging between them. 

“So I was thinking-" Kara starts with a familiar gleam in her eye indicating she's up to something.

“No.” Lena says before she can even finish, knowing her well enough to finish the thought without being told. She looks at her sternly to emphasize her point and is met with a pout.

“Oh come on, he would never remember.”

“Gabriel would kill you.” 

“Eh.” She grits her teeth, exposing the top row and shaking her head as if it will remove the thought. “You’re probably right.”

Even a statement as simple as that one reminds her how quickly things have turned around for them. Surprising yet not all at once. They always were two pieces of a puzzle, the ones that don’t appear to go together but for some reason are a perfect fit. They make sense when they shouldn’t. And as happy as she has been here with Kara, the cynical part of her brain knows that the world it going to try to tear them apart for that. 

She’s been trying to find a way to broach the topic. A few topics actually, but they always die on the tip of her tongue. A flame doused by the way Kara looks at her, like she’s the only thing in the world that she sees. And it’s not that she doubts that Kara means it, she doesn’t. All the years they’ve spent together taught her that. Just because this is the first time they’ve decided to act on it doesn’t mean it's new. It has always been there, waiting for the right moment. Only the moment never came until now. 

But what will become of them when they go back to the world? What are they going to do when they can’t explain it and when they work long hours and when everyone shuns her because of what she did? The last thing the people in Kara's lives remember of Lena Luthor is her finger on the trigger. 

These days it almost seems like a hobby of hers, but she isn’t ready to address that one yet. 

“What’s going on in that brain of yours?” Kara asks her sweetly. So open and so warm. So deserving of all of life's beautiful things. So contradictory to Lena herself.

Kara had given her a tour, as promised. She really had chosen the best room, as promised. And now they sit in one of the various common areas. Draped across a velvet sofa, Kara's head resting comfortably in her lap.

She sees the opening, the clear invitation from the blonde to say whatever is on her mind but she still hesitates. She doesn’t want to dwell on the things that will come in the future. She doesn’t want to unpack a box so filled to the brim with regret. She doesn’t want to talk about the fact that no matter how justifiable it was, she still killed someone a few days prior and was magically let off the hook for that. It had been something she didn’t feel in the moment, she couldn’t feel it in the moment. But sometime past the afterglow, sometime between dinosaur pictures and breaking into windows she felt it. And no matter how much Kara takes the edge off, no matter how put together she pretends to be, it’s still there. 

Kara knows. She knows because she always does and she reaches a gentle hand up to Lena's cheek. “I’m here, okay?”

And something about that statement and the conviction with which she says it opens the gates. “What will we do when this is all over?” She asks it quietly, a vulnerability that she still isn’t quite used to showing. She expects a reminder that they’ve already talked about this. That they’ve agreed to start over and leave the past where it is. She doesn’t get one. Instead she gets gentle fingers dusting down her cheek and cupping her jaw. She gets Kara with her neck craned backward and her face so full of understanding. 

“Well I for one am going to eat lots of Chinese food and sleep for a very long time.” She jokes and Lena smiles in spite of herself. “And I will do both of those thing with you.” She feels the pad of Kara's thumb stroking circles in front of her ear.

“And when they still hate me?”

“I'll still love you.” 

Lena breathes a deep shuddering breath and rests her hand on Kara's wrist. She'll never tire of hearing that and it pushes her to move forward still.

“And when I try to shut you out because you deserve better than a murderer?”

It's quiet then. But just for a beat, just long enough for Kara to shift up on her elbows to get closer. 

“You aren’t a murderer.”

“I didn’t even blink, Kara.” 

She didn’t. She didn’t hesitate or think it through, she didn’t look for any alternatives. And it isn’t the first time. 

“Do you regret it?” It is an innocent question. One that holds no expectation for one answer or the other. One that will be content with whatever answer is provided. 

“No.” And Kara accepts it in the same way that she accepts all things about her. “What does that make me?”

“Someone who loves me.”

The clock ticks softly on the mantle signifying the passing of time in a place where time doesn’t exist. Kara's hand stays firmly planted on her cheek in a silent promise of understanding. Of forgiveness. 

“I still don’t know how you can look at me.” She turns her face into Kara's palm, suddenly overwhelmed by the soft gaze. 

“Well it helps that you’re so easy on the eyes.” Lena chuckles. She should have expected that. “And I do have impeccable vision in case you’re thinking of protesting to that.”

“I wasn’t.” 

Silence overtakes them again, her face pressed against a slightly calloused hand, evidence of years of heroics. Years with so many close calls that she didn’t know about, and some that she did. These are the same hands that have caught her, carried her through dirt and rubble. Put buildings back together and torn them apart in haste. Flown her through dark skies, flown her to heaven, and will inevitably fly her home. 

“You were right when you said I had another option, you know.” And whether Kara mentions it to repent for her own sins or relieve Lena of hers she can’t be sure. “It wasn't self defense. I -“ Her voice falters. Trails off in the same ways that Lena's had when she apologized. She can’t bring herself to say it either. “I'll never forgive myself for that.”

Lena knows that neither of them will. It will be the sword over their heads for the rest of all time. Just because Gabriel brought them here before they could weave a path of utter destruction does not mean that Kara will give herself a pass. It was going to happen. He just needed to pull them out before it did. 

It's not the same thing and she wants to argue that point. She wants to argue that while Kara was under duress, while Kara dodged the attempts on her life and eventually responded in kind, she was level headed when she decided to flip that switch. Or at least as level headed as one could be after a lifetime of betrayal and psychological torment.

She peeks her eyes open, turning her head ever so slightly to look down at the blonde still cradled in her lap and takes her in for all that she is. The scar above her eyebrow, the freckles that adorn her cheeks, the way she bites her lip to keep from saying the wrong thing. And she is reminded for what seems like the millionth time how easy it is to just _be_ with Kara. It's like holding the sun in the palm of her hands, warming her from the inside out. And it’s why things can be put down just as simply as calling it even and starting over.

“You know.” Lena starts, clearing her throat. “I hear this place has a beautiful sunrise.” She carts her fingers through golden strands and suddenly nothing else matters. The bad decisions and extreme consequences don’t matter. Because Kara's nose crunches up when she smiles. 

“Well we wouldn’t want to miss that, would we?”

It is a truce in nature. A promise of forgiveness from the other when they cannot dare to reach for it for themselves. Kara rocks herself forward and jumps to her feet in one swoop beckoning Lena to follow. 

The clock moves forward and so do they.

* * *

The third day has become a standard. So much so that she wonders if Gabriel is partial to the number for some grand reason inspired by the cosmos. Or if it’s just some rendition of third times the charm. Or if it's just coincidence. Lena never did much believe in coincidence. She is too analytical for that.

The tides often rise on the third day. Be it the third day from the time they meet them. The third day from when they fit themselves into their lives. The third day from the time they arrive and finally figure out their purpose. There is always something on the third day. 

In this case it is the third day from the dinner in her apartment. In some ways Esmeralda has been even more of an anomaly than Rob was. Rob had at the very least been armed, so while there was no solid evidence and no indication that he was a psychopath by nature, he did have the means to pull off something that would call to dispatch guardian angels. 

All she has is a lovely accent and a sparkling smile. A fierce love for her son and a deadly secret harbored. She poses no danger to others. There is no hidden threat. There is just a woman trying to keep herself afloat. 

Until the third day. 

Because it is on this day that the final notices stop being just notices and the utilities come to a halt. It is on this day that the warning to vacate turns into a lockout. It is on this day that a neighbor out of goodwill or vindictive nature – depending on who's point of view is being considered places an anonymous call about a small child standing on the sidewalk crying about his bed being dismantled and wondering where he will sleep tonight. 

They find a place for him to sleep very quickly. 

And so it is on this day she stares into the face of a hyperventilating and hysterical woman on a restaurant kitchen floor. 

They’ve cleared the area apart from herself and Marco, banishing anyone who dared come near the woman. Kara had decided on her own to sit this one out even though she had been desperate to help for fear that her presence would trigger the woman even further. Marco to his credit is doing quite well in his supportive silence. He has made himself useful by bringing over water and a cold dishcloth, and now stands guard by the door quietly keeping a watchful eye. 

She’s sat in front of the racks of dishes by the sink, head resting back periodically when she exhausts herself. It isn’t long between those moments and the next bout of panic, approximately sixty eight seconds the last Lena counted, but its something. 

A trash bag full of clothes and whatever else she could grab sits by the back door, and Lena knows that only the extreme grief she feels could have drowned out the embarrassment of having to carry it down the street. Lena imagines she would have gone anywhere else had she had anywhere else to go, and that thought is heartbreaking in itself. 

They didn’t even give her a chance. 

So Lena sits on her knees on a filthy restaurant floor, a thin layer of grease coating her pants and making her slip ever so slightly before she rights herself every so often. She sits with a comforting hand on the other woman's knee so as to not overcrowd her but to let her know that she is there. 

She does not tell her that it will be okay. She does not provide false promises. She only provides the presence of another living soul who does not understand her situation, but does understand the feeling of being betrayed by her own body. Her only words are a reminder that she is safe here and she is not alone. She isn’t sure that it helps, but it doesn’t seem to hurt. 

Sometime in the midst of the chaos, Kara had knocked lightly on the door and had a quiet conversation with Marco that ended with him fishing his keys from his pocket with instruction on where to go. Either he is a trusting individual or he thinks very highly of Lena and by extension her other half. Either way he allows Kara to help in the only way that she is able and seems very grateful for it. Kara catches her eye before she leaves with a subtle nod and a look that conveys everything she's thinking, then slips off into the sunset to be someone else’s knight in shining armor. 

It seems like hours before her breathing slows. Lena is aware that this is probably not conducive to keeping her in good health. She sees the pill bottles peeking out of her discarded purse and is thankful to know that she was able to retrieve them. She wonders if they were still in the nightstand or if they had gotten thrown to the ground with everything else and the woman just happened to be lucky enough to find them. The small bit of grass stuck to the top of one of the bottles indicates the latter and honestly Lena just wants to burn the building down.

But that would be frowned upon so she refrains. Though admittedly more for Kara's sake. 

Esmeralda’s desperate cries eventually turn into hiccups and now that the noise isn’t so deafening she can hear the angry voices of customers as they complain about having to wait so long for their orders. Marco still has not a single fuck to spare and stays rooted to his spot until it is safe for him to speak once more. He really is a remarkable human. 

“I don’t even know where I’m going to sleep tonight.” She says finally, voice devoid of all emotion. She had let it all out in waves, crashing hard against the shore and now has nothing left in her to truly care. 

“My guest room is set up for you.” Marco says gently. The first time he has spoken in what seems like forever and she looks to him with an unreadable expression. It may be gratitude, she isn’t certain. But he doesn’t seem to be looking for any. He only stands firm on his decision as if it were the only acceptable answer.

The jingle of keys being passed back through the door signifies Kara has completed her task and Marco looks to Lena in question. He can’t afford to walk out on his shift as badly as he may want to but she can. It makes no difference to her. She will be long gone before it could ever matter. She nods in confirmation and he instructs Kara to keep the keys and that he will get a cab.

“Can you stand up?” Lena asks. The woman looks up to her with hollow eyes but croaks out a _yes._

She finds that her own legs wobble after being stuck in the same position for so long, her knees creaking as she rises but she pays no mind. She only reaches down to lift a broken woman from the floor in hopes that she can put back the pieces somehow.

They slip quietly out the back, Kara cutting through the kitchen to hold the door for them and grabbing the bag, twisting the top around her fingers. 

They’re breaking curfew again. The clock on the dash reads 7:41 but she knows he won’t give them much grief about it. It was only put in place to watch them and now that he is satisfied they will not harm each other it is merely a suggestion. There are certainly worse rules to break.

Esmeralda climbs in the backseat and Lena closes the door behind her with a quiet reminder of _seatbelt_ and then gets into the passenger seat, sagging down with an exhausted sigh – immediately feeling guilty for that. Kara holds her hand over the console in response to her inner turmoil as if to remind her that she's allowed to call it a rough day too. 

She maneuvers quietly through the streets, a melancholy song filtering softly through the speakers broken only by the squeak of the windshield wipers to combat the slight mist of rain. She catches a glimpse of Esmeralda’s curled form through the fogged side mirror as they pass by the park nearby, the park Kara just took her son to. Parents are ushering their children off the swing sets, courtesy of the incoming weather, none the wiser of how much hurt it brings to the heart of a woman who just had hers shattered. And Lena wonders again how the world can just keep turning when someone else's crumbles. The woman curls tighter on herself at the sight of their sullen faces, undoubtedly disappointed that the weather has spoiled their fun, burying her face in the sleeves of her sweater. Kara drives a little faster through the rest of it.

Marco lives in a nice neighborhood, a subdivision just over the bridge outside the city limits. It is not what she expects. She doesn’t know what she expects exactly, but it isn’t trimmed hedges and a sizeable front porch. The mist of rain turns into something more solid and steady as Kara brings them to a stop and Lena just finds it symbolic at this point, an omen of the shadows that follow this woman through her life. She pulls a small umbrella from the glovebox to shield them and then sets about helping the other woman out of the car. Esmeralda's feet drag while she walks, a clear sign of the fatigue settled deep in her bones and Lena wants so badly to tell her that she needs to take care of herself. But she doesn’t. Not on this day. 

On this day she loops her arm through hers as they travel up the walk. On this day she stands as an ally firmly in her corner, feeling the rain pelt down the back of her own shirt while she shields the other woman from the storm. On this day, Kara solemnly unlocks the front door and leads them down the hall to the guest room, flipping on the floor lamp in the corner as they enter.

And on this day, Lena surges through a new wave of awe at this woman who had the foresight to not only collect her things, but put them neatly away in the drawers and closet to give some illusion of normal. It had been a rushed task but a completed one that would have no doubt been easier with superspeed. 

And Lena finds that if the last week had never happened, if she hadn’t loved her before, she would madly love her now. 

She stands in the shadows in front of the white shutter doors that peek slightly open to reveal the contents. She's illuminated only by the low lighting, hair shining a lovely shade of yellow and she bites her lip nervously. She doesn’t speak, hasn’t spoken at all but is somehow the most calming thing in the room. The rock against the rising tide that protects the people cowering behind it. And Lena thinks it might be the most heroic thing she's ever done.

Esmeralda contrasts drastically in her deep green sweater and dark jeans against the ocean themed blanket strewn over the mattress, undoubtedly the first thing she could find to throw on this morning despite the heat. She looks like someone who has been crying for years, internally she likely has. Cheeks stained with day old mascara, skin having lost it's natural bronze pallor, chapped lips and a shattered heart.

She sits lost on the edge of the bed, hands clasped between her knees and breathing in gasps that rattle her ribs.

“What do you need?” Lena asks in a whisper, crouched in front of her. 

“To be alone for awhile.” She rasps. She would look guilty if she could bother to move her facial muscles to convey such an emotion, but Lena understands. She’s made enough of a spectacle of herself and now just feels overly exposed. Her pain has been on display for the entire world to see and she needs time to put it away. 

“We'll be here.” Lena assures and stands to leave when a trembling hand catches hers for a brief but meaningful second. 

“Thank you.” 

Marco's worn sofa feels like sinking into a cloud after hours spent on dated tile. Kara settles down beside her, tucking her feet in and opening her arms in invitation. It is a clear sign that she's chosen to be the strong one for all parties today, even as sad as she is for the woman and her tiny sidekick. Lena accepts the offer immediately, curling into her side and letting a few lone tears slip at the soft assurance of _You can cry too._ And honestly she thinks she may have cried more in the past weeks than in a full lifetime.

The world is full of monsters, but not the ones that children are afraid lurk underneath their beds. Most dress in three piece suits and drive overly expensive cars. Searching for ways to fill their own pockets. Driven by greed and hate and hiding in plain sight with no regard for people they’ve deemed unworthy. People who sit right on the edge of the poverty line and get thrown out with the Wednesday morning garbage. People like Esmeralda with beautiful souls who just got dealt the wrong hand. 

Marco arrives a short time later, boots trudging heavily against the mat by the door. He comes into view, removing the white coat and hanging it on the rack. He wears the evidence of a long day in the shape of a frown and Lena wipes her cheeks with the pads of her fingers when he looks at her for a beat too long. 

“I think she’s asleep.” Kara tells him. 

The soft snores took over the muffled sobs awhile ago, but they wanted to see to it that he got home first. He looks relieved at the news, lets out a deep breath and rubs a hand down his face.

“I asked the driver to wait if you-" He lets the statement trail off as if he is too exhausted to even be bothered to finish and points to the door instead. 

She’s seen a new side of Marco today. While she had always suspected a kind heart under the tough exterior, he still managed to blow her away. This is a man who willingly sacrificed his time, his home without question. A man who always looks after those he cares for and those who have no one to care for themselves. A man who life has probably also overlooked and tossed aside as being just another average soul. Though there is nothing average about him, at least Lena doesn’t think so. In fact, in this moment, Lena finds him nothing short of extraordinary. 

She pauses in front of him on her way out, searching his features as if to piece together where he came from before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You’re a good man, Marco.”

“Thank you Miss Lena.” He says with a nod, his gratitude displayed less to the compliment and more toward everything else. “And thank you, Kara.”

Kara hugs him, sparing a few kind words of her own and they disappear off into the night.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning*
> 
> As much as I like to keep the element of surprise, safety and mental health are important. This chapter does include mentions of suicide/suicide attempt, I use "attempt" very lightly. 
> 
> Please be safe.

Kara adjusts the makeshift badge on her breast pocket, tucking her chin to make sure it is facing the right way and inspecting it for the umpteenth for confirmation that it looks real. Not that she doubts Lena's skills, she is good at literally everything. Whipping up a fairly convincing child protective services badge is an amateur task for Lena who can actually build portals that go to other planets and launch programs that alter people's brains. She's just nervous. It isn’t every day she goes to someone's doorstep with a fake badge and a fake name to do a fake home visit for a very real government agency that she does not work for. 

So she adjusts the badge. The badge that reads _Alex Williams_ because she can’t very well go into the foster home of a child who knows her using her actual first name, so she chose the closest thing. She picks some imaginary lint off her shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles yet again and blows out a long breath of air before ringing the bell.

It is similar to the subdivision Marco lives in, though in a different part of town. It isn’t quite the suburbs but it isn’t quite the city either. It’s a strange sort of limbo where the yards are large enough for children to play but not large enough to constitute extensive maintenance. 

She waited close by to watch Nicola leave with his foster father to run an errand. She watched as he was loaded into the back of a Subaru with a sad little look on his usually cheerful face. The man had been nice to him, assuring him that everything would be fine and he would see his mother again soon while he buckled him in. She took mild comfort in knowing that he was in what appeared to be a loving home for the time being. 

They had gone their separate ways that morning after taking care of their cover. Kara set off to check on Nicola's well being and see what information she could find from his current family, though the former was her main concern. Lena stayed behind to do some hacking and asking around to find out exactly how ‘soon' soon is. 

They had checked in with Marco when they first came down. He had already agreed to work a double shift today, a decision he deeply regrets but could not get out of. Esmeralda isn’t fairing much better than yesterday, but she did speak to him this morning so that’s all he could really ask for.

Pressing the bell again in her haste to get this over with, the door finally opens to reveal a woman who looks to be in her mid thirties. She’s dressed in office attire with dark hair pulled back into a neat bun, likely about to leave for work and looking slightly irritated at the interruption. “Can I help you?” 

“Alex Williams.” Kara says, fingers pinching the badge as proof. “I'm here about Nicola.”

“Oh, right!” She shakes her head at her own absentmindedness, the annoyance melting away in the face of someone who she believes to be an authority figure of some sort. “Forgive me. I forgot you guys were coming.”

Alarm bells set off in her head upon hearing there is actually a home visit scheduled and now she's here posing as a social worker. The woman invites her inside and she is even more determined to get through this quickly before she actually does end up in jail and Lena actually does do something extreme to get her out and Gabriel actually does decide that he may have to pull the plug on this charade after all.

“Nicola isn’t here right now, he just left with my husband a few minutes ago. So I’m afraid you won’t get to see him.” She leads Kara through the house in the direction of the bedroom, she presumes. Despite her outer appearance, she still seems quite fretful to have forgotten something of this magnitude. The bracelets on her wrist jingle, clicking against the thermos in her hand as she conveys the apology. Kara only smiles at her, pleased to know she is more flawed than a first impression would lead her to believe.

“No worries. I’m just here for a home inspection.”

The woman looks at her strangely but pushes open the door to the bedroom. It's a decent size and tidy. Toys neatly tucked away in a storage container in the corner. She notes it is a mixture of dolls and toy cars. The worn children’s books allude to all who have been here before him. It’s nice, but generic. “He's a sweet boy. Very shy though.” She comments from her place in the doorway. “It's a shame what happened.”

She knows that it’s her way of making small talk. Another attempt to garner her own control. But Kara's head whips around abruptly anyway and she has to take a deep breath to keep the bitterness out of her tone. To keep from telling her that Esmeralda is a wonderful mother who never deserved this. To keep from telling her how distraught she is and the real reason that she’s in this position. The speech is on the tip of her tongue, threatening to come forth with a vengeance, but she reels it back. Instead she just settles on, “It is.” She thumbs the bedspread, batman themed, and fights the urge to divulge who his favorite superhero is. 

“He'll come around I’m sure. Last night was difficult. The first few are always the hardest.” She trails off as if remembering something. “You guys are meeting with his mother today, right?”

Kara’s hand stills on the fabric. That’s a useful bit of information. “Yes. That’s right.” If that is the case then Lena has pieced it together by now as well.

The woman regards her carefully, sipping from the thermos in her hand. Overall, she seems disciplined but there is something warm about her too. Kara surmises the discipline comes from her experience with this. Surely not all children who come through are as well adjusted as Nicola is. Some may very well require a more stern form of guidance. Kara thinks she may be versatile in that way, capable of adjusting her approach on a whim based on who is put in front of her. She thinks it makes her an ideal candidate for taking in children, but still not ideal for him. 

“Well I’ll let you get back to your morning, then.” Kara pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose and nods her thanks to her host. “We'll be in touch.” It seems like the right thing to add, though she isn’t sure why. 

She walks Kara back out the way they came in and the air feels a little bit lighter when the front door opens again for her. Something about the house was stifling. Or maybe it is just the situation that doesn’t sit quite right. Nicola appears to be the only child in their care currently, Kara isn’t sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. It is evident though that they are prepared for others. She noticed a few bedrooms in the house directed at seemingly different age groups but still possessing the same generic design. Typical things that one would expect to find in the room of a teenager or a younger child respectively but nothing personal. There is absolutely nothing personal about any of it and that’s what strikes her as so unsettling.

She wonders if Nicola managed to capture his favorite stuffed bear or if it was lost somewhere in the chaos of what was left of their lives. She wonders if his foster parents will draw dinosaur pictures with him or make his eggs just the way he likes them. It may be silly for her to think about these things given the short amount of time she has been in his life. Even if they didn’t promptly disappear from the memories of those around them she would still be nothing more than a blip on the radar for him. But he matters to her. 

He matters with his chubby cheeks and bright grins that show off crooked teeth. He matters with his mad skills on the monkey bars, Kara standing right beneath him just in case. He matters when he hugs her like she's his best friend in the whole world. And he matters now. He will always matter.

She walks slowly back to the meeting point. A bench outside a bistro, hidden in enough shade to hide Lena’s undoubtedly still pale skin. It isn’t outside the realm of possibility that she could still get sunburnt even in this state. If Kara can get shot then surely there is a potential so they’ve taken the necessary precautions.

Kara spots her first. Her dark hair dipping over the curve of her shoulder in a u-shape. She’s wearing dark sunglasses and looking at something intently in the newspaper, periodically munching the croissant in her left hand. Her coffee is taking up residence on the other side of her as if to reserve the spot. It's pushed just far enough away from her that she has to lean slightly to reach it and Kara smiles to herself upon realizing that’s exactly why she put it there. 

Her long quieted heart pulls her forward before her feet do. It always did have a compulsive need to draw her to this human. It could pick her out anywhere, lead Kara right to her even on the darkest of nights in the deepest of crowds. And it knows no different now in its perpetually paused state. 

She watches her own shadow grow larger in size, doubling and tripling the closer she gets. Lena looks up when she's about two feet away, Kara can see the little scrunch of her forehead that tells her she’s squinting despite not needing to behind the glasses. “Hello darling. I got you breakfast.” She moves the cup over for the intended resident to take a seat and produces a white paper bag from the other side of her.

“Rao, I love you.” She accepts the bag and crinkles the paper loudly in her excitement to get it open. But she doesn’t miss her favorite part. The part where she says _I love you_ in any fashion and Lena's mouth quirks up at the corners as if it's her favorite sound in the world but she’s trying her best to hide it. It makes Kara want to say it endlessly.

“Find out anything interesting?” She folds the newspaper and places it down beside her, angling herself toward Kara on the bench with an arm draped across the back.

“Family seems nice enough.” She says in between bites. “She said something about Esmeralda having a meeting today.”

Lena hums in agreement. “She should be in that meeting now actually.” She checks the time on her watch for confirmation. “Honestly it doesn’t look good.”

That is what they both had been afraid of after seeing the way things had gone down the day prior. These things don’t always favor the parents and when they do it is usually an uphill battle. Esmeralda’s fight for her son is only just beginning and it is the last thing she needs on her plate when focusing on her health is priority. 

“I saw her in the waiting area when I left. She looks better than yesterday, but not by much.”

It is a look neither of them are soon to forget. It had been jarring for Kara. Such a sharp contrast in how they had come to know her versus how she fell to pieces on a kitchen floor. Her decision to stay out of it had been purely for Esmeralda’s benefit. Though she isn’t quite sure how well she would have handled it. It made her all the more thankful for Lena who made herself at home right there with her and hadn’t dared leave her side until it was explicitly requested. 

Most of her belongings had been rifled through by the time Kara had arrived. The cleaning crew had thrown a majority in trash bags but evidently couldn’t be bothered to tie them up properly as most of them laid splayed open on the sidewalk for the world to see. The dishes were boxed but most of the plates were broken so she hadn’t bothered with those. She snagged one of the woman’s well loved coffee mugs from it though. It had survived the shove down the steps and Kara assumed it was likely a favorite. Outside of that mostly everything left was clothing. She hadn’t managed to locate any of Nicola’s books or toys. She had hoped at the time they were taken with him. Looking at his room today she realizes they weren’t and it just makes her sad.

“We should check in with her later.” Kara wipes the remaining crumbs around her lips with a napkin and takes a sip of Lena's coffee. “You know, I think this is the longest we've spent with one of them.”

“Well I would imagine we got here early.” 

It is said simply but she knows the scars will linger from that for a long while. It will come up in nightmares whenever their ability to dream at all is restored. It isn’t the first close call they had in their current line of work, but it is heavier. More harrowing in the sense that it isn’t a situation they had ever found themselves in before. Kara always had been able to swoop in and save the day. Even the bomb in the basement while traumatic had not been unfamiliar territory and had they truly wanted to, they could have run. But in that house there were no superpowers or emergency exit signs. Only trepidation and desperate measures. So it will linger long past the point they could wish for it to.

“This was so much easier when we had journals and old love letters.” Kara huffs, changing the course of the topic before it can weigh them down again. 

“I recall specifically you being appalled that I wanted to steal that journal.” Lena counters, aghast with a tilt of her head.

Kara recalls that too. She remembers considering it a complete invasion of privacy and berating the woman for even suggesting it. But it had turned out useful, as had Percy's laptop so she had dropped the morality speech and just let Lena be Lena. “Well it turned out okay.” She mutters, knowing she lost the battle but the laugh she pulls from the other woman at her admission does wonders for her bruised ego. 

A trip to see Marco later that evening only resulted in more worry. They had given up on the idea that all sinister plans had to be premeditated, Rob had taught them that. So when he mentioned that he hasn’t heard from her all day, they started going through worst case scenarios in their heads and hailed the first taxi they came across. Now they are bouncing ideas off each other on the ride, drawing mildly troubled looks from the driver. Kara assumes he's heard worse in his line of work though and even if he hasn’t they won’t be around long enough for that to matter, so they continue the debate despite his concerned expressions.

“Rao you don’t think she would pull a Percy do you?” The blonde groans, looking out the window at the cars rushing by on the other side of the bridge. The sun is in the last stages of setting, the faint outlines of stars peeking out of the sky. She can't seem to picture Esmeralda doing something so nefarious, despite being the one who suggested it. But they are grasping at straws at this point, having come up with literally nothing in all the time they’ve spent with her. Her only basis in this hypothesis is that people have been known to go to extremes when overcome with grief, a fact that they have been reminded of repeatedly.

“I don’t think she has the resources to pull it off even if she wanted to.”

Kara rolls her neck and shrugs. It's a valid point of view given her current financial situation but a feeling of dread pits itself in her stomach nonetheless. A nagging thought had crept into her brain the moment they set foot into this car, making itself known that tonight is _the_ night. Whatever that means, whatever awaits, this is it.

A heavy silence rests between them then. Both of them lost in a whirlwind of what ifs in their own heads. And she is still in the midst of racking her brain, tugging her lip between her teeth until the skin starts to peel and absently counting the beams on the bridge when Lena's shout of “Stop!” causes her to nearly jump out of her skin. 

The driver has much the same reaction. She sees the obvious twitch in his frame as he narrowly avoids veering into the other lane at the sudden demand. “Lady I can’t just stop in the middle of traffic.” The hoarseness of his voice is mixed with annoyance and residual alarm from her outburst when he finally speaks.

It is only then that she turns to look in the other woman’s direction, following Lena's line of sight with a squint. She doesn’t see it at first, having to lean in closer, but when she does her breath catches in her throat and she immediately seconds Lena's request to stop the car. He still ignores it however, insistent that he's not in the mood to get himself killed today.

“Well someone else is, so stop the goddamn car!” And be it the continued shouting or the clear intimidation in Lena's voice it finally does the trick. He maneuvers over to the side, coming to a halt with direct orders to _Hurry up_. Lena throws a wad of cash in his direction and clambers out of the backseat. Kara scoots across to follow and the man darts back into traffic the second she closes the door.

For all the ideas that they had shared, all the thoughts they had theorized, the one that they stumble upon now is not one they anticipated. And it also isn’t something they are remotely prepared for.

She thinks there would almost be some type of beauty in it if it weren’t so tragic. It is a horrible thought to have, but one of the first ones to appear and Kara kind of hates herself for it. Her dark hair flows freely in the wind, curls being tousled and wound in her face as if they're dancing to a song only audible to them. Her skin glows orange like it would from the embers of a fire only broken up by the streaks on her face. Kara's faith in humanity only weakens as she notices the lack of police presence and good samaritans. Instead the cars rush by, their only contributions being the gust of wind that they leave in their wake and the splashes of leftover rainwater on the sides of the road.

They step up onto the concrete sidewalk, trying not to trip as they do so. The lack of maintenance is astounding with the way the cracks run jaggedly through it. Weaving out patterns that are as unpredictable as the sight before them. And that same long silenced heart aches where it should be solid in her chest at the realization that saving these humans is not exclusive to homicide. 

Her bare feet are unsteady on the railing, rolling slightly back and forth as she tries to keep her balance. She grips the low hanging wires like a lifeline, at least for now. Until she’s ready to let go. Kara swallows the lump in her throat and fights back the urge to cry at the mere sight of it. 

Lena approaches first, carefully. Her steps are cautious as if she’s walking on a sheet of ice and trying not to topple over into oncoming traffic. Upon getting closer they see that her eyes are closed and she’s speaking. Mumbling something that seems like a prayer in a language that Kara doesn’t fully understand. Though it appears that Lena does.

Her voice is soft, a tone that Kara herself has only recently become familiar with as she calls out Esmeralda’s name. Even as gentle as it was it still startles the woman, causing her to slip ever so slightly and grip the wires tighter.

“Don’t come closer.” She warns, though the clear rattle in her voice doesn’t make her the slightest bit intimidating. 

Lena obeys the command however, knowing not to push her luck. She stops a few feet from her. She does have to speak at a slightly louder than normal volume to accommodate the new rush of traffic but she keeps her voice steady. “Why don’t you come down so we can talk about this, love?”

Her only response is the other woman vehemently shaking her head, eyes squeezing shut and another agonizing cry spilling from her throat. It claws its way up from deep inside her, like something longing to escape, morphing itself into one of the most painful sounds Kara has ever heard. 

“I’m going to die anyway. May as well do it now.” She stutters out eventually, defeated. 

It’s terrifying how bluntly she puts it. As if it is just a fact that she has reserved herself into believing and there will be no swaying her otherwise. She sees Lena inch herself forward ever so slightly and finds that she follows suit on instinct, falling into step with her again. The hero in her wants to tell her that it doesn’t have to be this way. That there are other options. The hero in her wants to swoop up and grab her and fly her into a better life. The hero in her wants to do so many things. But instead she stays quiet and lets the woman at her side take the lead.

“Look, I won’t pretend to understand how you feel right now. I’m sure that no one understands exactly how you feel right now-" And Lena ducks her head with a sigh as if she’s searching for the right words and coming back empty. “But I know how it feels to look in the mirror and hate the person staring back at you.” Green eyes dart up then and Esmeralda turns to look down at her.

It’s startling for Kara, sobering to hear her say it out loud and she knows the kind of strength that must have taken. A kind of strength that she doesn’t even possess within herself, but Lena always has. Lena is somehow a mixture of vulnerability and a force to be reckoned with. She takes the woman’s torment and shoulders it with her own. Like the weight of a cruel world carried on her back. Whatever she is given she somehow makes it better, stronger than it ever was. And if Kara ever thought herself a hero, she now knows that she pales in comparison to Lena Luthor in full business attire talking a near stranger off a ledge.

“Nicola needs you.” She pleads, reminding her of the one reason, if there is any reason at all to stay and another strangled sob slips out at the mention of his name. So she says it again.

Kara knows it isn’t logical. Even considering the bond between mother and child being the strongest bond of all. It isn’t the best course of action to tether one's very existence to that of another person in any form. But it is a starting point. And whether Lena can convince her to live for Nicola or Marco or her or just so that she can see the sun rise on a beach somewhere it doesn’t really matter. As long as she can convince her to live for _something_ to fight for _something_ she can eventually learn to do it for herself.

And for every protest she makes, for every insistent reminder that he will be better off to lose her young so that he won’t remember, Lena counters it. She counters every plea with a certain kindness. A reassurance that her life isn’t over yet, that she hasn’t even made it to the best part yet. A reminder that as much as she would like to think so she is not alone in this world. A reminder that she is loved and she is important and she is worthy. And it's beautiful the way that she does it. It is so undeniably beautiful and divine and every other wonderful descriptive word in existence until the moment that she says, “If you wont come down then I’m coming up.” Then it’s downright terrifying. 

She should have expected as much with the caring, compassionate soul she has chosen to share the world with. She should have known that even with the circumstances Lena is still willing to throw herself in the line of fire and work tirelessly to fix what is broken. But it doesn’t keep the terror from seeping in as the woman does not heed her warnings and takes her first shaky step onto unsteady railing and grips on to barely there wires with a nervous chuckle. “You um -" Her gulp is visible and she licks her lips “- have quite the view up here.” Kara can see her shaking. She's fairly certain the oncoming traffic can see her shaking because another fact unbeknownst to the world is that along with needing a sweater in the middle of July is that Lena Luthor is dreadfully afraid of heights. After her initial assessment of what a ‘view' Esmeralda has, she keeps her eyes trained on the young woman, likely in an attempt to not lose the last three days worth of meals into what is roughly a twenty story drop. 

Kara knows the feeling. 

And she can honestly say that she has never in her life wished for superpowers more than she does right now.

“You shouldn’t be up here.” Esmeralda says, wiping her face against her shoulder.

“Neither should you.”

It goes without saying who she stands behind, poised at the ready for the worst case scenario. She should be ashamed of it. She should rethink her stance on being a hero if this is her gut instinct. But she isn’t and she won’t. What she will do is jump and pray to all available gods for restoration of her ability to fly.

Lena’s boots are discarded a few inches to Kara's right. She stands in socked feet on wobbly legs but she is unwavering in her loyalty. She takes fate by the throat and throws it to the side, damn the consequences. It’s the first thing Kara had fallen in love with. She's mesmerizing in the way that her hair flows out of the ponytail, drifting like the wind will carry it away and Kara wishes that this version of her is the one the world gets to see. Kara wishes that everyone could get past their own bigotry and see her as someone who is just like them. Someone who sings in the shower and isn’t remotely civilized until presented with caffeine. Someone who cries at sappy movies and likes fuzzy sweaters and dances in her kitchen when she doesn’t think anyone can see her. 

But most of all she wishes that this stubborn, gorgeous, unrelenting human being would just get the fuck down.

“I can help you.” Lena releases the wire with her left hand and gently takes hold of the woman’s shoulder. “Please let me help you.”

It doesn’t come from the place of a guardian angel. This comes from a billionaire. A person with a full team of lawyers who will fight the system to the death to get her son back. A person who can pay for treatments and surgeries and whatever it takes to get this woman out of the gutter without even putting a dent in her bank account. 

Hesitant brown eyes peer back at her. Still full of despair and uncertainty. But the newest thread present is the glimmer of hope where there once was none. Both of them sigh in relief at her timid _okay._

Lena casts a glance over her shoulder indicating Kara to help the other woman down first. Esmeralda pivots carefully around and stumbles, though luckily in the right direction and manages to drop down in Kara’s arms. Her legs are like jello at the first step on solid ground and Kara keeps a steady hand around her waist until she can stand up straight.

“Anytime now, darling.” Lena has taken to staring straight ahead now that she is alone and under any other circumstance Kara might tease her. But for now she is just as eager to get her off this godforsaken ledge. 

Lena doesn’t bother to turn, she just drops backward once she feels a firm grip on her waist. Kara feels the relieved exhale once her feet hit the pavement and she can’t resist hugging her tightly from behind for a brief moment because _Rao_ what the hell was she thinking? Lena relaxes into it, sags back into her body and puts her hands over top of Kara’s. It may be imperceptible to the naked eye now that she isn’t nearly plummeting to her death but Kara feels how they tremble.

The sun has set fully now. They stand underneath a blanket of stars as they take turns embracing Esmeralda, both offering words of reassurance which she accepts with a nod. She’s still crying, her tears dripping on their shoulders but it doesn’t matter. She can cry all she wants as long as she's safe. 

The walk back to Marco's is thankfully short. She had luckily chosen the closer side of the bridge for her untimely demise so they shuffle up the walk to his front porch after about a ten minute stroll. Esmeralda drops down on the couch and Lena takes the spot beside her. They both accept Kara's offer for tea. 

It is strange poking around someone else’s kitchen but she doesn’t think he will mind. She finds the cups and tea packets easily and sits the kettle on to heat. Leaning back against the counter she exhales heavily and allows the exhaustion to take hold. It turns out that chasing thieves through a city is nowhere near as draining as stopping a suicide and she wishes desperately for a nap that she cannot take once more. 

The kettle whistles and the peppermint assaults her senses as she tears each packet open, dipping them into the cups to seep. It is soothing before she even takes a sip of it and she breathes it in deeply, ever grateful to him for having it around. She balances the three cups without much difficulty and walks back into the living room right as Lena is encouraging her to tell Marco that she's sick. 

“I haven’t told anyone until now.” Her hands are clasped together, head leaning down toward her lap and she looks so small and broken. “I didn’t want people to treat me differently.”

That statement about sums up the entirety of Kara's life. “I think you’ll find that being treated differently isn’t always a bad thing.” She offers for the first time tonight, taking a seat on the coffee table in front of her and passing over the cups. “People have a way of surprising you. And secrets-" She clicks her tongue and chuckles humorlessly. “They only eat you up in the long run.” She glances at Lena who wears a tiny smile.

The jingle of keys draws their attention and she knows the sight must be startling for Marco. Esmeralda has a blanket wrapped gently around her shoulders and wears a terrified expression as she looks at him. They hadn’t expected him back so soon. “I left early to make sure that you were alright.” He says by way of explanation and darts his eyes around the room at the three women. 

“Do you want me to tell him?” Lena asks her quietly so only they can hear. 

But Esmeralda only takes a deep breath in and answers in the strongest voice she can muster. “I will tell him.” Her smile lacks the usual sparkle and her eyes still water but it's something. “Thank you, Lena.” She squeezes Lena's hand on her shoulder before reaching out to Kara to do the same. “And thank you, Kara.”

“Always.”

The blanket drops from her shoulders and pools around her waist before she stands. He still looks confused by her approach but follows her in the kitchen and sits with her at the table like she asks. 

They watch from the hallway as she stumbles through the beginning, fiddling with the paper on the teabag. But she makes it. They watch as her voice gets a little stronger and she gets a little braver. Until Marco has tears in his own eyes and promises her that she can stay as long as she needs. Until he sweeps her up into a tight hug and tells her it will all be okay. Until she finally starts to believe that. 

The glow starts at Kara's shoulder and spreads through her torso. Even after seeing it before she still jumps in surprise and turns to Lena with a toothy smile. “We did it!”

The dark haired woman wears a smirk of her own as she begins to emit her own heavenly light. “We did.”

They turn for the door after one last look and Lena curses the fact that Kara cant fly while they walk down the three steps of his front porch and into the night. Kara only takes her hand and smiles wider. 

She'll never forget how wonderful it feels to save a soul. She'll dream of it and hold onto it through all her darkest days. She will do better. She will be better. Because this is somehow bigger than saving the world. What she has right now is everything. 

The streetlights reflect off the pavement illuminating the path to guide them home. And the woman at her side still looks gorgeous underneath the moon. Where shadows would normally dance across the features of her face she now glows brighter, and Kara will tuck this image away. She will store it carefully inside her heart to pull out when she needs it because Lena still looks like everything dreams are made of. 

“So like, can you maybe not climb up on the railing next time?” She chides as they start to cross over the bridge. 

“Shall I have Gabriel pack the bungee gear?” Her eyebrows lift in question and Kara has to admit it is a reasonable request to make of the angel. However it is still unsatisfactory. 

“How about just wait until I can catch you?”

“Deal.”

And as is the tradition of angelhood, they still hold hands all the way home.


	19. Chapter 19

With the morning comes a feeling of tranquility. An ambience of calm that both angels feel. There is something different about today. She can’t quite pinpoint what it is, but it feels like they are right on the cusp of something. Kara feels it too. It is a fact they both comment on while they make their way down the corridor, the hero making some stupid joke with the sunrise catching her hair in all the right ways. It almost gives the illusion of a halo. And even knowing that it doesn’t exist, she can almost see it if she squints hard enough. 

Gabriel had not been waiting for them the night prior. The angel having seemingly taken on other duties once satisfied that his work with them was nearing to a close. There is no need to check in on lovers, he probably would rather not. So for the most part he leaves them to their own devices now and shows up when he is needed. They may have been the toughest case but they are not the only ones after all. And not for the first time Lena wonders who else exists here. She wonders what challenges they face and what their lives will become once they return home. She wonders the same for herself. But she likes to think it will be better. She likes to think that she will be better.

He is waiting for them this time, both of them having expected it. He still looks like he belongs in the crisp white suit he always wears and his smile looks much the same but with a secretive undertone. 

“Good morning Kara. Miss Luthor.” He regards her with a curt nod but she is in a good enough mood to let the formality slide. Not without getting her kicks out of it though.

“Warden.” She responds with a nod of her own. Kara laughs, something she tries to stifle but fails miserably at and Gabriel’s face falters. She considers both of those outcomes a win and wears a conceited smirk while she waits for the woman at her side to regain her composure.

“So, what’s on the agenda today?” Kara asks after a few seconds, swinging her arms together at the waist and still fighting off the last bit of her chuckle.

And as if she just said the magic words, Gabriel is back in character, bubbling with barely contained glee at the question. “I’m so glad you asked! We're taking a field trip!”

Lena’s proud smirk quickly morphs into a frown at his announcement. “Come again?” She folds her arms over her chest, giving him a blatantly unimpressed look which he only seems to enjoy more. 

“You know it has been _sooo_ long since I’ve gone down to earth. So I thought I would join you.” He looks smug. Downright mischievous even with his hand to his chest as he feigns innocence, eyes twinkling in typical exuberant fashion and it only further increases her annoyance.

“You can’t be serious.” She turns to the woman at her left expecting some sort of back up or protest or just _something_ to quell the new wave of vexation. “Is he serious?” Her inquiry is only met with a bemused look and a shrug and she completely retracts her earlier thought of being in too good of a mood because she would honestly rather get a lobotomy. Maybe spend some quality time with her mother, things of that nature. He expects this though and just gives an amused smile in response to her incredulous look.

“Come now it will be fun!” Slinging an arm over each of their shoulders as he is prone to do he leads them to the open elevator. “See the sights, get some fresh air, have some ice cream.” He elbows Kara on the last statement, releasing their shoulders to press the E button and she lights up. 

Lena’s jaw drops at the sheer audacity before she clamps it shut with a shake of her head. “You’re literally betraying me for ice cream.” She mumbles low enough that only Kara can pick it up and the blonde gives a guilty look as the doors slide closed.

The journey down is a quiet one, apart from his obnoxious whistling because he ‘gets enough silence as it is.’ Though the way that he looks at her after making the statement and carrying on with the chipper tune indicates that silence has nothing to do with it. He simply likes to aggravate her. And while her immediate response is to just hit him for being a perpetual thorn in her heavenly side, she refrains. Choosing instead to rush out of the doors the moment they start to open in to regain some of her sanity if she’s going to be forced into family bonding with him. But similar to her thought process this morning, something is different about this too. The first thing she notices is that Gabriel evidently only believes in tossing them out in alleyways when he is not present. The second thing she notices is the calendar on the wall that indicates they are not actually _in_ the present. They have seemingly materialized out of nowhere into a college dorm room two years into the future. 

“You might have mentioned we were time traveling.” Lena says, inspecting the papers on the desk, trying her best to be nonchalant about it so as to not give him the satisfaction of knowing how excited she is at this new development.

“Well if I tell you ahead of time that kind of spoils it doesn’t it?” He jumps over to the bed and sits down with a flourish, picking up whatever magazine is discarded on the plaid sheets. “Really misses that _wow_ factor.”

And she just rolls her eyes at him. 

Apart from the messy bed and pizza box missing approximately half the contents on the nightstand she finds the room itself isn’t so bad. There are various band posters on the walls and a guitar in the corner. The desk is fairly organized, giving off a ‘there is a place for everything, and everything is in its place’ feel. But there are a few things that catch her attention past that. A familiar looking journal takes residence underneath the corner of the pillow beside him. But that still isn’t the wow factor he is speaking of. That part lies in the picture frame behind the pizza box. A photo with a man who is looking much healthier than the last time she saw him. He is clean shaven in a shirt without stains. He stands on the edge of the Grand Canyon, the brilliant space stretching out for miles behind him. But the most notable thing, the thing that tugs on her heartstrings so hard she can almost feel it is the red haired girl at his side, arms around his waist with the brightest smile. 

She picks up the photo and traces the outline of the girl with the tip of her finger before looking back at the angel in awe. 

“It is important to see the impacts you have made.” He explains, munching an apple that he snatched from the bowl atop the mini fridge. 

She never thought she would see her again. She had made her peace with that. But now here she is on a college campus in the room of a girl she once knew seeing the pieces that slot together her life, her annoyance for the angel all but forgotten in the face of the immense pride swelling up inside her. She feels Kara's head rest on her shoulder from behind as she too takes in the evidence of their time spent. “Lena, look.” Something else draws Kara’s attention and she follows the direction her finger points with her eyes. 

On the wall above the bed are more photos. Seemingly hundreds of her life's little moments captured in a collage and illuminated by the string of white lights that rest above them. She moves closer, kneeling onto the mattress without any regard to Gabriel who just sighs and moves over to allow her more room. 

There are more photos with her father. Some of them still capturing the haggard appearance that she associates with him. But as she grows older, he looks better. His eyes are less hollow, gone is the lingering five o’clock shadow and it is replaced by a smile as wide as his daughter’s. She sees her graduation pictures. The classical moment where the caps fly through the air forever captured on film and Lena gets to see all the things that Abby would have missed if not for their intervention. Her summer vacation buried in sand. Her first day of college where she is making a grumpy face about having to unpack the endless boxes in her new space. They all run together like the sequel to her favorite movie. And when she sees a picture of Abby at her first Pride with a rainbow flag painted on her cheek she decides ultimately that this is her favorite part.

A surprised laugh escapes her and she points that one out to Kara who only squeezes her waist with an assurance of “You did that.”

It is one thing to be there in the moment. To know that she had altered the course of events that were set in motion and put Abby on a better path. It is another thing to see it unfold. The aftermath only lived in her imagination. She could dream up the ending thousands of times but to see the bigger picture come into view is astounding. It brings with it a sense of fulfillment that she isn’t accustomed to.

It seems like so long ago now. A side affect of their time spent in this realm she imagines. But if she focuses hard enough she can still remember the taste of watered down punch and saying goodbye. “You know I detested the idea of going to prom with you.” Her smile is watery and she feels Kara's chuckle vibrate her spine as she leans back into her.

“If only she could see us now.” She can feel the crinkle of Kara's nose against her cheek. “She would be proud of you too.”

“Would you like to see her?” Gabriel asks after a beat, letting them bask in the afterglow a moment longer.

Lena whips her head around to look at him. He doesn’t wait for a verbal response, taking in her hopeful look as an affirmative answer and motions for her to stand up. Much like they did earlier on in the mission, one snap of his fingers and their surroundings shift.

They’re in a college courtyard, standing by the edge of a large fountain. They’re surrounded by few dozen students or so, not counting the ones who rush hurriedly to their next class, none of them paying any attention to the trio. They continue to rush and others continue to mingle, discussing their plans for the weekend and groaning about the workloads from various professors. It isn’t unusual at first. They’re all pretty engrossed in their own conversations without being too concerned about anything else in their immediate vicinity anyway. She supposes this is typical of college students who actually have peers to converse with. So it’s not unusual. At least not until one shaggy haired boy shouts something across the courtyard and in doing so, looks right through her. That’s when she realizes that they are none the wiser to being in the presence of three guardian angels. 

“This mission doesn’t call forth the need for us to be seen, Miss Luthor. We are here only to observe.” He comments without being prompted past the point of her confused look. She doesn’t answer him though. Any rebuttal she had dies on the tip of her tongue as her eyes finally land on who she is looking for just over his left shoulder.

Her hair is tied in a ponytail and she’s sitting in the grass underneath a willow tree. A book lays open across her lap, a notebook rests beside her and she's bobbing her head along to whatever music is playing through her headphones. She looks different, but the same all at once and Lena’s feet carry her closer to take a good look at the young girl. 

Gone are the corsets and boots with too many buckles. She now sports dark jeans and a faded out t-shirt. Her backpack lays off to the side, covered in various pins, though the most notable one is the obnoxiously large rainbow that rests in the upper right corner. She chews her bottom lip in concentration with a crease in her eyebrows as she tries to work through whatever problem she’s having with the material. But even with that being said, something about her screams freedom in a way that can not be described in words. It is an essence, a way of just becoming comfortable in her own skin that separates her so far from her younger self that one would never believe unless they'd been there.

Lena's companions come to a stop beside her along the edge of the grass and just let her watch. “She looks so happy.” She says to no one in particular but she knows her smile is blinding. 

Another girl sneaks up behind Abby, creeping quietly as if to try and scare her when she gets close. But Abby senses her presence, turning her head at the last moment and pulling one headphone out. ‘Nice try.’ They hear. The other girl pouts at her failed attempt but only momentarily before leaning down to kiss her.

“She will do many great things in this lifetime.” He watches along with her as the other girl sits down in the grass, peering down at the book to help her. “She will be successful and driven. Make a great name for herself.” He breaks his attention then and looks to Lena. “She'll be a good person. And she will be very happy.”

And it’s all Lena could have ever wished for her. 

“You'll look after her?” She questions just to be sure and he nods.

“Thank you.” She means it in all possible ways and his knowing smile softens a spot in her heart for him, if only just a little.

“Next stop?” He asks with his eyebrows raised, waiting for her consent this time before whisking them away. And with one final look, she whispers her goodbye and tells him yes.

This time there is no elevator service. This time he has opted for full heavenly transport which felt similar to the time she'd tried acid in boarding school, followed by a fun little jolt at the end. She blinks a few times and shakes her head trying to clear the fog from her mind. There is a persistent ringing in her ears, a high pitched whine that transitions to the sound of various types of noisemakers and finally those annoying party blowouts. She walks straight into one, or through one rather. The sensation it leaves as it unfolds directly into her left cheek is tingly, though not necessarily unpleasant. The obnoxious sound of cheap crinkling paper and the honk of the offending object directly to her ear canal is another story.

It hangs lazily from the lips of a young man who is three sheets to the wind and sporting large glasses that say 2024. Gabriel quickly ushers them away from that particular group into a less crowded corner of what seems to be a popular sports bar. Smoke lingers heavily in the air, giving the illusion of low hanging clouds in some of the more well lit areas. Most of the groups in attendance are similar to the ones that they quite literally ran into, but there is some diversity among them. College aged to middle aged, jerseys to business suits. All with one common goal to get absolutely plastered and see the year come to a close.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize our next guest of honor would be part of such a lively bunch.” The angel says sheepishly, securing their spot by the window.

If they’re going in the correct order, she can’t say that she would have expected that either. But then, stranger things have happened.

Kara looks nervous. She’s got the familiar crinkle on her forehead and the tips of her fingers grip harshly at her denim jacket as she scans the room for who they’re here to see. She’s cursing her lack of x-ray vision again, Lena can tell by the little huffs she lets out each time someone new moves into her way and she has to crane her neck to see around them. The buzzing of energy surrounding them does nothing to quell the buzz inside of her to see the ending that she hadn’t dared hope for. Though she may be a bit less of a skeptic now than she was in the beginning.

The various televisions in the establishment show the countdown to midnight. Fourteen minutes remain until the start of a new year. New opportunities, new resolutions that will break in a week and some that won’t. However she would wager that the older man wearing the necklace that holsters the cup he is currently drinking from will absolutely not quit drinking as soon as the clock strikes twelve, despite his exuberant claims of doing so.

Snow dusts over the sidewalks of the city, whatever city they've found themselves in this time. Various footprints breaking up the softness of it as last minute stragglers rush around to decide where they want to celebrate the coming of a new year. There is a group huddled together just outside the door to this particular bar, standing underneath the awning and cupping their hands over their mouths as they wait for someone. Lena doesn’t envy them. As beautiful as the falling snow is she always did hate the cold. She feels a shiver run through her just looking at them. 

She notices Gabriel has taken a seat at the table nearest them and is sipping on some sort of fruity concoction if the tropical umbrella is any indication. She gives him a questioning yet amused look which he quickly counters with, “Didn’t Jesus drink wine?” 

The blush that covers her face is instantaneous. So much so that he hadn’t even gotten the full sentence out before she felt her cheeks burn at the realization that he had been watching them. She had assumed as much, but assumption and confirmation are two very different things. “No need to get into a tizzy, Miss Luthor. I have other duties besides spying on the two of you all day. Though that scene on the sofa when you two were discussing sneaking ice cream back and breaking curfew yet again was rather interesting.”

His eyes twinkle in a way that makes her feel like he can read every thought in her head and she quickly turns away from him as if it will help douse the flame of embarrassment. 

Kara still seems none the wiser to his commentary and she’s just about to bring her into the fold if only so she doesn’t feel so singled out when the bell above the door clatters. The group that had been huddled outside finally found who they were waiting on and even with expecting to see him the sight of Percy Adams in the flesh is still startling. Perhaps even more so when his skin is undoubtedly blue.

His companions are human, or at least they seem to be by their outer appearance, but they welcome him into the fold as if he is no different. He still looks a bit guarded, his eyes still scan the room with a reserved sort of stare, but the tension seems to melt from his shoulders as another group stands to greet him. They exchange excitable hugs and congratulations, pats on the back in good favor and she sees the tension roll off Kara almost as quickly. 

They’re sat at on of the larger tables, offering him a seat at the head and one of the women in the group passes him the menu with a shy smile. Lena fights back the snort at how obvious it is and Kara just lights up at the knowledge that he isn’t spending the rest of his days in a DEO cell. He’s at a bar on new years eve. He has _friends._ Tears well up in deep blue eyes and she brings her hands to her face, covering her mouth to keep the sob from erupting from her throat. Lena only smiles at her and tucks her into her side with a whisper of “You did that” hidden in a kiss to her hair.

The group laughs as if they’ve known each other forever, telling lighthearted jokes at the expense of the others. It is a beautiful sight to see, someone being so comfortable in their own skin. Especially when it's bright blue and should stand out but instead blends in flawlessly surrounded by unwavering love. 

They don’t notice Gabriel move behind them until he starts to speak, filling them in on the details like he did with Abby. “They didn’t hold him long. Someone helped them see that all he needed was support. And someone else offered him a job where he would never have to hide again.” The ‘someones' that he speaks of are very obvious, had always been obvious and Lena revels in knowing that their work has only just begun here. That they still have so many opportunities to slot him into their lives and make his even better than he ever dreamed possible. She begins reciting her pitch of a job offer in her head before she can think much of it and this really is a wonderful feeling. 

He's come so far from the person he was, so far from the broken man they once knew. He’s found a place in a world that was once so foreign to him and it’s all they could ever wished for him too. 

They keep a watchful eye until the clock strikes midnight. They even join in on the countdown with Gabriel's encouragement and Lena finds that she doesn’t mind so much. She can finally find something to celebrate in the coming of a new year, at least this one in particular. The woman to Percy’s right plants a kiss to his cheek just as the hour descends and the bar erupts into cheers. She sees him smile shyly in return and Lena swells up with pride at how far he's come. 

Kara pulls her into a searing kiss about half a second later that has her head spinning and Gabriel clearing his throat. But the blonde only pulls back breathless and mumbles “tradition” at him by way of explanation. He glares for a moment, or at least Lena thinks he does, she’s far too enticed by Kara’s eyes as she rests their foreheads together to pay him much attention. 

He clicks his tongue and huffs but she knows he doesn’t mean it, he did push for this after all. “Are we satisfied in the happily ever after here ladies?”

And their chorus of affirmative answers apply to more than just Percy as he whisks them away to their next destination.

“Why did no one tell me how good this is?” Gabriel groans into his ice cream cone in a manner that is so unlike him, even given his general demeanor. Kara had introduced him to the wonders of mint chocolate chip and he has spent the last five minutes droning on about missing out on life’s little wonders. 

“Right? It’s my favorite too!” Kara squeals in delight, mouth full of her own and Lena just shakes her head fondly. 

They're walking through a park. A rather large one by the look of it. Gabriel had whooshed them into an old telephone booth when they first arrived, muttering about losing his touch while they were squeezed in much too close for comfort. A few juggles of the door later had him rushing off to the ice cream vendor along the edge of the grass, mulling over all the different choices since his last visit. Kara had introduced him to his new poison and Lena watched amusedly from the sidewalk as he helped himself while Kara made funny faces at the man running the booth. He was none the wiser to her antics, nor the scoop moving by itself through the carton and it deflated her for half a second before she realized that she could get as much ice cream as she wanted without judgment. She then proceeded to make the biggest, most lopsided, cavity infused dessert Lena had ever seen. Once satisfied with her work she had bounded back over to her and handed her a reasonable sized cup of lime sherbet with an adorable crinkle on her face at Lena's ‘lack of taste.’

The sugary mountain is almost demolished now, the only remnants slowly running down the side of the cone she just bit into. Lena still gets the same feeling as Kara wipes fruitlessly at the chocolate on the corner of her mouth, only this time she doesn’t fight the urge to kiss it off after her fifth failed attempt. It's silly and playful and Kara laughs so freely at the impromptu display of affection that Lena almost misses Gabriel’s commentary of _don’t know what you two were even doing here in the first place_ followed by a more articulate “We're here.”

‘Here’ is a child’s birthday party. Complete with balloon animals and silly hats. A group of children roughly seven or eight years old playing tag through the mulch while waiting for the adults to finish unloading food from various cars. She picks Bella from the bunch easily. Still a mess of blonde curls and a curious smile, holding a pair of binoculars up and pointing in the direction of a the trees along the edge of the woods. A sandy haired boy stands beside her and takes them from her offering hands to see what she's trying to show him. She's describing a particular bird, listing off facts about it and sounding absolutely adorable with her scientific analysis. “She’s quite the nature fan. A little birdie told me she will be an outstanding marine biologist someday.” Gabriel quips.

They’re standing a reasonable distance from the party, close enough to hear but not close enough to be run through by an excitable bunch of elementary schoolers. She sees Matthew next, running along after his sister to insist he have a look too. She obliges him with a small huff and leans down a bit to his level to explain the same thing. He soaks it all in with full attention, his admiration for his sister clear on his less chubby face and it is a sight for sore eyes to see these children interacting so well with one another. They seem well adjusted, happy. Very clearly cared for and it only adds on to the fact that this was worth it. 

Her attention draws away from them and towards some of the other groups, seeking out her intended target and she feels a cacophony of emotions at seeing Rob again. He’s setting up the birthday cake at one of the picnic tables. His police uniform is replaced by a simple t-shirt and pair of khaki shorts. There is a small scar on his forehead, just underneath the hairline. It is still dark enough to be noticed from a distance but likely faded from what it was in the beginning. It is strange to reconcile this man before them with the last time she saw him. Another pang of guilt makes itself known in her stomach that despite what may have been going on at the time she still walked straight off mission with him being injured and didn’t spare a second thought about it. Overall he doesn’t seem much worse for the wear though. He still carries the same charm, still has the same infectious laugh, only somehow he seems lighter too. 

“I never understood what we accomplished here.” Kara mentions. She isn’t displeased, simply curious and Lena can’t say that she disagrees with her. When it came to Rob, they hadn’t done much of anything. They had simply been in the right place at the right time.

“There isn’t always a sinister plan involved, Kara. Sometimes fate just calls for a little help.” Rob calls Bella over after he finishes placing the candles, carefully cupping his hands to light them. “He needed someone to save him from himself that night.” Gabriel pauses to look at Lena. “And someone to save them both from what was about to happen. You two did that.”

She may never be okay with it. She may never look in a mirror and see herself the same way again. But if her choice allowed him to sing Happy Birthday to his daughter then well – it wasn’t the worst one she'd ever made. So maybe she won’t be okay with it, but she can try to find a sense of inner peace knowing that it brought him this. 

Another familiar form is spotted running from the parking lot, and he politely stops to wait for her to join before continuing on. She rushes out an apology and kisses her daughter's cheek before giving him a kind nod in thanks. 

“So Rob and Natalie-" Kara lets the statement hang. 

“Divorced.” He answers. “Three years ago now. It was rocky at first but they’ve built a good system. Found that they’re much better at being friends than they were at being married.”

It isn’t the ending that one would hope for. It isn’t something you would see in a story book of happily ever afters, but it’s honest. It’s theirs. It’s better than what it could have been.

She remembers how sad Kara was at the prospect of it. How it was so obvious by the look on her face that she desperately wanted to fix it. But she seems content with it now. Relieved even. Love shouldn’t be something that has to be forced. Sometimes it just needs to grow separately and that’s okay.

Bella blows the candles out in one go and both her parents cheer. The siblings bicker over who gets the first slice of cake but when it’s ultimately decided that she does, she passes it off to her little brother anyway. 

Gabriel checks his wristwatch and notes that it’s time to go. They agree easily, taking a longer look to paint their smiling faces into their minds before giving him the signal to go ahead. She expects another house in the suburbs, perhaps another birthday party. She expects to see if she was right about Marco and tease Kara about not seeing the obvious. She doesn’t expect the castle dungeon. 

She whirls around to face him the second that the fog around them settles. “Aren’t you forgetting one?” She folds her arms defiantly, still not the biggest fan of the angel despite the day. 

“Come take a walk with me.” He diverts, nodding for Kara to stay behind and thumbing in the direction of the stairs. She follows along begrudgingly, if for no other reason than to receive a response to her question, especially being that his silence on the matter is not encouraging. 

It is awhile before he speaks again. He leads them through the halls on the main floor and up another set of stairs. She had seen the full layout of it now, she and Kara had spent countless hours exploring the depths of the castle and all its seemingly hidden passages. But the one he takes her down isn’t one they've frequented. She does love it though. The structure is magnificent. It is a corridor that stretches out far longer than some of the others. A wall of floor to ceiling windows lets in the rays of the afternoon sun, giving the space a natural lighting. She can see the tops of clouds from here, the way they float so close that she could reach out and swipe one with the tips of her fingers. It’s absolutely lovely. 

“It’s quite stunning.” He says, as if reading her thoughts. “I’ve seen many places born from the thoughts of people under your circumstances, though none quite this detailed. You really do have a brilliant mind, Miss Luthor.”

It is perhaps the kindest comment he’s ever made to her directly. He'd always been much warmer when it came to Kara, whereas with her his overall demeanor could best be described as aloof. Guarded. In short he was never her biggest fan. “I appreciate your enthusiasm Gabriel, but I do believe there is something else we should be discussing.”

“And so quick witted!” He says with a snap and shakes his head, laughing to himself.

“Gabriel, what is this?” She halts her steps and drops her shoulders in exasperation. The angel spoke in riddles more often than not and she isn’t in the mood to play games. Straight to the point is the only way she knows how to operate. 

“Do you know why we chose you?” He asks. And there’s a gentleness to him, something else she hasn’t yet seen aimed in her direction. It’s a bit perturbing if she’s being honest. 

“Well at first I thought it was because you had nowhere else to put me when I nearly blew up the planet. But now I’m beginning to think it was to experience brilliant architecture.” She replies dryly.

He knows this though, and she now suspects he knows far more than what he’s been letting on. 

“You always had a great deal of ‘save the world' in you.” He starts, leading them closer to one of the windows. “Most people do have the notion to some degree. But you? You are - something else.”

And he does it again. Shakes his head and laughs to himself as if telling a joke that only he can hear, and she really wishes he would just get on with it. 

“You don’t take no for an answer. When you have a problem, when _anyone_ has a problem, you solve it. You don’t ask permission, you don’t think of consequences, you just do what needs to be done. Which frankly has made you a pain in the ass-"

She opens her mouth to retort immediately, but he tuts at her and places a hand up to request she allow him to finish. “But you are phenomenal.”

It isn’t a word she hears associated with herself often and it is enough to silence her. The scowl melts off her face, her jaw unclenches and she reserves herself to listen to the foreign praises. 

“You spend so much of your life behind the scenes, hiding as much as you can and trying to change the world in secret, but you needed to see what you can do. Not what your company or your money or your resources can accomplish, but just – you.”

“But I haven’t even done anything.” She breathes out in disbelief. And she hadn’t. Nothing extraordinary anyway.

“You literally climbed up on a bridge for a woman you barely know.” He rebuffs. “You’re much more than what you give yourself credit for.”

Her name is essentially associated with pitchforks and insanity. It’s spat like profanity on news channels and while she knows that isn’t specifically her doing, it is a shadow that she has to live beneath for the rest of her life. She’s under a microscope. And no matter how many good things she does, how many pretty articles Kara writes, she will remain steadfast in that space because someone will always doubt her intentions. Someone will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Succumbing to villainy has always been the easier option. It’s the option that she almost chose.

“And now it is time for you to go back and finish what you’ve started.”

Her head jerks back to him, eyes bewildered at the knowledge that she’s finally being set free and not knowing how to really feel about that. 

She had always expected to feel liberated. Downright gleeful even. But now even with his speech about her character that came completely out of left field the primary emotion that flows through her is fear. 

But he knows that too. He knows that while calls quietly for Kara to join them and he places his hand on her shoulder. “You’ll do fine. You just need to remember who you really are.”

A whoosh of air blows in behind her and she turns to see Kara standing there. Her hand reaches out for her on instinct, before she can even think to want to, she just does. And Kara’s footfalls are soft. Steps certain as she follows her lead and falls in place by her side. 

Confusion etches into her features as she takes in the somber looks of Lena and the angel. Their fingers lace together as if they were always meant to fit and she waits for someone to fill her in on what she’s missed.

“Supergirl, it has been a pleasure.”

“Wait, what?” Kara's head tilts to the side, she looks at him as if she’s missed the punchline. 

“You’re going home. Both of you.”

The wave of emotions that washes over her is enough to quiet Lena's nerves. The confusion melts off into relief and then a blinding happiness that may even rival Kara in her true angelic form. “Like right now?”

Another emotion follows that one though, right on the heels of her excitement. Dimming her positively beaming smile. As much as she wants to leave, as much as this was always the intended goal Kara never was the best at saying goodbye. The furrow of her eyebrows say as much. Her feet rock forward in a motion to hug him but she stops herself at the last moment, seemingly stuttering in mid air and gripping tighter to Lena's hand. He decides for her though, surging forward and wrapping her in a bone crushing embrace. Lena steps back to give them this moment, moving closer to one of the windows as he whispers something in Kara’s ear. She imagines it’s something similar to what he just told her. Some encouraging statement and well wishes. Kara bobs her head rapidly on his shoulder and squeezes him tighter at whatever it was, but it isn’t for Lena to know. This is something that is hers and hers alone. And though her feelings on Gabriel are skeptical at best, she can’t deny the light that he puts into everything he does and how similar that light is to the hero's. 

They finally let go, both of them wiping their eyes and much to Lena’s surprise he sweeps her up next. It isn’t as tight, not nearly as heartfelt, but it is warm and full of love or something like it. And she realizes in this instant that she may miss him too, if only a little. “I’m so very proud of you Lena.” Her name sounds strange coming from his lips, but she can’t deny the surge of happiness she feels at being addressed in such a way for the first time. “Try to calm down on the trigger finger, okay.” And she laughs in spite of herself because of course he would bring that up again. 

He pulls back and smoothens the wrinkles in his suit, pulling the hem of the jacket back in place. 

“So how does this work exactly. Are we to just click our heels together?”

He rolls his eyes at the blatant sarcasm and Kara lights up at the reference.

“Well there is one last thing that must be done before you go.” He says slyly, breaking into a Cheshire grin and snapping his fingers in true angel fashion.

Their clothes materialize in similar fashion to Kara’s supersuit. The jeans and jackets dissolving into lace and layers upon layers of medieval dressing gowns. Lena feels herself shrink down a full three inches as the soles of her bare feet press solidly into the stone floor and she tries so hard, so very very hard to keep a straight face. “Really?” She deadpans, though her inner child squeals in delight at the prospect of what he's suggesting. He expects this reaction just as he expects all others and brushes off her attempt at cynicism quickly. 

“Oh come on. Why else would you choose a castle?”

Kara takes off first, not the least bit shy to live out the fantasy, letting her own inner child break free and live as she calls for Lena to follow. And it is with one final look at Gabriel filled with distain and mock irritation that she follows suit and takes off in sprint after her.

It is true what they say that all little girls dream of this at least once. Though in her dreams she had always been running alone. It was a symbolism of how she saw herself. Alone but wild. An unrelenting force of nature confined within walls but desperate to break free in all the ways that she can. But this version of the fantasy that she had dreamt up in her head and clung to in all her darkest hours was so much better than she could have ever wished for. 

Kara's hair glows brighter than the gates of heaven, golden and flowing down the back of her solid white dress. She’s going at a much slower pace than she could, a much slower place than Lena knows that she wants to and encouraging her to keep up. She always has pushed her in all the right ways, to move faster, to be better, to be everything she already sees her as. She is the lantern in the dead of night that always knew the right ways to guide her home. She is freedom and beauty and all the world’s wonderful things, sunshine in the form of flesh and bones and running carelessly down the corridors of Lena's mind. She imprints herself in every crevice, leaving the lightest of touches wherever she goes but they are the kind that linger. That seep in and bloom into something magnificent. Something that is only for her to keep. 

The corridor is longer now, a lot longer than she remembers. It goes on and on for miles, for light-years into something magical. Something untouched and unbreakable. Something that she could have scarcely imagined, let alone reached for and yet here she is. Running until her lungs burn, high on the sound of Kara's laughter as she follows her into forever with no regard and no fear for whatever comes next. 

Kara glows brighter, emitting the same heavenly light that she does at the end of missions. The tell-tale sign that they’re off to their next journey. Only the glow doesn’t stop where it would normally. The light nearly blinds her as they go on, growing brighter and brighter until she can no longer see her, not even an outline. She can only hear her voice calling her name. 

But even the voice fades out after a time, drifting off into the abyss. Fading out to a whispered chant that sings to her, guides her to follow until the light burns out.

And then the floor gives way beneath her and she’s falling.


	20. Chapter 20

It isn’t often that she has found herself attached to a heart monitor. It isn’t often that she is out of it long enough for it to be necessary. Most of her brushes with death were very brief, typically just requiring a short stint under the sun lamps and a day or two of light duty. There were some that had been longer, sure. But those were few and far between and even then, it had been about a week at maximum, monitor detached sometime in the early stages of consciousness if not before. Generally speaking, it is not the norm, so therefore as she blinks the sleep from her eyes the steady _beep, beep, beep_ is the first thing she notices. 

Her vision comes into focus slowly. Starting with hazy, distorted outlines, then moving to seeing at least triple of everything in her immediate vicinity as the fog starts to lift. She doesn’t push herself, she knows enough not to push herself. So as disorienting as it is, she lets nature run it’s course, ever thankful that things tend to fall back in place sooner for her than what humans would experience. So she lets the pressure build behind her eyelids, she doesn’t fight the urge to squint, she simply does as her body requests and waits it out a few moments until the room stops spinning and presents her with the clear, pristine picture of her surroundings.

The plain grey walls are a dead giveaway to the DEO, but it isn’t the medbay that she finds herself in. It is more private, excluded from the standard medical wing and nestled a safe distance from the bullpen lest the noise disturb her. She seems to be set up in a private room. It was one of the many storage rooms the facility had at one point, she thinks. It has been transformed so much that she can’t be quite sure and despite functional eyesight, her head is still fuzzy from just waking up from what she assumes to have been a very long nap. She can’t pinpoint her exact location in the facility but she notes the natural lighting that soaks in through the many bay windows in the room. The one way glass that allows for privacy but ample healing from the sunlight. It had been Alex's doing no doubt. She smiles at the thought of her sister working tirelessly for this. Barking orders at agents to make sure the bed was angled in just the way Kara would like it. 

A corner of the room has been turned into a gift shop, or at least that’s what it seems like has happened. The space is overflowing with a variety of balloons and flowers. She spots a few stuffed animals huddled together by one of what appears to be the newer arrangements. There isn’t a wilted petal in sight, unlike some of the ones stashed behind it. A trashcan in the other corner is nearly overflowing with dry leaves and take out containers, a testament to just how long she’s been here. Also a testament to how privately she’s been guarded. Alex wouldn’t have bothered with something as trivial as emptying the garbage when she had more pressing things to attend to and she evidently had gone far enough to even ban the janitorial staff from her space. It pays tribute to her over protective nature. 

Kara had been alone in the room when she first awakened. But as if instinctively knowing that her sister was thinking of her, or at the very least receiving some alert to indicate her trip back to the land of the living, Alex chooses this moment to burst into the room with a gust of wind trailing behind her. “Kara!”

The shout sends a stab of pain through her already aching skull, the door slamming itself shut behind the redhead also not doing her any favors. And even as much as she longed to see her again, she finds it much too pressing of a matter to ignore with the way her brain seems to be melting and all. Alex, ever attentive Alex notices her discomfort immediately however and dims the lights in the room before rushing to her bedside and fiercely gripping onto her hand. 

“Alex.” The croak in her voice surprises her as does the fire in her throat as she speaks for the first time. The resulting coughing fit from the utterance of just one word isn’t very welcome either.

She splutters and chokes on the syllables, trying desperately to catch her breath and Alex reaches across her bed to the other side in haste, grabbing a cup with water that she had likely left for herself and placing it into Kara's free hand. Her coughing subsides slightly at the promise of something to calm it and Alex cups her palm across the back of Kara's hand to steady it. It initially seems like a ridiculous notion to the girl of steel - that is until she tries to pick her arm up and becomes aware of how badly it shakes. It isn’t nearly as ridiculous then and she gratefully accepts the help offered to her.

The water feels heavenly cascading down her parched throat, dousing the remainder of the fire that speaking had ignited. She gulps it down greedily, draining it dry and pulls back heaving from exertion. Alex sits it down gently, as quietly as she can manage in consideration of her sister who – now that potentially coughing up both lungs is out of the way – has graduated from typical waking up from coma problems and into full range of power steadily returning problems. The hearing being the first to make its grand entrance.

Everything is so _loud._ The agents on the floors below them sound like they’re screaming their lunch orders to whoever got volunteered today. The clicks on keyboards are the equivalent of bombs going off. The lady having a sneezing fit in her apartment three blocks down makes Kara feel like her ears are going to bleed and she instinctively jerks her hand away from Alex so that she can bring both up to cover them in a half hearted attempt to block out the noise. 

Everything had been so quiet in heaven. So unbelievably quiet. The only things her superhearing ever picked up were the sounds of Lena or Gabriel breathing. That was it. No heartbeats, no shouting matches from whoever else may have fallen victim to their little project, not even a damn bird whistling. There had been absolutely nothing. But now she hears _everything._ It reminds her of her first days on earth when everything was so loud and terrifying. She knows it isn’t abnormal, what she hears now are the same things that she always does but the months she’s spent lying comatose have drained her of her ability to filter it all and it’s completely overwhelming her. But Alex has considered this too and rushes to the other side of the room to snatch something off the table. She returns to Kara's side and gently lowers her sister’s hands, replacing them with a pair of lead lined earmuffs. The relief is instantaneous.

Kara sags back into the pillow, exhaling a long breath of relief and she watches the same emotions pass over Alex's face. She’s looking at her so tenderly, so full of hope and longing and Kara cant help but to mirror her expression. She reaches a shaking hand back out and Alex grips on quickly, holding it between both of her own.

Her hair is shorter now. It's styled differently than she remembers too. There are noticeable bags under her eyes, visible proof that she isn’t resting properly and Kara instantly feels guilty that she couldn’t make it back sooner. Her clothing fits a bit more loosely as well, not hugging in the places that it normally would and she fights back the urge to admonish her for not taking care of herself. Alex looks smaller and undoubtedly more afraid than Kara has ever seen her. So instead of all the things she could say, she goes for the simplest one. “I missed you.”

And Alex promptly bursts into tears on the spot.

It’s more than Kara can bear to see her sister cry, so she wastes no time in shifting herself upward on the bed into a better position as best as she can muster and pulls Alex into the most bruising hug her shaking limbs will allow.

The familiar smell of her favorite shampoo fills her senses and she doesn’t feel the slightest bit strange about breathing it in. She inhales deeply, committing to memory the very essence of one of her two favorite people on the planet and squeezes tighter. 

Walking around in human form did have its perks. One of them being the ability to touch without fear of breaking someone. Not having to perfectly measure out her strength to avoid cracking a rib. To be able to hold Lena's hand walking down the sidewalk without fear of crushing her hand if she tugged too hard. It had been nice. But she is grateful overall that she still had her powers for at least some of her vacation. Learning the ability to touch someone without harming them is not a lesson she cares to repeat anytime soon.

It seems like forever but somehow not long enough when Alex finally pulls back, wiping her eyes roughly with the pads of her fingers. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again Kara Zor-El!” She says it sternly, pointing a finger at Kara's chest as she does, but the relieved laugh she breathes out softens the blow a little. 

The earmuffs drown out most of the noise, but she can still hear Alex's warning clearly. She can still hear the voices of everyone else but it is at a more stable volume, something she is able to manage easily. The muffs work more as a filtration system. Alex knows this. Which is why it is futile for her to turn her head away from Kara to speak into her earpiece when one of her agents comes across the line with urgent news. It is useless to drop her voice into a hushed whisper when she says, “What the fuck do you mean she's awake too?” And it is the very manner in which Alex spits the word ‘she' that makes reality come crashing down on Kara. 

Alex turns back around to face her, mistaking the worry on her face for fear and is quick to assure her. “Hey, hey. It's okay. She can’t hurt you, Kara. I’ll never let her hurt you again.”

The finality in which she says it makes Kara’s blood run cold. Alex won’t hurt Lena, she knows that. If she were going to, she would have done it already. But she will absolutely lock her in the darkest, coldest cell she can find for the rest of all time and throw away the key. 

And as if on cue, as if the woman had just come to that realization herself, Kara hears a familiar heartbeat thundering in her ears. Later on when the world is calm, she’ll revel in how much she missed the sound that came to sooth her when her world fell apart. But now isn’t the time for that. 

“I'll be right back.” Alex assures her quietly and moves toward the door. 

Kara knows where she’s going, knows that nothing good is going to come out of her sisters determined footsteps. She knows that Lena is putting on a brave face, defiantly glaring down anyone who is fussing over her. She also knows that underneath that cold exterior, Lena is scared. Her heart is beating much faster than its normal steady tempo. It sounds the same way it does any time she finds herself in danger and though she thinks realistically no one is going to physically harm the woman, she knows that she needs to get to her and she needs to do it now.

Her first attempt to sit completely upright falters. Her body feels like its made of lead as she pushes up on her elbows and promptly falls back down. Alex has already left the room, she can hear the footfalls indicating that she’s broken into a jog. Knowing she doesn’t have much time to get to her she tries again with much the same result.

So this time she closes her eyes and allows herself a moment. She allows a few deep breaths and hones in on Lena's rapid heartbeat. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

Moment's over. 

Fueled with growing concern for Lena's wellbeing, she forces her body to move. In one swift motion she springs to her feet and staggers. Shaking fingers grip the pole that houses the heart monitor and she forces herself upright. Her feet tangle in the blanket that took the fall with her and it’s only then that she notices it is one of her own. Her favorite couch throw with the pizza stain she never could get out. Her heart warms at the notion before she hears another warning shout and she snaps her head back to mission. 

Walking is hard. Running is impossible. But flying? Flying she can do. Sort of. It reminds her of the time she got drunk and did it on a dare. She had woken up the next morning with a splitting headache and bits of plaster still clinging to her hair. She had taken out a billboard among a few other things. It made for an interesting story, for her anyway. HR was not on board with that line of thinking. She hadn’t done it again. 

Luckily there are no billboards here, but the wall of her room will never be the same again. She turned quite a few heads when the pieces of it crumbled by the doorframe. It had been yet another thing she filed under the problem for future Kara column. She wonders briefly why that particular column only gets filled in when breaking things. 

She finds her flight capability return somewhere on the main floor. The rustling of paper and irritated shouts of the agents not remotely phasing her. She passes Alex near the holding area and ignores the surprised yelp of her name as she zips in front of her and down the stairwell. 

There are containment cells in the lower levels that are rarely used. There are even more containment cells beyond those that are never used. Never. In fact she cannot recall one criminal that she had ever tossed down there. But that seems to be where she’s going.

The thundering heartbeat grows louder the more flights she zips down and she uses it to guide her way. She throws the door open at the bottom. The very last door on the very bottom of the staircase. The neon green of the exit sign has turned into a putrid yellow, the lights in the hallway leading to the one lonely door at the end flicker. The pipes leak. An annoying _drip, drip, drip_ follows her down the corridor and she grumbles in irritation because this is just senseless. There is nothing practical about holding a comatose woman down here. Even if she were dangerous, how much damage could she really do in a highly guarded facility? Alex had done this to prove a point. And Kara doesn’t remotely put it past her to design even more sublevels to this place just to hold her deeper underground after she goes through some sort of makeshift secret organization trial.

It is with that last thought in mind that she breaks down the door. 

She could have knocked. She could have even waltzed through the door like a visibly pissed off but somewhat normal person. But that wouldn’t have had nearly as intimidating of an affect as this had. All the agents in the room jump in surprise at the splintering of wood. All of them turn their weapons away from the single glass containment cell in the center of the room and onto her as she plows her way through. 

There are roughly twelve agents with highly powered alien weapons aimed at the ready. But they still wouldn’t work on her. Her rage at the situation is only tampered by her desire to get as close to Lena as she possibly can.

She’s sitting upright on the edge of the bed. Sporting DEO issued sweatpants and a t-shirt, looking more pale and disheveled than Kara has ever seen her. Her heart rate had skyrocketed when Kara burst through the door but she is wearing the exact facial expression she knew she would be. A set jaw, a firm scowl to mask the fear. Though a look of relief now accompanies it upon seeing the hero.

Kara comes to a stop right outside the cell, falling to her hands and knees first as the wrong side of gravity takes hold. But the weapons are trained in this direction again, in Lena's direction and the knowledge causes her spine to straighten. She stands her ground firmly, blocking their range to the best of her ability and wills her voice to hold more authority than that of a prepubescent teenager as she gives the order to “Stand down.”

The agents stare at her in question and then trade unsure looks with each other. They don’t drop their weapons fully, but they do aim them lower in the midst of their confusion. They aren’t accustomed to taking orders from her. They may not have even gotten the memo that she is awake yet either. And Kara knows that while she is going for intimidating, the messy bun, fuzzy earmuffs and sweatpants combination she has going for her don’t quite present the same amount of authority as the suit. Dress for the job you want and all that. 

The thundering heartbeat has started to calm to its more steady rhythm. Between that and the look of relief on Lena's face, also coupled with the unsteady footsteps she hears coming up behind her the answer should be obvious. But she needs the confirmation anyway. “So like, that wasn’t all just some super elaborate dream on my end was it?” Her back is still to Lena, her head half turned as she darts her eyes back and forth between the agents and the other woman’s amused smirk.

“Would you still be standing here if I said yes?” Her voice is still raspy too. Between the coma and the shouting it is an octave lower than normal. But it is still the most lovely sound even in its raw, unused state and Kara laughs at the quip without even meaning to.

“Yeah but I would be really bummed.” 

‘Bummed’ is an understatement. She doesn’t know that there is a word in any language to describe how she would feel if it hadn’t really happened.

“Well don’t worry darling. It was very much real. And I am feeling very much the same feelings.” It is teasing in nature, in the flirtatious manner that is Lena, and Kara adores her all the more for it. 

“Good. Same. Definitely all the feelings.” She gives a firm nod and punctuates it with a nervous laugh because while she knew it wouldn’t be a warm welcome she did not expect so many firearms this soon.

Alex runs in then, chest heaving after trying to keep up with her sister and Kara can see the regret in the form of sweat on her brow at locking Lena this far down. If only because she just had to run down ten flights. She hunches over and grips her knees, but only for a moment to catch her breath and then immediately goes into a more authoritative stance. “Get away from her Supergirl.” She warns. And its half big sister, half DEO director in its instruction. She indicates for her agents to absolutely not stand down and Kara finds twelve guns pointed at them firmly once more.

She doesn’t move.

“Kara what in the hell are you doing?” Alex whispers low enough for only her ears and Kara just shakes her head.

“I’m not moving until they drop the guns. She’s done nothing to call for this Alex so if this is how you want to play it then they'll have to go through me.”

The scoff behind her indicates that Lena doesn’t care for that idea. However the deal they made only applies to when Kara is not bulletproof. Right now she is and while being shot is still a nuisance, there is no way she is going to budge until they are no longer a threat.

The agents respond to her comment by gaining a firmer grip on their firearms, the one towards the back of the group has his finger inching much closer to the trigger than the others and it is in that direction she stares when the familiar fire starts behind her eyes. 

His eyes widen in surprise and he quickly reverts back to his former hand placement but she's really had just about enough at this point so she continues to stare them all down in warning, keeping it at bay but making it clear that it is a choice and she reserves the right to change her mind. Alex calls them off.

Kara gets it. She truly does. She also gets that at least some of this response stems from Gabriel's intervention, including the bit about Lena being in a coma in the first place. In the original series of events, Alex had not struck the hideout. So it is something that she has decided not to hold against her. But even with all things considered, Alex knows that she’s going completely overboard in having her agents hold an unarmed woman at gunpoint. She conveys as much in the look she sends Kara's way. It isn’t apologetic, but it is yielding. 

Now that they're no longer in front of a firing squad, she quiets down the heat in her eyes and inches over toward the door of the cell. All of the DEO containment modules have her biometric handprint installed. It was something they had done when they were first starting out. It isn’t always practical to track down someone with a high enough clearance level to open one when she is still wrestling a hostile alien through their highly classified, filled with very expensive and breakable things, government facility. So it made sense. It had been another logical choice among a series of logical choices made on that random day. And now Kara gets to watch the exact moment that Alex regrets it. The exact moment that her sister wants to get into a time machine and travel back to that random day filled with logical choices and possibly lock herself in a containment cell until she comes to her senses. That moment comes the instant that Kara's hand falls onto the scanner and the door slides open with a hiss.

She doesn’t watch Alex for long. She knows in roughly ten seconds her brain will implode and she will demand explanations and reasons and all the other things that Kara can give her but she will never understand. So she doesn’t waste time waiting for the inevitable. She makes the most of those ten seconds and rushes into the cell, scooping Lena into a hug.

Frail arms fold around her neck and Kara lifts her off the floor without even meaning to. She’s as careful as she always is, as gentle as she can be, but it is such a relief to touch her. To really touch her. To feel the way Lena's heart beats against her chest, solid and strong and way too fast. To feel her breath tickle her neck as she buries her face there, dropping the Luthor mask just long enough to show her she needs her too.

Lena hates being vulnerable. Detests it even. But here she is, snark and pride carefully tucked away and allowing a room full of strangers see her be manhandled into a very intimate hug from a superhero. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” She whispers into raven locks and she feels Lena shudder in response.

It couldn’t have been more than an hour since she'd seen her last. But the thing about heaven is that the time all runs together. And after the way they had spent today she wasn’t sure if it really happened all in one morning or over a series of weeks. So that hour seems like forever to her. This seems like it has taken forever to her. 

She is beginning to think her sister has been rendered mute until she presses a kiss to Lena's temple, unable to resist the urge any longer, and that seems to be the straw that breaks Alex.

“What. The. Fuck?”

It is a very reasonable question. A perfectly logical response and likely the only one that Alex can even come up with. Her mouth is gaping, opening and closing periodically as she searches for words that aren’t expletives. 

Kara knows how insane it must look. To spend months in a coma only to wake up and kiss the person who put you there. It is a lot to take in and Kara knows that her sister is ready to pin her down to have her brain examined. Probably Lena's too if she cared enough about Lena to do it. 

But for now she needs to explain, or at the very least attempt to explain. She lowers Lena down to the floor but keeps an arm around her waist on the chance that Alex changes her mind about not executing her.

“Look there’s no easy way to say this, but we've been guardian angels this whole time and you really don’t need to worry about her hurting me because we love each other and we finally figured that out-"

Alex's response to her ramble is to go pale. To go very, very pale. She braces herself against the wall and slides down in a way that is very un-Alex like and pinches the bridge of her nose muttering about needing more sleep and much more alcohol. 

“I appreciate your willingness to just rip the band-aid off but I think that may have been a bit much all at once, love.” Lena tells her quietly, peering over the blonde’s shoulder at the woman on the floor. Kara winces. 

It takes convincing. Hours and hours of convincing and multiple threats of discontinuing her services for the DEO before the sleek black town car carrying Lena Luthor pulls away from the curb. Kara's steadfast argument had been that the only crime Lena had successfully committed had been against her directly and she doesn’t wish to take any kind of action in regards to that matter. Alex’s steadfast argument had been that making rash decisions after that kind of trauma was not the wisest course of action. It resulted in a several hour long screaming match between the sisters in the middle of the base and after calling J'onn in to poke around the corners of Lena's mind - having her consent to that had been a feat in itself - Alex finally threw in the towel sometime around hour five. Though Kara knew it had much less to do with her insistence and much more to do with the martian’s assurance that no, Lena does not have a single intention to harm Kara. It had been awkward for all parties involved to have him do it. Kara had stood off to the side shifting uncomfortably through the ordeal while Lena did her very best to focus on memories of them fully clothed. But that had gone about as well as expected. The more you try to convince yourself not to think of something, the more prominent the thought becomes. So Lena came through the other side of the ordeal a blushing mess, and J'onn used all the professionalism he could muster to convey to Alex that they are in fact telling the truth.

Kara had listed the names of the people they helped and thrown out small details of each of them to let Lena's mind fill in the blanks. Alex was even still skeptical when she mentioned Percy. She told Kara she had mentioned him on several of her visits and so Kara must have clung onto those talks to envision him. She had tried to use running into Alex at Myler Industries as a baseline for her argument, but the inconvenient thing about disappearing from the minds of those they helped also meant that they had disappeared from the minds of everyone they encountered. Alex had no memory of ever running into a crying woman in the lobby so that avenue had been just as pointless as all the others. J'onn was convinced though. He informed Alex that the memories were far too detailed to have been any type of coma dream. So while her sister had remained adamant that it wasn’t the least bit real, he had been certain that it was. He was the first one to welcome Lena back. He didn’t hug her, but he did place a reassuring hand on her shoulder and extend a warm smile, telling her that he was glad they worked it out. She had been surprised by it, very surprised. But his ability to read her mind had also given him the insight that Kara is by no means innocent either. She doesn’t like to think about it, they’ve decided to leave it in the past. But if it paints Lena as less of a villain then she can live with it. 

Letting Lena go had not been the end of their argument however. Now they're in one of the interrogation rooms with Kara seated in one of the metal chairs, legs stretched completely out in front of her and the base of her skull resting on the back of it as she explains to her sister for the umpteenth time that she isn’t the victim of some sinister Luthor mind wipe.

“Stockholm!” Alex exclaims, pacing the floor in front of her. “You’ve got Stockholm!” She looks very proud of herself for drawing that conclusion, the frown that had been firmly planted for hours transforming into an eyebrow raising smile. She looks like she has just been declared the winning contestant on a game show and Kara just wants to go to sleep.

“She didn’t hold me captive in a mind prison, Alex.” She sighs tiredly. “We were dead. Well…mostly.”

It had been the wrong thing to say, that much is obvious. The lines around Alex's eyes harden once more at the reminder that she almost lost her baby sister and Kara instantly feels guilty for it. 

“Look I know this doesn’t make any sense to you. But you weren’t _there_ Alex.” She clasps her hands together and leans up, bracing her elbows on her knees.

She's grateful for whatever Gabriel did to make their transition back easier. The weighted down feeling of her limbs had receded sometime before they came up from the basement prison Alex had designed and Lena's recovery time was similar. Instead of the muscle atrophy that one would expect of a long term coma patient theirs had been more of a stiffness that comes from sitting in one place for too long. While unpleasant, it was also inconsequential. It had been another thing that had thrown Alex for a loop, though it is much closer to the bottom of the list. 

“Oh please don’t tell me this is going to be another one of those _I looked into her eyes_ things Kara. I really don’t think I could handle that today.” Alex rubs a hand down her face roughly.

The day has been hard for both of them. With Kara desperately trying to prove her point and Alex desperately searching for ways to dismantle that argument, they have both reached a limit that is bordering on unhealthy and it may be time to take a step back and regroup. “I really didn’t want to come back and fight with you. I know you don’t understand it. I still barely understand it. But it happened.” 

Alex sighs. The sheer exhale of the motion seems to blow a wind all around the room and Kara knows that she’s tired too. The redhead grabs the chair on the other side of the table and brings it around in front of her. The legs drag loudly against the concrete floor and Kara grimaces through her still heightened senses even with the earmuffs on. Alex shoots an apologetic glance her way and slumps down in the chair, touching her knees to the hero's. “It would explain why your vitals always went haywire at the same time. I never could make sense of that.”

And it isn’t an acceptance of any sort, but it is an olive branch. One that Kara will grasp onto willingly. “I had a team with her around the clock. And every single time her heartrate would spike, yours would too. I didn’t understand it. A few weeks ago, both of you spiked so high we thought you were going into cardiac arrest.”

“A few weeks ago?” 

“Yeah it was um - mid June I think?” Alex tilts her head in recollection. 

Kara feels her cheeks flush a bright fire engine red at the timeline once she considers about when that was and what they could have gotten themselves into that would have their heartrates that high. “Yeah, about that.” She mumbles, scratching aimlessly behind her ear and trying to avoid her sister’s gaze.

“Oh, gross Kara!”

Alex is on her feet again, pacing and muttering about asking J'onn for a mind wipe, and Kara thinks this is as good a spot as any to call it. They could both use some time apart to get over that embarrassment.

Kara doesn’t know what time she woke up but she knows that Lena left right around dusk. Now she can see the moon shining brightly above National City and the warm July air calls to her, begging her to take flight. Her favorite Chinese place is calling for her too. She hasn’t eaten since sometime around hour three of Armageddon and the potstickers she plans to order are already melting in her mouth. Alex senses as much, like she always does, and in the end she’s the one to voice the suggestion that they call it a night.

“Why don’t we just pick this up in the morning?” She says it like a disappointed personal trainer and Kara hates leaving a rift like this, but she also knows they aren’t getting anywhere and likely won’t be until after a good night's sleep. “Breakfast at Noonan's?” 

Kara nods eagerly. Sticky buns are close to the top of the list of things she’s missed desperately. She rises from the chair with a creak in her bones that she's never heard before, chalking it up to the lack of direct exposure to sunlight, and pulls her sister in for a hug. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She feels the way that Alex clings to her. Her fingers press deeply into her shoulder blades, as if the extra pressure will keep her there. She wants to ask her to stay here. Or to go home. To do anything but go where they both know she is. She doesn’t though. She buries those wishes in a kiss to her hair and tells her to be safe instead. 

A whoosh out of the room and the exchange of sweatpants for her newly repaired supersuit has her taking off to the sky. She shoots high in the air at first. Just because she can, just because she’s happy to be back. But the abrupt change in altitude makes her dizzy so she sticks to lower heights for the rest of her journey. 

She is under strict orders to perform no superheroing until she is medically cleared. She had pouted a little at first, but it had been a long time since she'd been in this body as strange as that sounds, so she had agreed begrudgingly. Supergirl showing up in earmuffs in this weather would garner too much attention anyway and if she can’t regulate her hearing on her own she doesn’t want to find out what other power might be particularly challenging.

She touches down in the alley by her favorite restaurant, having thought to call ahead so she's in and out within five minutes. She gains a few amused looks out on the sidewalk when she tears open the first bag and shoves three potstickers in her mouth, but she’s too tired to care. She just wants food and sleep and to keep the promise she made. 

The flight to the penthouse is a short one and she’s grateful. Her energy is depleting and her stomach is taking on a life-force of its own with the way that it growls. She all but forgets about it though the second that she sees her. 

She left the balcony doors open, they stand wide and inviting to draw her in. The lights are dimmed. Only the light above her stove is on in the kitchen, illuminating the still cooling tea kettle and she’s running a few lamps in the living room. She has blueprints spread on the coffee table, also under strict orders from one of the impartial DEO physicians not to work until cleared, but that does no good for the woman with a home office and home laboratory. 

She’s wearing her favorite sweater and a pair of extremely flattering yoga pants. Her tea is cooling on the table, she’s chewing the tip of her pen and her lips are moving slightly as she works through the problem in her head. It’s overwhelming, the sense of home that Kara feels just looking at her. Green eyes cast up to her then, as if feeling the presence hovering on her balcony. Her lips quirk up into a smile and Kara doesn’t even bother to land. 

She floats into the living room, dipping down to place the armful of takeout bags on the clear part of the table and then lands with a small _oof_ face first into Lena's lap.

The laugh that follows syncs in perfect harmony with the thump in her chest.

“What was that, darling?” She asks in response to Kara's grumbling statement made into her thighs and the blonde turns her head just enough to peer up at her. 

“I may have opened the food already on the way here, but I got those noodles you like.”

Lena's eyelashes flutter out prettily onto her cheekbones, and she runs her fingers through Kara’s hair, scratching gently at her scalp as she tells her to sit up so she can eat. Her stomach growls in response and she shuffles back into a seated position with a whine. 

Lena puts her work away, storing it neatly in the drawers of the table to have on hand for the nights her brain whirs so loud that it keeps her awake. She excuses herself while Kara unpacks the food, enough for a small army as per usual. She separates the entrees on the table, carefully pinpointing which were hers and which were Lena's by the smell and settling happily into the cushions with the desired container in hand.

Soft footfalls meet plush carpet right behind her and nimble fingers brush up her neck right as she takes the first bite of lo mien. Her body tingles from the sensation, distracting her just long enough that she doesn’t get the opportunity to protest the removal of the earmuffs. The unexpected influx of noise is muted again as discreet buds are placed in her ears and her jaw drops in wonder as Lena rounds the couch to join her. 

“I had time.” Is all she offers with a shrug and a smile that says ‘it's no big deal.’ She diverts eye contact away from Kara, making her selection from the mountain of food instead.

“I love you.” Kara says in lieu of a thank you, wonderment still evident in her tone and she watches Lena's cheeks tinge pink as she replies in kind. 

It is strange to spend so much time with a person and still miss them the instant that they’re gone. Like part of your heart that just goes out on its own in the world and you have to hope that it makes it back safe every day. That’s how she feels now.

She doesn’t think she will ever tire of Lena. She knows that she won’t. Because Lena is somehow open yet mysterious all at once. There is always more to learn, more facets of this beautiful human soul to discover. There is always more to seek. When it comes to Lena there is always more. 

Kara soaks up her company, taking in the lines around her eyes as she laughs at one of her jokes that probably isn’t even all that funny. She tries a bite of whatever it is that Lena's having and scrunches her nose playfully just to earn the swat to the chest. It isn’t even that bad, she just can’t resist the urge to tease her. 

They catch up on their hours spent apart. The impending breakfast with Alex, the project Lena started working on, the new hole in her bank account from her anonymous donation to a certain someone's health care plan. They fill each other in on the little details that they missed and when the food is successfully demolished and the conversation lulls off into yawns and easy silence they decide to call it a night. 

Lena groans at feeling her own sheets again. She splays out comfortably in the center of the mattress mumbling content nonsensical sentences about how wonderful it is. Kara slips in beside her, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to the back of her neck. She feels the other woman's breathing hitch for a moment and she has to concede that yes, this bed is pretty magical.

Lena shifts back in her arms, pressing her back firmly to Kara's front and letting out a sleepy little sigh. A thought occurs to her then. And she shouldn’t, she really shouldn’t. But she truly feels that she has been provided the perfect opportunity here and it would be such a shame to let this go to waste. 

“Okay so serious question.” She murmurs into Lena's ear and waits until she hears the hum before continuing. “Did it hurt?”

She puffs out her cheeks to contain her laughter and she feels Lena go stiff in her arms. “Don’t do this.” She's going for stern but Kara can hear the slight waiver that indicates she’s trying to keep her own laughter at bay. She can see the rise in the apple of her cheek when she bites her lip in attempt to calm herself and it only spurs her on.

“When you fell from heaven?”

“Kara.” She warns again, little splutters of laughter escaping her lips despite all her attempts to stop it.

“Because you quite literally did fall so-"

“Kara!” She twists in her arms to face her, nose to nose and rosy cheeks, dimples and a toothy smile firmly on display. “Shut _up._ ”

And then she gives her something better to do with her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I couldn't help myself.


	21. Chapter 21

As it turns out, her stocks hadn’t plummeted. A fact she had been quite pleased to find the instant she was granted access. She also did have a contingency of some sort in the event of the untimely demise of both Kara and herself. The contingency came in the form of Samantha Arias and Jess Huang who were notified fairly quickly that something was amiss when she just didn’t show up. Alex had evidently forgotten in the midst of her outrage that there are people in the world who care for the well being of Lena Luthor, or at the very least _need_ her. It was something that Sam had been happy to remind her of at length, and very loudly, so Lena has been told. 

Sam hadn’t stepped in fully, but she had stepped in enough to keep the company from going under. She and Jess along with a very competent PR team crafted a story about Lena's whereabouts that even the most respectable gossip magazines couldn't poke a hole through. And the years of seeding through the waste of what her family legacy had left behind had paid off enough to leave her with a staff and board of directors that were perfectly capable of handling things in her absence, with the occasional bit of direction. 

In the grand scheme of things, being dead had worked out for Lena. Though there are still a few...kinks.

Setting foot back into the DEO is a harrowing experience, albeit a necessary one. It has taken three months for Alex to allow her clearance, for Alex to allow her anything other than a barely there acknowledgement of her presence – which usually just constitutes her telling Kara what a mistake she's making in being with _her._ Kara, to her credit, has stood her ground. She has adamantly informed her sister that she is fully capable of making her own life choices and reminded her that she doesn’t involve herself in Alex's relationship when she starts pushing things a bit too far. Which then leads to Alex bringing up that Kelly is not a murderous psychopath – or whatever colorful expression she chooses to use that day. Then it escalates, then Kara tells Alex she loves her but will speak to her when she calms down. Rinse. Repeat. 

The reactions of the remaining superfriends had also been exactly what they had expected, though some had been swayed partially by J'onn. Brainy had come around first, insisting that while he cannot delve into details about the future, he had no reason to believe Lena intended Kara any harm. Brainy often sees the world in black and white. It is the easiest form for him to navigate. So for him it had been as simple as they both made poor choices, they have agreed to move on from those poor choices in a romantic partnership, and that was that. He stood firmly in her corner since. 

Nia was next, though she is still far more skeptical. She does believe that everyone’s life is their own to live however and she is firmly in Kara’s corner, taking into consideration that this is what makes her friend happy. She had also listened to every last detail of their journey with great interest and from that she had been able to piece together the dreams that she had while they were away. She hadn’t been able to make sense of them and admitted to giving herself a fairly hard time about it in the moment. Kara had assured her that her friends being whisked away to a magical castle in the sky isn’t something that anyone would have taken literally, not anyone of sound mind anyway. The details of Nia's dreams had been hazy at best, even as powerful as she is she never had been able to pull a clear picture of them through dimensions. One thing that had been clear to her though – a thing that Kara had found hilarious, much to the Luthor's chagrin – had been Lena's new career path in petty theft. 

All things considered, it is a work in progress. Kara had stood by her side through the worst of it and had loved her, does love her, even though it hasn’t been the warmest of homecomings. Which is why tonight, Lena has agreed to have dinner with Alex and Kelly. Something she is not looking forward to, something she knows will likely end in disaster. But she had agreed to the request immediately for Kara’s sake, knowing how much this means to her. She puts on a brave face but Lena knows the rocky relationship with one of the most important people in her life has been taking its toll and so she wants to try to make amends, even though she is marginally concerned that Alex may very well become too well acquainted with the steak knives after too many hours in her presence. 

“You're late.”

After passing through security and being thoroughly patted down, much too thoroughly for her own comfort, she comes face to face with the sharp eyes of the eldest Danvers. She’s dressed in her signature tactical gear, though Lena doesn’t remember quite that many weapons being strapped to her belt the last time she saw her, and giving Lena a glare that would melt her where she stands if she had the capability to do it. 

“I got held up in a meeting.” She replies simply, swallowing the venom that threatens to creep in at being addressed in such a way and fastens the visitor badge securely to her collar. 

Alex doesn’t respond. She just turns on her heel and begins walking toward what Lena presumes is their destination without much care if she joins her or not. 

The condescending looks follow her throughout the facility. Nearly every agent they pass fixes her with some steely glare or another. It isn’t the least bit necessary. Most of them still aren’t privy to Kara’s true identity and hold no loyalty to her whatsoever. But the subtle nod of the woman in front of her leads her to believe that they were instructed to do it, if for no other reason than to grate on her nerves.

A familiar whoosh blows in at her back as they approach the main holding area, momentarily blowing her hair in her face and she reaches up to brush the strands from her eyes. She hadn’t realized how tense she is until she instinctively unclenches her jaw in the face of Kara’s presence, immediately less rigid than she was a few moments prior. 

“Sorry I’m late. There was a fire downtown.” She presses a chaste kiss to Lena's cheek, careful not to mix the leftover soot donning her own face in with her makeup. 

They hadn’t discussed it. Kara never said she would be here. But she appears as if they had, apologetic for not arriving in time enough to walk her through the door. There isn’t a _need_ for her to be present, she knows that Lena would never ask her to be. But she somehow always manages to turn up right as Lena’s anxiety rears it’s ugly head – as much as she would like to deny that Alex's treatment of her is having any affect of the sort – so as far as she is concerned, Kara is right on time.

“It’s alright, love. I just got here.”

She leaves out the part about being frisked a little too intimately for her liking, knowing very well what Kara's reaction would be.

“Surely she is capable of doing one thing without you holding her hand.” Alex mutters lowly as she shoulders open the door, but not low enough that Lena can’t hear it.

Kara heaves out a sigh and bites her lip. She doesn’t want to cause a scene here, Lena understands that. She holds her hand anyway.

Percy's cell isn’t as constricting as hers had been. It is exceptionally larger and even holds a few of his personal affects. She recognizes the worn copy of the book he’s reading from his own collection. He sits ramrod straight on the edge of the bed as he skims the page. He doesn’t look up immediately, not until Alex announces that he has visitors. 

“Hi Percy.” Kara gives an enthusiastic wave which he acknowledges with a warm smile. 

He’s still a nervous creature. Lena suspects it is something as ingrained in his nature as skepticism is in her own. His left leg bounces ever so slightly, his eye contact is still a bit sporadic. He still looks as if he couldn’t truly relax if he tried. But he’s better.

“This is Lena. She came to meet you.”

Kara had spent some time with him over the last few months. He was still a man of few words but he had warmed up to her as most people tend to do. She sat with him for hours on one of their first nights, regaling him with stories of the trips she had taken to his home planet when she was younger. Kara said it had been like life springing forward in his eyes, to suddenly have someone who knew where he came from. Someone who had seen it. Lena knows how desperately she wishes that someone else could remember Krypton. So for her to be able to give that to another person is the greatest gift that Kara could ever hope to give. 

He nods kindly to her in greeting, though she can see the confusion on his face. Being the woman that she is though, she skips straight to business once the pleasantries and appropriate amount of small talk have been concluded.

“My development team has hit a snag in their research for artificial organs. I’m told you’re the man to see.” It is a half-truth. They're actually doing quite well, but they have not gotten nearly as far as Percy has.

His eyes grow comically wide and he looks back to Kara for affirmation. “You can trust her, Percy. I do.” The sheer conviction with which she says it earns a dazzling smile from Lena, and an unnecessarily loud scoff from Alex who has stationed herself just by the door to supervise. 

Percy had become yet another subject of argument amongst the Danvers sisters. Kara had all but begged Alex to release him. Her bleeding heart giving speech after speech that he is a good person, that he doesn’t deserve to be locked up for the rest of his life, that he can help people. This of course had only led to Alex's reminder that she had already released one lunatic to run about in the free world and that Percy had tried to bring an office building down on hundreds of people. Couple that logic with the fact that Kara wants him released so he can work with said lunatic – well, it had been an interesting exchange of ideas to say the least.

“I can assure you Percy that despite my last name, I don’t hold the bigotry of your former employer. You will be paid and recognized for any contribution you make.”

Despite preferring a direct approach when conducting business relations, the words still feel too formal on her tongue considering who she is speaking to. She feels too much like her corporate image and not enough like herself. But this version of her doesn’t know him. So as much as the human side of her may want to give a heartfelt speech about how he didn’t deserve it and he's more than his mistakes, she keeps it professional.

He sizes her up, seemingly searching for any hole in the story she sells him. It would be troublesome, the way he scrutinizes her in his unfamiliar form if she didn’t already know just what kind of man he is. But it isn’t. She understands him. Even without directly participating in such a critical part of his story, she would still understand him. So she waits.

The agreement that had been reached with Alex in the end had been that he stay in custody but he can contribute research. Then he can move to the DEO lab under her direct supervision. If all goes well he will be released on probation within the year, free to do as he pleases as long as he complies with his check ins. 

It is something Alex relays to him now and he looks eager to please, assuring them that he will help in any way that he can. And she knows now just as she knew then. It has nothing to do with the deal they’re offering or the credit for his work or everything else it should be. He accepts the offer because he trusts Kara, so in turn he trusts them.

They turn to leave once the details have been cemented. Kara initially offering to walk her out but abruptly being pulled away by a siren in the distance and Lena assures her that she can find the exit on her own. She walks toward the balcony calling the dinner reminder over her shoulder to both of them and Lena assures herself once more – prompted by the litany of curses under Alex's breath at the announcement – that she can do this. For Kara’s sake.

She is frisked again upon her departure to ensure that despite being watched as intently as a lion would watch its prey throughout the visit, she hadn’t somehow managed to steal some other piece of tech to use for nefarious purposes. It is excessive and unreasonable and borderline neurotic and Lena honestly doesn’t know if she can take much more of this. But she’s trying. _God_ she’s trying.

She knew this wouldn’t be easy. They both knew that it wouldn’t be easy. People have long memories when it comes to those they love. But Alex's relentlessness has scarcely let up over the past three months and Lena just wishes she could see how much it is hurting Kara too. She wishes she could see the look on her face when she hangs up the phone before she plasters on a smile. She wishes she could see how tiring it is for someone who works two very demanding jobs to fly halfway across the city to the apartment she rarely stays in to have a movie night with her sister, only to fly back after despite Lena’s insistence that she doesn’t have to. She wishes that Alex could see how difficult it is for her to keep two people so valuable to her so far away from each other.

It is with this thought in mind that she goes home for the day to regroup rather than back to the office. If Alex can’t meet in the middle then she will. For Kara, she always will. 

She kicks her heels off by the door and goes straight for the wine, pulling one of the more well loved bottles from the rack. She pours a less than modest amount into her favorite glass, swallows the treat along with her pride and decides that a bubble bath is the best course of action to calm her rapidly growing nerves.

She goes through the motions as best she can. She washes her hair, she moisturizes, she chooses one of her favorite high neckline dresses along with one of her favorite pairs of heels. She applies her lipstick with precision, ensures that she doesn’t have a single hair out of place and Kara picks her up at half past five as promised. And she tries her very best not to look like someone headed toward their own death march.

Now, she tugs that high collar nervously, a habit that is unbecoming of a Luthor, but she can’t resist the urge to pull on the fabric as it threatens to stifle her. She had chosen this one because it is one of the more powerful ones she owns, but now she curses herself for that choice as the tight fit seemingly cuts off her air supply. Kara rests a reassuring hand on her knee under the table, squeezing ever so slightly as if to ground her. She appreciates the sentiment and it does bring her a slight comfort, but it doesn’t change the fact that her bloodstream still feels like it’s made of razorblades every time Alex looks at her like that.

Kelly makes small talk as she pours the wine. She asks Kara how her latest article is going, asks Lena what she’s working on now, anything she can think of to fill the silence without calling to attention the elephant in the room. Lena appreciates her effort. She’s soft and attentive, accommodating in all the ways she can be. She wonders if that’s the therapist in her, but something tells her that’s just Kelly. Nurturing and open minded and giving Alex knowing looks when she glares a little too hard.

Lena doesn’t blame Alex. She supposes if she had a sibling that was worth as much care as one can put into Kara, she would behave in a similar fashion. Perhaps a bit more brutal, courtesy of her upbringing. But still, she expected this. She expected worse and she thinks it may be Kelly’s influence that tames her down to the level she’s currently on. That level being one word answers when directly spoken to and little to no eye contact, except for when she’s staring daggers at her of course. There is no way to remedy the hatred Alex feels, and it’s hatred she feels rightfully. Lena still can barely form the sentence in her head, but she knows what she did is unforgivable. It is a sin that will weigh heavier than the burdens of her family name. It is something she tarnished, and no amount of good deeds will ever change that.

“- And Snapper only yelled at me twice today, which is a miracle in itself.” Kara laughs in a way that lights up her eyes, her hair falls in loose tendrils onto her white sweater. She’s engaging mostly with Kelly, though Lena gives input here and there. She thanks Kelly politely for dinner, complements the new necklace she’s wearing, but it feels like a performance. Just the series of events that lead to the climax in a movie and any moment now, the other shoe will drop.

After a disquieting experience, the plates are cleared away. Kelly offers dessert but no one quite has the stomach for it, except Kara who shuffles nervously in her seat not wanting to be the only one who takes Kelly up on the offer. The other woman just smiles knowingly and tells her she will pack some up for them. 

The minutes after are filled with more awkward silence. More of Alex brooding and swirling around the amber liquid in her glass. She has opted for the harder stuff now that dinner is over and much like Kara with the dessert, Lena wishes she had the courage to ask for some herself. Kelly starts the dishes and Lena stands to offer her help, not able to take another moment with nothing to do. And that’s when it happens.

“You’ve already corrupted my little sister, Luthor. I’m not about to let you sink your claws into my girlfriend too.”

Lena is impressed by two things. First, that Alex made it completely through the meal. Second, the comment was considerably benign compared to what she expected.

“Alex-" Kara warns from beside her, a slight waiver in her tone, “You promised.”

Alex's eyes harden and she throws back the remaining liquid in the glass, slamming it down on the table once she’s finished. “I promised you dinner, Kara. Not family bonding time with your head case.”

Okay, then. Slightly less benign. 

“Nope, that’s it. We're leaving.” Kara throws the napkin she still held clenched in her hand onto her plate and stands. She’s calm but firm, shrugging on her jacket that she had draped over the back of her chair as if she had prepared for this exact outcome. As if she expected to make a hasty exit from a dinner she so desperately wanted to go well, and Lena feels a new wave of resentment for Alex, along with a new wave of guilt for herself. 

Alex doesn’t seem at all bothered by the abrupt departure. Instead she reaches for the bottle at the corner of the table and pours herself another drink. “How _did_ you do it Lena?” She remains seated in a show of dominance, proof that she doesn’t have to rise to their level to show she has the upper hand. Her fingers dance carefully along the tip of the bottle, rocking it from side to side as she speaks. “Did you stage a few good moments where you could play hero? Get her to trust you again?” She pauses to search for her next thought and snaps her fingers in recognition. “Oh I know! You told her how you’ve always loved her, told her you were sorry and that you didn’t mean to hurt her right? That it was an accident. All to get her back in your good graces so you can use her.”

“Alex that’s enough.” Kara warns again, though this time with more bite behind it. The kind to let her know that she’s dancing a very fine line.

“-drain her dry.”

Kelly steps in then, hearing the raise of Kara's voice from her spot at the sink. She comes up behind Alex and places a reassuring hand on her shoulder, leaning down to speak softly to her. “Come on babe. Let it go.”

“You are _poison_.” She says, dangerously low and looking at Lena as if she wants to kill her right then and there. It is the statement that finally breaks Kara. 

“That is ENOUGH!” Two super powered palms strike the table, sending an audible crack through the cherry oak and causing two of the four women to jump in surprise. “You will not speak to her like that, Alex. I’ve tolerated this and I’ve let you say your peace but I am done allowing you to treat her this way.”

“So what? You’re just going to keep this up? Parading around like a happy little puppet for the woman who tried to kill you?” Alex asks, eyebrows raised and ready to fight this to the death if she has to.

“I love her!” Kara fans her hands out, voice straining under the pressure she puts into the statement. “You can accept it or not but it’s not going to change.” She says it with an air of finality, a take it or leave it mindset that Lena has never heard spill from her lips in all the years she’s known her and its startling. Sobering in a way that she doesn’t expect. 

She never wanted _this._ This rift that she caused between two people who mean the world to each other. Who fight every day to protect each other. She ruined this. Of all the things she’s done she never wanted to ruin _this._ It is by far one of the most sacred bonds she has ever been privileged enough to see. And yet here she is, standing right in the middle as it all falls in shambles, leaving a pile of rubble at her stiletto covered feet. 

Kara ushers them for the door, bidding one last thanks and goodnight to Kelly. And she doesn’t deserve it either. Kind, patient, forgiving Kelly doesn’t deserve to have to pick up the pieces of something Lena broke and it settles a new weight in her chest. She walks them to the door, giving Kara a hug and promising she'll talk to Alex. She even spares a soft look to Lena, one of acceptance that she knows she doesn’t deserve and she places a hand on her shoulder as she thanks her for coming.

The world doesn’t deserve Kelly Olsen any more than it deserves Kara Danvers. And Lena doesn’t deserve either of them.

The ride back to her penthouse is quiet. She pulls her coat tighter around her shoulders to ward off the chill, the autumn air still seeming biting even from inside car. Kara stares out the window in thought with her hands nestled in her own lap. She doesn't reach for Lena as she normally would. She doesn't make one comment about the new restaurant they just passed. She just sits stiffly, uncharacteristically silent under the glow of the various stoplights that dance colorfully in her hair and cling to the strands.

The shared elevator ride is quiet too, as is the entry to the place they’ve spent so much of their time. They had yet to spend a night apart since returning home, one always making themselves comfortable in the other’s space. It seemed pointless to backtrack. After spending so many months on end in the same place it only felt right to continue. But now this place is tainted too. Haunted by the ghosts of memories that are sure to linger long after Kara goes. The thought alone makes her shiver. 

They shrug their coats off by the door and hang them on the rack. Kara heads straight for the kitchen but stops at the island as if suddenly realizing their was no point in the trip. It had been aimless, a filler for not knowing what to do and so it had been a motion she'd settled on. Lena stands with her back against the couch to brace herself for the inevitable landslide. Kara grips the countertop and exhales deeply. But what she says is not what Lena expects. Instead of the impending dismissal she gets tearful blue eyes, hidden by black framed lenses.

“I’m so sorry she said that to you.” She looks small and guilty. She looks as if she wishes she could stop time and reverse back to when things weren’t so heavy. “I promise I won’t ask you to sit through that ever again.”

The words break Lena. They tear at her insides and shatter her heart. Kara blames herself for this. And she’s in the midst of throwing away the most important thing in the world to her. And as much as she loves her, as much as she never wants her to leave, Lena can’t allow that to happen.

“You should listen to her, you know.” She finds she can’t meet Kara’s eyes as she says it, the words that are shadowed by her own selfish nature don’t sound genuine even to her ears. So she can’t look at her. Instead she focuses on the stain on her living room floor. A spill of some kind that she doesn’t remember, but never bothered to clean. “I’m not good for you.”

Self-deprecating isn’t a route she planned to take but instinctively chooses.

“Lena please don’t.” _Don’t make me choose. Don’t make me say it. Don’t, don’t, don’t_

“Don’t what? Tell you the truth?” She laughs in disbelief. She finds she can look up for this. The dismissal is so ridiculous that she finds the will to look at her. Because she needs her to see, as much as she doesn’t want her to. “You’re literally throwing away the most important thing in the world to you for someone who tried to kill you!”

“Don’t you dare tell me how I feel!” There is a fire in her eyes that Lena rarely sees and her hands grip dangerously harder on the marble, knuckle white and flexing. “Don’t you dare try to downplay my feelings for you and justify it by saying I should listen to the person who has crossed every line to disrespect the woman I love!” Despite her love being something she shares so freely, it still sends a shockwave to her heart at hearing it phrased in such a way. “Don’t you dare try to pretend this is all on you when you know damn well I’m just as guilty.” She adds the latter quietly.

“You only did it as a response to my own actions.”

Kara shakes her head in frustration, reeling from the comment and trying to keep herself under control. But that is what it all comes down to. It is a thought she hadn’t voiced yet. She didn’t know if she ever would but now it comes in with the force of a hurricane, ready to destruct.

“I’m not doing this with you, Lena. We agreed to start over, clean slate. And that is what we're doing. So you can try to push me away all you want but I’m not moving.”

There always had been a steel underneath those pastel cardigans. Something she found to be quite literal later, but there is a strength to Kara that goes deeper than the surface. It intertwines with her heritage, wraps around who she is at her core. It is what prompted her to stand up for Lena, what kept her by her side going against everything that everyone else said. And she’s still doing it now. Still putting everything she loves on the line and pouring her faith and her love into someone who brought her so much pain and Lena cannot for the life of her understand it. 

“What if she never accepts it? What if she never comes around?” 

“She will.” Kara’s belief in this is strong too. Stronger than anything that tries to rip her apart. But Lena needs her to see. She needs her to see what it is she’s really giving up. 

“Kara, what if she doesn’t?” Her voice is softer now, as if the lower volume will somehow paint the picture more clearly. She folds her arms protectively around herself and waits. She sees the way Kara rocks forward on her heels. The way she bites her lip, the tinge of pink on her ears that peeks out underneath the curtain of hair. And just when she thinks she has broken through, just when she thinks that this is it, Kara surprises her again.

“Then it would suck, okay?!” Her lips tremble and she throws her hands up, slapping them harshly against her thighs as they come down. “It would suck but I – “ She falters. She falters and she looks to the ceiling, all the muscles in her neck tensed to prevent the impending waterfall of tears from flowing out freely. “I can’t lose you. I won’t.” Her eyes lock back onto Lena's, so earnest and so full of love and longing and she still cannot just accept it. She cannot wrap her head around the ‘why.’

So she asks. She asks the question that has plagued her since the dinner, the one that rests right on the tip of her tongue in all its unfiltered glory. “Why Kara? Why are you willing to just throw away your relationship with the most important person in your life for me?”

“Because I don’t want to wake up next to my sister when I’m eighty!” 

All the air gets sucked out of the room, being vacuumed into the dead of the night. A strange tension settles in its place and Lena's eyebrows lift in surprise at the comment. And for a few long moments they just stare, they let the implication of that statement sink in because it is one thing to assume. But it is another thing to confirm the longevity of it. Then Kara's fingers travel to the bridge of her nose and rest there. Her breaths are heavy, coming out in inpatient huffs as she wills herself to finish with complete clarity. “I have spent my entire life hiding who I am for her. I fit myself in a little box and when I finally broke out of it, I did that for her. Everything that I have ever done has been for her, but this?” She gestures between the two of them. “This is everything I could have ever wanted and I’m not going to give it up no matter how much anyone wants me to. Nobody ever gave me a choice but now I have one and I’m choosing you. So can you please stop being so fucking self sacrificing and let me?”

And it’s like all the world is quiet. Like nothing else exists past her and Kara and the conviction with which she chooses her. And the logical part of her brain wants to argue, wants to point out all the reasons she shouldn’t, wants to push and push until she runs. But Kara always had been an unmovable force. Courageous and just, confident and so very stubborn. And the selfish part of her brain wants to accept it. Wants to let her in and let her stay for as long as she wants to. The battle in her head is not a new one. It has been present most of her life in some form or another and now it renders her silent. 

Kara takes that silence as her opening. 

She crosses the room slowly, rounds the bar and comes face to face with her. The tips of her socked feet touching Lena's as she cups her jaw and says it again. “I choose you.”

Her kiss starts off slow, languid, almost innocent. But it doesn’t stay that way. It turns into something heated, borderline possessive. The kind that makes her toes curl and makes the world stop. Her heart beats so loudly she can hear the rush of blood in her own ears and Kara smiles into the kiss knowing that it is the exact affect she would have. Strong hands reach down to grip at her waist, pulling her flush against her chest. She can feel the longing, the complete certainty with which Kara kisses her and she knows there is no point in arguing. Her mind is made up. 

Kara leads her to bed with the same certainty, the unbridled need to show her that she means it and Lena follows. Lena will always follow. They knock picture frames from the walls in her hallway. Kara’s shirt gets discarded somewhere along the way and there is a sizeable headprint left in one of her very expensive paintings, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care about anything except getting free of her clothes and letting Kara do whatever she wants with her as long as she keeps making her feel this way.

Kara rips her dress open at the foot of the bed, freeing her abruptly from that stifling neckline in a casual display of strength that makes Lena melt despite the price tag. It isn’t often that Kara makes it a point to destroy her wardrobe, mostly having the polite frame of mind that everything Lena owns is ridiculously expensive, but the occasional display of power turns her on and she knows it. If she didn’t know before, the whine that left Lena's throat at the gesture would have been clear indication. So she rips off the rest of it too, leaving her naked and wanting, quivering and pliant under the tips of her fingers.

Kara sits on the edge of the bed, shuffling backwards until she’s resting against the headboard and pulls Lena with her until she's straddling her lap. She kisses her jaw, under her ear, down her neck. Her head lolls to the side, low moans spilling from the back of her throat as nimble fingers move across her chest, thumbing over stiff peaks while Kara’s mouth still rests at the base of her throat. 

She teases her, works over her body in ways that no one else ever could and when Lena is reduced to a pleading, whimpering mess, only then does she touch her where she needs her so desperately. Only then does she snake a hand between their bodies and sink inside Lena with precision, in the exact way she knows that she likes.

“Kara.” It’s a needy whisper, caught somewhere between a moan and a sob. Kara responds with a hand in her hair, ridding her of her signature ponytail and tugs. She pulls her head back gently, much more gently than she could and assaults Lena’s neck with breathy _I choose you's_ like it’s the only thing she wants her to hear for the rest of forever.

Lena braces down on her shoulders, clawing at impenetrable skin and Kara groans. Murmuring her name like it’s the most fascinating word in the English language. Like it’s the best thing she’s ever tasted in her own mouth. “You feel so good, Lena.” She punctuates it with a kiss, a tug at Lena's bottom lip with her teeth and Lena cries out into her mouth as she sinks in deeper.

Her thighs tighten around Kara's waist, legs quaking from trying to stay upright and she feels herself slipping as she races closer to the edge. Kara’s hand settles between her shoulder blades, an effortless attempt at holding her upright when she feels like the ground may cave beneath her. “Fuck, don’t stop.”

Kara thrusts with purpose, seeking deep inside her and lighting her nerve endings on fire one by one as she comes undone on her fingers. Lena surges forward, arms circling around Kara’s neck as she buries her face in her shoulder, coming with a strangled cry of her name in her ear. The hand between her shoulders holds her tighter, allowing her to shudder and quake and fall apart in her arms. And when she calms, when the last wave subsides and the world goes still, she just feels safe in the way that only Kara can make her feel. 

Life goes on around them. Her neighbors argue on the next floor down. Horns blare outside and a siren sounds a few blocks over. But Kara makes no move to leave. She moves a hand to Lena’s cheek and urges her back to look at her. Nothing lays between them except little breaths of air, Kara’s heart still beats wildly in time with her own as she presses their foreheads together. 

“No matter what happens.” She promises. And she means it through whatever challenges they’re sure to face. It reaches a part of Lena that only she can touch and it washes whatever doubts she had from her mind.

“No matter what happens.” She whispers back, eyes drifting closed in tranquility and getting lost in the night. 

And Kara chooses her.


	22. Epilogue Part 1

_February 21, 2021_

Lena makes her heart do somersaults. And jubilant tap dances that are mildly off key, but it's fine because it’s fun. Lena is the song she can’t get out of her head. The one that filters in randomly, crackling to life with no prompting at all and before she knows it, she’s dancing to a beat only she can hear. Lena makes her fly without ever leaving the ground. Early in the mornings with bed head and sleepy smiles. An hour later stepping out of the bedroom in a three piece suit, securing her watch and looking like an absolute goddess. In the middle of the day when Kara flies through her balcony window to bring her lunch and catches the end of a conference call that makes her weak in the knees when she gets to hear her CEO voice. And now. Her heart is doing somersaults specifically right now because she is just in the middle of giving the barista at Noonan's her typical coffee order when she hears the high pitched frequency of Lena’s watch somewhere between large and extra caramel. 

She rushes to the exit without even bothering to make an excuse, dropping the exact change for a drink she can’t even take with her and letting it spin away on the counter – a fact she may regret later being that she is such a regular here. But for now she barely acknowledges the strange looks of the patrons, she doesn’t stop to consider if she moved at a human pace or not. No, she just shoves the door open a touch too hard and makes a dash for the alley where she shoots into the sky before her suit fully materializes. And she knows that Alex is going to give her an earful about that later. 

Future Kara Problem – check.

Lena never uses the watch. Never. She hasn’t had a need to. Luckily things have been rather quiet on the assassination front since sometime before their extended vacation. Whether it is another after affect of Gabriel not wanting all his hard work flushed down the cosmic toilet so soon or if people have finally stopped wanting to kill the last free Luthor she still isn’t quite certain, but she wasn’t going to argue. She also wasn’t going to bet Lena's life on her faith in mankind either so she may or may not have taken part in helping her design a gun that is similar to the DEO models. A gun that would take down anything, just in case. Which makes it all the more terrifying that she is actually using the watch.

Today is supposed to be a nice day. Her article is almost finished, her villain of the week already captured, she has a game night planned later for most of her friends – sister still excluded but they’re working on it. And it is the start of a three day weekend. _The_ three day weekend in which she will be packing up the rest of her apartment and officially turning in her keys, marking the day that Lena’s home officially becomes hers. So it is supposed to be a very nice day. Only her brilliant, loving, reckless other half has decided it is a nice day for a dive off the L-Corp balcony which is absolutely not something that Kara had in mind.

Her heart stutters as if it has suddenly forgotten the steps to the song as she watches Lena fall. She’s flying much faster than the speed of sound and yet it somehow still feels like it happens in slow motion. But that’s how things have always felt when it comes to her, somehow fast and slow all at once. Time flies and time crawls and Kara struggles to keep up. 

The force from the wind has undone the buttons of her blazer, one of her shoes has already dropped to the sidewalk and Kara knows she’s going to be pissed about that. They're her favorite. She jumped off backwards which is helpful for two reasons, she’s easier to catch and she doesn’t have to see how long the drop is. Her blind faith in Kara is something that would also make her heart swell – if she weren’t currently so preoccupied in preventing her death. 

Kara catches her somewhere around the twentieth floor, she can tell because she sees her favorite snack machine through the window. While L-Corp does pride itself in seeing to it the employees have proper nourishment – a business perk totally signed off and approved by Kara Danvers – this particular machine is far superior to all others because it houses three of her favorite all time snacks _and_ it never gets jammed. It’s a win win. 

Lena is breathless and much paler than usual which she supposes is reasonable. She lands in her arms with an _oomph_ and promptly clings to her shoulders tight enough that it would hurt her if it could. Her eyes are still screwed shut and she’s taking very deep breaths as she tries to calm herself. “You are actually here, right? This isn’t some other wild interpretation of the afterlife? Because it’s been a very long day.”

“I’m here.” She lets out her own sigh of relief at having made it in time, pressing her forehead to Lena's with no regard for anyone undoubtedly watching and feels her heart slow down to a familiar waltz. “And there are no castles or flamboyant angels anywhere in the immediate vicinity.”

“Good.” She feels the slight nod against her head at the confirmation but Lena still doesn’t move. “Now that you’re here, your latest inmate evidently has a brother who isn’t very happy with his predicament. Which I would have been happy to handle if my gun hadn’t jammed, hence why I decided to skydive.” She rushes the explanation out in a way that is more characteristically Kara, all in one breath and a tick too fast. But it does the trick. 

Kara floats them back up, scanning through the office while she’s still a few floors down and sees that he's still in there. He likely hadn’t expected Lena to jump off her balcony. His plan was probably to use her for leverage of some sort to get his brother back. But Kara assumes that he stuck around because he expected her to show up. Best not leave him disappointed.

The take-down is fairly easy. She uses her heat vision to disarm him, taking him by surprise and sending him stumbling back into the wall. She sits Lena down gently on her balcony, over to the right, just outside of the line of fire. She's still pale, still down a shoe and still irritated. But she’s in one piece and that’s all Kara really cares about. From there it is as simple as striding into the office, roughing him up perhaps a little more than necessary and dragging him out by the collar. And if she also flies a bit faster than necessary to the DEO van now waiting on the street to contain him, well it is windy today. 

Once he's cuffed, lectured and locked up securely in the back she gives a nod to the agents and ascends back to the top floor of the building, discarded Louboutin in hand.

Lena has made her way back inside and is perched exasperatedly in her chair. Her legs are stretched out, her forehead rests against her fist, elbow propped on her desk. Her cheeks are flushed from the cold, hair in disarray and in spite of that she still looks so undeniably beautiful that Kara sometimes wonders if she's even real at all.

“I have to say. I see why you buy these.” Kara says, examining the shoe from her place by the door. “There’s not a scratch on it. Definitely worth the money.”

Lena laughs then, a nervous breathy sound and Kara's heart mimics it. “Well thank God it missed the pedestrians. Though it would make for an interesting headline.”

Her dry sense of humor has always been one of Kara’s favorite things. She shouldn’t laugh but _Luthor Heiress, Stiletto Murderer_ or some equally ludicrous thing prints itself in her mind on the front page column and she can’t help herself. “Well, I bet Lillian would love it.” She comments, walking over to Lena and kneeling at her feet to put it back on for her. 

Once the last lace is tied, Kara rests a hand on her ankle, feeling the coolness of her bare skin and looks up to find green eyes peering down at her. Lena is looking at her so fondly, so tenderly as if something as simple as putting on her shoe tops anything that anyone has ever done for her. “Thank you.”

And Kara's heart dances straight out of her chest and into the palm of Lena's hand.

“Did you really have to dive off the balcony?” Her smile is teasing but it is a legitimate question, reminding her of a similar speech about climbing up on bridges that seems so long ago now.

“I knew you'd catch me. But I'll try not to make it a habit.” She leans forward in her chair, cupping Kara’s cheek and the hero instinctively leans into her touch. She memorizes the feeling of her palm, the exact placement of the lines and the stroke of her fingers, stowing it away as she does with all her favorite things. “Now if you would be so kind as to take me home for the day, Supergirl. I think a rogue alien breaking into my office gives me reason enough to play hooky.” 

Her eyes twinkle mischievously and she stands to gather her things at Kara’s nod. She places the gun in her purse to work on later, shrugs her arms through her coat and does a survey of her personal items. She buzzes her assistant to dismiss her and then turns to Kara expectantly with a tilt of her head.

“You know, there are plenty of other excuses to leave work at a reasonable hour without nearly getting killed.” The hero muses, holding her arms open in response. Lena gives her a pointed look. “I’m just saying.” 

_May 14, 2021_

The DEO has always been quiet on Sundays. Kara always used to joke that even criminals considered it a day of rest. It usually means a lazy day for Supergirl. A lazy day spent making pancakes and finding some new show to obsess over on Netflix. It usually meant a day off for both of them. No deadlines, no articles, no mergers, no inventions. A time to just _be_ in their crazy lives. But this Sunday is different. This Sunday holds a break in at the lab at L-Corp, officially tying Lena up for most of the afternoon and Kara left to her own devices. Which translates to mind-numbing boredom and bugging her sister for something to do. And then inevitably being shooed away because Alex herself has nothing to do but paperwork. Which then turns into Kara's opportunity to do something that she’s been meaning to do for months but had never gotten around to and is now on a time crunch.

She sits down at the empty control station and the computer whirs to life. She enters the unnecessary amount of access codes because really – they’re literally inside the base of operations but the DEO has access codes for their access codes and she finds after a few minutes of poking around that what she's looking for in particular requires a much higher clearance than most. A director level clearance, a Kara can't even access her own medical records clearance and she really doesn’t want to elicit Alex's help for this. In fact, there are not enough words in existence to express how much she does not want to elicit her help for this and she can’t get Lena to hack it either. She’s definitely capable but Kara is not very good at keeping secrets – the ones involving capes aside – and she doesn’t want to tip her off. 

She knows that special occasions aren’t really a big deal to Lena. She doesn’t make a fuss over them. She would much rather be surprised with flowers just because or a romantic date on a random Wednesday for no other reason than Kara just wanted to. She doesn’t celebrate her birthday, she’s not a fan of holidays, but she goes for Kara's sake. She doesn’t like to call attention to special events because she feels that it makes them less special, though Kara thinks the way the Luthors paraded her around at parties may have had a deeper influence than she admits. But this day is important. And it will still be a surprise, Kara reasons, because Lena has no idea when it is. Nor does she, which is why she needs access to her medical records so that she can make a solid educated guess. 

It turns out Lena’s are kept under lock and key also, which is as surprising as it is annoying. They require the same director level clearance and Kara lets out a frustrated grumble. She also slams the mouse down a tad too aggressively and then tries to look over her shoulder nonchalantly to make sure no one saw that. She lets out a relieved breath when she finds she is alone in the room. It is short lived though because right as she is about to scurry off to the storage room to replace the equipment that is now crumbled in her right hand, Alex appears out of nowhere.

“What did that mouse ever do to you?”

Kara jumps at the sudden intrusion, her intense focus having overshadowed her superhearing and Alex raises her eyebrows. She looks…amused. Which is definitely preferable to her being angry but Kara is still mildly irritated at having been caught. 

“Heyyy Alex. What brings you by?” Kara takes the remnants of the offending object and hides it behind her back. A pointless reaction, but an instinctual one all the same. 

“Well I came to see if you wanted to grab dinner but now I’m much more interested in why you’re attempting to access director level information.” She points at the message on the screen and Kara shrinks a little in her seat. 

She debates lying, making up some elaborate story about why she needs the information but ultimately decides delivering the truth while omitting the reason is the best plan. “I was just trying to get my medical records from last year. I didn’t know you had made them ‘super’ proof.”

Alex chuckles a bit at the pun. “I made them everyone proof.” And it’s just like her really, overprotective, cautious. Normally good qualities but they've proven to be a nuisance on occasion. Like right now for example. “I can put in the passcode if you really want to see them, but if you have a specific question I can probably answer it faster than it would take you to sift through months of vital checks and blood samples.”

And it is meant to be helpful, Kara knows that. In fact, over the last few months Alex has been nothing but helpful and accommodating. She gives her days off when she asks, comes out for lunch when she asks, she’s even been nice to Lena. If one could count basic civility and an if-you-don’t-have-anything-nice-to-say mindset as being nice. It had been a giant leap for Alex. One born from weeks of radio silence and multiple lectures from Kelly had her coming to Kara with a mumbled apology. By December she had managed to be in the same room with her for more than an hour. By March they tried dinner again and no insults were thrown. Every attempt had been done in small doses, but each had been better than the last so Kara can’t complain. Alex may not be overjoyed, she may not be ready to welcome Lena back with open arms but she has accepted now that she can’t change it. And that’s all Kara needed her to do anyway.

“I could always speed read it.” She tries, but realizes a moment too late that it only makes her look more suspicious. 

“You could. Or you could just tell me what it is that has you acting so twitchy.” Alex folds her arms and gives her best director impression leaving Kara to really consider the alternative. Asking Lena to hack in and begging her not to ask why because it’s a surprise seems like an infinitely better option than explaining this to her overbearing big sister.

“Actually, I don’t think I want to know. Might be too traumatic.” She rises from the chair and thumbs over her shoulder. “Still want to get dinner? I'm starving. Let’s go.”

“Uh uh.” Alex stops her with a hand on her chest. “You’re not going to have your girlfriend hack my system again. Tell me what you want to know and then we can get dinner.”

And Kara debates it. Really and truly debates it because it is very important to her that she can plan this accordingly. Perhaps even important enough to suffer through this awful conversation. In the end, her desire to make this perfect wins out.

“Fine. Remember when you said there was a day where Lena and I both sounded like we were going into cardiac arrest?” Alex looks at her curiously, but nods. “Do you remember the date?”

“Well yeah, but are you guys having some kind of lingering affects from that?” Kara tries very hard to keep the onslaught of memories of those ‘affects' from coming to the forefront of her brain while having this extremely awkward chat. “Because I know I’m not Lena's biggest fan -" Understatement - “But if she's having some sort of health issue I can help.”

Kara really wants to put her out of her misery, but she doesn’t think the truth would accomplish that. “No, Lena’s fine. We're both fine. In great health. Just dandy-"

“Then why-" 

“Oh my Rao.” Kara clicks her tongue and shifts nervously on her feet. _She's really going to make me say this._ “Because I want to do something nice for our anniversary but there aren’t calendars in heaven and I don’t know the date!”

The moments that follow stretch on for what seems like hours. The accompanying silence bringing several noises that usually fade to the background to life. The leaky faucet on the third floor, the generator in the control room that really needs to be checked out by maintenance, the sound of the janitor wringing out the mop in the bucket and whistling a little tune. All of these happening simultaneously as she watches the emotions cross her sister’s face. Confusion, realization and then absolute horror as it finally sinks in. “Jesus fucking – June fourteenth!”

“Thank you!” Kara throws her hands up gratefully and Alex turns her back to pace the floor. She's back to the asking J'onn for a mind wipe solution and Kara just wants to erase the last five minutes or sink into the floor. Either one is fine. 

“Just – have her hack the server next time, please.” Alex says, defeated when she can finally face her again. 

“You asked.” Kara shrugs, her own embarrassment faltering in the face of her sister’s. Alex sighs.

“Lets just go get dinner and forget this ever happened.”

“Deal.” She nods, happy to put this behind them and discards the crumpled mouse on the workstation to be handled later.

The redhead throws an arm around her shoulders and starts leading them toward the exit. “So do you um-" Her voice falters for a moment as if she’s trying to find the right words to continue. “Need help with the anniversary surprise?”

And despite the slight grimace with which she says it, the question suddenly becomes the best gift that Kara has ever been given.

_June 16, 2021_

Superheroing is not all it is cracked up to be. It is supposed to bring forth a feeling of gratification. A sort of inner peace, the nirvana that Gabriel babbled on about. And don’t get her wrong, most days it does. Most days it is a thrilling, satisfying, wondrous experience. But now she is exhausted from her latest solar flare, pissed off at the reason behind it because of all the days of all the weeks of all the years to do this, some unknown alien species that they have never encountered decided to invade earth six days before the anniversary surprise she had been planning for the past month. 

It had been more of an inconvenience than anything. They hadn’t done their research on the planet, had no idea what they were getting themselves into which made them fairly easy to defeat – if you can consider reconfiguring a transmatter portal in such a way that it can open anywhere with just the click of a button and delivering a super sonic punch to a spaceship to knock it through at least three solar systems to be easy. For Kara it had resulted in an arm broken in three places, a fall from the sky that could rival the back to earth plunge from heaven and a three day nap under the sun lamps. 

The most productive thing about the entire experience had been Alex accepting the assistance offered from Lena and Percy to build the device, then reluctantly notifying Lena of Kara’s tumble from the sky. From what she is told Lena blew a huge acquisition over it, rushing out of her office before Alex even finished her sentence and the two managed the most consecutive length of time in the same room together yet. 

When Kara finally woke up three days later still powerless and with a splitting headache, Lena had been curled up in a chair at her bedside wearing a hoodie she specifically recognized as one belonging to her sister. And maybe it wasn’t matching friendship bracelets, but it was definitely a start. Lena’s eyes flew open the moment Kara shifted in the bed, the bags under them another telling sign of just how long she'd been there and how much rest she'd missed. But she still smiled Kara’s favorite smile and presented her with her anniversary gift once word of her recovery had been passed along through all appropriate channels and she had cuddled up to Kara’s side on the too small bed. The necklace was beautiful, but the best part was knowing that Lena had in fact hacked the DEO of her own volition and tinkered away in her workshop to make something that would survive all super duties. She had blushed attractively while admitting to how she obtained the information and since the cat was mostly out of the bag Kara had regaled her with her own traumatic experience. Lena laughed until her sides hurt and promised to teach her a crash course in Hacking 101. 

So now, one solar flare, one call to reschedule, and one curious Lena Luthor in her arms later, she zips up the Irish coastline. It had been hard to procure the place on such short notice, especially on her salary. Though she is saving a considerable amount of money in rent now. She had protested at first, insisting that she will not live off Lena’s fortune no matter how rich she is, which only earned an appreciative smile and a reminder that _I own the building, darling._ Lena humors her by letting her cover most of the grocery expenses, though Kara does notice that her wallet never seems to run low on cash. But some things aren’t worth the argument.

Lena stares down at the coastline, doing her best to conquer her fear of heights if only because she doesn’t want to miss this. Her questions had ceased as they flew over the ocean, something that Kara had tried to get through as quickly as possible. She tried before the trip to offer the alternative, to just take a jet, but Lena had insisted she would be fine. Though she may have regretted that decision at the first sight of hundreds of miles of the Atlantic. Kara will offer again for the trip home. She'll probably receive the same response, but she'll give the out all the same. 

The June air was warm but it had grown increasingly cooler the closer they became and she was glad she urged Lena to bundle up, for this and for the next part which she’s kind of excited about. The sun is just setting as they make their arrival, bathing the coastline in a kaleidoscope of colors and Kara is content just watching Lena take it all in. The setting sun brings out the gold in her eyes, an auburn hue lights the edges of her dark hair and she gets to see the exact moment it dawns on her where she is.

“You didn’t.” She says in disbelief, looking at Kara slack jawed and wide eyed.

“I did.” 

She lands softly on the bridge just outside Dunluce Castle. She lowers Lena down, allowing her a moment to get her bearings again and watches the emotions dance across her face. The smell of the ocean somehow seems even stronger than it did while they were flying over it. The waves crash against the jagged rocks at the bottom of the cliff and Kara has to admit it is quite breathtaking. She had seen it once when she booked the private tour, needing to do so in person since she had been using the Supergirl card. They had been happy to oblige her request, apparently it isn’t every day that an actual superhero tries to book this venue. And looking at Lena now she’s so glad she did. 

Her hands are cupped over her mouth and she looks to Kara with the kind of love that words don’t exist for. The kind that can conquer worlds and make even the most cynical person have hope for something more. The kind that will last until the final star in the universe burns out and will then light up the night like magic. Like billions of fireflies and thousands of suns. The kind that is forever plus an infinite number of days. So yes, the view is beautiful, but it is so much better with her in it.

Kara guides her up the bridge with a hand on the small of her back and fights the urge to chuckle that she’s rendered her so speechless that even her legs don’t seem to work properly. The trek isn’t a long one, not from the place that she landed and they’re greeted by an overly excitable man who immediately puts her in mind of their heavenly case worker. 

“It is an honor to meet you, Supergirl.” He says, shaking her hand in a very swift motion and shifting back and forth on his feet. “And Miss Luthor I am a huge fan. It is so wonderful to have you both.” He grips onto Lena’s hand with the same amount of enthusiasm and Kara doesn’t miss her surprise at the gesture.

He leads them through the grounds after a few more moments of gushing, sharing the history as he goes along and they absorb it all in. Basking in the stories told that aren’t nearly as exciting if only going by the pamphlet. He shows them the best view of the coastline, the ocean that seems to stretch on forever and Lena is mesmerized. She clings to the details as tightly as she clings to Kara’s hand and after they've explored all there is to see out in the open he finally leads them inside.

It was months after they'd arrived home that Lena shared her reasoning for dreaming up a castle and though it wasn’t hard to guess it had been even more captivating to hear from her point of view. She explained that she loves the way they stand the test of time, surviving when they shouldn’t. Getting battered by the elements and though they may crumble around the edges, they still remain. It is why this one in particular is her favorite. This is the one that made it into her childhood stories, the one that her mother described right on the edge of the ocean. The one in ruins that somehow still stands in all the ways that matter. It is how Lena sees herself, in shambles but still standing. And Kara just sees her as brave.

She lets her explore. Let’s her run her hands along the ruined walls, lets her live everything she ever dreamed about. And maybe it isn’t a castle in the sky but the look on her face tells her this is better. This is something real, something she can feel on the tips of her own fingers and carry with her all the days of her life. Something that Kara vows to repeat. It may take years to explore every castle in Ireland, but Kara will carry her here until their hair turns gray if she’s going to keep smiling like that. 

Once the darkness settles, the man leads them back outside, thanking them again for coming and wishing them well. Kara assures him that he can go, they’re just going to stay for a few more minutes and then head to the lodging she booked for the night. But there is just one more thing. And so just like she asked with Lena in sweatpants on a throne she repeats the question. “Are you ready for the best part?” 

And Lena nods, just as excitable as she was a year ago, just as disbelieving but eager to be proven wrong. And Kara unclips her cape, wrapping it snugly around Lena’s shoulders and floats them up to the sky. Despite just taking a flight across the ocean to get here, the simple gesture has Lena looking at her like she single handedly painted the stars just for her.

She settles on her back, pulling Lena to her chest in the old, familiar way. “I know it's not the same-"

“I love you.”

Even after a year of hearing it, it takes Kara by surprise. It takes hold of her tap dancing heart and spins it out in a flourish. Emerald eyes scan her face, mapping out every scar and freckle as if imprinting it in her mind and Kara knows instinctively that she will never need anything. Never want for anything. 

As long as she can keep this.


	23. Epilogue Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally here. To those of you who commented regularly, to the ones who left kind words every now and then, to those who slammed the kudos button and those who followed along silently, thank you! For all the things I will ever write, this will forever be my favorite. Thank you all for being a part of it.

_December 12, 2023_

Kara has been acting…suspicious. Not the kind of suspicious that would lead Lena to believe she has another secret identity as a circus performer or some such thing – though come to think of it she could probably make a killing off something like that. No, it is the kind of suspicious that lets Lena know that she’s planning something big. The kind of suspicious that she embodied before she took her to Ireland, or the time she flew her up to see the northern lights on a whim, or the time Lena came home to find a kitten on their couch and she tried to say that said kitten could also fly and she just appeared on their balcony and _But Lena, it’s cold outside._ That kind of suspicious.

Lena lets her have her fun though. She pretends to ignore the odd behavior and carry on like she hasn’t noticed, just so it doesn’t ruin whatever Kara has up her sleeve. She’s curious, very curious, but she fights down every urge and impulse she has to try to figure out whatever it is and just goes about her daily routine. Her daily routine of boring business meetings and her name being called at every turn and the paparazzi who take to following her around when they have nothing else to focus their energy on. She tinkers away in her lab when she can, assists at the DEO when she's called for some crisis or another and takes the occasional three minute break on the L-Corp roof when she needs to unwind because it is the only place that no one can find her. 

“You aren’t thinking of jumping again are you?”

Okay. So someone can still find her.

“Because I’ve gotta say I’m not really prepared for that today.”

The soft thud of boots hitting the ground sound off behind her, accompanied with the rippling of a cape and she finds herself smiling instinctively. And also rolling her eyes because Kara is totally never going to let that go.

“But it’s such a nice day for it.” She quips. It’s actually not a nice day. It is a she can see her breath coming out in the shape of clouds and she’s been up here for two minutes and can’t feel her hands day. 

“Psshhh.” She hasn’t turned around yet but she can picture Kara’s exact facial expression and the dismissing motion of her right hand. “You know you’re already freezing.” And right on cue to feel the shiver that runs through her, two strong arms wrap around her waist from behind to chase the remnants of it away, immediately enveloping her in warmth. It’s like sitting in front of a fireplace or the feeling of wrapping up in her favorite heated blanket. It’s perfect. She sighs in contentment and lets herself lean into the touch as Kara's chin rests on her shoulder. 

“And did you come by just to keep me warm?” She can't resist the urge to tease her even though she is in no way opposed to the sentiment. She feels Kara smile into her neck.

“Actually I came by to pick up this really gorgeous woman but she wasn’t in her office.” She shrugs and lets out a sigh filled with mock disappointment. “This works too though.”

Lena laughs, open and freely before her brain can even think to filter itself. “Oh really? Should I be jealous?” She moves her slowly thawing hands to rest on top of Kara’s and bites the inside of her cheek.

“Never.” The hero punctuates the statement with a chaste kiss to her neck and although she still won’t admit such a thing out loud, Lena all but flies away. Despite the carefree nature of their banter, there is an edge of seriousness in her tone, a subtle reminder that she chooses her. Always. 

“Well I hate to break it to you darling, but I have a meeting in twenty minutes.” She moves one hand up to check her watch for confirmation.

“Don’t worry.” Kara says as if she has a treasured secret. “I’ll have you back in plenty of time.” 

Before she can ask what that means, Kara releases her. Lena turns to watch as she pulls her glasses from her suit pocket, slipping them on and transforming back into Kara Danvers in the blink of an eye. Her crest is replaced by a simple button up, she wears her signature khakis and loafers and Lena arches a brow at her. “Surely you aren’t going to fly me off this roof like that.”

It’s actually quite a turn on, seeing Kara show any form of her true self outside of the suit. Like when she casually lifts the bed up to clean underneath it or when she warms up Lena’s tea with the spark from her eyes. Or when she does that thing with her freeze breath – definitely that one specifically. But she doesn’t think flying off the roof in broad daylight in her other persona's wardrobe will bode well for the whole ‘secret identity’ deal.

“Who said anything about flying?” And she does it again, that secretive clearly up-to-something smile before she pulls a small device from her pocket, presses a button and a very strangely shaped, very blue orb of light appears on her roof. “Now you’re probably going to hate this part.” She warns, stepping forward and pulling Lena firmly to her side. “But you’ll love it when we get there.” And without any further warning, she propels them forward into the light. 

She is absolutely correct in her assessment. Lena does hate it. In fact, she hates it as much as she hates airplanes and helicopters and the smell of week old canned spaghetti. The entire experience is like a shock to her nervous system, a stomach churning, light headed, God she’s glad she hasn’t eaten in hours shock. Luckily for her, it only lasts a few seconds. Her organs shift back into their proper places and she blinks her eyes a few times, the mouthful of her strongly worded opinion still caught somewhere in her throat as she finds herself standing in the middle of a…spaceship? At least, it looks like a spaceship, but she can scarcely imagine what galaxy she could possibly be in that resembles the sight she's currently seeing through the window.

“Kara, you made it!” A blonde woman she's never seen before appears from somewhere to her right before she can spew out her infinitely growing list of questions and pulls Kara into a brief hug. “And you must be the one she never shuts up about.” She says, pulling back from the kryptonian and giving her a not so subtle once over. She sees Kara blush a deep crimson out of the corner of her eye when the woman reaches to shake her hand introducing herself as Sara.

Lena takes her hand, not one to forget her manners no matter how foggy her brain currently is, but still looks to Kara for explanation, which she shyly provides. “Remember when I told you that I have friends on another earth with a time machine?” Lena nods. “Well…welcome to the waverider and Earth One.” 

And well. It is quite a lot to process in the ten seconds it takes her to say it. So much that she doesn’t know exactly which part to process first and ends up doing somewhat of a gaping fish expression for what seems like the entirety of two minutes while Kara shuffles awkwardly on her feet.

“Uh, Kara? I think you broke your girlfriend.” Sara comments with a dimpled smile and it is enough to break Lena out of her trance.

True to her word, Kara does get her back in time for her meeting. After a solid week of traveling anywhere and anywhen she’s ever wished she could go.

It’s the best vacation she’s ever had. 

_August 29, 2025_

Twenty four minutes.

She has been staring at the same line on the same page for twenty four minutes and yet if someone were to ask her what it said, she wouldn’t have the slightest idea. The only reason that she knows it has been twenty four minutes is because the striking two o’clock hour marked her twelfth straight hour inside this building today, the sixth day this week that will surely keep her in this office for fourteen hours minimum and if she doesn’t get out of here soon she is going to lose her mind. But she can’t get out of here. To do that, she needs to rifle through this last report. Cross her t's and dot her I’s and she can’t do that if she can’t focus out of sheer exhaustion. It is a conundrum. 

She rubs her tired eyes with her thumb and forefinger, trying to ignore the slight burning sensation that she gets when wearing her contacts for too long and wills herself to focus. Kara had not been pleased to find her sneaking out of bed at some ungodly hour of the night to take yet another trip to the office because there was a crisis. Because there is always a crisis. The whole damn world is in crisis and every time someone realizes this, they call the CEO. And every time they call she tries to sneak quietly out of her nice warm bed, and every time Kara wakes up, tells her that she works too hard and then sees to it that Lena makes it to the office safely because she isn’t too keen about her running off by herself in the middle of the night. It is something that Lena pretends to be mildly annoyed by, but secretly adores that she cares so much. And she could go home right now and tell Kara how much she loves it because a tired Lena and a drunk Lena have approximately the same filter. Only she can’t do that, because she can’t read whatever it is that she’s looking at. 

A few polite knocks at her door draw her attention from her inner turmoil and Brianna pokes her head in slightly to give a reason for the disturbance. “There is a very insistent woman here to see you, Miss Luthor. But she doesn’t have an appointment.”

Brianna has been with her for the past three years, the longest amount of time that someone has kept up with her obscene work hours since Jess. She is also the first who hasn’t tried to kill her since Jess which makes her extremely valuable in that sense alone. But despite her kind features and welcoming demeanor, she is no-nonsense. She follows structure and procedure, she’s never late, she’s organized, and she doesn’t just pop her head into her boss' office for no reason. 

Lena’s first instinct is alarm, which Brianna expects and gives the subtle hand signal that lets her know that all is well. Lena’s hand retracts from the bottom drawer that she reached for on impulse at the sudden intrusion and she gives a look indicating for her assistant to continue. “She says that her name is Esmeralda Ramos and she just wants to thank you.”

Lena’s heart stutters at this, a full halting motion that probably should be alarming before leaping right out of her chest, falling straight to the center of her forgotten paperwork because she never expected to see her again.

She had done everything in her power to remain anonymous in this. She covered her tracks, threw in a few payoffs when necessary, removed all evidence of her involvement because she knew the woman would never accept charity. Certainly not the charity of someone with a suspicious family name and literally no reason to do it outside of gaining leverage for some sinister scheme or another. So she hid. She hid behind her bank account and bogus cover stories, inconspicuously keeping tabs. Just enough to know that she was doing well, that she recovered and she regained custody of her son and that's it. So no, she never expected to see her. She never needed to. She has spent the last five years content in that knowledge alone, making her peace and sealing the box with her name on it, only to have the seams tear at the first mention of her. And she should still keep her cover intact now. She should pretend that it is all a big misunderstanding so that this kind hearted woman never has to feel like she owes her. She intends to do just that when she opens her mouth to reply. But that’s not what happens. What happens are three words, three words born from nostalgia or sleep deprivation or something in between.

“Send her in.”

She sees the intrigue in Brianna's eyes while she's busy kicking herself for her unfiltered response but the woman does not ask. She never asks. She never asks when Kara strolls into her office in the middle of the day and is nowhere to be found when she comes to notify Lena of an upcoming meeting. Nor when she stumbles in to bring her latest reports and finds Supergirl lounging on her sofa. She just doesn’t ask. It is her best quality. She does as Lena requests with the utmost professionalism and never speaks another word about it. She does it now. She opens the door wider and waves the guests forward, shutting the door behind them with a soft click.

Lena's breath hitches as she sees her, something she tries her very best not to make obvious. And she finds that after five years, she doesn’t seem to have aged a day. The only notable difference is that she isn’t as thin, isn’t as pale, isn’t as broken as she was the last time Lena saw her. And just as she had done with Percy, just as she still does on occasion with Percy, she reminds herself that she does not know this woman. She does not know what it is like to talk her off a ledge. She has no idea how nice it is to see her bustling around her kitchen sharing the story of how she met someone who has evidently become very important to her if the wedding ring and change in last name has anything to say about it. She doesn’t know, and so she looks up from the paperwork that she isn’t reading with zero recognition, an indifferent mask on her face and rises to greet her politely as she would a business associate.

She seems nervous, like she isn’t quite sure what she's doing here, like she has no idea what prompted her to travel across the country to meet someone who very obviously did not want to be involved. Like she almost regrets it. The little boy at her side doesn’t seem to share that sentiment however. Instead he grins brightly at the prospect of meeting a new friend, and also probably at the various trinkets displayed around her office. One of which being a Supergirl figurine that Kara had taken great joy in sneaking onto her desk as a joke. Lena kept it anyway. 

The woman still hasn’t spoken and Lena finds that it calms her own nerves enough to put her out of her misery. “Well ordinarily I would pretend that I have no idea who you are, but I suppose the cat is out of the bag isn’t it?” She leans with her back against her desk, gripping the sides to prevent herself from doing something ridiculous like pulling this stranger into a hug. 

Her nonchalance seems to give Esmeralda the courage to speak though and she wonders briefly if Kara’s inviting nature has rubbed off on her through the years. Surely she has never been this approachable before. “They never would tell me. I only found out because one of the interns at my latest check up let it slip.” She bites her lip nervously. “His name is Thomas. He’s evidently a big fan. He says hello.”

The last part of that is a placeholder, a filler for all the things she wants to say. She looks as if she wants to say more, much more but she doesn’t seem to be able to get the words out. Lena supposes it's logical, if in the other woman’s position she may have done the same. If her stubborn pride had even allowed her to make it this far. What do you even say when ‘thank you’ doesn’t even scratch the surface? If this is the same woman she knew, she would never know how to express gratitude without providing something in return. But there is nothing to give to the woman who has everything. So she fumbles, shuffles awkwardly on her feet as if trying to quell the urge to bolt.

She holds tightly to Nicola’s hand, presumably to keep him from running off as well and breaking one of the very expensive anythings in this office, but Lena surmises it is also for her own benefit. It gives Esmeralda something else to do besides focus on her own nerves. It is a deflection of a sort. Lena can run with that. “You must be Nicola.” The young boy nods eagerly, the same messy curls and the same dimpled smile and Lena's heart melts. Esmeralda doesn’t look surprised. It lets Lena know that she’s also deduced that the ‘court appointed’ custody lawyer had not been very court appointed. But instead of the initial dread upon learning of the other woman's presence, she finds it refreshing to have it out in the open. She doesn’t boast about her fortune, she still isn’t a fan of the spotlight, and she may have hidden behind all her material possessions in this particular instance. But what Gabriel said about the things ‘Just Lena' can accomplish did resonate on some level.

“You a Supergirl fan?” She asks redundantly. She knows the answer. Even if she didn’t, the way his eyes have been glued to the figurine is telling enough. “Would you like to meet her?” His big brown eyes widen, his broad grin shows off his two missing teeth and Lena picks her phone up from the desk. She could certainly use a buffer, and she knows how much Kara would want to see him. 

If Esmeralda finds it strange that she has a superhero on speed dial, she doesn’t comment. And maybe with all of the publicized attempts on Lena's life, it isn’t strange to be prepared in that sense. Either way, her guest does not offer up an opinion on the matter. She does offer up a protest however, a staple of her consideration to others. “We couldn’t ask you to do that. Really, I just wanted to thank you.” She shrinks into herself, putting her hands up in a surrendering motion and Nicola pouts up at her. 

“Nonsense.” Lena starts to just do it anyway, a habit that is engrained in her that when she sets her mind to something, no matter how small, she just sees it through. She thinks better of it though, partially in consideration of not undermining her authority as a parent and partially in concern of adding anything else to the woman’s increasingly growing list of IOUs. Not wanting to cause any more of a burden she stops mid dial and lowers the phone down to her waist. “If you really don’t want me to call her, I won’t.” She absolutely will, she'll just wait until they leave and request Kara to be stealthy, which is not a strong suit of hers. “But she was actually dropping by anyway to help with a project.” She will absolutely be dropping by if Lena isn’t out of here by five pm and will forcibly take her home and put her to bed – Lena decides at this instant that she is staying until five – “And she’s always got time for her biggest fan.” She throws a wink at the young boy, hoping it will soften Esmeralda to the plan. 

Nicola’s pout doubles in size and she sees the resolve chip away from the woman as she lets out a heavy sigh. “If you’re sure.”

She confirms once more and presses her number again, bringing the phone to her ear and stepping closer to the balcony window to whisper the fair warning lowly enough that only Kara can hear it.

_I do hope you’re calling for a ride home._ Kara says in lieu of greeting once the line connects and Lena is instantly grateful that she chose to step away, if only to hide her smile. 

“Are you in the neighborhood, Supergirl?” Lena knows the formal greeting will rise alarm and send Kara catapulting through the window at top speed – she really doesn’t want a repeat of that – so she quickly whispers her reason, pre-facing it with the assurance that she is not under duress. Kara’s giddiness is apparent the moment she says that she’s on her way and Lena can perfectly picture the smile in her mind's eye. 

She touches down a mere thirty seconds later in all her caped glory and greets Lena with a playful _Miss Luthor_ tongue between her teeth and giving a flirtatious wink as she saunters past her into the office. It makes Lena's heart accelerate for a multitude of reasons and she can see the brazen smirk cross Kara’s face briefly before she steps back into hero-mode. 

Unlike most children who shy away when actually faced with someone they idolize, Nicola doesn’t shy away from her. Instead he straightens his spine and tells her his name when she asks, all the while looking at her in child-like wonder and Lena is suddenly struck with the thought that he always looked at her that way. From the very moment that he met her, drawing dinosaur pictures in low lighting with a worn pack of crayons, he looked at her that way. It only further solidifies in her heart that something about Kara is truly magical. She’s never needed a cape for that, she’s never needed anything past the kind eyes that follow her everywhere and her unabashedly beautiful soul. She remembers watching them in the living room that night, playing with race cars and Kara flying him around in her arms. The way they both smiled like they were on top of the world. She remembers thinking that things will never be that simple again. And they aren’t. But they are equally as wonderful. 

Knowing that Kara will want to spend some more time with him, she offers Esmeralda water and leads her to the sofa. Kara is busy answering his dozens of questions, elaborating on some of her superpowers and offering to show him. Lena throws a quick reminder of _no heat vision in my office, please_ and rolls her eyes fondly at Kara’s sheepish expression. 

They watch the two of them in silence for awhile, Lena wanting to give the woman the upper hand. They all chuckle at Nicola’s recollection of the boys at school calling him lame for liking a female superhero the best. Evidently though, Kaylee doesn’t think it is lame in the slightest and has promptly put the boys in their place, telling them that they have no taste – Lena vocalizes her agreement. His eyes twinkle delightedly as he talks with Kara about his friend and she promises to autograph something for Kaylee as well.

“Why did you do it?” Esmeralda asks after a long while, pivoting toward Lena but keeping her eyes transfixed on the sleeve of her own jacket rather than meeting her eyes. She fiddles aimlessly with the button on the cuff and Lena knows how much strength to takes to ask such a question. To face an impossible scenario and ask the ‘why’ that plagues a person's every thought. 

And though she had never expected to see her again, ever the pragmatist, Lena had thought about what she would say if this day ever came. She debated a list of reasons, scratched them all out and debated them again. But in the end it had been simple, her answer is simple and still very true minus the background story of it all. “Because good things should happen to good people.”

Esmeralda still looks as if she can’t find the words. And maybe she never will, maybe there are none. Tears gather along her eyelids, threatening to spill over but at least now they’re happy. They aren’t the tears of a woman who just lost everything, they are the tears of someone who gained it. And if Lena had drained her fortune dry to save this woman and her son, it would have still been worth it. 

They part ways with Supergirl autographs galore and Kara takes several photos with the boy to ensure he has appropriate bragging rights. His mother guides him kindly away, extending her gratitude to Kara for spending so much time with her son. Kara just kneels down to hug him, assuring them both that she enjoyed his company as much as he enjoyed hers. Lena knows how much she means that. Esmeralda lingers hesitantly by the door, crossing her arms and uncrossing them, biting her lip as if going through a heavy internal debate, but finally surges forward on impulse and wraps Lena in a hug that takes them both by surprise. Lena holds on just as tightly and encourages her to call if she ever needs anything. She then presents her with a business card and encourages her to call even if she doesn’t. Kara stands alongside her with a proud smile. 

They watch them make the short trip to the elevator, Nicola turning around to give an enthusiastic wave, and as soon as they exit their field of vision Lena yawns on impulse. It is her brain's version of a dismissal, she is finished entertaining guests and therefore finished for the day. She does not concede to it though. She slumps her way back to her desk and plops down in her chair with a tired sigh, immediately pulling a sound of protest from the kryptonian. “Oh no you don't. Get up. I’m taking you home.” The command is paired with an upward motion of Kara’s hand.

Lena attempts to thwart her, tell her that she can’t leave until this one last thing is finished but the way her eyes droop when delivering the speech dilutes her argument considerably. “Babe, you’ve slept like four hours in five days.” She adopts her superhero pose and stares down at Lena with a stern eyebrow raised. “And in order to be the strong, dedicated, domineering CEO that we both know you are, your eyes need to actually be open, they add to the intimidation factor.”

Lena tries her very best to respond to that with a faux glare, a feat she finds more difficult as her vision grows a bit hazy, and so she finally surrenders. She allows Kara to gather her belongings, placing her phone in the side pocket of her purse, unplugging her laptop and tucking it in its carry bag. She powers off her computer, locks her desk drawer and goes to dismiss her assistant as if this is something she does every day. As if it is her own routine and not Lena’s. And not for the first time, it strikes her how easily Kara has made herself at home in all aspects of her life. In their life. Five years in and it sometimes sill brings a dopey smile – which could also be the sleep deprivation. Either way she's happy about it. 

Brianna bids a goodnight from outside the door to Miss Luthor and Miss Danvers, the latter of which is still dressed in very un-Danvers-like fashion and Lena erupts into a fit of giggles at Kara’s face when the pieces click together. “Wha…how…?” Kara can't seem to choose a word, standing in the middle of her office looking back at Lena who hasn’t vacated her seat. “It's a good disguise!” She flails her arms in exaggeration, looking to Lena as if expecting her to confirm.

“Of course it is.” She says, dropping her voice lower and schooling her facial features into something more serious. 

But Kara sees her. Kara always sees her. And she watches Kara mentally count down the seconds until she’s shrieking with laughter again.

_January 16, 2027_

Lena isn’t a superhero. 

She can’t wake up in the morning and fly across the world to get Kara her favorite flowers or pastries from that bakery in Paris that she loves so much. She has no artistic talent whatsoever, so she can’t paint a beautiful portrait of her while she’s sleeping and focus on making sure she gets every freckle on her face just right. She can’t carry a tune unless she’s carrying a radio, she has two left feet, both of these things rule out the possibility of slow dancing in the kitchen to some overly sappy love song. She’s a natural-born skeptic without a romantic bone in her body. To put it bluntly, Lena Luthor – brilliant scientist, CEO and extranormal consultant extrodinare – absolutely _sucks_ at romance.

Sure, she can make things. She made Kara a necklace, she designed and created an everything proof suit and kryptonian proof furniture, as promised. She can build a bookshelf. She can follow a simple instruction manual, at least up until she decides that whoever wrote it was an absolute imbecile and casts it aside to finish the job herself. She can create an exact hologram replica of every star constellation visible from the surface of Krypton – and okay, she is still proud of herself for that one. But one impromptu gift aside, Lena feels that she has been severely lacking in the grand romantic gesture department for the past seven years and she really needs to catch up. So she formulates a plan.

Now while she certainly has the resources to take Kara anywhere, surprise trips are out. It isn’t nearly as much fun knowing that no matter where she takes her, Kara could just as easily go on her own and do it faster. And Kara doesn’t really like upscale restaurants, they make her feel awkward and she never eats as much as she actually needs to, despite Lena’s insistence. Kara is more of a picnic in the park type. But unfortunately, Lena did not have this random bout of panic in April, she had it in January. So a picnic in the park is out. 

With limited options, she finally decides that a simple dinner at home is a start. Followed by a relaxing bubble bath and a massage under the red sun lamps. It is pretty standard on the list of romantic gestures, and Lena hates that really. Luthors are not standard. They don’t know what standard is. They are exemplary. Phenomenal. They are supernovas. And Kara deserves everything. So she classifies it as the beginning, just a precursor to the things that will come in the near future when she’s not swamped at work and its not freezing outside and she didn’t just come up with an idea in the past thirty eight seconds. She can do better. She will do better. For now, she just wants to make Kara feel special. So she abruptly leaves work at three in the afternoon on a Wednesday, garnering strange looks from every person she passes from her office to her waiting car at the curb. Even her driver gives her a strange look, but just like Brianna, he doesn’t ask. He just closes the door behind her and takes her home as he is instructed without a word about it. 

She makes a reluctant call to Alex on her way there, pulling out her phone and tucking it away a total of three times before actually committing to going through with the call. Unlike her generously paid staff, Alex does ask. Alex asks a lot of questions revolving around what exactly Lena is planning on doing on a goddamn Wednesday night that she is requesting Supergirl be given the night off for. Their relationship has improved drastically over the past seven years, but that’s not to say that Alex is her biggest fan by any means – though most of her jibes are done in good fun and without firearms – a fact that she is making clear again now with her interrogation-like questions circulating around Lena's request.

“Because I want to do something nice for her Alex! Is it really so difficult for you to wrap your head around the fact that maybe I just want to make her dinner and I don’t know – give her some mind blowing sex because she works as much as I do and she deserves a fucking break?” That does the trick. Very abruptly. Alex promises to kick her out by five and not to call her in unless the world is ending lest she interrupt something she will never be able to scrub from her brain. Lena hangs up the call with a smug smile, appeased enough at getting her way that she chooses to ignore the fact that she just shouted her intentions in the car with Frank. But as always, Frank doesn’t ask.

She gets to work as soon as she walks in the door. She hangs her coat, deposits her briefcase in her home office and pulls an older recipe book from the shelf. She mulls through it for a few minutes, finally deciding on the three things that she thinks Kara will like the most and changes from her office attire into something she doesn’t mind getting flour on. 

There was a time when her kitchen would occasionally hold two-day old takeout and a carton of orange juice, and even that was pushing it. It had evolved slowly upon first meeting Kara. It started with a few of her favorite snacks on hand. Then moved on to breakfast food for when she stayed over after movie nights. Then it housed a larger selection of alcohol and finger foods on the rare occasion that she would host game nights. And now? Now it looks like she is running her own supermarket. Which for the first time in the history of ever is working out in her favor. 

Every thing she needs for each recipe is stocked at the ready, and so she sets about pre-heating the oven and gathering the ingredients. She executes each one in a systematic fashion, starting with the most difficult and ending with the simplest. Once she has her system in place and everything in the correct order she places them all into cook. She tidies the mess on her counter, rifles through her drawers in search of candles and then goes to change again into what she'd planned to wear for the evening. The dress she chooses is one of Kara’s favorites, she says so every time she sees it and Lena can’t help feeling a bit giddy at her own idea. 

So of course this is the part where it all goes wrong. 

At five twenty three, she sets the table and lights the candles. At five thirty five, she pulls the last dish out and places it on the cooling rack. At five forty seven, she pulls out her phone again intent to give Alex a piece of her mind when it chirps with a new text message from the woman in question. _It was a bad one. She’s on her way._

Hundreds of scenarios rush through Lena’s head at the words on her display. Truthfully there are so many ways that Kara's day could go wrong. She faces so many obstacles and there are so many outcomes and not all of them are the ones she hopes for. Some of them break Kara’s too fragile heart and Lena has witnessed one too many of those instances. Kara has laid awake at night one too many times. Any fraction of heartbreak that the world bestows such a loving, gentle soul is one too many, at least in Lena’s mind. And so she promptly throws her entire plan for a romantic evening right out the proverbial window and stands right next to the real one, taking a superhero into her waiting arms the moment she touches down.

She’s covered in soot from head to toe. Lena can see much more ash than bronze skin, at least from her immediate viewpoint. She didn’t get much of a visual of her before wrapping her arms around Kara’s back and engulfing her in a hug. Her boots are caked with mud around the bottom, there are multiple singe marks on her cape. There are a variety of blood stains across her upper torso and Lena knows its from the people she carried out, otherwise Alex never would have sent her home and she’s openly crying into Lena’s shoulder, making this effectively her worst day of superheroing in the past three years.

Lena pulls her further into the penthouse, just enough to obstruct her from the view of the outside world and then she lets her fall apart in the living room. “It’s okay darling. I’ve got you.” She whispers into filthy blonde hair and Kara only cries harder, only squeezes tighter around her waist. Lena runs a soothing hand up and down her spine underneath the cape. She continues with encouraging statements, declarations of love and assurances that she will take care of her until the sobs slow to sniffles and the grip around her waist starts to loosen.

“Your dd-ddress.” Kara stutters as she pulls back for the first time. And it’s true, the stains will never come out. The soot and dirt and blood will never free themselves from the designer fabric. Even if they did, it would always be tainted with this memory, so it is therefore unsalvageable. But that is the least of her worries.

“Hey, hey.” Lena says, bringing her hands to cradle Kara’s face before she undoubtedly starts to spiral again and looking directly into tearful blue eyes. “It's okay. I don’t even like this one.”

She does. It’s one of her favorites too. But she can’t bear to add any more heartbreak to this already fragile moment, and it is just a dress. Just another sheet of fabric amongst many others in her closet and even if it meant the world to her she wouldn’t dare show it now. “Lets get you cleaned up, okay?”

The lights are still dimmed from the dinner she'd planned and she’s grateful for it. It wouldn’t do for Kara to see herself now. It would only bring forth an onslaught of memories that she’s desperately trying to escape. So Lena leaves the lights off. She guides her through the shadows of the penthouse, leading the way with her hand firmly wrapped around Kara’s down the hall to the bathroom. 

Her carpet will be a mess in the morning, she knows this. She only hopes for Kara’s sake that she can get the cleaning crew in early enough so that she doesn’t have to see the aftermath. Things always hurt worse in the mornings. There is something about the cover of nightfall that makes the horror less real. But in the morning comes clarity. In the morning comes tangible proof that it wasn’t a dream. In the morning comes the true picture of all that is left after a raging storm and there is nothing left to do but rebuild. Restart. Try again. 

She releases Kara’s hand long enough to start the shower, setting the temperature to as hot as her human form can stand it and then turning back to the blonde quivering in the corner. It always is an earth shattering sight, to see the girl of steel curl in on herself, shrink herself to fit in places she doesn’t belong when she thinks that she should. Lena approaches her carefully, brushing her hand along a tearstained cheek. Somehow Kara’s eyes glow brighter in the dark. They always have. They mirror the stars that light up the night. Even lost and uncertain, they still glow. They still light the way into the unknown. But tonight she can do nothing but follow. 

Lena leads her into the shower. She doesn’t bother to undress her. Not yet. Not until the blood on the suit swirls down the drain and the water runs clear. She walks backwards through the room, trusting her memory to get her there and she feels the hot spray of water cascade down her back. She pulls Kara to the center, instructing her to stand still and adjusts the controls for the jets around the shower to focus on her. Gently enough that it isn’t pelting, strong enough to do the job. She sees Kara’s head start to droop forward and knowing that she can still see much clearer than Lena can, she moves forward again to obstruct her view, placing a finger under her chin to tilt it back until they’re eye to eye. “Don’t look, baby. Just look at me.”

The softness of her voice draws Kara’s attention, pulling her out of her nightmare and into the present. “I – I ccoulndn't save them.” She stutters it out, pressing their foreheads together and Lena’s heart aches for her.

This is reality in her line of work. Sometimes she can’t save everyone. And each time she feels like a failure. Each time she doubts herself but she still tries again. She still tries harder the next time. It is one of the most wonderful things about her. She never gives up even when it is so easy to do. She falls apart and then pulls herself together to do it all over again, and Lena still feels so honored to stand by her side through it. 

Her hands move from Kara’s face to her shoulders and she unclips the cape, letting it pool around her feet. She moves to the zipper on the side next, sliding it down and pulling the soaking fabric that clings tightly to her shivering form. She crouches to pull her boots off one by one, and strips the suit completely off. Once she’s finished, she pulls the zipper on her own dress and lets it fall, standing before Kara in only her undergarments and kicks all the discarded items to the back of the shower.

She doesn’t tell her it will be alright. She doesn’t say anything except _I love you_ and reaches for her favorite shampoo, lathering it on her hands and running it through blonde tresses. Kara doesn’t say anything else either, she just watches her. Unmoving, unflinching, still as a statue in her observation. Once fully washed and rinsed, she repeats the same motion with the conditioner, massaging it into her scalp and casing it all the way down. Then she grabs one of the loofahs, lathering it and starting at Kara’s neck. She frees her of the evidence of the day, from her shoulders to the tips of her toes and back again. And Kara watches her with a trembling lower lip and watery eyes as she runs it through each of her fingers, one by one until the blood is wiped free. 

Kara surprises her when she moves for the first time. She surges forward seemingly out of nowhere and brings her arms around Lena's waist, clinging to her as if she'll somehow disappear if she doesn’t. As if Kara herself may fade out into the night without a tethering line. Lena circles her arms around her neck with a hand cradling the back of her head, pulling her tight and squeezing her eyes shut to hold herself together. “I’m here, love.”

They stand in the center until the water starts to cool. And Kara, in consideration of Lena's sensitivity to it, makes the first move in shutting the water off.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, and much as she wishes that it would be, it isn’t the last. They are still in the early stages of the rest of their lives, and there will always be more that Kara can’t save. And she will always come home like this. It isn’t a routine they need to do often, but it is a routine nonetheless. So Lena moves for the fluffiest towel in the bathroom cupboard like she always does, she dries Kara’s hair and wraps it snugly around her body like she always does, then does a half assed job of drying herself off so she can get back to the more important task. 

She still doesn’t bother with light switches when leading her to bed. In a place she’s lived in for years that holds many drunken memories of hanging onto walls she doesn’t need to see where she’s going. Twelve steps down the hall there’s a door to the right. Eight and a half steps to the center and her thighs hit the mattress. She sits on the edge and pulls Kara down with her, shuffling them backwards until she’s laying down with Kara’s head pillowed on her chest.

All is quiet in the penthouse on fifth Avenue in downtown National City. Various massage oils still decorate the nightstand. An uneaten meal still lies out in the kitchen. Candles still flicker on the dining room table. Moonlight casts through the windows and runs down the back of bronze shoulders and the pale fingers that absently trace patterns on bare skin. But all is quiet apart from the sound of Kara's shallow breathing and Lena's pounding heart.

“How are you feeling?” She asks softly after a considerable time has passed. It isn’t said in an insensitive or redundant manner. It is simply her way of giving an opening, a way for Kara to articulate her thoughts without having to be the one to start the dialogue. So she asks with no expectation for any particular answer at all.

Kara curls further into her body, hooking her arms underneath Lena's shoulders and lets out another shaky breath. “Safe.”

Lena isn’t a superhero. 

But Kara makes her feel like one.

_October 10, 2032_

“Luthor!” Comes the booming sound of the eldest Danvers voice, rivaled only by the sound of their front door slamming into the very nice end table that Kara had just purchased from her favorite antique shop a week prior. She evidently got a really good deal on it, came through the door beaming about it because, yes. They are _that_ couple now. And now Lena just _knows_ there is a chunk missing out of the already peeling rustic paint that Kara is not going to be too pleased with when she comes down the hall from the kitchen to see what in the hell all the commotion is about, which should be right about…

“Which one?”

Now.

“Whichever one told my daughter that Susie Stevens is an incompetent little twit and she wouldn’t know basic chemical compounds if they bit her in the ass.”

Kara snorts.

Lena's hands still on the gears of her latest prototype that she has strewn in pieces on their coffee table. She feels Alex’s eyes boring holes into the back of her head, but refuses to be intimidated and instead of responding, continues with her afternoon side project. 

“Babe, did you really?” She knows how Kara looks without ever turning around. Her cheeks are puffed to hide her laughter, the tips of her fingers rest on her mouth as if she's waiting for the climax of a movie and her eyes are crescent shaped as she waits for the response. 

“Good afternoon, Alex.” She says with an air of nonchalance, reaching for the screwdriver to her right. “Do come in and make yourself at home with your emergency only house key. No need to knock.”

“Knock? You want me to knock? Okay.” And rather than going back outside and knocking on the front door or ringing the bell like a civilized human being, Alex walks right around the couch like she owns the place and raps four swift knocks on the side of the coffee table, causing at least six very tiny pieces of metal to fall recklessly to the carpet.

“Goddamnit Alex!” Lena regards her with a sharp glare, pivoting towards her and slapping her hands to her knees in frustration. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Lena. Did I inconvenience you?” Alex says in a patronizing voice that would earn her much more than a deadly look if not for the woman standing behind her. “Want to know what inconveniences me? Having to spend an hour and a half in a parent teacher conference because Haley likes to repeat literally everything her aunt Lena says.”

“Rao, I hope not.” She sees Kara out of the corner of her eye, scratching awkwardly behind her ear and it pulls a different kind of disgusted look from the already disgruntled house guest. 

“Jesus, Kara.” Alex brings her hands to her hair and huffs.

“Well it’s usually a lot more colorful than that.” Lena adds, happy to make her squirm as payback for running in like a maniac on her perfectly peaceful afternoon. 

“You two are unbelievable.”

“That is a very accurate assessment.”

Alex looks torn between wanting to bolt out the door and slapping her. A barrage of emotion washes over her face before she finally decides to do neither. Instead opting to shrug off her leather jacket with a sigh and lay it gingerly over the back of the recliner that she’s so lovingly deemed as her own.

“Beer?” Lena extends as a peace offering and Alex nods sheepishly. She makes a motion to get off the couch but before she can fully stand there is a telling gust of air behind her, followed by a bottle placed in both her and Alex's hands. 

Prototype and half-written article at the kitchen table forgotten, they both settle in to the sofa and listen to Alex regale them with the joys of third grade science fairs and the resulting parent teacher conference. They plan a backyard barbecue for this weekend before the weather gets too cold, they work out a schedule for Haley's trick or treating and Lena promises to keep her commentary at a minimum. Finally though, after beer number three, Alex begrudgingly admits that she and Kelly both had found it hilarious and the hardest part of parenting is to not laugh at inappropriate moments.

They’ve come a long way in twelve years and like time always does with Kara, it flies and it crawls. They caved two years ago and bought a house in a relatively suburbian neighborhood. Lena recently designed a security system for their elderly neighbor, they host regular sleepovers with their eight year old niece, and Kara still wrinkles her nose at any mention of ambrosia salad. Lena still doesn’t have a romantic bone in her body and she still works too much. Kara still flies around throwing herself into harm’s way, but she has been less reckless about it as promised. And she still chooses her. Day after day. Year after year, she chooses her. And Lena knows she'll choose her until the last star in the universe burns out, for forever plus an infinite number of days, she'll choose her. 

And it's everything the little girl inside her could have ever dreamed of.

_Unknown Date 2020_

_”Oh I was hoping you would get to see this part!” Kara practically squeals in her ear, long after the conversation has died off into a comfortable silence. Lena lifts her head slightly off Kara’s chest in response, wincing slightly at the volume but still following the blonde's finger with intrigued green eyes._

_It is just before sunrise, just as the skies are painted with light purple and orange hues, just as the stars start to fade off into the distance, becoming only faint outlines of themselves until they are no longer visible beyond the blue horizon. Lena's eyes squint into focus, and she stares off into oblivion for a few moments before she finally sees it. Then she gasps, a sound filled with surprise and wonder. A sound that indicates she doesn’t have the words – that no words exist for what she's seeing._

_For as long as Kara has been bringing her here, the gates of heaven have never moved. They’ve only shone brightly in the distance as a glimmer of hope, a promise of what is to come. But now she watches as they part, casting out a wave of golden light as they beckon someone in._

_”I've only seen them open once. When I first found this place. It was actually right before sunrise then too.” Kara says absently with her eyes transfixed in the distance._

_”So what, does God just have a curfew or something? If you don’t make it by midnight you've got to wait outside?” Lena quips, unable to contain herself even in the presence of the divine and Kara laughs unabashedly._

_”You know, Eliza did that to Alex once.”_

_”I can see that, actually.” Lena says with a furrow of her eyebrows and slight nod of her head as she pictures a teenaged Alex trying to sneak in after curfew._

_They watch as the gates open fully and though Lena can’t see it well, she can make out what seems to be dozens of shadows filing inside. And for each one that enters, another comes forward to greet them. She can almost picture it. Being reunited with loved ones after so much time apart, the happy tears that would come from both ends, knowing they would never have to part. She can almost picture seeing her own mother again. Something her cynical ideals had never let her entertain until now. The thought brings a blinding smile to her face. “What do you think is out there?” She shifts herself around in Kara's arms, linking her hands together on the blonde's chest and resting her chin there._

_Kara goes quiet for a moment. Her face scrunched up in thought. A crinkle in her nose and a crease in her forehead before her features relax into an excitable grin. “Puppies! Definitely puppies.” Lena smacks her chest gently at the very Kara-like answer to her very serious question. The blonde looks at her in mock offense for a moment before continuing with the real answer. “I was always taught to believe in Rao's light. That once your time was over, you would be reunited with all those who had gone before you. I always thought that I would see Krypton again, that I would see my family and hug my mother –“ She trails off in thought and bites her lip, seemingly searching for her next words very carefully. “But now I think that maybe it’s not so different. Maybe it all just – ties together somehow.” She pauses then, shaking her head as if to clear something she believes to be a silly thought, but Lena doesn’t think it is._

_”Do you think that it's maybe…whatever someone believes it to be?” Lena treads lightly here, stepping so so softly on something that she knows holds such a deep meaning for Kara, knowing also that the blonde has held them as separate entities until this point. But Kara just smiles. She smiles in her signature nose crinkling, light up the world kind of way, and Lena knows instinctively that she's said the right thing._

_Heaven is a place where a soul goes free. Where ‘goodbye’ is just a word to be found in a dictionary somewhere. Heaven is a place where there is no happy ending because there is no ending at all. There is only a continuation, a semicolon on the last line of the last page of a never ending story. Heaven is the place that a heart wanders off to when matched with another who can follow its beat._

_Kara's hand comes to rest against the side of her cheek, cradling it perfectly and settling a warmth deep inside her, in a place no one else could ever touch. “I think that whatever is out there, I want to see it.” Slender fingers caress her face, smoothing the lines and she looks to her with all the love one soul could ever hold for another. “With you.”_

_Heaven can be found anywhere, by those who desire to look._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your favorite part. Of this or any of it. I adore your comments. And if you're sad to see this go, don't worry. I'll be back.


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